I know many people would not understand me, nor could they even relate... I'll be getting many complaints, jealousy if not even downright hate.
But maybe someone here has gone through the same problems.
It's been going on since some years now, and I don't know how to take it any longer. Instead of people hating me and calling me names and so on, I get the opposite. Compliments on my looks, being told I'm cute even beautiful. I get that all the time. Some time back I began to wonder if those people were honest, but further questioning revealed they were and are... :(
A few of my close friends (even bio girls) are jealous of me and my looks. Why? I'm just an ordinary girl with ordinary looks. I'm nowhere near beautiful or cute or whatever. I never did anything to be or become more beautiful.
I always feel ashamed of my looks when I hear such compliments or complaints, because so many women struggly to keep their weight, to be beautiful.
I don't know what to do. I didn't ask for being small, for getting a nearly female figure, for becoming a cute girl. Yet I still feel guilty. Like I bereft those complaining of their beauty.
In case some of you think I'd be fishing for compliments, no I am not. I will not post a photo as past experience shows it only makes things worse.
I just like to know if someone has experience with this and maybe knows how to deal with such problems.
Leonie
Comments
You are who you are, hon ...
... and you're not responsible for what others think or feel. You don't need to feel guilty. It's the insecurity of others that prompts the jealousy and complaints, and you can't do anything about that. The only person's attitude you can ever change is your own. If someone compliments you, say "thank you" and move on. If someone is jealous, its their problem, not yours. If it's a friend, tell them that it's not your fault they think you look cute, and you have no idea how to make them feel better. Should you try to make yourself less cute to make them feel better about themselves? That's absurd.
And don't be ashamed of your looks, because they really aren't something you had control over. Seriously, most women have problems with how they see themselves, and you feeling guilty because genetics and circumstance made you cute is like feeling guilty because you have green eyes or blonde hair. I've had people tell me I'm cute all my life, which is great when you're six but begins to get old when you're trying to be taken seriously in a professional setting. I've never been able to take a compliment gracefully, since I do what I can with what I have but never feel responsible for how I look, or particularly impressed with what I see in the mirror. I'm glad my husband sees me the way he does, but I'm not in competition with other women, and I never have been. I am who I am, and that's enough for me.
In the end, you and I both know that who we are is more than what we look like, and true friends won't care that you're cute. They'll just be happy you're their friend.
*soft hug*
Randa
It's not really easy to just
It's not really easy to just say thank you and them moving on. At first I did, whithput giving much to peoples reactions. I just thought they were being polite. But with the open jealousy that changed. It made me fealing guilty. Being ashamed. Yes I should be proud, but i don't want to live up to other peoples expectations. You say it is absurd try to be less pretty or cute, but I feel like that is exactly what s expected of me. For those who know of my past because I wasn't born female, for those who don't know, because lesbians are supposed to be butch and not gorgeous.
This leaves me feeling guilty.
As for being taken seriously... Well there is that. Still the team I lead does what they are told. If it's mine or my boss authority i do not know. The results are what's counting.
--
>> There is not one single truth out there. <<
actually I do
I think of myself as ugly yet others say quite the opposite so you are not alone.
During my trip to montreal I was out walking for exercise before surgery and I got some guy making passes at me, flirting. I didn't notice at first and it scared me.
I was at a gas station
and some guy started flirting with me. Talk about looking for love in all the wrong places. Now after SRS, but then, what happens when they eventually find out?
Still, it does makes a girl feel good.
I have quite a few friends who are very pretty. I make sure they know it, but they still don't believe. Being trans means you are always insecure, more than most women. If I see a fellow traveler whose life is going to be easier due to looking good I am nothing but happy for her. I would question anyone who doesn't as being a true friend.
Don't worry darling.
Looking cute as you put it is wonderful advantage to any tee-girl; just remember though. We all grow old. Happiness is a state of mind not a state of appearance. Jus' be happy kid and grab what you can.
Bevs. LOLOL
Welcome to our world
Well, you could be an XY Female or some other variation on the so called genetic "norm". A lot of this depends upon your spirit. Just learn to be gracious and say thank you, or even learn to complement other women first.
I'm a 66 year old woman who many people say looks 50. Very early on when I popped out the rabbit hole I began practicing that entitled smile that women have. Lots of us have that deer in the head lights pitiful smile, that looks as if we fear being exposed for what we are, a pervert in a dress. As long as people think that of themselves, how can they expect to convince others that they are actually women?
Most of the time, I am very happy; people even saying that I have this aura about me. I like totally can not understand that but have decided that I should just sit back and enjoy it.
Gwendolyn
The only advice I have
The only advice I have comes from the Stoic playbook. The Stoics were one of the major philosophical schools in Classical Greece and Rome, and were quite popular for a time. One of their major tenets was that there are only two things we have absolute control over: our actions and the way we interpret things that happen to us. We may have more or less influence over other things, but we don't control them.
Personal beauty is one of those things you don't have any control over --- at least as long as you don't have a few spare million to spend on good surgeons, etc. You were born with symmetrical features or not. Your genome dictates how close to a classic hourglass your waist-hip ratio comes or whether you'd gain wait living on water or whether you attract fat like the rug attracts cat hair. Your skin either glows or looks like it could grace an alligator.
So take the complements as meant and cultivate humility. "God blessed me with this," is a good one if you're religious. "That's how my genome turned out," is another good one if you're not. That's not to say this is easy advice - it isn't.
Girl, you ARE SMOKIN!
As in HOT! And I don't mean the weather, though that is too, at least around here at the moment...
But seriously, I've seen a pic or two of you, back when I spent entirely too much time on gaby chat... And you really do look good. Own it! Be proud of it! Or at least be ho hum. Whatever you do, DON'T feel ashamed for it! It's not your fault if others react badly! That's their problem, not yours!
I have to admit I'm slightly jealous... But y'know... That's to my shame. That's a negative reaction and I really shouldn't let myself entertain such things.
And besides... I've been told I'm not so bad myself, though I have a hard time seeing whatever they're seeing.
Abigail Drew.
I got a bit of that when I was younger
But that was almost 15 years ago when I was at my peak. You'll age just like the rest of us. Trust be, it beats the opposite of being ugly. Like it or not there are a lot of shallow people out there who judge on surface features. However, don't you dare not take advantage of what you have, as life is hard enough to be trans so consider it a bit of compensation and just be gracious in accepting compliments.
Bitch ;-)
Kim
(yes that was a joke)
Enjoy it
The rest of us would kill for that, enjoy it if u can
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Also please keep this in mind
Our journey is about doing something that satisfies something essential in us, in defiance of what other people think. Now you are facing people you think they have the right to dictate how you should feel about yourself. If you have the ability to fight through the disapproval of elements of society who think we are freak, you should try to understand that those not as blessed as you are may consciously or unconsciously want to bring you down or make you feel bad.
See what I am getting at?
Welcome to womanhood though!
You do have to understand you will get a lot of cattiness from out of no where from other (genetic) women out of the blue at times. Sadly you will have to develop a tougher social skin to resist the negativity that sometimes come from other women. Yes, they do have claws!
You are not merely fighting trans but just plain old human nature.
Kim