I've been doing a lot of thinking about where I am going with this GID stuff. Actually, I haven't, but I do have a few thoughts about what I want to do.

I doubt I will ever get SRS. It's too expensive and I have a thing about being knocked unconscious while someone uses knives on my body. I think I have this fear that someone will cut my balls off while I'm sleeping; oh, wait, that's the idea here. Still. I don't like the idea of being incapacitated. I had that happen once, didn't like it. Nothing bad happened, other than that when I woke up I discovered they put a catheter in, meaning someone violated me in my sleep without my knowledge (and they didn't tell me before hand)

I don't dress. I do own a dress and a few bras and several tops, but I don't ever put them on (well, I do wear a few tops, they are woman's tees but you couldn't tell by looking at them. I don't think I'll ever bring myself to dressing in public and, to be honest, at home I am quite the nudist (don't peek, I'll blow out your video card). I just don't think I can pass as fem and to try would live as a caricature of a woman and I refuse to do that. Other people are fine with it, I just rather not.

So what is this, where am I going. I am and hormones and think I will stay on them. I like the fact that at least in some way I am being the "real" me. I like the fact that I have a low sex drive. To be honest, me succumbing to biological and hormonal needs to masturbate always disgusted me. It's just so messy and I always felt dirty afterwards. Don't get me wrong. I occasionally masturbate, but I do it when I want to, with thought behind it, other than feeling like I'm a slave to it and therefore not so shaming. Also, and this is weird, but I also like that I get pleasure when I rub my right breast (I get nothing from my left, which is why I say odd.) It's not erotic, just comforting.

So, I think that where I am is where I am going to stay. This, as they say, is the end of the line. I think part of it is that I would be a stumbling block to a lot of old friends, and that isn't my style. Surprisingly, I tell a lot of people about my book, which should raise a lot of eyebrows, especially when I publish A Different Kind of Life (with new material). But I will never be an advocate to Trans Living.

Right now, I am content. I might be a bit broke and my van still needs at least two more repairs. But I am making it through. Maybe the most I will do, once I get the finances under control, I will start getting electrolysis, but I think that is it.