Yesterday I came home for work, my roommate was up and about (sort of weird for her, she normally sleeps until noon). She told me she was going out for the day and would be back in the evening to help me with Sunday papers. I told her cool, but she wasn't obligated (I appreciate the help, but every time she comes she has the look like it is utter torture).

I didn't think much of it during the day. However, she comes home at night and tells me that she got back with her girlfriend (the one that kicked her out which required her to move into a strangers house) and that she was moving. I figured she meant, you know, eventually as in a couple of days. Nope! She just gathered most of her shit and left.

Now, I had set in my mind that I was going to set a January deadline for her to have a job and start paying rent, (she is 5 months behind at 400 a month) but I never told it to her. It is a real inconvenience to have someone else around, especially when they're not pulling their own weight and they never leave the house (the last few weeks she did start spending the day with her gf, under the guise of looking for work, like I didn't know). So, I should feel happy, right?

But, I don't. I feel rejected. I think that is the most accurate description for my emotions. I am angry, a bit bitter, but mostly hurt. I let a stranger into my house because a friend had asked for a favor, I even got the person a job (which they only lasted a week at) and even though they never paid me a dime, I never pressed them for money. And all I do is look back to see if I did something wrong. It really ruined my night. I was suppose to go to a transgender meeting last night, but didn't. I think being rejected once a night is my quota.

So, now I have the house to myself. I can strut around naked all I want and I can save on my electric/gas/water bills. But I feel sad. I keep doing and doing and doing for people and all I wind up is broke and friendless. Oh well, I'm going to bed and have a good cry.