AsI sit here alone celebrating my 47th birthday I know why I have become somewat alone.
I do not belong in society. Always on the outside looking in. Never able to commit to a relationship.
Too much of a coward to take my own life.
Counting the days down for death all because I never had a chance to live.
No danger here. Just a faux boy wondering "what if?"
Learning to live in my own skin.
Comments
you are not alone, sweetie
I'm only 2 years younger than you hon, and I am at long last trying to actually live, as apposed to just go through the motions. You can do it, if you really want to badly enough. And you are not alone, my prayers and good wishes go with you. If you need to talk or something, call on me, okay?
Dorothycolleen
When stating what ifs to an
When stating what ifs to an acquaintance, she said, in a southern accent, maybe from Georgia, "Ah have learned through the years that it is best not to put a question mark behind that which God has put a period." Not sure how that applies to us for sure, but it might be kinda like David Drakes statement in one of his books, "We will always have regrets; the trick is to determine which regrets we will have", or something like that.
And Happy Birthday!.
CaroL
CaroL
Happy Birthday
My dear ur neither a coward for taking ones life nore a coward for not taking ones life, ur strong because u havent taken your life. The hardest part in this world is to live in it, the easy way to to rid it. Because ur strong u still live, u can still live within your very skin, all it takes is a great amount of courage to make your life by how u shape it never regret life, live for tommorrow, carpe diem 'sieze the day' make ever moment last like it is your last, take it from someone that knows hunny, u have much more to give then even u might presently think. Be happy and proud for what u r, and who u r, because ur a magnificent individual. We all belong into society its those in society that ostracisze us that dont belong hunny. The fighters of life, belong in society those that stifle the indifferences of others do not because they show the world indifference is wrong, the only wrong is that an angel like yourself feels so sad and alone. Put a smile on that face, feel the pride u deserve to express, and say to yourself 'I am perfect,and no one can change that" Because indeed UR we all r perfect. Be well with yourself, dont regret yourself, regret the negativity of others. I Hope for u to have a magnificently fabulous birthday because u deserve it. 47 years thats a lil over twice my age, and i can tell u it takes a remarkable person to live that long, let alone the rest of the wonderful years ahead of u. So happy birthday my dear :)
With Love and Light, and Smiles so Bright!
Erin Amelia Fletcher
With Love and Light, and Smiles so Bright!
Erin Amelia Fletcher
Have a less unhappy birthday
Sounds like my most recent birthday. Comparing my life to others. To those normal people.
Tuth be known I'm not even a normal transgender person...
Almost sixty and never had romantic a relationship, there must be something REALLY wrong with me, and people sense it. That I'm poison. Poison that walks like a man that feels like a woman, but you can forget that pointless dream too. Damn, do I ever suck! Someone told me not to lose hope, and I smiled "Of course I won't"; which was a lie of ommission, that I couldn't lose what I've never had. And I don't know where I'd get hope. And if we praise those who are brave enough to transition and seek love and lead rich lives shouldn't we also curse the cowardly and drive them from our midst? It only makes sense. Most of the time I don't even tell anyone how hopeless I feel, what right do I have to bring them down too? Oh fuck it. No possibility of gratification anywhere...
Yes I have tapes like this playing in my head. Louder on birthdays and around holidays. I have to conclude that my head isn't always the best judge of who and what I am. I know some people who not only don't recoil, or try to bury me alive on principal, as some ungodly aberrant thing, they actually like me and think I'm valuable. Not so many because I isolate so much, but they're real smart and halfway together, and I choose to make use THEIR authority in regards to my worth instead of the poisonous tapes in my head; the legacy of my upbringing (more like downdropping)...
And maybe my life has been very limited, and I've never known romantic love, but I'm probably just a retard about this being human stuff. That doesn't make me BAD. Why pick on a retard?
And I'm not going to launch into a guiltifying lecture about the gratitude you SHOULD feel (you lousy ingrate!); but for me the few small pleasant things in my life are something I cherish. Maybe they're not much by the imagined standards of those ideal people (everyone else); but right now, even though they're so inconsequential I'd be embarrassed to list them, I chose to focus on them.
So Dear Webdeb, if misery loves company LET'S PARTY! And maybe you'll have a slightly less unhappy birthday knowing you're not the only one. And that in my retarded way I honestly care about you.
~hugs, Veronica
What borders on pure insanity?
Canada and Mexico.
.
Please know that you are of infinite value...
and you are not a coward; you're brave to continue even though your heart aches. I am glad that you were born, and that you're alive now! I'm counting your days to live, and I want you to know how valuable you are. God Bless!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Birthday's are new
Birthday's are new beginnings. I hope that you give yourself the chance to be happy from now on, go and meet people, if you fall get up and try again!