Well, I'm taking the first steps to going back to school. I should have done this sooner, but you guys know what a rocky year this has been for me. My mother's not been as big a help as she insisted she would be, so I'm taking the initative (Edit: Not her fault - she's been busy this year too! :-D)
I have the name of my old advisor, so I'm going to get in touch with him, and try to set up an appointment after the holidays. Before you ask, yes, I have to use this specific advisor. Basically, the only way the college will deal with me is through him because of my disability (my case is "locked" to him because he specializes in assisting students with disabilities; it's not a bad thing ;-))
I'm going to look into FIFSA help first, but because I let my grades slip, I ended up on Financial Aid probation back then, so if you know any good prayers to whatever deity you follow, I could use whatever help I can get.
Mom wants me to get help from some program called BOAST that would help me find a place to live while I get things sorted out, but that's too much too fast. Maybe for the next Fall semester, sure, but right now I just want to get back into college. I think I can do online courses to round out my Associate's degree, then I can focus on trying to figure out what the heck I want to apply that degree to.
It occurs to me that Arkansas is seriously devoid of good therapists who deal in GID, but I'm not sure if I could handle being a GID therapist for others, when I have so many complex issues myself :-P
I dunno. I'll burn that bridge after the holidays are over. Right now I just want to finish my associate's.
Wish me luck, and pray for me if you have the time. If not, that's okay too :-)
~Zoe
Super-quick update: Literally five MINUTES after I posted this, I found out that my aunt is going back to college this Spring. I'm also looking into transferring to another college to round out my degree, so the doors are opening a lot faster than I anticipated :-D
Comments
School
It always a good idea to go back to school GOOD LUCK with your schooling and may the force be with you GOOD LUCK HUGS RICHIE2
Good therapists...
...are always working on their own issues. They certainly have to be several steps ahead of those they work with. Becoming a well-trained therapist does take time, but you'll still be the same age if you don't take the time. Of course, you have plenty of time, but your heart is in the right place, you communicate well, and you have a good understanding beyond textbooks and lectures about the issues you'd be addressing with your clients. I think you'd make an excellent therapist. DO NOT SELL YOURSELF SHORT, dear one. And besides, who better to bring new life to those who are hurting, afraid, and alone than someone named Zoe? Best regards and my prayers to you!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Ironically...
(Sorry for the delay. My knee had a run-in with my space heater, so I've been nursing it. Ow...)
Ironically, my mother's been trying to talk me into doing Human Resources. The problem with both HR and therapy is that it requires the people skills that I only possess when dealing with a medium like the internet.
I at least, think I'm very good at communicating with people in writing. It's my "comfort zone". Face to face, I am a completely different person, and I think Melanie and Edeyn can attest to this. When we first met, I was a complete nervous wreck, falling all over myself and just not a fun person to be around :-P
I'm a very socially awkward person when I'm outside my comfort zone, which is very often. I'm a natural introvert, and I don't think being TG has anything to do with that. It just severely complicates things, much like my low self-esteem and body consciousness issues.
But to get right to the heart of it, I actually enjoy dealing with people, but I have no people skills to speak of face-to-face, and the thought of taking a communications course turns my stomach in knots.
I think I have social anxiety or something. I'm going to try and break the mold, and actually have dinner with my extended family tomorrow. The last time I attended a family function that wasn't a funeral was three years ago, and I basically didn't socialize at all because I was in a very, very dark place at the time.
I want to break out of that. If I'm ever going to move forward (to say nothing of transitioning), I need to stop being afraid of human contact that doesn't involve the "safety buffer" of semi-anonymity.
*ahem* ANYway. ^_^
Try Drama
NO! I don't mean start a new blog on a TG site ;-)
Seriously though, if you want to do some serious therapy on yourself and interpersonal skills, find a theater goup with the school or local playhouse. Every community has something going on. In a school though they are actually going to work on your skills and presentation. It is the one opportunity you get to try on different skins and project yourself in a manner you may not be comfortable doing in the real world. Think of it as muscle memory. If you get to do these things in a safe environment and exercize those unused muscles you might find some of that newfound strength creeping into your real world? Just don't loose the real you in there. I was much like you as a teen and much into my adult life. I was very shy in face to face interactions. I had always felt that forcing myself out of my comfort zone into Drama, Speech, Debate or some other form where coaching was available would have made a huge difference in my life. I also think that drama kids are going to be more accepting, thats just a guess though.
Funny thing about Drama...
... Is that I actually took it two years in a row as an extra elective back in High School ;-)
I never had the courage to try out for a part in the play though. I worked backstage as a stage hand, but I did have about ~30 seconds in the spotlight in "Cinderella" as a servant when the other guy mysteriously dropped out a week before we were to go live, so I literally had to do it or there would be no play, as the only other person who knew exactly what to do/where/when to do it.
And the second year, my senior year, I was essentially the entire sound committee, responsible for handling everything from music cues to sound effects.
Some of my best friends over the years have been drama "nerds", and back in 2001 I almost joined the drama fraternity/sorority (I forget what you call it when it's inter-gendered. Just "club"? They have a greek sign, if that makes any sense :-)), but I backed out at the last second.
If I somehow end up on-campus, or meet someone who doesn't mind helping with the commute, that's something I might have to consider though. ^_^ I love the theater, but I always figured it was exactly these issues that would've kept me from enjoying it.
Thats Good News Zoe
How does your Aunt going back to school figure into this?
Keep us posted.
My aunt
If I end up going to UofA I'd theoretically be able to commute with my aunt depending on what her class hours are, at least for the Spring semester. :-D
One of the biggest hurdles is my vision and finding ways to get around without inconveniencing others too much. When I was going to college back in 2000, I was doing night school courses with my mom while she worked on her teaching degree. We were going four nights a week, and the commute was a nightmare.
I don't want to put her through that again, so if my aunt is going to be up there anyway, then it's another option for me to finish out my associate's degree.
My hope is that once that's out of my way (using the spring semester to get my GPA back up) I'll be able to move on to work on my Bachelor's degree either on-campus, or off-campus close by, either way finally moving out on my own.
The third option is online courses through NWACC, if the first two don't work out, but one way or another I will have my associate's degree done next year.
Learning Therapy The Hard Way.
Well, if GID is your only major issue, then what I have to say may not make sense because I come at it from a different place. I thought that my "inner girl" was my only problem, but in 4 years of very intensive therapy, I had to face my own paranoid thoughts, PTSD, Abandonment Issues, and a demeaning diagnois of Borderline Personality Disorder, the posibility of a serious brain injury in the past. None of this made much sense to me because I had been an extremely successful person before my breakdown.
At one point, my Therapist and I discussed my going back to college and becoming a Therapist. So, I began to read a lot, but one thing I had to find out for myself is that providing empathy and emoting with others can be really draining. So, another skill you'd probably want to aquire is self care.
Portland, Or seems to be a relatively safe place, and I was frightened to death of coming to Ohio, but amazingly, things have been quite calm. I can not imagine what it would be like for you in Kansas.
Are you TG and "OUT"? As a T person, I had to get through my exhibitionist phase with the mini skirts and heels, too much make up and outrageous wigs. I think that your return to College is great, and wish you the best with it.
I'm probably gonna sound like a broken record here, but partying at 2:00 AM without friends with you is out for you. I did some of that about 5 years ago, but my friends took care of me. Now days,I'm too old for it, a couple life threatening illnesses have aged me, and I worry about looking like an old guy in his 60's.
I hope that you do go to college and that you are successful.
Happy Thanksgiving
Khadijah
I like to joke that I'm a
I like to joke that I'm a walking bundle of complexes wrapped up in a neurotic package, tied with an anxiety bow :-)
I have been blessed that I've, to my knowledge, never had to deal with PTSD. I did suffer what I consider extreme emotional abuse at the hands of someone I thought was a trusted friend, to say nothing of her being my lover, for over a year before I finally broke free from her spell.
Because of her I do have serious trust and abandonment issues to this day (This was ten years ago), and I haven't had a committed relationship since, but THAT is mostly due to just not meeting people I "click" with.
There was one girl I thought I could have had something with, until she started on an endless (and I do mean endless) rant about her obsession with a guy who, in turn, was obsessed with a dead girl ... or something. It didn't work out :-P
Err, anyway.
I'm very much closeted right now, but I want to be out at some point. What I'd love to do, in a perfect world, is to get to a point where I can live on my own and live part time for awhile as sort of a 'confirmation' phase, for lack of a better word, confirming to myself that this is what I want, that I'm not really crazy.
But that's getting ahead of myself :-)
Oh, and I agree, partying is definitely out. I've actually only had one alcoholic beverage in my life, largely because alcoholism and addiction runs in my family. Most of my extended family, especially the men, are either alcoholics or recovering alcoholics, with two or three drug addicts.
Well, that, and I'm kind of a control freak when it comes to my personal space. I can't stand the idea of not being in control of my body/mind :-)
I'm in the same boat Zoe! Wear a life preserver!
I want to finish my schooling, as I am just a couple of credits short of getting an Associates degree in Business, but I want to get a Bachelor's degree in Education. I have heard of a program that is a huge help to prospective teachers (supposedly 4000 dollars a year, provided you work as a teacher in a qualifying system (low income/underprivileged) for a certain time after you graduate). I could do that! I love kids, and I'm a very patient person (with a high pain tolerance!). I'm planning to attend a local College this spring. Good luck in school! It's definitely worth it!
Wren
Promising
It sounds a great idea going back to school Zoe. It could help you meet new people, set some goals, etc. though you obviously need to do all this at a pace you are comfortable with to get the most out of it. Maybe your university might even have a therapist in the right field or know of one if you're lucky.
You sound like you've given it a lot of thought. Frankly, I had no idea what I was going to do for a living when I was awarded my degree, so finishing your associates first sounds a good idea.
As for being a GID therapist for others, its not unheard of being in that situation. All I can say is you write an excellent therapist in Becoming Robin!
Fingers crossed it works out for you.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Good for you
I'm finishing my second associates was going to transfer to a 4 year university this sproing well it won't be till I get a few more classes out of the way at my local Jr college I have to take Calculis I AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! taking pre calc this spring as well as Macro Economics then calc I in the fall as well as Micro Economics (maybe this class during the summer. defently get with the disablity cordinator to help you that is what they are there for I know this hun because I have some disiblities my self they can really help you Oh & I have heard this from several people DO NOT TAKE MATH ONLINE. No matter how good at you are you will have a hard time with it. Oh & the dorms ummm yoeah your right not now, & acidimic probation with your FASA form shouldn't be a problem just keep your grades up & you'll do fine. St. Louis, MO has a few GID therpists one comes highly recomended in the TG comunity here. any keep me posted Zoe my PM Please?
Love Samantha Renee Heart
Love Samantha Renee Heart