Author:
Another writer has left the fold. Why does this happen here every so often? Look around. This site has got to be the kindest and gentlest of writing sites. It is more of a community than any other. Of course that is the reason that it happens here; people’s emotions get spread to everyone. I mean, leave FM in a huff and who would notice? Other sites seem to be very much about one person. (Yea again, Erin. How do you make all of us feel so welcome and a part of this?)
Another part must be the type of writing we do here. Many, many of the writers here are probing their own pains through their writing. (I have spent much of this month pacing, rather then writing, trying to be a teased ten-year-old again.) Many others are exploring their longings, which is much the same thing. It makes us a prickly bunch. I doubt that writers on sci-fi and other genera sites are as invested or as exposed as we make out selves.
Does this mean that no one may ever make a negative comment? I don’t think so. It means we must remember that all of us; all of us in the world, not just the TG Community or any other subset; are born of pain. All we do is a reflection of our pasts. When some one says they wish our story was different, it is a reflection of their hopes and is valid as that, not an insult to our own. It is an honor when our creations cause others to show a part of them selves.
Every time we post we jump into a dark pool head first and hope we land in a sunlit bay, but if there is a reef or sand bar near by it really makes for better swimming. Twice I have asked people for their reactions to my story and neither time did I hear back from them. That, honestly, hurts more than anything they could have said, but it is fair; commenting once did not obligate them to do so to every story. (It makes me scared to ever respond directly to people again though.) I had one reaction saying that I shouldn't’t write until I have a plot (It was by email and so probably from FM.), I wish that had been public; I sent him (I assume it was a him, all consonants and numbers in the address) a smiley face and a reading list and haven’t heard from him again.
I apologize, I don’t really feel my self wise enough to be this didactic, but I wanted to say these things somewhere. Also, you now see why I post seldom, and then always at the end of threads. This is the rambling stuff I turn out if I don’t spend two or three days internally editing.
What IS so funny about peace, love and understanding?
Bye Kristina, hope you won’t be gone long.
Love and Hugs to All,
Jan
Comments
Well said
Nothing to add, but thanks, Jan.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
May Cooler Heads Prevale
Perhaps because this site seems more of a community, people are more up front with their emotions here than other places?
I feel bad for Kristina, her stories were interesting, The Black Dog and its sequal I particularly enjoyed. Stories about emotional topics will elicit emotional responces. You need to sit back, and try to put yourself in the place of your critic or fan and see where they are coming from. Not an easy task, but you need to resist the temptation to respond emotionally.
I don't know the particulars, but reading between the lines of the thread, I suspect the person did not intend to hurt, but reacted strongly to your story for whatever reasons and perhaps said things he or she could have worded better. Putting a positive spin on things, I think is the term. Constructive critisism is another, older version of it.
Angel left for a while and is back, for the most part, so there is a precident.
The best I can suggest is be honest in your comments but be polite. If something pushes your buttons, explain why it does. There are things that drive me crazy that others just shrug off, and visa versa. If you have something to say that could hurt a person's feelings, be careful how you word it and do it as a PM. Common courtesy helps.
Wish you well Kristina what ever your choice.
Some one else may have the soapbox now.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
An emotional writer here...
I'd have to say I'd count myself as one of the writers who puts a lot of emotional investment into her stories. Because of the emotional drain, I've had to take breaks from writing before I'm ready to dive back into a story. Having said that, I really can't think of anyone who has said anything intentionally hurtful here. There have been times when someone has said something that's surprised me or said something I didn't get, but I don't think I've had a single mean thing directed at me. That's why I'm still here and will continue posting my stories here.
PS: I am working on the next chapter of Bobby's Rainy Day Adventure. Honest!
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Heather Rose Brown
Author of Bobby's Rainy Day Adventure
Puzzled Look
Sorry for this look on my face, but I seemed to have missed Kristina's retirement announcement. Can someone enlighten me, please. Thanks.
Cindy
puzzle answer
She posted it as a comment on "People are Complicated Pt. 3"
Jan
Kristina
The nastiest thing anyone has posted about any of my stories was this, "Angela ,I personally find your story quite distastful in its content."
Gosh that isn't so bad is it? You damn right it is. It strikes at the very essence of who I am.
The story was rated G. The content she found so "distasteful" was an idea of what might occur in the future.
The story suggested cross-dressing might be made illegal in the future. (What a stretch! Are you absolutely sure cross-dressing isn't illegal where you live?)
In a country struggling with the possibility of a constitutional amendment to prevent same sex marriage why should we think such a future might not happen?
I asked for an apology and never received it. Obviously this person would prefer reading about really, really nice things.
Almost everything that is written about on this site is distasteful to somebody. Almost anything written that is worth reading is distasteful to somebody. The whole idea of fiction is to take ordinary events and characters and exaggerate them so that they are INTERESTING. Throw in the vast differences in our various sub-themes and there's plenty to turn everyone on and off.
Although I expressed dismay here over the comments that led to Kristina leaving I don't agree with her reaction. The writer who criticized her story had a logic that was understandable. Perhaps the message should have been sent in private --- perhaps.
The other day I almost posted a blog here about the amount of negative comments writers are receiving. Most writers can be contacted through private messages. If you feel you have a strong objection to a story, by all means express yourself. The writer needs to hear from you. You are the writer's customer and your dissatisfaction should be noted, BUT DO IT THROUGH A PRIVATE MESSAGE.
I sometimes get the impression that reviews are all about the reviewer and not about communicating with the writer. What a shock; a community filled with narcisstic cross-dressers and egos bubble to the surface!
Could we follow different lines in the future? If a story provokes you to want to say something, say the story glorifies forcing a child to cross-dress and you hate the very idea, you could write a story that exemplifies the possible consequences of forcing a child to cross-dress. That's what I did when I wrote "Residue."
Or, you could write a blog about the topic without throwing a brick at the writer.
Writers have a right to be hypersensitive to comments received. Sometimes I'm guilty of wanting to help the writer to improve and making public comments about things they could do to change their writing. I shouldn't do that either and will watch myself.
When the urge hits you to write a negative comment about a story simply ask yourself if 1.) your message might best be sent in a private message, or 2.) your message might best be sent in a blog or story that discusses a general theme, or 3.) maybe you should count to fifty and then decide if the value of the message outwieghs the hurt it might cause.
At any rate, Karen, what you said wasn't all that bad; and Kristina you posted your story for a lot of reasons. I'm willing to bet some of those reasons are still valid. You need to get on with what you were trying to accomplish with that story and get this behind you.
Big Closet is an opportunity. Nothing is more satisfying for some of us than finally telling someone how you feel. Isn't that what most of us are doing writing for this site? Why forsake an opportunity because of another person's opinion?
I wish I could hug both of you.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
PMs Should B Civil
I thought over what I wrote this morning.
It was almost as if I was inviting people to write mean private messages to each other.
That is NOT what I meant.
What is said in private messages should also be civil and carefully worded. It's simply better to communicate out of the glare of the comment board, at times.
I wish I did everything like I give advice. My sharp comments are legendary in some circles. Take it from one who has hurt more people than anyone ever should.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Hm, I have been on both sides of this issue!
I think many of the problems stem from misinterpretations of what the writer or commenter has written.
We interpret what we read and others interpret what we write. I have learned (SLOWLY) that I have to leave something that really gets me and then come back to it later on when I calm down some.
I, as do many others, read and react. The comment section is right there to easily respond instantly if we so choose. That I think is part of the problem we have. We choose to react and comment instantly. Most of the time I regret my instant responses. To late, the damage has been done and shared with others!
I now almost always comment via private messages or emails to either the author or a commenter if it is possible. Guest commenter's cannot be reached privately.
Since I started doing that, I have had a much easier time with other people here. That, and there is no more backlash from other commenter's joining in to elevate any misinterpretations into an all out hissy fight. Giggle, giggle.
Erin and a few others have helped me understand this quagmire of emotional twistings. We get these with negative feedback and hurtful comments. They could be intentional or even innocently made, but they still hurt and strike deep.
The best rule of thumb I found was to take the time out that it takes to get back in control before reacting to negative hurtful words. Once I am over the initial shock and hurt, then and only then will I reply, if at all. If I do, it is in a private message or email to that person.
Comm enters should remember that the comments section is for you to communicate with the author about that particular story. It is not to have a war of words with other commenter's, leave that to the author to handle or for Erin to intervene if required. Erin is wonderful in that regard. More than that of course, but this thread is on 'what makes people leave this site' so, I will leave it at that.
We all learn and grow here, I know I have! I have left and have returned thanks to all of you and Erin.
By all means comment! But, also try and remember to think before you do. If you do have a strong negative reaction to something in the story, then take a moment or two before you comment. When you do, think well if it should be done in a private message, email, or will it be OK in the comments section for all to see and read.
Huggles All
Angel
Be yourself, so easy to say, so hard to live.
You can find my stories at by going to.
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/taxonomy/term/39
"Be Your-Self, So Easy to Say, So Hard to Live!"
To comment or not to comment
One thing I worry about is people leaning in the other direction and not commenting at all on the stories. There's another site that I've posted a few stories to and have gotten no comments. It feels as if I'm shouting into an echoless void.
To me, comments are very important. I'm trying to learn to become a better writer and I value what people have to say. Even when someone says something I disagree with or don't understand, I still try to keep what they say in the back of my mind. Often, with experience I can find a way to understand and put into action something I've learned earlier.
I guess the key is balance. It's probably not the best idea to say the first thing you think, especially when something affects you emotionally. On the other hand, not saying anything at all isn't the best choice either.
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Heather Rose Brown
Author of Bobby's Rainy Day Adventure
critics and comments
Well, how to take it in the right words.
I have counted backwards from 50 like angela suggested and try to express my feelings in a few simple words.
Excuse my bad english or maybe wrong terms,cause this is not my native language.
Erin nuge us to leave a comment after we have read a story,
often my soul deep down there got hitten by the storys and left me in tears here at my desk.
I think most who leave a comment didn't count backwards from 50 before they start to write a comment.
I got a few peaks in storys which are in progress and if your mind is in emotional overload,it is very difficult to stay calm and take no offense to the writer.
Maybe some people think if they are asked to leave a comment, they have to do a critic in the negative form, they have learned not better?
As i said, this is very difficult to leave an objective comment.
Express your feelings you have got during your reading and don't hit the feelings of the author of the story.
The author has opened his soul with his story and waits anxious to any response,
and a few get a stick to beat him, before they have count to 50,
because a single small piece in their own soul got a hit from the story.
Dear authors,please be pation with us readers and don't take any comment so personally.
It has taken a long time for myself to learn this during my live,but i think i have mastered it.
This famous room is a big chance to express ourselfs so please stay calm if there is a bad word sometimes.This is not the oppinion of the general audiance out there!
Pooh,said enough.
please excuese my bad english
Love and huggs
Sidonie from germany
I understand that all feedback is personal
and knowing that, I try to leave a comment about how I felt about the story. Not just -- I hate it -- or -- I love it -- but how I felt about it. If a story gave me an emotional exercise, enough to leave a comment, it is about the story. Interpetation of all the comments a story receives should persuade an author of the impact of the work. Generally the responses are emotional because of how the reader was affected. I don't know the author and they dont know me. No comment I have ever made was meant to tell the author they were wrong about their work. My apologies if that has ever happened. If all I should put in a comment is Yea! or crap! what is the use.