I injured myself last Friday. Nothing of the usual home injuries. Didn't take a fall, step on a pin, hit my thumb with a hammer, pick up the business end of a soldering iron, or bang my head on an open cupboard door. No, I executed a sudden maneuver. I was outdoors, testing a type of lightweight fabric used for roofing, when my sample started blowing away from me. I lunged for it after chasing it across the roof a few feet, to catch it. Something happened in my ribcage and knocked the wind out of me temporarily. It hurt like the dickens at first, but I managed to mostly get through the rest of the day without too much grief. Besides, it was late in the afternoon. You try reaching a doctor then! As long as I wasn't having any trouble breathing after I caught my breath, it didn't seem worthy of an ER visit, either.

It's amazing all the info you can find on the 'nets. Costochondritis, rib fractures, separated ribs, and intercostal muscle strain, all described. I settled on the muscle strain thing. Figured I'd pulled something, it would keep hurting worse for a few days and then start getting better. Read up on the treatment for all of the above, and mostly it didn't seem to matter which it was, the treatment was all the same. So, I went and bought a "rib belt" at the local favorite pharmacy-and-surgical-supplies joint. "Hospital Grade," the small box proudly announced. And only $20, too! Twenty bucks for basically a white, heavy duty 7-inch wide version of an Ace bandage, with velcro. I've got a very nice waist nipper, that cost less on sale.

So, Monday, life sucked and I could barely move. The thing just was getting worse and worse every day, as I had guessed it would, except I hadn't guessed that bad. I called a sports/rehabilitative doc I'd used before (the man saved my back!) to set up an appointment. They could have easily fit me in the same day due to all the cancellations from the snowstorm, except considering my delicate state, decided maybe they didn't want me travelling in those conditions, so they worked me in for the next day.

I like this doc. Anyway, while I'm peeling off shirts, I'm telling him how I tried looking up stuff and was pretty sure it must be a muscle thing. He spends a couple minutes poking around and stuff and he's practically laughing. "It's a broken rib. I'm sending you for some pictures, but that's what it is." Trust me, he's not as cruel as this sounds. He has the bedside manner of a good friend.

Oh, yeah, and while I was peeling off layers, he took one glance at my shiny new rib belt and said, "Get rid of that. We don't use those anymore. They cause pneumonia. It squashes the air sacs in your lungs, the alveoli."

So, I traipse through a mile of twisty passageways and stairwells in the great Gormenghast of a hospital complex to get to the xray department, survive waiting, get called, get left for forgotten in some changing cupboard for 15 minutes, get told to hold my breath by a technician whose microphone doesn't work for the part about telling me to breathe again, get my films, and somehow manage to find my way back to the right part of the warren.

The doc calls the head radiologist to discuss things, announces my rib is broken, and then tries showing me the nearly invisible break, which really neither of us can see on our own as far as I can tell. He also tells me that the short while I've been wearing the rib belt shows on the x-rays and the radiologist picked it right up. Another lecture about them causing partial lung collapses leading to infections, and so forth.

Okay, okay, I won't wear it again!

Two observations:

1) The damned things do make you feel better. I'm hurting three times more without it now. Well, it probably doesn't help that I fell asleep without taking more ibuprofen, too.

2) Corsetry. If a stupid elastic rib belt causes that much grief, what about serious corsets? My corset gets WAAAAAY tighter than that elastic band, and it's not actually that uncomfortable, even if it causes somewhat shallower breathing. Well, I mean when I don't have a broken rib. I'd be in no hurry to try it right now. Do corset afficionados get a lot of pneumonia and lung problems? I haven't heard of it, although from the way my doc was freaking over the "Hospital Grade" rib belt, I'd expect to.

Oh, yeah, for what it's worth, this is my first fracture. I don't have osteoporosis. Somehow, it was just a freak accident caused by the way I bent and lunged, causing a couple of ribs to clash with each other. As the doctor said, whatever I did, "Don't do that again."