My son, Max (not his real name), will be starting at the high school next year. Therefore, they are starting to send materials home and have assemblies to discuss what things will be like for them next year. Today, they got the Curriculum Guide at an assembly. Max was excitedly showing my wife the extracurricular activities available to him next year: freshman soccer, jr. varsity volleyball and the chess club are the three he has circled as "must-do's". And he had crossed out, as "must not do", the Gay/Straight Alliance and the International Thespian Society. Before my wife got a good look at this list, he was going on about how "cruel" these two groups are.
My wife and I have raised Max in what I suspect is an unusually liberal household. We've taught him to judge people on their own merits, and not on what category they are placed in. He has always responded to this as we would wish. So, it took her by surprise that he would find these organizations as "cruel".
First, she cleared up what a "thespian" is, since she suspected (correctly, it turns out) that he thought it meant "lesbian". We all had a good chuckle over this.
Second, she had him clarify why the Gay/Straight Alliance was cruel. It took a few minutes, but he finally told her it was because that labeled the gay kids as "different", which is cruel. (I have visions of him thinking of the symbols the Nazi's made the gays wear.) Once she explained to him that clubs like this are a support system for helping the gay kids, he calmed down and agreed that it was a good thing.
Then, he pointed out the ERASE club (End Racism and Sexism) as another worthwhile club he was considering. She dragged him into see me and announced, "We're raising an activist!" (My response, btw, was, "Cool!")
I'm proud of my kid's attitudes to those who are different than him.
Hugs,
Kristy
Comments
Two Secrets
Pssssssssss! Two things your son needs to know about high school.
1.) Everyone is different.
2.) Most students are so worried about other students noticing how different they are to notice much about anyone else.
High school was what Dickens had in mind. "IT WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way. . . ."
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
I Like That, Jill
High school as "The Tale Of Two Cities". What a great way to teach it!
Joanne
High School preparation?
Wow! It's kind of cool that they are sending materials like that so early! All we got at the end of Jr. High was, "Bye, next year, ride THIS bus. It'll take you to High School."
Mr. Ram
Tell Max that being a
Tell Max that being a freshman at school is a different experience. I'm a freshman, and I am the treasure of the school's GSA club. (The president is the QB of the school's football tteam. (Sorry, he's straight. He is a membr b/c his uncle is gay.). Tell Max that supporting different people is a cause that all should support.
Max might get kidded by IDOITIC MORONS but remember that most teens are still figure out their sexuality. Ihope Max does have faith in u, that he'll talk. I'm glad I can talk to my parents about sex.
TTFN --
TGSine --
TGSine --958
High school where one is quickly assessed wrongfully
First, Mr. Ram you had buses to ride. Where I went to high school if you lived within two miles of the school you had to walk or drive yourself. There were some chilly Montana mornings as we walked to school. We took a short cut through a cemetary so we wouldn't be late.
I was in the Drama club and president of the Thespians. I got a chuckle from what the son thought they were, although four of the five girls in thespians were lesbians.
High school for me was different it depended where I went to school what high school was. In the cities I went to school in North Dakota high school was seventh grade and up. The same for some of the cities in Minnesota.
My first introduction to junior high and high school took place in Tacoma, Washington.
Jill M I is correct in assessing high school as a Tale of Two Cities. I certainly had to be different at school than i was at home. I was the charmer in school the satanic child at home. I could be ever so nice at school (never had to do detention) to creating a family disturbance that neighbors would talk about.
Now days I look back, my teenage years were supposed to be where I learned socialization, but move ten to fifteen times in three years one learns to be a loner. My list of schools attended always requires extra paper when I fill out forms.
Jill Micayla
May you have a wonderful today and a better tomorrow
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
To be clear, the reason Max
To be clear, the reason Max was upset was not because they were different or gay. He was upset because he was thinking they had to be "labeled" and that was what was cruel. He is all for supporting gay students, and when he understood the purspose of the alliance, he was more then happy to change his mind about the group.
I really believe in his mind it was like putting a badge on them... Hey there different... they have to be over here, that is what he objected to.
And also to be clear he was interested right away in ERASE.
Hugs,
Kristy
Actually I spoke with him
Actually I spoke with him tonight and what really bothered him most was that it was Gay / Straight Alliance and he saw the / as the divided by sign from math. He was seeing it as a devisive thing, i.e. Gay vs. Straights. As I said once he understood it as a supportive group he approved of the group.
Max struggles with many of his own challenges. Amongst others, expressing himself can be difficult, but it pleases me to no end as I watch him grow and how he shows compassion for others.
Hugs,
Kristy
You did not lose your Family!
Kristine, what ever you have done to adapt, I am so happy for you. I wish I had been able to keep my lid on.
Gwen, As I think that I have
Gwen,
As I think that I have said to you before, I am sorry about the things that have happened to you, and I so wish that your future journey is one that brings you joy and happiness.
My wife knew about Kristine before we married, and we have worked out arrangements for it that work for us. My son Max does not know about Kristine, because with his personal challenges he does not need to have my gender issues to deal with on top of that.
For myself I am content, as long as I can have some time to be Kristine. Overall, I am more a CD than TS. I have a strong feminine side, and I identify with women very well, but I am not so horribly uncomfortable in my role as a man that I need to address my desire to be female surgically.
So I am content as a husband and a father, as long as I have some time for the other part of me to be expressed. There is a story I wrote called Two Roads which although not me, expresses alot of my thoughts on this, so I won't repeat them further here.
I have been very fortunate in my life, that I found someone that could accept me, and I was able to bring myself to tell her about that part of me, early enough in our relationship that she had time to make an informed decision about getting really serious, or backing away. It was not a pre-meditated thing, it just kind of happened one night early in our relationship, that I told her. The world did not end when I told her, and we built from there.
Since we have been married 21 years now, I have to say it worked. I know full well how lucky that I am, as I read about others here on BCTS, it just strengthens the knowledge, of just how fortunate I was, and am.
I have made my choices in life, and I am content with them.
Hugs to you,
Kristy
KR: I have to comment about
KR:
I have to comment about your family. I'm glad your are more of a CD then a TS, but if Max ever finds out, what would you say?
My parents - and my sister and older brother knows, but my youngest brothers - who are 7 - don't know yet. (My sister and I look alike, so I don't think they know, yet.
Iknow I should tell them -with my parents witth me. How did you tell your wife?
TGSine --
TGSine --958
I am sure that Max will find out eventually.
And it is going to be a tough conversation. My preference would have been to tell him, before he hit puberty, but with the issues that Max has had, when he was younger it was too risky for security reasons, and as he got older it has been too much to burden him with. I worry about the trust issue and that he will think that I have been lying to him all his life, but it just has been necessary.
When he finds out, because I am sure it will happen eventually, I hope that the fact that we have raised him to be someone that accepts peoples differences, that he will be willing to listen. Since my wife does know, and accepts, that is a major help.
I told my wife when we were just dating, fairly early on. She had come to visit me over summer break (we met in college) and had a discussion about how curious we were about what it would be like to be the opposite sex. Now, I kept my tongue then because she was a long way from home, and had several days before she was flying home, so it would have been really awkward for her (and me) if she had been upset by it.
Later that summer I was at her house, and the conversation came up again, I swear to God I did not lead it there, but it did. And we got into a debate about which of us was more curious. I decided it was the time to tell her, and so I did. Now I knew that my wife was ok with homosexuals because her good friend and roommate was a lesbian, and it was she and her girlfriend who was a friend of mine, that got my wife and I together. So it was a risk, but not as bad as it could have been.
Any way she was surprised, but did not go ballistic. She did a lot of reading, (not as easy then as now) but she had worked in a library, and she knew how to find research even in the pre-internet days. She was also a psych major. Anyway she and I played it by ear and have worked hard at it for the 21 years of our marriage as well as the several years we were together while I finished school. (She finished before me.)
Kristy
KR: Tell Max (when he does
KR:
Tell Max (when he does find out) that you're still his dad. As one of my boy friends say 'Why would anyone be a girl?'
I do tell him that girls are better ;-), but it is what Ifeel I am. Myself , I am great at sports - soccer, volleyball, basketball, running and skiing - and I love the outdoors, but I love designing (dresses, but rooms and yes, even cars and boats, too.), cooking, sewing, reading and writing and collecting unicorns.
Tell Max tthat high school is hard, but it is fun, too.
TGSine --
TGSine --958
KR: I'm not sure of his
KR:
I'm not sure of his school however at mine, the GSA aren't divided! We have a good club here, with both sexualities innthe leadership areas.
Tell Max that the / is not a 'division sign', but a UNITED sign.
Also, tell Max that high school is great and he'll love it.
TGSine --
TGSine --958
Thanks TGSine, we did
Thanks TGSine, we did explain that he was mis-interpreting the sign, and he is cool with it now.
Max is looking forward to High School. The town we live in does not have a seperate grammer and middle school, they go K-8, so he is definitely looking forward to the change.
Kristy
KR: Sounds like my town! We
KR:
Sounds like my town! We just got our high school 7 years ago, and my middle school class was the first to leave it after all 3 years - 6,7 and 8.
Tell Max that he'll enjoy it. How old is he. He must be 12, since he is in 8th. I'm13.
TGSine --
TGSine --958
Where did they go before a
Where did they go before a regional school?
Max is 13, but will be 14 in March. Did you skip a grade?
Kristy
Not a regional school, but
Not a regional school, but the town had an agreement with 3 other towns to take the middle and high school students. Now since we had a rapid growth, we needed new schools.
TGSine --
TGSine --958
good for Max.
At least he knows the difference. Good for him!