Unfinished chapters

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Below are a couple of unfinished chapters for stories I've been working on. I seem to be kinda stuck about halfway through the chapters for a while, so I thought I'd try posting what I got here, just in case anybody who's read the earlier chapters of these stories might be able to offer suggestions on how to get to the ends of the chapters. If nobody has any suggestions, it'll still be nice to at least have a place where people can see what I've written, instead of having them stuffed away in my story files. :)

Dominic and the Daddy Domme - Chapter 2
"Sorry we couldn't get your suitcase," Di said as we approached her microvan.

I shifted the weight of my reclaimed bookbag to my hip while pulling open the passenger door to my friend's vehicle, then said, "I'm surprised you were able to talk the night manager into giving me anything. I really appreciate your help."

Di smiled while pulling open the driver's side door, then said, "Glad I could help," before climbing in and closing her door.

I plopped into the passenger seat, then settled my bulky bookbag on my lap before pulling my door closed. The slam of the door disrupted something my friend was saying, so I turned to her and said, "Sorry, I missed part of that."

"It's okay, I'll take care of it," Di said as she reached over my waist.

"What are you doing?" I asked while she felt around for something near my right hip.

She pulled straps across my shoulder and lap while saying, "I'm making sure my passenger is safe."

"Oh, you didn't need to do that," I said as she clicked my seatbelt into place.

"I don't mind," Di said while adjusting her own seatbelt.

After being left high and dry by my parents when they nuked my college funds, having someone being concerned about me being safe was very comforting. I rested the left side of my face on the soft fabric of my headrest, then said, "That really means a lot to me."

Di smiled and nodded before pressing the ignition button. After the car rumbled awake, my friend pressed another button, and a warm air began blowing from the vents near my feet.

My tense, aching muscles began to relax. I stifled a yawn, then said, "That feels nice."

Di's smile grew as she pulled out of the Bayview Hotel parking lot.

After we merged with the late night traffic, my friend glanced at the bag on my lap, and said, "That's some nice embroidery on your backpack."

"Umm ... thanks," I said while running my fingers over the flowers stitched into the front pocket of my bookbag.

My friend was quiet while switching lanes, then asked, "Did it come like that?"

"Actually," I said as my cheeks warmed, "I added it to hide a tear I hadn't noticed when I picked it up from a thrift shop."

Di glanced down again, then said, "You did a good job."

"Thanks," I said as the warmth in my cheeks spread to my ears.

After we pulled to a stop at a traffic signal, she asked, "Are you taking any textiles and apparel design classes in college?"

"Actually, I'm majoring in business management," I said. "At least ... I was."

My friend brushed a few stray hairs from in front of my eyes, then said, "I know things are pretty bad for your right now, but they'll get better."

I let out a shaky breath, then said, "I wish I had your confidence."

Di grinned as she drove through the intersection and said, "I'll just have to be confident enough for the both of us."

=-=-=

There were a few dull clicks to my right a moment before I opened my eyes. When my door was pulled open, a cool breeze swept in, making my arms all goosebumpy. My friend leaned in towards me and said, "Hey there, sleepyhead. We're home."

"Oh wow," I said as I unbuckled my seatbelt. "How long was I out?"

"A few minutes," she said while standing back up. "Want some help out?"

"I'm good," I said as I climbed out, then began shivering after I stood up.

"You getting cold?" she asked while shutting and locking the door to her microvan.

I was tempted to say I was fine, then thought about how she reacted the last time I'd stretched the truth, and said, "I guess I'm a bit ... chilly."

Even though I couldn't read her expression by the pale light of the waning moon, there was a hint of approval in her voice when she said, "Let's get you inside, where it's nice and warm."

"Would you like me to adjust the temperature in the guest room?" asked a lilting voice with a british accent from the shadows of the dark house towering over us.

Di nodded and said, "Yes, please."

I took a step closer to my friend and asked, "Who's that?"

"My name is Ada," said the disembodied voice while a pair of lamps on either side of the front door lit up a small porch.

"It's nice to meet you," I said while rubbing away the goosebumps on my arms.

"The pleasure is all mine," Ada said in a voice that somehow managed to be reserved as well as friendly. "Won't you come inside?"

"Come on," Di said before leading the way up the short cobblestone path to the porch. "I'll make formal introductions once we get you warmed up."
=-=-=-=-=-=

He's a Witch! - Chapter 3
I halted at the entrance to my mother's shop, and examined the witch wards carved into the oak doorframe. While the carvings didn't look like anything specific, there was a mesmerizing quality to them. I reached out a shaking hand, touched one of the designs, and ... nothing happened.

I silently scolded myself for being silly before opening the door. "I'm home!" I called out while crossing the threshold. A warm buzzing passed through me as I entered the shop. When the door swung shut behind me, a sense of panic and a need to escape began welling up.

I was trying to turn so I could run out the door, when Mama stopped dusting a display case. "Where have you been all afternoon?" she asked with a sharp tone while pointing a fluffy feather duster at me.

The need to run faded, which was replaced by a need to answering the question without upsetting her. "Umm ..." I said while trying to think of where to start, "I'd stopped somewhere on the way home, when Pat and his friend--"

"Was your cousin harassing you again?" my mother asked while frowning with worry.

"Not really," I answered while adjusting the book satchel hanging from my shoulder. Feeling a tiny bit guilty for the fib, I said, "Actually, he did sorta ..." I shuddered when I thought about the way he'd grabbed me, and how ... awful it felt.

"Oh Bertie," she said in a motherly voice, then raised her arms while walking towards me.

My heart began racing when I realized what she was about to do. While I missed hugging her, being that close would mean she might feel my ... changes. I tried to cover my fear with a gruff voice and said, "Don't Ma," then crossed my arms and added, "I'm not an infant any more."

My mother lowered her arms and said, "I know you're growing up, but ... I still miss my little boy."

"I ... I better get supper started," I said. A lump formed in my throat when I saw the pain in her eyes. I barely avoided the urge to kiss Mama's cheek and hold her tight. Instead, I rushed to the stairs leading up to our apartment, before my resolve to keep my secret completely crumbled.

=-=-=

I was slicing a carrot when I heard a skittering near the food cupboard. Without turning from my work, I said, "Nuh uh, Sniffles. You no better than to go in there." Once I was finished, I tilted the slices from my cutting board into the bubbling stew, holding back the carrot top with my knife.

After setting the board and knife down on the counter, I looked to the cupboard, where a tiny brown rodent was twitching her long whiskers at me. I grabbed the carrot top, held it in my open palm, then crouched down and asked, "Would you like something sweet and crunchy to eat?"

I giggled when she stood up on her hind paws and made the most adorable squeaking noises. Even though she sounded like any other rodent, I could tell she was happy to accept what I had to offer.

When I lowered my hand, Sniffles raced across the floor, grabbed the treat in her mouth, then raced away. I smiled when she leaped over the powdered ratbane sprinkled liberally along the baseboards, then scrabbled up the back of the cupboard before disappearing into the shadows.

I noticed the tired trudge of footsteps coming up the stairs a moment before the apartment door opened. "What are you doing?" Mama asked while stepping through the entrance.

"I was just ... looking at something," I said while standing.

My mother closed the door, then asked in a stern voice, "Were you feeding the vermin again?|

"She's *not* vermin, Mama."

Her mouth hung open, then a small smile grew on her lips.

Baffled by her unusual response to a long standing argument, I asked, "Why are you smiling?"

"It's been a while since you called me Mama."

I shrugged while shifting back into tough boy mode, then frowned and said, "I just ... slipped."

Mama touched my cheek while saying, "That's a slip I'd be okay with you making again."

=-=-=-=-=-=

Janegirl Camp - Chapter 9
My glittery laces twinkled in a shaft of sunlight peeking through the branches above me. I tilted my foot from one side of the beam to the other every time I changed my mind about what to call my dad. While the idea of calling him Daddy made me smile, I wasn't sure if I was ready for it.

My flip-flopping was interrupted when Jessica shouted, "Hey Raine!"

I looked up and saw my cabin mate in a black leotard, white tights, and black slippers. De turned to us and smiled, then said, "Hey, good to see ya's!"

A spark of jealousy flickered in me when I saw how girly Raine looked while de walked towards us. My cheeks warmed when I realized which part of der I'd been looking at. I did my best to cover my embarrassment with a smile, then said, "It's good to see ya too!"

Jess brushed pine needles from her shorts when she stood up, then asked, "You have fun at Madam Chen's class?"

My cabin mate broke into a huge grin, then said, "Oh yeah! I've always wanted to try ballet."

I brushed off my butt after standing next to Jessica, then asked, "What's it like?"

"Well," de said while pulling hairpins from the bun at the back of der head, "ya gotta learn some French words." When the bun unraveled, Raine shook der head until der wavy brown hair settled around der shoulders. "Ya also gotta learn special dance positions, and stuff like that."

A chill ran up my back when I thought being surrounded by other dancers, while wearing an outfit like Raine had on. My stomach tightened when I said, "I dunno if I could do that."

Jessica patted my arm and said, "Don't worry. Nobody's gonna make you go, if you don't feel up to going."

Even though the idea of wearing leotard around other kids was scary, a part of me still wanted to give ballet a try, so I asked, "Will there be other beginner classes?"

Raine nodded and said, "Oh yeah! I'm plannin' on goin' to it tomorrow." Der voice gentled when de said, "If you'd like ... we could go together."

"While goin' with ya *does* make it feel less scary, I'm still worried about gettin' laughed at."

"Why ya think you're gonna get laughed at?" Raine asked.

"Well ... 'cause ... I ain't like you."

My cabin mate gave me a confused look. "Whatcha mean?"

I took in a shaky breath then said, "I ain't ... flat ... like you are."

Raine crossed der arms and said, "Lotsa girls my age are still flat-chested."

"I wasn't talkin' 'bout your chest. I meant ... umm ..." I gulped then said, "never mind."

A light breeze blew Raine's hair into der face, making it hard to read der expression when de said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made assumptions 'bout whatcha meant. It's just ... I'd got a li'l jealous of a girl in class who kinda ... developed since last year, and I was still thinkin' 'bout that when ya talked about me bein' flat."

Jessica brushed my cabin mate's hair out of der face, then said, "I think Zee might have been talking about a different place being flat."

The delicate standing in front of us gave out cabin counselor a blank look. A moment later, der eyes widened as de said, "Ohhhh..." De looked down, then poked at a pinecone with a slippered toe. "Were ya talkin' about ... tucking?"

"Ermmm..." I said while ransacking my memory, "I ain't sure. What's tucking mean?"

Raine's blush showed through der long bangs. "It's ... kinda hard to explain."

Jess touched der elbow and said, "Would you like me to do the explaining?"

My cabin mate looked up and smiled, then said, "I'd appreciate that."

Jessica smiled back, then turned to me and said, "Tucking is something some people do to help them look less ... bumpy ... between their legs."

It took me a few seconds to realize what she meant. I thought back to when I'd tried on a bathing suit at my aunt's store. Even though I thought it was pretty, the way my crotch looked had just felt ... weird. Of all the things I'd tried on there, the bathing suit was the one thing I refused to wear out of the changing room.

I was brought back to the present when my cabin counselor held out her phone and said, "There's a page in the info section of the Janegirl Camp app that explains tucking. Would you like to take a look?"

When I nodded, Jess placed her phone in my hands and said, "Here you go. Take your time, and feel free to ask me any questions."

I looked at the phone's screen, then blushed when I saw the first picture. Even though it was just a line drawing, it still showed ... bits you don't usually see. Once I got over my embarrassment, I started reading the text, and stumbled across a strange word. I looked up from the phone and asked, "What's a gaff?"

"Oh," Raine said while unfolding der arms, "that's somethin' some dancers wear. It's also what some transpeople use to help keep ... umm ... to keep things in place, when ya tuck."
=-=-=-=-=-=

Dreams, Spells, and Closet Monsters - Chapter 3
I was startled out of a light doze when my sister shouted, "Lizzie!" She unbuckled herself while our dad pulled into the driveway, and scurried out the door as soon as the car had stopped.

The girl sitting on our front porch stood and grinned, then ran towards my sister. They were hugging as I climbed out of the car, and the girl said, "Ya musta been so scared." When Sophi stiffened in her arms, she whispered in my sister's ear.

My little sister nodded, then took her best friend's hand and said, "C'mon, Lizzie." While leading the other girl into the house, Sophi said, "We can talk in my room."

Dad levered his tall frame out of the car just as the front door to the house slammed shut. He shook his head at the door, then said, "It looks like your sister has plans for today." He swung the car door closed with a solid thunk, then locked it while asking, "How about you?"

An icy breeze blew across my bare legs just then. I rubbed my arms and said, "I'll probably start with finding something warmer to wear."

My dad frowned and asked, "Why are you wearing a skirt in the middle of November?"

I shrugged and said, "I dunno." To be honest, I'd wanted to make sure my therapist knew I was serious about being a girl. I just wasn't up to having the long discussion saying that would cause while standing out in the cold.

He rested an arm on the roof of the car and said, "You could have at least worn tights."

"Daaaaad," I said while rolling my eyes, "I'm practically a teenager. Even Sophi hardly ever wears tights anymore."

My dad looked down at the cracked concrete under his feet and said, "Sorry. It's times like this I wish your ... your ..."

I took several steps towards him, closing the gap between us. After wrapping my arms around his ribs, I hugged tight, then whispered, "I wish she was better too."

Even though the wind was still cold, I hardly noticed it when Dad held me close in his warm, strong arms.

=-=-=

Of course, I did have tights, and pulled on a pair of nice, insulated ones when I was alone in my room. That, along with the heat coming from the vent near my bed, calmed the goosebumps on my legs and arms. After holding my feet over the vent to warm my frozen toes, I laid back on the fluffy comforter covering my bed.

A moment after I closed my eyes, my phone made a muffled three-note chime. I sighed and sat back up while pulling my phone out of my pocket. A chill ran through me when saw a chat request from someone with a name in all caps.

It was from P.A.C.T.

I took a deep breath to steady my nerves, then hit the accept button. A chat window opened, then my phone started making strangled burring noises. A long stream of random text scrolled down the window, followed by a short message that said:

[PACT: Please provide name verification.]

I glared at the sentence for a few seconds before tapping out a response.

[Why?]
[PACT: I can't answer that without name verification.]

Something about that felt familiar.

[Are you the lady who gave me that weird card?]

I waited for at least a minute, but didn't get an answer.

[Okay you win. I'm Michelle. Who are you?]
[PACT: Thank you, Michelle. Please speak your full name out loud.]
[Why did you message me if you needed me to talk?]
[PACT: Protocol.]

Feeling a little silly while talking to a text message, I said, "Michelle Elise Lynsdel."

My phone squealed a few times while more random text scrolled down the window.

[SYSTEM: -voice match confirmed- ]
[PACT: Thank you.]
[Will you tell me who you are now?]
[SYSTEM: -identifier updated- ]
[Theta: You may refer to me as Agent Theta.]
[Okay, Agent Theta. You the lady who gave me the card?]
[Theta: Correct.]

I stared at the one-word answer while dozens of questions filled my head. Eventually, I settled on one of the bigger questions.

[Why did you give that card to me?]
[Theta: So you could use it to upgrade your phone's security.]
[How can a card do that, and how did you know I'd use the card on my phone?]
[Theta: The answers to those questions are classified.]
[Is there anything you CAN tell me?]
[Theta: Yes.]
[Which is?]
[Theta: I can help your mother.]

I could barely feel the phone I was holding when I read the message. I read the message again ... several times.

[how]
[Theta: You'll need to go into your sister's closet again.]
=-=-=-=-=-=

Madam Martinique's Finishing School - Part 6
I could feel myself being shaken as I woke up. My alarm clock wasn't beeping, so I didn't bother opening my eyes as I rolled onto my side and pulled the covers over my head.

Someone shook my arm and said, "Billie, would you *please* wake up? I'm already behind schedule as it is."

Although I couldn't quite put a name to the speaker, her voice sounded worried, so I pulled the covers back down and squinted over my shoulder. It took a few seconds, but I eventually recognized who was standing behind me, then asked, "Jessica, whatcha doin' dressed up like a maid for?"

The head girl sighed, then said, "I wish I had the time to explain it to you, but I don't. Are you decent under your bedclothes?"

I sat up and asked, "Am I what under my what?"

Jessica's face started getting red as she turned away and said, "Never mind. Are you at least wearing underpants or panties?"

I wasn't sure what to make of the way Jessica was acting. She had sounded upset, but not exactly angry. I decided it must be some sort of girl thing, then peeked under my covers. I was still wearing the uber frilly panties my mother had made me wear yesterday.

A few of the things that happened after that floated to the surface of my memory. I felt dull ache when I thought about how my mother signed over all parental rights to me. I was now officially motherless as well as fatherless.

At that moment, I really wanted to curl up in bed and wait until the world started making sense again, but I had a feeling Jessica wouldn't put up with that. Instead, I pushed the hurting down deeper where I wouldn't feel it as much, then said, "Yeah, I got on underp-- ... well, panties."

The head girl pulled a fluffy white bathrobe from a hook on the back of the bedroom door, then said, "Here, put this on," as she handed it to me while still looking away.

"Ummm ... did I do something wrong?" I asked as I pulled on the robe.

"Yes. No. I mean ... never mind. They'll explain it in your orientation class. Just let me know when you have the robe on and the sash is tied, and make sure your ... everything is covered."

I wasn't sure how much a robe was expected to cover, so I just tied it closed, then said, "Okay, all ready."

I must have done whatever I was supposed to do right, because Jessica smiled at me when she turned and saw me. "That's better," she said, then turned back to the door and opened it as she added, "Now let's get you to the safe room."

Before I could blink twice, she was gone. The fading click of her heel on the hardwood floor out in the hall stopped after a few seconds. A moment of silence passed, then the clicking got louder again.

The head girl appeared in the open doorway, stared at me, then asked, "Where were you?"

"I was here, waiting for you to tell me what's going on."

Jessica looked up and muttered something under her breath, then looked back down at me and said, "I do *not* have time for this."

I planted my fists on my hips and said, "Well, ya better make time, 'cause I ain't budgin' till ya do."
=-=-=-=-=-=

Before the Dance (prequel to On the Way to the Dance)
The afternoon sun was hot on my back. Beads of cold sweat trickled down my spine under my long-sleeved polo shirt as I stared at the display window of Millie's Consignment & Thrift Shop.

After standing there for a few minutes, I realized there probably wouldn't be a break in the stream of people walking or driving by. With my heart thumping in my ears, I turned to the entrance, wiped my damp palms on my jeans, and pushed the door open.

I nearly jumped out of my sneakers when a bell chimed overhead. The girl behind the cash register looked up from her paperback and smiled at me. I smiled back, took a few steps up the aisle that divided the store in half, then made a sharp right into the men's department.

The hum of the overhead fans helped calm my jangling nerves, and the silky breeze they created was a welcome relief. A light, dusty smell, mixed in with a whiff of mothballs, drifted out of the dress shirts as I rooted through them.

After a few minutes of browsing, I peeked over the racks and saw the cashier had gone back to reading. I picked out a couple of shirts at random, then walked towards the center aisle as casually as I could manage.

My legs nearly gave out on me as I crossed the aisle. Part of me wanted to check to makes sure nobody was watching when I started looking through some blouses. Another part was afraid of what would happen if I looked up and someone realized I was someplace I wasn't supposed to be.

Just when it felt like my nerves were about to snap, I saw exactly what I'd been looking for, and slipped it between the shirts I was holding. I looked around the store until I found a sign that said 'Changing Room'. My legs almost felt too shaky to hold me up as I walked to the back the of the store.

I was just about to pass the checkout counter when the girl said, "Hey, didn't you sit in front of me in history class?"

I looked up and froze where I stood. When I remembered how to breathe again, I said, "Urmmm ... yeah, I think so," while wondering how I hadn't recognized her when I first came in. "You're Joellen, right?"

"That's right! And you're ... Nicky?"

"Actually, I usually go by Nick."

"Oh, sorry 'bout that."

"It's okay," I said when I saw her embarrassed expression. "You can call me Nicky if you'd like."

"Thanks! You can call me Jo."

I already knew her name, as well as everything else I could find out about her without getting in trouble for stalking. "So, how's your girlfriend doing?"

" I don't know. I haven't heard from her since she broke up with me."

"Oh god," I said, wishing I was more double-jointed so I could kick myself, "I didn't mean to ... I mean --"

Jo waved a hand at me and said, "You couldn't have known. It happened a couple days after summer vacation started."

"Dang ... that's awful."

Jo looked down as a flicker of pain crossed her face, then she shrugged and said, "I probably shoulda seen it coming. We'd been close when we went to the same school, but when she had to move, well ... long distance relationships can be tough."

When she looked back up, the pain seemed to have gone in hiding behind a quirky smile. "So, you wanted to try those on?" she said as she nodded towards my hand.

I'd almost forgotten what I was holding, as well as what I had been planning to do. "Well, yeah ... umm ... I mean ..."

"Cool! Lemme just count what you got, then I can show you where the changing booths are."

I froze and stared at her as I tried to think of how to keep her finding what I was hiding between the dress shirts. She watched me of a moment, as if waiting for me to move, then stretched across the counter and reached towards me.

It almost felt like I'd been zapped with static electricity when she touched my hand, which is the only explanation I can think of for why I suddenly let go of the hangers. Cold dread dropped like a stone into my stomach when I looked and saw everything scattered across the floor.

I looked up when I heard a squeak and saw Jo lift up a section of the counter, then walk around to me and crouch at my feet. "Oh, this is cute!" she said as she picked up the blouse.

"H-how did that get there?" I asked, wondering if the lie sounded as unconvincing as it felt.

Jo either didn't hear or had just ignored the pitiful excuse when she stood up and said, "Looks like you've got five items. Like a magician pulling the queen of diamonds out of a well shuffled deck, she picked out the blouse by its hanger and said, "This looks like it'd fit you, but the rest look kinda big." She held up the dress shirts and said, "You sure you wanna try these on too?"
=-=-=-=-=-=

Comments

Janegirl Camp

Patricia Marie Allen's picture

Is the only one of them that I've read. It has been a while since I read it. But it looks like you're pretty much locked into at least starting to explain what Zee is looking at on the screen. You don't have to go into detail or even finish the description. I'm sure that all of us here on BCTS at least know what tucking is even if we don't practice that trick ourselves. Just say enough so that it segues into the next scene. Either Zee trying to tuck or Zee and the cabin mate walking to the ballet class and Zee thinking about how odd it feels to be tucked. In the class you can have Zee get wrapped up in the positions and marvel later at how consciousness of the tuck was pushed away as the class continued.

Oh, you could get the councilor offer to get a gaff for Zee while Zee is looking at the explanation.

Hugs
Patricia

Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann

Thanks, Heather...

I tend not to read unfinished stories, or at least stories described that way; if a serial gets stuck in limbo I'm often stuck with it. But I enjoyed some of these.

A few comments -- bearing in mind that while I'm an editor, I'm not really the kind who works with story plots.

Anyway:

I'm a little surprised that "Dreams..." fell into this category -- it certainly looked to me as though you knew where you were taking it. I guess I can see where you might have been having trouble making some of the background add up clearly enough for readers while going ahead with the action. You might need a slow fourth chapter before the confrontation -- or even the prep for a confrontation -- gets into gear.

"Witch" was off to a really good start, with the premise of a world where witchcraft is real and part of the culture, but society seems to mirror the 1920s in the U.S. otherwise.

I'm guessing that our protagonist's rodent friend is in line to become zer Familiar. (As much as novel pronouns bother me, chapter two establishes witches as a third sex more than just an intermediate form, so it's certainly justified.) You've given Bertie a good reason for secrecy, though as a reader I like to see those arbitrary barriers overcome as soon as possible. IMO they're usually imposed by the author simply to cause complications that aren't essential to the flow of the plot. With zer body changing, secrecy may soon be more trouble than it's worth -- though we don't know how society feels about a witchling's parent(s) -- and spending time with Miz Charmandine would be a lot simpler without it. (Re a witchling's parents, we don't how the genetics works, especially if witches don't reproduce as men and women do -- or whether they're simply "wild cards" in the human scheme of things.)

Anyway, with Bertie at the very start of both adolescence and training, the story clearly has a lot to cover before we get to a payoff. You seem to have provided plenty of room to move forward, but I'm not sure I know enough about it yet to offer any useful advice.

"Before the Dance" is certainly a good setup for the original. What comes in between the two, as I think you're suggesting by including it here, might not be as interesting as what you have, but it could be hard to go ahead without connecting them. The stories suggest that Nick's mother never had any problem with this, and clearly Jo didn't. (Refreshing, actually.) Biggest remaining question, I think, is where Nick stands with his other classmates: is this an unexpected coming-out, or do at least close friends (or people he's on good terms with at his and Jo's new school) already know? Also, the mother's reference to "my son" in the original story make me think that while Nick fits into the feminine role, he won't be starting to transition anytime soon, though avoiding (further) puberty issues may be desirable. Would he really want to be female full time? I don't think that's a clear conclusion here.

I'll stop there. Looking forward to continuations, though I'll understand it they're not forthcoming.

Eric

Thank you both!

Thank you for your feedback, Patricia and Eric! While I'm not sure where it will go, I'm starting to get some ideas percolating in my head now. I appreciate your suggestions and insights! :)

I don't see...

I don't see it stuck in "He's a Witch!" Just go on with more slips. Maybe even one would be enough for mom to figure out about the changes. Or maybe mom touching or colliding with Bertie.

That's if you are ready to develop the story of new Bertie. If not, you have to go back and remove some hints of different Bertie.

For JaneGirl Camp

This is not so much any kind of attempt to complete your half-chapter (I can't do that anyways), but some ideas of maybe where to go.

(Sad side note - if >had< any good memories of my own summer camps ... if I had them, I'd share.)

Zee learns to tuck (preferably 'off camera'), They love ballet, once they stop being scared. Zee sees some other XY students with less successful, or unabashedly no tucking.

Teacher asks/pushes/encourages all to put on ballet recital for other campers, reminding them the point is not to be 'good' or 'perfect' at ballet, but to be >having fun<.
-
Then Zee can get on with all the other fun camp stuff.

I think you've done campfires, sing-alongs and such.
-
Oh - have a 'pajama party' (take over the dining room for the night).
-
There's also music - instruments, then learning, singing, karaoke, even writing songs - time for another recital, with audience join-in.

If there is a 'reduced' Shakespeare play handy (in The Bard's day all the lasses are played by lads) - especially one where and then the plot has all sorts of (fe)male characters disguising themselves as male - and vice-versa. Or, think of a really mixed up opera.
---
How about a Parents' Day, where the campers can say "Look Mom/Dad at what I/we have learned".

And maybe some Parents, who are confused by their own Janegirl, get to see other Janegirls, and see them getting on well with their parents.
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Last thing - I don't think any kind of interactions with other camps - especially boys camps - is a good idea. All the campers are having way too much trouble figuring out who they are, without figuring out how to interact with another camp whose campers could be 'grabby', or have expectations, or get cranky with girls who aren't bio-girls, or make fun of Janegirls for being 'sissies'. Ick, please don't go into that kind of mess.
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PS: I think a list of names, pronouns, and "role-in-camp" (ex: "Jessica - she/her - Cabin-Mom") will help us.

Test reply, please ignore.

I hit an odd problem with posting comment, testing here before bothering admins.
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When I write a comment/reply, clicking "Preview" gives me only my title/header line. Clicking Save saves comment as expected. (Sorry, admins.)

I had the same problem

Patricia Marie Allen's picture

One of them, I just PMed the author. The second time, I just doubled check the "Comment*" box and hit save. The comment posted as normal.

Hugs
Patricia

Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann

For JaneGirl Camp

This is not so much any kind of attempt to complete your half-chapter (I can't do that anyways), but some ideas of maybe where to go.

(Sad side note - if >had< any good memories of my own summer camps ... if I had them, I'd share.)

Zee learns to tuck (preferably 'off camera'), They love ballet, once they stop being scared. Zee sees some other XY students with less successful, or unabashedly no tucking.

Teacher asks/pushes/encourages all to put on ballet recital for other campers, reminding them the point is not to be 'good' or 'perfect' at ballet, but to be >having fun<.
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Then Zee can get on with all the other fun camp stuff.

I think you've done campfires, sing-alongs and such.
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Oh - have a 'pajama party' (take over the dining room for the night).
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There's also music - instruments, then learning, singing, karaoke, even writing songs - time for another recital, with audience join-in.

If there is a 'reduced' Shakespeare play handy (in The Bard's day all the lasses are played by lads) - especially one where and then the plot has all sorts of (fe)male characters disguising themselves as male - and vice-versa. Or, think of a really mixed up opera.
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How about a Parents' Day, where the campers can say "Look Mom/Dad at what I/we have learned".

And maybe some Parents, who are confused by their own Janegirl, get to see other Janegirls, and see them getting on well with their parents.
--
Last thing - I don't think any kind of interactions with other camps - especially boys camps - is a good idea. All the campers are having way too much trouble figuring out who they are, without figuring out how to interact with another camp whose campers could be 'grabby', or have expectations, or get cranky with girls who aren't bio-girls, or make fun of Janegirls for being 'sissies'. Ick, please don't go into that kind of mess.
.
.
.
PS: I think a list of names, pronouns, and "role-in-camp" (ex: "Jessica - she/her - Cabin-Mom") will help us.

Oh wow!

Thank you for your feedback, Qmodo and Alan!

I hadn't expected any more replies to this blog, so I'm glad I checked. With "He's a Witch", I think Bertie's mom will eventually find out, but maybe not for another chapter. With "Janegirl Camp", I think maybe I'm having issues with how to move forward, because tucking has been a kinda sensitive subject for me. It's something I'd like to deal with, but it's a bit tricky for me.

Also, I did manage to finish a chapter for one of the stories above, It's the second chapter of Dominic and the Daddy Domme, which can be found at https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/99808/dominic-and-dad....