Author:
Things to look out for.
Something that happened to me today…again.
When my hackles get up due to a perceived insult I become defensive. If it moves to a direct insult on me I get mad.
When I get mad I get very stubborn.
At that point I try to hurt the person that hurt me just as much or more than they hurt me. All reasoning with me goes out the window, along with any common sense apparently.
This is a family trait. I know about but can’t stop it from happening.
Makes me feel very bad afterword but the moment of apology is long gone.
There is a video documentary I should watch. I cannot right now because my hackles are up. I may have seen part of it already. At least once it was explained to me what it really was.
I mistakenly assumed it was yet another in a too long list of videos saying just how bad blank blank was. After the fiftieth one in two years it is like “ omg not another pointless video about x with half of what really happened missing painting a false picture”
Yes I’m sorry to say that is exactly what I thought when my hackles first got up…it went downhill from there.
Thankfully Erin was able to talk me down, once I cooled off.
I do owe an apology to those in the chat room for 1) assuming the wrong thing and going off on an angry rant. And 2) going out of my way to hurt the person(s) that hurt me. It was wrong and I am sorry.
Don’t let this happen to you.
Comments
huggles, hon
and even more huggles.
Sorry ...
In the Japanese board game of "Go", there is a "standard trap", and beginners (we are all beginners) always fall for. It even has a name, "ladder".
Every move the beginner makes to get out of the trap, makes it worse.
The key is, as the beginner improves, we learn when we are about to "go over the edge". We start to recognize the trap earlier and earlier. Eventually, we don't set up the trap for ourselves, and if we do - we stop at once, make a more worthwhile play elsewhere.
With ourselves we learn when we are in our trap. We can stop sooner and sooner - and even, in "Go", spring the trap on others. (This OK in the game, but really mean in life.)
It's hard when the 'trap' is powerful (anger or passion is in play), as it seems it was for you. Learning this can be long and difficult (sadly also difficult for other people.)
As an 'easy' example for me, on one of my FB groups, there is much discussion on a post. I read the first three lines, knew it "raise my hackles", as you say - so I avoid said post. Were I to get involved - two problems: I'm also a Moderator and could easily 'throw my (small) weight around" ... and all my comments would be tagged "Moderator", and not just plain 'Alan'. Other times and Posts ... not so good results ...
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Awareness is the key. Mediation can help. Here is one way that I've done:.
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Use a posture that you can manage; "Upright" and "stable" are the important parts of the posture, but even laying down is OK.
Whatever the distractions, simply let them go, and return counting the breaths.
You will likely become more aware of the reasons (what topics) "get your hackles up". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDJ_wbjBL6c
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PS: Sure, your family taught you this "way". But you don't have to use it.