I just got over being sick, and I'm sick again. Not Covid, thank God, but I am absolutely miserable - fever just short of 102, coughing, congested and lung just don't feel right. Hurt from head to toe. The big problem, though, is it triggers me since I was deathly ill for most of my childhood, I would get sick and then when I got over that one, I would get sick again days later. What would really upset me is I would cry, which helped me deal with it as it was a good release for all my troubles. And then my mother would be mad, and tell me "Boys don't cry." I have never been able to cry ever since. Since she almost killed me when I came home.one day in a dress I borrowed from my best friend, I knew I couldn't say " But mom, I'm a girl." So this is really pulling me into a very dark place. I could use some love and huggles.
I'm in a bad place right now,
A word from our sponsor:
Comments
Maybe it's Pneumonia?
I've had Pneumonia a dozen or more times, perhaps because of the soggy, moldy climate here. Then they decided that I have COPD and put me on an Asthma Inhaler. That has helped bunches.
Blessings
Gwen
Boys DO cry Holly. I realised
Boys DO cry Holly. I realised this a few years ago. There is no shame in crying. I cry when I watch tv sometimes. Admittedly when I'm alone.
It's just the stupid way we raise and still raise the genders to conform. There is very little difference between little boys and girls. There is so much research that has shown the way parents engage and treat the different genders makes us the way we are. Parents "rough house" more with boys, they read more with girls. The list goes on. It is little wonder girls are better equiped at school.
Your mother was just conforming to what she had been taught. Not her fault really. Like the thing with the dress. You would be ridiculed if everyone found out. In her way she was protecting you. It's just the way the world was/is. It's getter slowly better with gender and sexual preferences though.
As Gwen said. Asthma inhalers can work miracles in some cases. it is worth asking someone to lt you have a few puffs to see if it helps. I have had one since a chest infection at 19.
Leeanna
Hugs Holly Girl
Lot of a second bite from Covid going around. I had covid twice over a year ago. Got sick four weeks back, flu like but not the flu. Described all my symptoms with Kelli when I was sick. She called me Monday describing to a T exactly what I went through. Tired, lungs feel full, no energy, hot one minute, freezing the next.
Love, it's exactly like the flu but it's not and it's not that damn covid either. Some sort of mutation I'm guessing. You'll get over it, I promise. Take your multi vitamins, your zinc-magnesium tablets, D3, everything you use to fight covid, flu, colds.
As the little boy grew up into a man, the little girl grew up into a woman. He protected her all his and her lives. Is it possible to let her take over and protect him now? Little girls and women are God's angels nurturing and taking care of babies to adults. Look in the mirror, do you see her? One of God's angels.
Hugs Holly, love you sweety, get well
Barb
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Thank you for your kind words,
I have asthma and I use inhalers and my nebulizer often.
Very rough.
I've got lots of prayers and huggles for you!
Hugs!
Rosemary
TY Rose
I appreciate your huggles.
Stay Strong
I guess it's a viral infection in your lungs that needs some antibiotics that will work better with hugs and you have plenty of love on this site. I have a brother suffering the same symptoms on vacation in Cyprus and he's hospitalized. Don't try to beat it yourself please seek medical assistance.
Tears need to come out of us all. Don't hold in your emotions. Your mum was wrong I'm afraid. Best wishes.
sending lots and lots of huggles
I wish they could beat up your mom for you too.
TY Dorothy.
Towards the end of her life, the final years were very good. I never could bring myself to talk to her about it, and since I could not bring it up, I'm sure she thought I didn't have those thoughts any more. She ended up with several lesbian and gay friends and was very supportive of them. If I had had the support of the wonderful people here back then, I suspect I could have. But I still had Holly bottled up back then, and I didn't go looking for TG sites until after both my mother and Daddy had died. I do still have quite a bit of resentment towards her, but I am not angry any more.
Can't help on the medical side, but ...
... huggles I can help with...
As I've told folks, there are just >so many< things I'm grateful for ...
I'd exhaust myself just trying to enumerate them ...
And all of them created by someone/something else ...
Every item deserving a thank-you hug to its [C/c]reators ...
And the overwhelming majority of those hugs cannot be delivered...
Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh tells us to look deeper into things ...
This mug of hot tea in my hand ...
- the entire chain of people taking clay, shaping, firing, shipping, putting it on the store shelf and selling it to me...
- the entire chain-er-collective of people growing, processing, shipping ... tea.
- the collective of those making electricity a useful 'thing', and getting it to me.
- all who turned theory, and experimenting, and plastics and metals into building my microwave ...
- just for a cup of tea.
And all of the them deserving of a forever undeliverable Thanks Hug.
I >must< release hugs "into the Ether", otherwise I'd explode.
So of course take all the hugs you need and want.
===
Another set of "Collectives":
Story-telling is a Built-In for our species, same as MusicDance...
Another vast Collective, giving us computers, the Internet, the Web...
And those building BCTS ...
Where there are thousands of stories ...
And I get to enjoy them ...
Another boundless sea of huggles ...
Yeah ... some long trips, but I could at least deliver some few huggels in person... All the other hugs - they have to go into the Ether.
Anyhow, start grabbing huggles. I won't/can't run out.
Anyhow, start grabbing huggles. Don't let me melt into a puddle of happy tears and go down the drain, like that Witch in the Wizard of Oz.
===
PS: Everybody cries. The lucky people, it comes easy/easier. I think bottling up the need to cry, can make it 'explode' into anger or violence. So cry.
Lots of huggles
Lots of huggles coming your way Holly. My immune system sucks so I know what it feels like to be sick more often than not. Respiratory infections seem to particularly love me and it sounds like you might have something like that. They're never easy to shake, sometimes even with proper antibiotics and such.
As for boys not crying, I got told that too, good thing we're girls, huh? Seriously, that's a myth and because people try to enforce it on their sons or themselves, you get people snapping and unable to deal with stress and upset in ways that aren't harmful to themselves or other people. Crying is a natural pressure valve and everyone should do it when needed for their own mental health. I know you're in a dark place right now but you're here turning to others, so at least you're looking for some light. It's there, even if it doesn't seem like it, sometimes you just have to grope around in the dark until you find the light switch.
I hope you're feeling better soon.
*big hugs*
Amethyst
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3
Ty Amethyst
I don't think I could have survived this without my friends here.
All the huggles coming your way
And if you ever need more than 'all', you only need to ask. :-)
Debs xxxx