I'm in a bad place right now,

I just got over being sick, and I'm sick again. Not Covid, thank God, but I am absolutely miserable - fever just short of 102, coughing, congested and lung just don't feel right. Hurt from head to toe. The big problem, though, is it triggers me since I was deathly ill for most of my childhood, I would get sick and then when I got over that one, I would get sick again days later. What would really upset me is I would cry, which helped me deal with it as it was a good release for all my troubles. And then my mother would be mad, and tell me "Boys don't cry." I have never been able to cry ever since. Since she almost killed me when I came home.one day in a dress I borrowed from my best friend, I knew I couldn't say " But mom, I'm a girl." So this is really pulling me into a very dark place. I could use some love and huggles.