The past several weeks have been......... well, let’s say interesting. You remember the old Chinese curse about living in interesting times? Yeah......... interesting.

A few years ago I noticed a mole on the back of my left shoulder, just above the scapula. It was unfortunately in a location that was visible in certain styles of clothing (annoyingly and unflatteringly so), and over time it became large enough that it occasionally caught on my bra strap or rubbed on my clothing uncomfortably.

I had my physician look at it about 18 months ago and he told me it was benign and nothing to worry about. He did advise me that if I decided to have it removed I should make sure to tell the dermatologist that it was becoming painfully uncomfortable, otherwise my insurance would most likely not cover the removal. Well, due to Covid I was not able to see anyone last year to have it removed. I did get in two weeks ago, and the dermatologist took it off neatly and quickly. It in fact healed nicely within a few days; I have always healed quickly. The mole was routinely sent in for testing.

I got a call from the dermatologist on Monday asking me to see him on Friday. As they had set up a televisit for Thursday to go over the results, calling and asking me to come in person on Friday instead was not something which left me feeling good. Needless to say, I have not slept well this week.

Soooo......... it was Melanoma. Luckily it does not appear metastatic, but rather a primary node, and there don’t appear to be any other spots. The growth rate was virtually zero, with no signs of vascular or neural involvement. However, I am now awaiting an appointment with an oncologist so that they can surgically remove more tissue around the site to check further, as well as check my lymph nodes just in case.

Add in the fact that I had my first Covid vaccine shot later the same day, and yes, interesting times indeed.

Hence why I am sitting her typing this even as the rest of the household sleeps. Here I sit, suddenly wide awake at 4:00 AM after a mere three hours of sleep again. I lay in bed for an hour and a half trying to return to slumber, but eventually gave up and watched the sun rise this morning.

So, the follies of my youth have returned to haunt me. Too much time in the sun as a child playing on the beach of my home in Cape Canaveral, too much time sitting in a boat on Sykes Creek fishing, too much time spent in the bright sunshine learning how to sail. Too many sunburns on a fair skinned young boys shoulders and back, even as that selfsame young boy was becoming aware that he was not like the other boys.

Oh, and the part that I didn’t mention.......... estrogen can lead to faster growth of melanoma. So becoming myself after five decades may just end up killing me yet. I have already told everyone I will not give up my hormone regimen.

Better to die as myself than to become the shadow that I once was. Either way is death.

Yes, sleep eludes me yet again. It is good that I have become so accustomed to doing without over the years.