Interesting letter in Dear Abby this weekend. It's from a person in Tennessee who's concerned about the son of some prominent townspeople. Seems the boy, who is in fifth grade (12 years old), has not been allowed to get his hair cut and is being teased about looking like a girl. Now, this would have been heaven for most of us, but the writer terms it child abuse.
One's punishment is another's pleasure, I guess. Wonder what the parents' excuse is?
Karen J.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucda/20080427/lf_ucda/boyslonghairma...
Comments
That's What FRIENDS are for..
He should go to their house and cut it off...and not name names...he could even do it mostly himself if he was determined enough...it's a real shame people are too cowardly to tell the parents though. Celine Dione's boy hasn't had his hair cut and it doesn' look right.
I don't see it as an abuse issue necessarily, neglect maybe, stupidity probably...bad parenting definitely.
Hugs
Alexis
On the other hand...
... It wouldn't be the FIRST time a teen complained to his/her friends that their Parents FORCED them to do something they really wanted to, but was counter to the social norm. Thus allowing them to do said thing (with parent's blessing) and get sympathy from friends at school.
Also, unless the boy is refusing to cut his own hair, due to being obedient to his parent's wishes... There's NOTHING to stop him from grabbing sisors and hacking some off and/or stopping at a barber.
It IS possible that he IS a good biddable boy that is growing his hair to please his parents. But, it doesn't add up to me.
Annette
Yes, Interesting
The letter is also woefully short on facts.
I'm not a huge Hillary fan and dread the thought of having to vote for her, if it comes to that -- but I do agree with her on one issue. "It Takes a Village" to raise a child.
There are several laws standing in the way of a neighbor/friend going to the house and cutting off the hair. One being criminal assault. Expecting the school district to demand the child get a haircut doesn't seem realistic because of First Amendment issues. The parents/child might assert the length of his hair is a religious statement or even a simple form of personal expression.
The story bemoans the boy sitting at home and playing games on TV, rather than taking part in sports. Hmmmmmm. Have you looked at the state of youth sports lately? Is that really a healthy environment for a child?
What IS scary in the store is the FEAR. The child fears telling his parents about teasing, the adults fear asking the parents about the situation. What is the root of that fear?
The letter writer seems more than a bit homophobic. My goodness, for all we know the boy lives in a community that worships buzz cuts. The boy's hair might be less than two inches long. The boy could be naturally effeminate and the hair a secondary issue. How many children made the statement about the boy being a girl? In what context? Has the boy been bullied for other things? Would he be bullied no matter what the length of his hair was?
If, for whatever reason, you believe a child is being abused you have a duty to intervene. That intervention should be reasoned and informed.
Dear Abby's response assumes much, but is probably good. however, she should have cautioned the letter writer to approach the situation with an open mind.
The USA has been on a real bender of "conform or else" for quite some time now. I worry about the Texas compound story when the authorities can't find the girl who made the complaint. Did she exist, or did the authorities just get tired of seeing women in strange dresses with up-dos? It's very possible this boy loves his long hair and is blaming his parents as a cover. It's quite possible loving parents would allow their child to use them as cover. I parented that way with my four children and would do it in that situation.
In the thirty six years I've been a parent I've felt and heard objections from well-meaning people who questioned what I was doing. There's no such thing as perfect parenting. People have much different priorities and ideas about what is right. I never objected to questions and discussion as long as I thought the person doing it was coming from the perspective of caring about my child.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
One never knows
When I was a child, it was quite glaringly evident that I was just sooooo effiminate. Among other things, my step father forced me to get my hair cut once a week, and it was very short. He was always trying to make me do things in a "manly" way. He even started taking me on trips to deliver plants to a warehouse in lower Seattle. My Stepfather and my Mom hoped that somehow his manliness would sort of rub off on me. I recently learned all this from older siblings. I had disassociated from most of it.
Contrast that with an adult life spent topping 100 foot plus trees, riding dirt bikes, breaking horses, being an Electrician for over 30 years, and raising three children in a 39 year marriage.
If there is blame to be laid; perhaps not; I had been put on what is now known to have been an astonishing over dose of Celexa, Welbutrin, and Trazidone as a remedy to post 911 PTSD. I did not know it until I began seeing "Overmedicated" on my chart.
Happily, now days I take no drugs, but my life is in shambles behind me.
One of the worst is now being post-op. But then again, had I not done it, would I be alive? I've stopped looking back, and am now just the best person I can be.
Gwen