Someone tried to bring this column to my attention several days ago, but I only just found it myself. It's Dan Savage's eloquent eulogy of his mother.

Many stories here have dealt with the family dynamics of "coming out" as transgendered. A frequent theme that appears is "oh, we thought you were gay," or hateful homophobic epithets while the beating occurs.

Well, Dan Savage is, in his own words, "a complete fag," and he came out in a devout, religious family. His mother's reaction?

My mother came around fast and she came out swinging–rainbow stickers on her car, a PFLAG membership card in her wallet, and an ultimatum delivered to the whole family: Anyone who had a problem with me had a problem with her.

The full link is http://thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=550027

If I ever get around to writing some fiction, I hope I can write a character as strong as that.

My own mother was what the analysts call "narcissistic." It doesn't mean exactly the same in analyst-speak as it does in plain usage -- it's more of an inability to bond, empathize, and reflect a child's aspect/emotions -- something needed for development.

In the first three months of this year, I've lost two of the most important women in my life. My mother, who no matter how ineffectively you bond with, will always be important to you, and my father's youngest sister, who died two weeks ago today. Although we lived 1200 air miles apart, and only rarely saw each other, my Aunt was Essence-Of-Mom, a sunbeam of warm approbation and appreciation in an otherwise fairly cold world. Five minutes with her, even on the telephone, would recharge my batteries for a year.

I am still shocked (and feeling guilty and ashamed) that no matter how hard I try to remember the good things about my mother, that I'm just pulling up an emotional blank. All I remember is the superficial, which is I guess the only thing she ever showed me.

As for my Aunt, I find it impossible to even picture her without her trademark warm, accepting smile, her fawning curiousity and interest in everything about you, and her unconditional love and approval.

Someone in your life is crying out for love, for someone to care about them. Don't be stingy.