I currently work at Kroger's as a Deli Clerk, and have been trying to explain to my parent's in a way they can understand for weeks now, why I can't keep working there as it is mental torture for me. They want me to wait until I get another job but I can't explain to them what it does to me to be around so many happy and normal people.
Christmas eve service is hell for me and the only way I can make it through it is to look at my phone and nothing else, last year I came within seconds of walking in front of a speeding car, this year I was unable to keep it together at my cousin's wedding and just went and sat in a corner by myself while cried inside.
I need a way to explain what I feel and how it is unbearable to my parents or I am not going to last until the end of this year.
I desperately need help explaining ASAP
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Help
First, you need to see your doctor immediatly. There are medications that can take the edge off of things. Explain this all to you doctor and make sure they understand that you are suicidal. I have been up to the brink myself, it's not a good place to be. Talk to your family and explain to them how you are feeling. It's past time to quit looking for a way to "explain" yourself, it's time to lay out all your cards, even the jokers.
It sounds as if you have a safety net in your family, that's something I never had. It's time to let somebody else carry part of the burden, time to let a little control slip through your fingers.
But, Get To The Doctor!!! Steps need to be taken immediatly. Tell the receptionist that this literally a case of life and death. If there is a hotline in your area, use it! That's what they are there for.
You have heard that much-used line, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I prefer the second one, suicide doesn't hurt you, it hurts the people who love you. Do you really want to bring that pain and suffering into their lives? It's like an ego-driven act, here I am, all hurt and suffering so I'm going to take myself away. You'll miss me when I'm gone.
First thing - Call the Doctor!
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
Help...
Paxel works. As far as explaining, I don't really know your parents... but hey I'm drunk and crazy, so I'm ready to talk till the clowns eat me. Talk to me, or if not me, then someone else here, and not the oncoming traffic, OK?
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Certainly sounds as if you need to talk to someone
and soon. Is there no one in the family you could unburden to? Please don't do the unthinkable, my son did that in the summer and it's fucked up so many lives it's unbelievable.
Angharad
You Are Normal
Please sweetheart you are normal like the rest of us we are all normal - just different BUT normal please remember this.
Please get help the others really know what they are saying!
I would love to be with you giving support but I feel that I'm too far away from you. Before you stop working remember to progress unfortunately you need money. The job may be crap but it pays your way.
Please don't do the ultimate you can hurt so many people as Angharad says! At the moment you have a temporary problem what you are thinking of is a permanent solution to a temporary problem just as Omega girl advises.
Christina