It's 2 a.m. and I still can't sleep. Someone I care about is very ill and may be dying and I don't know what to do. Some may say that she's just a cat. To me she's more than that. I love her and can't stand the thought of losing her.
Several years ago when I was living with some close friends, she showed up at our back door. She moved into our hearts, then into our home. Even though I don't live with them any more, she still has a piece of my heart ... and it's breaking.
I've known for a few weeks now. I was able to see her on my birthday (the day after Halloween). I'm hoping she'll be able to hang in there long enough so I can see her tomorrow when I go over to my friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner.
I ain't been able to sleep right. My concentration has been awful. I keep on finding myself just staring at the screen at work. My appetite keeps bouncing from nothing to ravenous. I can't seem to settle tonight. I ache inside and out. I've been crying and just feeling so lost.
I just don't want to lose her.
Comments
Comfort ...
Heather,
It's tough from across the continent, but ...
(((((HUGS)))))
It's hard, I know.
We had a little dog who left us not so long ago. *sniffles*
Nicole (a.k.a. Itinerant)
--
"Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite."
Robert A. Heinlein
Nicole (a.k.a. Itinerant)
--
Veni, Vidi, Velcro:
I came, I saw, I stuck around.
Hang in there
When our dog died, it was awful. We took her to the vets and left her there thinking that they would be able to fix her and make it all better again, but it wasn't to be. We never felt like we said goodbye to her properly and I had tears running down my face all the way home from work afterwards. They're welling again just thinking about it.
Although our dog was eleven (in human years), she was a pedigree and wasn't expected to live much longer, but it didn't make us feel any better.
It's weird how an animal can worm its way into your heart and mind almost indelibly and in such a short space of time too. My heart goes out to you. Like Itinerant said, it's hard all the way from another continent, but here's a big hug for you. I know how you feel.
I hope that she recovers.
More hugs
Nick
Hi Heather, My thoughts go
Hi Heather,
My thoughts go with you.
I am owned by a dog and two cats at the moment. They are family and when one of them becomes ill, I worry so much.
I lost my darling lab Sandy 6 years ago and she is always in my thoughts. I was heartbroken when she died of a heart attack lying at my feet at the age of 12.
Shortly after that our little cat Timmy was run over, he was only a year old. Heartbroken again.
Then, after a while, I remembered the good times we had and the fact that we were so lucky to have great times with our lovely furry friends.
It will be all negative for a while and then I am sure you too will start thinking about happier times and how privilidged you are to have known your cat and all her funny ways.
Hugs and kisses
Sue
XXXX
Good things
It says good things about you that once you give your heart to someone it stays true. No matter a person or cat, love is love. Sadly we live longer than our furry companions and that is part of the price for loving them. I hope that your friend recovers for after all she has all that love coming from you.
Warm Huggles.
grover
Desperate Ineviatability
My little dog is sixteen. He is a little stiff in his joints, has a heart murmur and often seems to inhabit a world of his own. No pain though.
Sixteen years is a long time. He has been an integral part of the family from the age of six weeks. Loved and loving, he has shared our vicissitudes, our sadness and happiness. Been the first to offer comfort when the former has arrived.
Sixteen years is a long time. I know he must die soon and I dread the day. Half of me yearns for him to find a peaceful end. Hopes that one morning I will find him in his last sleep in his basket, his tail finally stilled after sixteen years of greeting. Half of me cannot bear the thought.
Hugs,
Fleurie
Heather.
I know exactly how you must be feeling. When my pal, Fatcat, died several years ago, I felt the same way. She owned me for 13 years and would follow me around like a dog, even outside.
Apparently she didn't feel that I was able to care for myself when outside.
Pets are a special part of the lives of their owners. They give us unconditional love and never judge us by what we wear or what we look like. It's a part of the grand scheme that pets seldom live as long as their owners do. I hope, when your little 4 legged friends' time comes, it's peaceful, with all her friends about her.
All your friends here on the net, know what you're feeling and I know we all will keep a good thought for you and for your furry friend.
Warm fuzzy huggles from
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
Proof that it is actions and what's inside that counts
We had Charlie for fourteen years, the last two he was ill and we had to give him insulin injections.
Never a scratch. When we had to have him put down in 1994 he purred in my lap as the vet injected him. I cried more that day than for my beloved grandfather who died in early 1995 but then he was almost 96, heartbroken over his wife's death a few years before and in heart failure.
Few things make me cry on cue, these are three of them. Thinking of my older sister's death, of cancer taking my mom and of poor Charlie. But then mom cried for that sweet cat too.
Have a safe holiday.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
My baby
My cat Gojira must be wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Every time I read one of these comments about pets and loss I have to go give her a hug. Scratch her around the ears, the jaw line, under her chin. She's loving it though. She is eight, healthy enough, but the thought of anything happening to her...
Seems like ever since I've had her I've had these nightmares; for whatever reason we're in a switching yard,
a maze of train tracks, strings of grimy, grafittied rail cars stretching for miles (certain jobs I've had have become the landscape of my dreams...), switch engines moving them here and there. Well they're BIG.
And NOISY. And especially to a little kitty cat, who can't figure out which way to run, and doesn't know
the cardinal rule of freight yards that you NEVER GO UNDER the cars, and I'm trying to call her to me,
terrified for her, and me too, trying to keep us both from being run over, never quite able to catch her...
To have dreams like this so often, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, shows what a huge presence 4-legged family members are in our unconscious. And I'm sure in my case it has a lot to do with my being childless, investing all those impossible maternal instincts in a very sweet little tabby, who when I come home late
and put food down for her, wants a good five minutes of lap time before she'll even think about eating;
and that idea of cold selfish manipulative cats.... I sure don't see it. She's as loyal as any dog.
So I know how you feel, Heather Rose. Mammals adopt each other across species lines (I just love those youtubes of seemingly mismatched critters loving & licking each other!) and its an incredible gift to be able
to feel this. I wish it didn't hurt so bad when it's time to say goodbye, but I don't think you can have one without the other. I hope you have many more wonderful visits with her before that time comes...
~~~Hugs, Laika
Well shit, I guess it really CAN happen here..,
.
"Just a cat?"
Our hearts ache as much for the loss of a furry friend we've let into them as for a human one.
Two years ago a cat who had been part of my life for seventeen years died. He'd become diabetic a year before, which I later learned was due to feeding him commercial cat food laden with starchy grains which are not a natural part of a cat's diet, so I'd been testing his blood sugar and giving him insulin shots twice daily. In the end though, he succumbed to the inevitable kidney failure and I spent a long, painful, sleepless night with him, followed by a painful morning consoling my children. A solemn burial in a small Japanese garden we planted in his honor helped give us a sense of closure but didn't soothe the aches in all our hearts. Which is all my way of saying, Heather, I think I understand what you're feeling and my heart goes out to you.
losing a friend from the Animal world
is always hard.I have a medium sized dog pushing 12 that I raised from a puppy and I can see the signs of his age.He limps now and you can see the fogginess settling in his eyes.Just thinking of the day I will lose him causes pain and deep sadness.I hope for your sake you have a chance for closure and that you will find peace in that and that your furry friend can move on without suffering.Hugs Amy M
Huggles Cuz
Hey Cuz, great big hugs and cuddles to you.
I'm so sorry you gots a sick kitty. I hope her can get better and I know she is trying hard to get better cause she knows that you love her and she wants to stay with you.
The most important thing in life I think for all us, two-legged and four, is to feel loved and wanted. I know your kitty has felt that from you and has been very happy, and you have felt those things coming back from her.
I dont know if its her time to leave yet or not, and I really do hope she gets better so you can have more fun with her, but if it's time for her to move on, I know she has peace because she's been loved by someone wonderful like you.
And even if she has to leave you, she'll never really be gone because the memories will be with you forever.
Hugs and love, your lil cuz Maggie
Thank you
I just wanted to thank everyone who posted comments. It really means an awful lot to me. I got to see my friend last night. She doesn't seem to be getting better, but she did a lot of purring when I was petting her and talking to her. I'm still scared, still hurting, but I don't feel as lost knowing my friends and family are here.
*going around thanking everyone with warm huggs*
Heather Rose Brown :)
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
I hesitated ..
.. to add to this one. As a possibly junior member of a family consisting of two cats, two biggish fluffy puppies and a human (now two with an Aunt) I would not deal well with a loss. Several years back there was a beautiful fluffy Burman kitty. I had a habit of lying on my back on the floor.. and she would sit on my chest with that vibrating cat motor soothing all sorts of ills. But she had it seemed a heart murmur. After only a year the back legs slumped as she tried to get into the lounge chair and despite much effort, succumbed. The walk from the consulting, through the waiting room to the car was a bit of a blur.
Unconditional love is an odd concept. But our furry friends have no problem with it. We can just hope and try to be deserving. Here's hoping for...
Kristina
She's gone
I found out last night she passed away yesterday morning. The shock's startin' to wear off and I've kinda been cryin'. I'm sorta thinkin' of not goin' in to work, but I dunno if stayin' home'll help or not. I just ache so much right now.
Grief
Oh Heather I am so sorry!
What was her name?
~~~hugs, Laika.
Well shit, I guess it really CAN happen here..,
.
Her name
Thank you, Laika. Her name was Idgie. I'm really just missing her so much. It's been like every five minutes I'll think of something that starts me crying again.
My condolences on your loss
Heather,
I am heartened that you were able to say goodbye to your friend one last time. In an amazing coincidence, the Cat of the Day (http://www.catoftheday.com/) is also named Idgie.
I took a while but ...
After our previous cat(s) died it took nearly half a year before we conned mom into checking out some cats at tha Brookfield Humane Society. This was in Februry of 1995 when we got back into the cat market.
We thought of getting an adult cat as they are less likely to get adopted. Then a few days later we saw the three remaining memebers of a litter at the Wisconsin Humane Society before it moved from near WTMJ TV on the near north side and down to near Miller Brewing amd Miller Park.
The little calico girl pawed at us for attention -- I think she is a witches familiar and used magic on us --and after a while mom gave in and we got Rusty aand Calie. Moses -- he was already named -- we did not take but I hope he got a good home. They got a repspiratory infection from the other cats and we has to get him/her children's liquid ampicillin -- bubblegum flavored -- to treat them. He was worse and we actually let them transfuse some fluids to help him. Some hard days with the house heat up and taking the cats into the bathroom wiht us to get the steam from the shower and they are great nearly 13 years later.
Another animal will adopt you, Heather.
I saw the previous two die in front of me. Charlie at fouteen when he was put down to end his pain and his sister Whisper at five from heart failure and a seizure -- they were ex-farm cats.
It still hurts 13 and 22 years later.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa