i need a proofreader or editor

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I am trying to write a long story and i posted my first feeble attempt here last night and a revised version this morning.
I kind of suck as reviewing my own work and hopeing someone can help me proofread and a full edit.

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possible proof reader

Hi Christine01, I am a tgnovel addict. I notice errors and have thought too bad I can't just go in and correct them. On that note I could probably fix up your manuscript. If you would like to entertain the idea of me doing the editing then let me know. You may wish to give me a whirl at going over something you or somebody else has written. Oh, my favorites are ones written by Jenny Walker, Carmenica Diaz, Angharad, and Nancy Cole to name just a few. Cheers, Esther (user name Cynthiafarsworth)

Proofreader

Dear Chrisine,

I hope that you are not offended, but after reading your submissions, I agree that you need help with editing. I was a news editorial journalism major, with enough hours for a minor in English Literature. I am not only used to writing, but to editing other's writings, and I would tutor other friends in literature and English in college.
I would enjoy proofing and editing your work. I would like to mentor you, and help you improve your syntax, grammar, and writing. I thnk you have potential.

Hugs,
Michele

Miss Amelia