It's five in the morning and here I am awake. My mom got confused in the night, she thought she was in the hospital and used her medical alert button to try to call a nurse. When they asked her who could they call to help her, she apparently forgot I live in the other end of the mobile home and had them call the neighbors.
I don't know if this is dementia or just bad dreams. It's been harder and harder to deal with her lately. The last time I took a day off and spent it with friends, the day I got back she had me take her to the emergency room in the night and she spent two days in the hospital. Maybe she can't be left alone anymore, but if so, I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll call my brother when the day is more advanced but things may not be running as smoothly as we all would like around here for awhile.
Hugs,
Erin
Comments
My symapthies
Having had to put my mom in an assisted living center this summer, I well understand the situation you are in. It may be time for the tough decisions, the ones we hate to have to make. Only you and your brother can decide what you, and she, will have to do next.
We'll all try to keep the cap on things around here, take care of the important things you need to do.
God bless,
Karen J.
"Being a girl is wonderful and to torture someone into that would be like the exact opposite of what it's like. I don’t know how anyone could act that way."
College Girl - poetheather
“When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king. The palace becomes a circus.” - Turkish Proverb
No Advice
Dear Erin,
I have nothing useful to offer. Nothing practical anyway. Just sympathy and an attempt to understand.
Nothing useful. But if the sympathy of others helps than you have that in abundance.
What you have created here, the foundations that you have laid, are now so well founded, so firmly established, that the Big Closet has a life of its own. Not something that could flourish without your tender care, but something that can survive for a little while on the reserves of goodwill, the fellowship, that you have given it.
So, if you feel it would help, take the extra time off to care, to settle. Or if involvement here, and all the distractions that attend it, is a balm that in distracting soothes, then you know that all here do deeply sympathise. And all would help were it within our means to do so.
Hugs,
Fleurie
Family First
Erin,
Look after your mum first and yourself second and then worry about the rest of the world,
Love,
Joanne
Hugs
I wish I could offer more. I understand the frustration and stress you're feeling.
You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hug,
Scott
Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.
-- Moliere
Bree
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
-- Tom Clancy
http://genomorph.tglibrary.com/ (Currently broken)
http://bree-ramsey314.livejournal.com/
Twitter: @genomorph
sympathy, prayers, hugs
Dear Erin...
Even having gone through it (sick parents) twice, I don't feel qualified to give a lot of advice;
every case is different, and my experiences with this might be (are hopefully) premature to trot out here.
But I do know your pain and sense of helplessness, and you and your mom are in my prayers...... I always
felt an immense debt of gratitude to my mother and father, their sacrifices (and felt great guilt over that time I disappeared from their lives for six years when I went on the bum as a street wino...), so if there was ANY silver lining it was in finally having a small opportunity to give something back during that strange period when I was like the parent + my dad (brain cancer) was increasingly infantile + out-of-it. And although I've spoken ill of my sister a few times on this site, being his home-hospice care providers really brought us together.....
I hope you and your brother are close, that he is there for you. And I imagine a support group could be a
real life line too. And I REALLY hope all my gruesome talk is premature, that your mom bounces right back,
and that you and she will---for years to come---laugh together about the time she got confused
& mistook the medalert bracelet for a hospital call button...
And speaking of debts of gratitude, thank you for all you've done in providing us with
this wonderful story site. You are greatly loved/appreciated by all of us here.
If you need to be absent for the occasional stretch of time to take care
of Mom we'll try not to bust the place up!
~~~Hugs, Laika
Well shit, I guess it really CAN happen here..,
.
I am sorry
I wish I had a solution for your struggle, but I don't. All I can do is offer emotional support and of that, you can have all I have.
Gwenellen
Hmm
Maybe a carrier-current or wireless intercom, defaulted to baby-monitor mode? So if she calls out in the night you hear it in your room? It means less unbroken sleep, but less panic-mode...
Other than that weak suggestion, all I can say is to agree with the already-posted comment: family comes first. Yes, your built-up community is family too, but it's not Ring-Zero.
I know the feeling
When mom's mom couldn't care for herself -- growning dementia from small strokes -- we took her in for a few months whill we looked for a good nursing home. This was the early 1970's.
We cared for my mom in hospice in 2005 and she died at home hours after she talked with a longtime neigbor boy and his wife but then we had the visting nurse assosiation and other help arranged thruogh the hospice program so we weren't over whelmed.
The stress of those few months nearly gave mom an ulcer. She lost a little weight and she couldn't handle acidic fools like liver dumplings in Kraut anymore. We got grandma into a home when we simply could not care for her anymore without danger to our health and safety. She'd wander in the night and in a three story house, not good.
If it is only temporarry disorentarion, assisted living is good. I know a 100 year old man who has gone thet route for nearly a quarter century and is satisfied. He's still friends with my dad, a mear 80 and still in his home. Make sure they can't kick her out. The best places cover you from everything from nearly independent living to full nursing care and everything in between. Do check with your family lawyer to make sure your's and her assests are protected and get the right kind of power of attorny and so on. Many powers cese with death or incompetence. A good lawyer can advise you as I am clearly not qualifred to do so. Get your and her *houses* inorder before it is needed and things will go smoother.
Every case, ever family is different. But when your health starts to suffer, you have gone the extra mile and it's time to get professional help for mom. Don't put yourself in the hospital trying to keep her out of an institution.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Alarms in the Night
It is very easy to get confused sometimes. If you remember, the night after I came home from my long stay in the hospital, I had a very realistic dream that I was in the hospital again getting ready for my next knee surgery. I objected, stating that the doctor had said that it would be later.
The dream was so real that I still have a problem accepting it as a dream. I know it had to be because when I got out of bed, I was suddenly in my room at home. That was the same night I saw the little 2" red creature propping up a book.
Then, the next day was when I saw ghosts in my car from the porch. (I was in a wheelchair and could not get out to talk to them.)
I was so hooked on pain patches that I had a problem getting off them. I would shake continually for about 72 hours (two or three times each minute). I was completely exhausted. I was still on them when I saw the other things -- dreams or whatever.
Everything I saw could have been the medication, but it is strange that nothing like that happened while I was in the hospital, but only after I came home.
If your mother is taking medications, sometimes seemingly harmless, that could be the reason. The pain patches were not known to cause the problems they caused me.
Love,
Billie Sue Pilgrim
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Billie Sue
Definetly family first
Hopefully everything will work itself out for you and your mother your in my prayers.Amy m
hold you in high regard
My Dear Erin you have my deepest sympathy for all that is going on I know how you feel I am now a live-in care giver for my two parents who are in there eighty's my mother has had early onset Alzheimers for a while now and is on meds my dad is getting very forgetful and has trouble walking being my step kids are out of the house and my spouse passed on 3/4/96 I take care of my Mom and Dad I track Dr. appointemnts, meds , cook meals for them do yard work , blow the snow from the 110 yard long driveway
do things for the stepkids and help out the siblings with there houses I am self employed and that way I can work things out or around for appointments. take time for your self you are a very important person and need both physical and mental health so you can be of help to your Mom .. little things a bath , quiet time, music ,hobbies, a pet(cat,rabbit)something to pet and cuddle helps to calm you and lower your blood pressure and it is nice to have something love you and greet you when you get home .. thank you for all the things you do for your MOM and for us readers bless you , peace be with you
Love Christi
A wish
I wish for you to get through this without blowing a gasket.
Your mum's obviously not well and I know that you're having to stretch yourself to meet both the needs of your mum and the needs of the site.
Know that we here think of you often and as Fleurie says, were we in a position to, we WOULD physically help.
Be well and I sincerely hope that your mum's condition improves.
Nick
Thinking of you!
I wish you well in these difficult times,
take care,
hugs,
Angharad.
Angharad