John,

Never, never ever, abandon the tincan and string. It offers benefits no other system can even approach.

Firstly it is reliable. Uniquely so putting to shame even other contemporary and well established systems such a runner with a cleft stick. The latter can be, and in my admittedly limited experience frequently is, so easily mugged and relieved, not only of money, life etc., but also the message.

Secondly it is inexpensive The aforementioned messengers are also extremely costly to replace. Even if they escape the natural hazards attendant upon their calling, their simple maintenance is an exorbitant financial burden. Particularly so in these modern times when we are increasingly subject to rules and regulations governing the duties of an employer to an employee, the cost of employment benefits, liability insurance and divers fringe benefits.

Thirdly should the message itself be of a somewhat dubious nature, one can find oneself embarrassingly in court on the charge of disseminating material likely to corrupt. Not that this is remotely likely to apply to any on the gentle and highly moral readers of these columns, but one can never be too careful regarding the interpretation put upon the most innocent of messages by the legalistic, and naturally rather depraved, mind of the average bureaucrat.

Fourthly the messenger method, even when no expense has been spared in equipping them with the latest state-of-the art Model XXIV cleft stick, is slow. Everything from stones in sandles, broken thongs (broken thongs?), diversions to avoid bears, means time lost!

Fifthly, it will not have escaped your notice that ink and paper when exposed to inclement weather deteriorates. The act of stuffing it down the cleft in a stick is itself not conducive to the preservation of a message's pristine appearance, but when it has additionally been exposed to thunderstorms, the crossing of rain swollen rivers etc, it is alas often reduced to a sodden papier mache substance within which the curious may find shadowy remembrances of ink in the form of pale dye diffused equally over the whole surface. If surface still remain.

Sixthly .... But surely five is enough? I must not waste your time by enumerating further. Anyway I don't like the look of sixthly?

Nor by dwelling on any of the more recent methods of communication that a malicious science has introduced us to. If I were in any way religiously inclined I would attribute them to a vengeful Old Testament God, who, locusts being in short supply in both the USA and Western Europe, intends them as an instrument of his wrath by which we be made to regret our sinful behaviour .... Well not my sinful behaviour naturally, chance would be a fine thing! .... But everyone else's.

I am sure we none of us need to be reminded of such. We all have our individual horror stories relating to, all bear the scars inflicted by, computers, telephones, televisions, toasters, sewing machines ... the list is endless, if not necessarily accurate.

But with a tincan and string .... What can possibly go wrong? And if the dog does eat it or grandma sits upon it, then a repair is cheap and requires neither great technical knowledge nor manual dexterity.

Disadvantages are few. The mean spirited might cavil at its limited range, but this is but a blessing in disguise. It ensures that only those with important messages, people who really want to speak to you will make the effort to seek you out. To take the trouble to travel to within communicating distance. It cuts out all the chaff and unsolicited calls.

Reception quality is open to criticism, the more musically inclined do, so I am informed, detect a certain tinny timbre to the communication. But clarity surely is the only crucial criteria? We do not need it to listen to a Symphony concert. The idea is risible! Anyway experimentation with types and quality of string can wreak enormous improvement which should satisfy all but the more pernickety! And you would not want to speak to them anyway.

So, whatever you do John, do not discard the tincan and string. Waowatosa's voice will continue to sound the clearer, the truer, for it.

Hugs,

Fleurie