Before I start, I have to note that my mom is a huge support for me now, but not when I was young. I honestly doubt I would be alive today if it weren't for my mom supporting me as my true self in my 20s.

That said, my mom and I were talking about my lost girlhood. She was talking about how my sister was a tomboy growing up and how I was a girly girl. I was girly until I was sexually assaulted by four men at a neighbor's house. They blamed my girlishness on their attack. Being eight, I believed them and felt shame about it. I went from Jem and Pound Puppies to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Micro Machines.

What my mom said after we were talking about me being a girly girl is what threw me and is still doing so. She said "I don't know why I hated you so much", and then changed it to "I hated how you acted, not you", but that didn't really help as how I acted was me.

I'm having a hard time reconciling my mom's thoughts about me when I was little with my mom's steadfast support of me now. This conversation was months ago, if not a year or more, but it is still really bothering me.

I told my psychologist, but it didn't really help so I felt I really needed to vent here.