Recently, Willow Dancer posted a blog reminding us all of the fourth anniversary of the disappearance of Elsbeth, a much loved author on this site. Like many, I followed her work religiously - especially her stories The Lost Queen and Frejya’s Daughters.
Four years ago this week was her last posting. During the height of Covid, while many of us were stuck at home living vicariously through her wonderful writing, she was still hard at work. Until she wasn’t.
Suddenly there was silence - an enormous hole in the ether where once there was a bright shining light.
Many of us, myself included, did everything we could to check on Elsbeth. I burned up the airwaves searching for her, sending messages, imploring her to answer, and using every tool I could think of to try to find her. But alas, we were all fruitless. Silence persisted, and it has for four years now.
Unfortunately, I fear that like too many, Elsbeth succumbed to Covid.
There are too many we have lost from this site. Compared to many others here I am still a newcomer, yet even I have seen many just fade away over the years, leaving the rest of us to wonder why.
Since Willow Dancer’s blog, Monica Rose approached me and we have been discussing the loss of Elsbeth and others. Monica raised an idea, one which I think is very good; but we are both at an impasse as to how to implement it and make it work. The concept is to establish a database of contact information for authors and members, so that there is a way to reach out to those who disappear and check on them - especially for those who are still deep in the closet, or perhaps simply keeping their real life totally separate from their lives here on BCTS.
For those of us who have transitioned, who are out in real life, this is probably not an issue. But for those who are not, who are perhaps living vicariously here, or for whatever reason are keeping their online persona totally separate from their real life, giving up contact information or even just a legal name might be a bridge too far. But perhaps if we can build enough trust, most might be willing to participate in giving us a means to keep in touch and verify that all are healthy and safe. And perhaps even provide a means for this community to help those in need. We would need a trusted person to manage and administer the database. Obviously, someone like Erin would be a good choice - but she is probably already overtaxed.
I, along with Monica, are asking for thoughts about this concept and perhaps a proposal to make this work. Anyone with any ideas, please answer and help us find a way to make this work.
Thank you to everyone for helping.
Comments
its only because I had her real life address
that I was able to find out about the passing of crazypagungurl .
I like the idea of some kind of contact database, for anybody willing to give their info. I would totes understand why someone wouldn't want to - they may feel like they would not be safe if somehow the info got out.
Pondering
The contact information provided would need to be someone else in the person's life that could be trusted to convey information back if the worst were to happen (hospitalization or...). Which could be quite tricky for folks truly still in the closet, as it were.
Something I Had Been Thinking Of
It's not a question of 'if' I go. We're all going to go sometime and I'm obviously in the danger zone now that I'm 82. There are a number of people on this site who know my real life identity, but there is nobody not associated with BCTS who knows that I frequent this place, and it would be the decent thing to do to let my friends here know if I have died or am otherwise incapacitated so that they don't worry about me.
The obvious thing for me to do is to come out to my family and leave instructions to contact someone here but I'm still not brave enough to take that step. However our Admin will know within a month or so when my contribution to support the site doesn't arrive, and I'm sure my dearest friends will at least guess when I haven't contacted them for a couple of weeks.
For many, though, Dallas's 'registry' sounds like a good idea. I suggest that the easiest way to implement it would be for all those interested to just contribute $1 a month to BCTS on a regular basis and when the music stops those remaining can start searching!
All We Could Do Is Volunteer
Over the years I knew Beth and she died. I also knew a Twoman in New York but that somehow blew up. I actually had lunch with one author in Utah..., and then there is another one near SLC Utah that just seemed to fade away.
One issue would be security, and placing that responsibility on the Admin folk is probably not the best. They come under enough attacks.
Most people know that I live in Portland, Oregon and I am post op. I've been out since 2004. I won't give out my email but there is always the PM. There are just too many predators out there to do more.
Best.
Gwen
I think ...
...that there would need to be only a very few people who would have access to this information and those people need to be trusted by everyone. It would be important that there be contact instructions in place so that whoever reaches out to a member does not share any undesired information. We should only reach out to a member's emergency contact as a last resort.
Agreed….
Completely. I also agree that the contact point would need to be a trusted friend or relative who could let the contractor know if there is an issue. Perhaps a two step program - step one being to attempt to contact the missing person, and failing that step two would be the emergency contact.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
I understand
I totally understand keeping ones real ID private. For years, my personal ID was buried 3 or 4 layers deep. I used one free email with a pseudo name to act as a contact email to create another pseudo name email, rinse and repeat. When I was 3 or 4 layers deep, I closed account number 2 breaking the chain that led back to my RL email.
Somewhere about 4 of 5 years ago, just about the time I retired I said, stuff it. And started giving out my RL email when communicating with individuals here at BCTS.
But I couldn't have done that 5 years ago and I've been out to my wife for over 30 years.
So that leaves us with the problem. I'm in concurrence that our current admin staff is over worked and certainly grossly underpaid. But perhaps they know know individuals within our community who could be trusted to do the work and not be sloppy about it and take the time to contact not just one, but a committee to do the work and be involved in setting up the group. Of course these souls would likewise end up grossly underpaid. I feel that it needs to be a committee because those of us who have the time are in the at-risk group; IE senior citizens. (I'm 79) That means us that any of us who take on this job are really the most likely to disappear in a puff of smoke.
I don't know the limits of our particular Drupal but Drupal is clearly a contact software and it seems to me that we could under the "My Account" page put in optional some fields that contain emergency contact information like some real life emails. This would have to have some way of limiting the access to those who need to know. Perhaps that could contain an email to be sent to the family of the person choosing to participate drafted by the participant so as to make the email appear to be from a casual online friend concerned because they haven't heard from the participant and asking for a information regarding health or whatever.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
Circle of contacts
The recent attack on this website and the resulting down time has made me realize how vulnerable our collective belly is. I have been trying to come up with ideas for alternate modes of contact and/or communication to this web community. Because all of a sudden, when the site went down under the attack, I had no way of contacting any of my pen-pals, acquaintances and/or friends here on BCTS.
I have been struggling to find a way to bring this issue up for a few weeks now. Thank you to D.Eden and Willow Dancer for bringing it up.
Personally I do not think that a central database is such a good idea. Because the risk and opportunity for abuse is just to high for my personal comfort level. Even with the strict privacy protection laws here in Europe, the amount of SPAM and telemarketing calls I get is almost overwhelming me.
For the authors who publish stories here, having alternative contact information might an idea. But for us mere readers and commenters probably not so much.
My thoughts are more along the line of implementing some variation of distributed circles of contact. In this scheme we exchange alternate contact information, and maybe even emergency contact protocols, with maybe a handful of trusted contacts here from BCTS. That would then result in a web of contacts. And when somebody asks in a blog here on BCTS about the well-being of somebody else, there would be one or two people who could then reach out and convey a status message back to this community.
It is sad to hear of the passing of a beloved author. But the insecurity of not knowing what is the cause of somebody disappearing can be even more devastating.
And as part of our “estate planning” we could also include a note with instructions to notify this website of our demise as part of our last will and testament.
Your last suggestion
is one I like, I have asked my daughter to notify BC if I die but to make sure I shall put it in my will. I know I am out to the members here, and have been for nearly forty years to my family, but I live in deep stealth and have done for many years. I suppose when I'm dead that will be unimportant to me and any reputation I have, but it may still have a knock on effect to daughter or ex (should I say that's their problem because at times we can be too precious, I don't know).
Should we also consider our writings, as going to the site in the event of our deaths, to do with as they see fit as long as acknowledgement is given as to our authorship. We may do some good after we go.
Angharad
Database and Discord
I think that the database should not be under this site and preferably hosted somewhere over here in Europe, so it cannot be easily subpoenaed by a government that is trying to legislate transgenders out of existence.
And yes even the regular IT security of such a list would be a nightmare.
Another way to keep in contact btw is Discord. Of course that won’t fix the problem of people disappearing, but it will alleviate the problem of this site disappearing again.
Anne Margarete
An Instruction In A Will
Is a good idea, as long as it goes to an independent executor. A family member may still not want to acknowledge that they had a transgender member as one of their own.
"digital will"
In modern times some kind of "digital will" ist something to take into consideration: a list of all your online accounts and what should be done with them after your death (just delete or keep it as a memorial, how to handle posted content (e.g. with regard to usage rights)).
For a BCTS account it might be possible to use a company to be contacted that is not obvoiuosly connected to any transgender themes. To avoid false notices maybe some kind of secret could be added to accounts for authentication. Then you could enter your username and the secret into your digital will so in case of your death at least that request to close the account will be received here.
Actually, this is a viable concept…..
For someone to develop as an ongoing thing - perhaps as a money making company? Perhaps a subscription service, or at least a one time fee to register. The company would then be notified in the event of a subscribers death and perform whatever notifications or digital tasks which might be contracted.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Letting people know
Well, personally I feel a bit presumpteous that my passing would be noticed. One time I did not participate (openly) for two years and there was not a peep of curiosity about it. But then again I am not an author and people do not notice the disappearance of readers as readily.
Point is, there are likely a lot of BC readers of like mind as I have noticed a lot of older names not appearing anymore when I reread some saved old stories. For those who are curious as to what other forum handles were around back in the day, bring up a snapshot of BC on the Wayback machine in the Internet Archive. I swear that at least 80 percent of those who were here 15 years ago are not here anymore which greatly saddens me.
Luckily for me my deceased partner's niece knows all about me and she would be more than willing to at least post a small obit here, for what it's worth.
Security & "hack-proofing" of a Registry.
Keep the Registry (multiple copies with multiple people, of course) on paper.
---
Amazon, doubtless many other sites, offer encrypted/ing USB drives. I saw models with security keypads on the USB itself. (Similar to 'keyless entry' for high-end cars and home door locks.)
I've heard of USB models, that in addition to encrypting the data, will destroy the data when they detect an a attack, including their own physical disassembly in a laboratory.
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We need to steer away from over-thinking and over complex-ificating The System.
A paper record will of course work……
But it must have multiple copies that are held separately. The difficulty with paper records is of course the effort that must be made to keep them updated, and also the difficulty in managing and working with them. They can be very cumbersome and difficult to disseminate or distribute as well.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
An anonymous e-mail account like notifications@ whatever
If someone created such an account anyone could leave instructions to notify it of their passing by leaving numeric code. For example greybeard would be 7-18-5-25-2-5-1-18-4. To make it a little less obvious you could add 3 to every other number to make 7-21-5-28-2-8-1-21-4. This would eliminate the need for a data base that could be hacked. survivors would be curious but would probably do as requested.
Anything may be hacked
Do we really are so important to hackers and haters?
Let's do it simple. A couple of young (like Rasufelle or Sun Flower) volunteers have some dedicated emails and keep records from other members.
I can understand your point behind using younger members…..
But it is rather presumptuous to volunteer people to do it, lol.
I do not know how many members there are here on BCTS, or if all would even want to participate - but perhaps if there were a nominal fee to be included it would help to not only offset the costs of setting this up, provide some minor compensation for the time involved, and possibly help to generate funds for the site.
I would be willing to put money into such an effort, and if we kept the fee reasonable so would many others.
As I stated, I don’t know how many members there are here - but at $5 each, 100 participants would be $500. Whereas if there were 1000, well then we would go up by a factor of ten to $5000.
Would others be willing to pay a one time fee? If so what seems reasonable?
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
I would
I would