Well, I just noticed that my mother-in-law blew my phone up while she was drunk last night. If you knew her that's nothing out of the ordinary especially with the meds she's on. It seemed like every message was coming at me for being transgender. It started with a half dozen missed calls then immediately went to the topic of her daughter marrying a transman. She said I was wrong for saying I'm transgender and that it'd be easier to say I was transitioning. Being honest, I'm not someone who found it necessary to get hormones or surgery. I've always been content in my body fine, even living as a man I chose not to have surgery early on. That unfortunately only confused and angered my wife's overly religious family more. I lost track of how many times I was told and screamed at to "make it right" with the Lord. I never thought I was exactly thought I was doing anything particularly wrong especially considering my brother-in-law hid behind me to stay in the closet a bit longer.

Then in average fashion after she came at me for what looked to be over an hour, she gave me a bs apology today. When I directly asked her what her problem was, she acted like nothing was wrong, that was typical. She acts like I don't know that she hates me for who I am. This is after I put my life on hold to be the man of the house (despite two of her sons living with us.) As well as taking care of everything during a medical emergency because I was the only one who didn't freeze. It makes me sad because I have had deep mommy issues and was hoping that she could fill that. Silly me, I know better. I know at the end of the day all I can do is be better for myself and not worry about myself. In a way that's why I moved to the one place in the world I swore I'd never move to.

It's hard learning to be selfish but I'm slowly but surely learning to. Right now, my only resolutions that I can control is continuing with my art and writing as well as discovering music again. I wish everyone the best I just had to admit that took me for a loop.