NOTE: Not a positive or feel-good story. Read at your own risk.
-==-
She laughed cruelly as she watched the video.
"Fools. Idiots." She chuckled again, just as malignantly. "They deserve what they get."
It was the same thing, over and over again. Another faggot shot for prancing around in the open, flaunting their unnatural-ness. Who could blame the good Christians for stopping that madness? Not her. She'd spent her whole life in the church, and it had never steered her wrong. Always kept her safe.
Always kept her aware of where the line was.
She clicked on another link, this one to one of her favorite news shows. The host had recently been fired from his network, but thanks to the support of her and other true believers had been able to continue spreading the truth via the internet.
She listened and nodded along as he confirmed all of her fears. She grimaced as he showed the images of the sick perverts she knew were raping good Christian children, turning them gay or Jewish or worse.
She nodded, and grimaced, and grimaced, and nodded, until her teeth were bare and she was frothing at the mouth in anger. Not for the first time she dreamed about the release, the catharsis, of going out and shooting one of the fucking freaks herself, spilling their unholy blood and cleansing the ground of her country with it.
But she didn't. No, she had another calling: another way of spreading the cause.
She had her flock to watch over.
Feeling the righteous fires of her hatred and faith burning in her heart, she stood up from her computer and went to her closet to change.
Off came her dress. Her hose. Her shoes. Her wig.
On went the suit. The tie. The flag pin.
Reverend Horton White looked herself over in the mirror, and nodded.
All those poor, mislead, filthy heathens. All it took to suppress it was faith and trust in those who knew better.
God, Old Glory, and Trump. That De Santis fellow had the right idea too: until the fags and sissies and trans fucks were all dead or re-educated, the world couldn't be safe for good Christian folks.
She had to do her part.
She made sure that her closet was closed, her demons back in their cage, then swung the door to her private room open and stepped into the hallway.
By the time she reached the stage the cameras would be ready, her congregation would be riled up by the same videos she had just watched. It would be time for her surmon, hellfire and brimstone to smite those who didn't believe, who didn't follow the one true path of righteousness.
If she preached it hard enough, the congregation would be ready to do anything for the cause, fight anyone, martyr themselves by committing any sin so long as it was in the name of the ultimate authority on what was good and proper.
If she preached it hard enough, one day the evils in the world could be extinguished, so that only the deserving remained.
If she preached it hard enough, maybe she could even convince herself she was right.
-==-
NOTES:
Been having some conversations with folks lately that made this come to mind.
Comments
This is really good and hits
This is really good and hits me right where I keep my religious trauma
Thank you.
Far too many of us have religion as a traumatic part of our past, when it can just as easily be used for support and compassion.
Strange, isn't it?
Melanie E.
Superior writing skills
Melanie,
Your skill at capturing both her essence and internal monolog is a tribute to your superior writing skills. For someone who is so clearly longing to be loved to totally turn her back on true love, agape love, is a tragedy.
My first therapist helped me to recognize that those who are real analogs to your character have not had a real encounter with The One. I recognized that The One loves me unconditionally with true agape love. It is a real tragedy that my transgender family of choice only hear the outpourings of false prophets which are so loud that they seem to be the only voice. The voices of truth are declaring the unconditional agape love of The One. Even more are needed to proclaim the truth and help those who have been injured by the false prophets.
Soon I will begin the journey to be one of those voices and recognized as clergy in a main line denomination. I don't have to wait for me to officially become a minister to declare to my transgendered family of choice here at BCTS and to all who will listen of the unconditional love of The One.
Thank you, Melanie, for holding this up to the light of day in this very important story.
Jo Dora Webster
Wow, after reading that…..
I feel like I should ask if you are OK?
That’s pretty dark Hon.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
I'm okay, sis.
Just struggling to understand folks some, that's all.
Melanie E.
well, you did warn us
yikes!
*hugs*
Yep. I don't expect anyone to read everything I write, nor do I want people to hurt themselves by doing so because they think I need the validation.
I needed to say what I said here.
Thank you for reading it, and I hope it didn't cause you too much pain.
*hugs again*
Melanie E.
I'm a Believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind.
Not "Monkeeing" around.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Cheer up sleepy Jean!
Oh what can it mean
To a, Daydream Believer
And a, Homecoming Queen?
- Leona
There's nothing wrong with belief.
Or faith. Or religion.
I just wish more folks would think critically about the religions they claim to adhere to.
Melanie E.
How we deal with fear, hurt and pain . . . .
How we deal with fear, hurt and pain defines us. Fundamentally. We can learn courage, compassion and empathy, and people who do are like beacons of hope in a dark world. But if I am reading your story correctly, your main character was so completely warped by these demons that he became a demon himself.
A wise Franciscan, Richard Rohr, wrote, "if we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it."
Emma
Yep.
I stuck with the pronouns I did throughout the book to drive home that point:
Much as she might want to deny it, to pretend that it isn't a necessary part of her, she can't escape who she is in her heart.
No amount of self-loathing can do that.
I think that's what so many people who hide behind religion -- not the good Christians or members of other faiths, but those who use it as a crutch for bigotry -- miss. They value the exterior perception of what they have chosen to quantify as good or right more than they value the truth of what they see. It's why they can deny the value of obvious love in a same-sex couple while preaching the sanctity of marriage to an abused wife in a hetero relationship: it's about perceptions and fitting into molds only.
Being you isn't good enough: you have to be what the people around you want you to be. Otherwise, you're an outcast, and no matter how miserable that might make you, you can rest assured that so long as you conform you, too, can enjoy standing on that high hill and looking down on those that don't.
It's just... sad.
Melanie E.
Way too realistic :D
This is hilariously satirical, quite appreciated it :D The hypocracy was dripping... way way way too realistic :D Great writing. Hard subject, well executed.
I like Turtles.
Religion
I am deeply, deeply grateful to my parents who brought me up in a non-religious household, and desperately sad about my partner's childhood, blighted by her parents' very narrow and rigid adherence to the church.
That said, this is a punchy, effective portrait of an all too common type in politics and religion - the hypocrite who cannot, dare not, acknowledge their secret self.
Speaker
Shame can be a powerful motivator
to hurt others and deny others the very thing you don't have.
It ties right into so many other talking points you see that are about denying others the help and support they need.
"Why should others get free college when I had to pay for mine?"
"Why should others get free healthcare when I've always paid?"
Too many never stop to think about the idea that not having access to those things initially was, itself, an injustice: no, rather, they would focus on keeping the status quo of suffering rather than offering aid to others simply because they didn't get it first.
It's the kind of repeating cycle we need to learn to step out of, for the betterment of all.
Melanie E.