Summer with Kenzie

 

 

We were a pack of four. Linda, Amy, Ozzy, and I - BK, pronounced as beh-kah, an abbreviation for Bernard Kurt. Two girls and two boys. We were friends, not boyfriends and girlfriends. Just friends.

 

 

Note to readers. This is a work of adult fiction. No resemblance to reality should be inferred or expected.
Copyright… We will circle back to it…

 

 

We were a pack of four. Linda, Amy, Ozzy, and I. Two girls and two boys. We were friends, not boyfriends and girlfriends. Just Friends.

All four of us had our sophomore year at South Portland High behind us. We had a summer break ahead. There were tryouts for those with recommendations. Like Linda and Ozzy. Linda for track and Ozzy for baseball.

So all five of us moved to our school. Five because Linda was babysitting her little sis, Kenzie. Letting their mom be able to do part-time work. Their dad had left after Kenzie's birth. So Linda's mom was a single parent. It was hard for one parent with two kids. I knew how hard it was.

My mom was alone too and there were two of us kids. My sis, Iya, and me. Iya was three years older. We shared the same room with a curtain for privacy. We shared the closet, the chest, and the shelves. Only our beds were separate. Last year, Iya moved to a university in Orono and she left a lot of her things at home. I didn't have much of my own things. Most of my clothes were her hand-me-downs. Like shorts, tees, socks, and even briefs from unopened packs.

Linda's baby sis, Kenzie, was nineteen months old. Linda's mom said she was still too young for preschool. Kenzie usually was in the stroller. Or running around if not. Kenzie was already potty-trained so it wasn't a big problem to have her with us.

We had Kenzie's emergency bag. With spare panties, just in case we needed a change. And wet wipes. There was a warm jacket in case it got cold. And a change of shorts in case she gets dirty. And socks. And a bottle of water. And another bottle of juice. Everything for her just in case of… And everything is in a shoulder bag. And then a potty in a separate plastic bag in the same shoulder bag for an emergency too. The bag had its place under the stroller. It was a kinda special place for something to carry together with a kid in the same stroller. It always surprised me how much stuff a little kid needed when we had her with us.

So we took a bus and five stops later we were at school. Linda and Ozzy found their spots and were getting ready.

Amy and I, with Kenzie, were meandering and watching what other kids were doing. Kenzie was running around but shortly she got tired. She didn't want to sit in the stroller unless she had to.

“Up!” she raised her hands to me. She didn't talk much. Up was one of the few words she knew.

I had to take her. Kenzie allowed only Linda and me to carry her. But she was heavy. It was impossible to carry her in my hands in front of me, so I let her sit on my left hip. This way, I had my right hand free and could push the stroller. Or on my right hip and then I had my left hand free.

Amy took a chance to try cheerleading. She didn't plan to, but the coach offered and Amy agreed to try.

Cheerleading was fun to watch.

“Wanna try?” the coach asked me.

“Can't leave her alone,” I said motioning my head to Kenzie.

“Yours?” the coach asked.

“I'm sixteen,” I replied.

“So?” the coach said with a chuckle. She obviously knew that Kenzie was not my daughter, she was just teasing.

“No, she's not mine. She's Linda's baby sister. Waiting for Linda to try out running.”

“Maybe later then?”

“Maybe later,” I agreed.

 

 

Ozzy had made a deal with his parents. He would be sent to baseball camp if he was accepted to the team. After the camp, he would go to his uncle in Connecticut and stay there till the end of summer break.

So now there were four of us. With Kenzie in place of Ozzy. To tell the truth, Kenzie wasn't one of us. But her presence influenced greatly our choices and possibilities. We restricted ourselves to Hinckley Park and Mill Creek Park with Kenzie in tow.

Girls wanted the mall. But we couldn't ride our bikes with Kenzie. To take a bus every time was a bit expensive.

Once Linda's mom gave us a ride to the mall. Four kids and the stroller meant that the car was packed. That's because of Kenzie's baby seat. Amy was in the front. Linda and I were squeezed in the back, around Kenzie.

Then in the mall parking lot, the mayhem started. Linda and Amy were just messing around. They left me to take the stroller and unfold it while Linda's mom unbuckled Kenzie. The girls were aimlessly running around the car.

In the parking lot, there was plenty of traffic. One of the cars that was moving backward bumped into Linda. It was just a bump.

Linda fell to the ground screaming in pain. Linda's mom panicked. Kenzie started screaming and I held her to calm her down. Amy started crying. I was the only calm one in the group.

I tried frantically with one hand to unlock my smartphone to call an ambulance. There were a lot of people around us, gawkers mostly. The driver of that car… I mean THAT car that bumped into Linda. So that driver made an emergency call.

A woman passenger from the same car tried to console Linda's mom.

Then the ambulance came. Then police. Then the ambulance took Linda and her mom.

Police had to give me, Kenzie, and Amy a ride to the hospital. Linda's mom had left with keys to their car. Police put a crime scene ribbon around the car. Before they left, they managed to open the car to put Kenzie's stroller in the car. There was no place for the stroller in the police cruiser. I kept Kenzie's emergency bag though.

At the hospital, Amy went looking for Linda and her mom.

As for me, I was looking for a place to clean and change Kenzie. She was already potty-trained and had regular panties. Just in case of emergency, everything she could need was in her bag.

Now it was exactly that case. Because of the stress of everyone screaming and crying Kenzie had peed in her panties. I had to change her.

One of the nurses offered to let me use the bathroom to change Kenzie. I rushed to the bathroom but there was no place to change Kenzie. A security man ordered me out of the men's room into the ladies. There was a table and a big sink with a shower hose. Some woman helped me. Once Kenzie was changed and sitting happily on the table, another woman said I was a mess. She combed my hair. It's not long, just covering my ears. Another woman offered me lipstick.

“Yours has completely worn off,” she said. It couldn't wear off because I had none.

“Thank you, not this time,” I replied instead. I didn't say I was a boy. How could I? I was in the ladies' room. Puberty had spared me from the cardinal changes. I still looked like I did a year or two ago. I only had hair in places where it wasn't present before. Except for a beard, I did not have one. And I had grown three inches more over the last year.

“You're right,” another woman said, “not exactly your color.”

Then my smartphone rang. It was Amy. She told me where to go to find them.

I found Amy and Linda's mom. Doctors were working with Linda. It turns out that her thigh bone was crushed into five pieces. All of them had to be put together and fixed. It had not been a simple bump by the car. The car had not been moving very fast at all, but I guess it did not require much to do damage.

“BK, would you be so kind as to look after Kenzie?” Linda's mom asked. BK pronounced as beh-kah, was an abbreviation for my name, Bernard Kurt.

“Sure,” I said. Because she was a single mom, she had to do all of the work to pay the bills. A part-time job paid enough but she couldn't work from home. Her office was halfway to Salem and it took her a lot of time to get there and back home because of traffic. Sure I would help. What are friends for?

 

 

So I started babysitting for Kenzie. Amy would help me because she did not have anyone to do things with. Then the school office called Amy. They said if she wanted, she could attend summer break cheerleading practice twice a week. Kenzie and I would keep her company sometimes. Because I had nothing to do, just like Amy.

With Kenzie in a stroller, I could practice line dance steps. I had seen some online lessons on YouTube. They were simple. Like forward, back, turn and step aside. Some of them I managed to do even with Kenzie on my hip.

Then I would do those steps with Kenzie. She was moving her hips but not her feet. She thought she was dancing. Then we both watched the practicing girls. Later, we went to another end of the field and stared at boys practicing football. Their coach said it was dangerous for little girls to be near football practice and we went back to the girls' side.

When the girls took a break, they stared at the boys. When the boys had a break, they stared at the girls. Meanwhile, I watched Kenzie.

Girls liked Kenzie but she was very shy. She buried her face in my chest whenever some girl tried to take her.

 

 

After a few practices, Amy had some new friends and she wanted to do girly things with them. Not just stay with Kenzie and me, strolling in Hinckley Park or Mill Creek Park.

They wanted to go to the mall. The Maine Mall is huge. As in enormous huge. I liked being there too. But, with Kenzie, my possibilities to get there were rather limited. On the other hand, I didn't have much money to do much there. So stayed at Linda's house to watch Kenzie. For lunch, Kenzie and I would go to my house to get something for myself and something for Kenzie from the list Linda's mom had given me.

I could find new things for myself at home. Those were Iya's things really but she had left to go to University and now I was allowed to wear them. Some skirts and dresses. I didn't wear them because I'm a boy. I took her shorts, tees, and hoodies though. And sweaters. Leggings and tunics, those looked great when paired, I wore them around the home or when I wasn't going to school or store or any other place with a lot of people. Though they looked great, they were for a girl and I wasn't one.

I noticed the cheerleading coach looking at me funny and smirking whenever I was in shorts and a sleeveless tee because of the fuzz on my legs and arms. I shaved them and she nodded her head approvingly when she saw me the next time. I shaved my armpits regularly because it helped to keep that place clean in summer. I also didn't like hair sticking out in places where it didn't belong. With my armpits shaved, I could wear Iya's tees with spaghetti straps and have even more possibilities to vary my clothing.

 

 

Sometimes, I went with Amy when she had practice. Other times, Kenzie and I went to the park. The parks were great. They were better for Kenzie because there were other kids her age. And they, the little kids, were interacting in some way. I didn't know how but they communicated without speaking. Kenzie knew already a few monosyllable words. Like ma for her mommy or be for me and up for taking her up.

Other kids were with their moms or grannies. I was the only babysitter. Kids' mommies were interacting. Like their kids. I was involved in this kind of community. A young woman named Heather, who was in her late twenties or early thirties, was the friendliest to me. Others were friendly but they tended to ignore me. Because of my age probably or maybe because I wasn't the mom.

Heather was in the park almost daily if the weather was good. In Portland, overcast is more usual than sunny days. If it wasn't raining, she was there with her son Ron. Ronald was a month older than Kenzie. Those two were kinda friends. Don't ask me how. As I said, I don't know how they communicated. But they liked each other.

Heather once had an emergency and asked for help and I found an unopened pack of sanitary pads in Kenzie's emergency bag. It wasn't mine, Linda or her mom had left it there.

 

 

I didn't go to the park every day though. I watched Amy practicing on the school field if security let me in. Some security men weren't friendly and they said the campus wasn't suited for kids. Only a couple of them, Steven and Joe, let me in. I watched the girls practice and practiced my line dances and then their coach would tell me what I did wrong in my practice. I wasn't sure I would use that line dancing in the future ever, but I wanted to do it perfectly.

I visited Linda in the hospital every other day if I could. She had her leg in a lot of steel rings and rods from those rings went through her leg. It wasn't funny. She couldn't walk. There was a nurse who helped Linda to do special exercises with her healthy leg.

Kenzie didn't understand how awful a situation her sister was in. She tried constantly to climb onto Linda's lap to sit together in the same wheelchair.

Doctors had said Linda would be able to go home six weeks after surgery. Then they determined that the bone didn't set the right way. They had to break her leg at those points where it was growing wrong and let the breaks grow together again. So she was faced with another six weeks in bed. And no school in September. Poor Linda!

 

 

Summer was soon to come to an end.

When Ozzy came home from baseball camp and his uncle's house, he was a different Ozzy. He was now taller than me and bigger. More man than the boy he was before he left.

“You look so different,” I complimented him.

“You too,” he replied.

“What do you mean?” I inquired, “You had a growth spurt of what? Two inches?”

“Two and a half,” he retorted proudly.

“Two and a half… and I had not a rag of it.”

“But you look different,” he said.

“Kenzie just makes me look different,” I complained, switching Kenzie from my left hip to the right. “She grows and it seems I change too.”

“I Dunno… You look better than you looked before…”

 

 

Linda's mom said she would let Kenzie go to preschool as Kenzie was big enough now. She was twenty-one now, months I mean. And she was more social than she was before. She was still shy but she didn't panic when she was left alone with other adults.

I knew Heather, the mom from the park, was about to let Ron go to the preschool this fall too. This was because she, Heather, was about to start a new job. She didn't say where and I didn't ask. Maybe Kenzie and Ron would attend the same preschool. It would be great as they were already quite good friends.

 

 

It was now the last week before school started. Amy was at practice and I waited for her with Kenzie on the street. It was a day of not-friendly security. Amy called my phone and said she was waiting for me in the office because the office had a problem with my schedule.

“You can't go in,” the security man said.

“This time I am going to the office, not the field,” I replied.

“You can't go with the baby in a stroller. Leave it here or come alone next time.”

“I will leave IT, the stroller, at the bicycle rack,” I tried to stay calm.

“You can't go to school with a baby…”

“You want me to leave her with you? NEVER! Do you hear? Never!”

“Only students can get into school… There are rules and regulations and…”

“I'm a student at this school. Where is written that if I'm with a baby I'm denied attendance?”

“Let her in! This instant!” a commanding voice from behind me ordered.

I turned around and it was Heather.

“Who are you?” the security man inquired.

“Assistant Superintendent of the School District,” Heather said calmly presenting her ID to the security man.” And the question remains open. Is there a rule preventing students with babies to get on school premises?”

“No, ma'am?”

“So?”

“What?”

“I'm waiting for an apology,” Heather explained calmly.

“I'm sorry, ma'am…”

“Not me, her,” Heather motioned her head to my side.

“I'm sorry miss,” the guard said stepping aside and letting Heather and me through the gate.

“Thank you,” I said to Heather.

“What for?” she asked.

“Kenzie isn't my baby.”

“I think this guard doesn't like babies,” Heather added. “And besides, we girls have to stand up for each other.”

It sounded good. And I wanted to be part of it. To be here for each other. But… Shit… It made me tear up.

“I'm not,” I said while the first tear rolled down my cheek.

“You are not what?” Heather asked.

“I'm not a girl. I know, you thought I was. But I'm a boy. You will probably hate me now. Because I deceived you. But I didn't want...” Tears started pouring now and I couldn't stop them.

“Becky! What happened?” Amy was in front of us together with the whole squad.

“What have you done to her?” coach inquired of Heather.

“Nothing…” Heather mumbled, “She said she's a boy…”

“Yes, she is a boy. But it doesn't give you a right to hurt her,” Amy scolded Heather.

“I don't… I didn't… It's a misunderstanding,” Heather replied.

Amy hugged me to calm me down.

Someone tugged the hem of my tee. I looked down and it was Kenzie with her arms raised up. I took her from the stroller and sat her on my left hip. She wrapped her hands around my neck and kissed me on the cheek. It brought a smile back to my face.

“Thank you, Kenzie. You are the bestest baby in the whole world,” I whispered to her ear and she giggled.

“What a noise and no fight?” the male voice inquired from behind making me jump.

I turned around and it was Ozzy. I sighed with relief.

“We all decided Becky is a girl,” Amy announced.

“Nah. She's not,” Ozzy said casually.

“What do you mean she is not?” Amy demanded standing in front of Ozzy with her hands akimbo.

“She is… She is a beautiful girl.”

 

 

I got at last to the school office. Linda's mom had asked that Linda and I have the same schedule. So I could help Linda with her classes when she was at home but wasn't attending school. I had asked about it before but then VP said he needed Linda's or Linda's mom consent. Now they had that consent and a problem arose.

I wanted to take the Shop and Home Economics class. The same as I did the last year and a year before. The problem was that by taking both the shop and HE, I'll miss the study hall period. Not an essential loss for most students. But with my afterschool schedule filled it was probably the only way for me to do my homework not at night.

“I suppose you don't need the shop,” VP offered. “You had the shop last two years and you know the basics of household mechanics and other useful skills. Are you sure you'll need sophisticated woodworking and metalworking?”

“You are right,” I agreed. No matter who I was, boy or girl, HE was more informative and therefore more useful.

 

 

Ozzy was waiting for me watching a stroller at the bike rack.

“Thanks,” I said, “from here I go on my own.”

“Can I go with you?” Ozzy asked.

“Sure you can,” I replied, “but I'm with Kenzie and stroller and I don't go as fast as you'd like on your bike.”

“I can push my bike along.”

“Fine,” I agreed, “but still I have to stop at the grocery on my way if it's ok with you.”

“Sure thing,” he said.

The trip from school to my home even with a stop at the grocery doesn't take long. Not as fast as with a bike or school bus but I was used to going by foot a lot and pushing the stroller every day this summer.

At home, I started doing what I had planned beforehand – a mashed chickpea soup and meatballs. Ozzy stayed for lunch and I made more of everything as I was afraid Ozzy ate more than I and it would be not enough for us I made too much.

I had already almost finished when the car pulled into a driveway and mom entered the home a moment later.

“Smells heavenly!” she announced entering. “Hi, Ozzy. And I was wondering whose bike is on the porch.”

“Hello, Mrs. Katz,” Ozzy replied politely.

“I'll help you,” mom said and took the knife to cut the bread.

“Oh my! Isn't it sharp?” she added after a while, “I had supposed it happen. Y'know you need a man at home to have knives sharp.”

“Mom!” I was about to protest that I was a man and I was here all the time… But no matter how hard I tried I never managed to sharpen knives properly.

“You know, honey,” mom started, “maybe you haven't noticed, but here is your mom, who sees more than you can imagine.”

Ozzy snickered at this.

I had already more than enough emotions today. So I didn't develop the topic of how not a man I am. I didn't know what mom had in mind and to say the truth I was a little afraid to be rejected. Denied. Something like that.

“Why are you so early at home today?” I asked instead trying to sound nonchalant.

“Thanks to the construction company two blocks on East End were cut off electricity and internet. We used our mobiles to cancel all meetings and excuse for possible delays,” mom explained. “Today and tomorrow I'm free and I want to spend time with you if you do not mind having your old mom at your side.”

“Mom! You are not old!” I protested.

“Want to bet?”

“What do you mean?” I wondered.

“We eat what you did for lunch first,” she started, “and then we go to the mall with Kenzie and… Ozzy, are you available?”

“Sure I am,” Ozzy replied, “school starts only after four days.”

“We go to the mall and you'll see how often I'll be called a grandmother.”

“What will we do in the mall? We don't have money for it and we don't need anything from there,” I was seeking an excuse not to go because I felt it was going in a very wrong direction. I couldn't say we couldn't bring Kenzie, because we had Kenzie's spare child car seat for emergencies.

“I was advanced this summer,” mom answered, “and we do have money. We have enough if we don't go overboard. Besides, you need something of your own not only Iya's hand-me-downs.”

We ate lunch almost in complete silence. I was busy with Kenzie. She was already big but she still needed my assistance while eating. I was teaching her to eat by herself because she was to start preschool next week. There might be not enough staff to feed every child.

After lunch, we waited a little for Kenzie to do her business on the potty. Afterward, we were ready to go.

The mall was crowded. Not overcrowded, but… It can't be overcrowded because it's enormously huge. Anyway, it was last-minute back-to-school shopping for high schoolers, because high schools started a week before Labor Day in Maine.

Mom parked almost in the same place as Linda's mom when Linda got into an accident. We went through the Eastern entrance… Or exit… From inside it was called Eastern Exit. I wasn't sure how to name it right. There are two Eastern exits – one into the hallway and another directly into JCPenney.

We went into the hallway. We were looking around not sure what direction to go when someone said aloud, “Hello!”

I turned to the voice and there was Heather with Ron in a stroller.

“Do you mind if I keep you company?” Heather asked. “I had to meet my sister here but she called when I was already in the parking lot and canceled the meeting.”

“I'm ok,” I said and saw a question on mom's face. “Oh, sorry. It's Heather – mommy of Ron, I met them in Mill Creek Park. And this is my mom.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Katz,” Heather said.

“Mrs. Katz?” mom wondered.

“I'm the Assistant Superintendent of the School District and I met Becky this morning at school. So, yes, I know you are Katz,” Heather explained.

“Becky?” mom inquired.

My heart sank.

“Becky,” Ozzy confirmed standing at my side.

“I knew it,” mom said, “shaved legs and arms, short shorts, spaghetti straps... I didn't know the name though.”

“Are you not angry with me?” I asked cautiously.

“Sure I'm not,” she exclaimed hugging me. “But wait! I am. Because I'm the last to get to know you.”

“So what now?” I said. “Will we look for people who will call you granny?”

“Nooo… We need to find a dress for you,” mom said casually.

“Dress for me? Why?” I questioned.

“What do you think, why Becky needs a dress?” Heather turned to Ozzy.

Ozzy was caught off guard. A pause followed…

“Uh… will you… uh… go with me to Homecoming dance party?” he stammered.

“Uh…” it was my turn to make intelligent noises.

“Uh, what?” mom asked.

“Yes,” I said. I didn't know why I said it. But I said it. Then I thought I liked Ozzy. I knew him. He knew me. And he said I was beautiful. And he was handsome. And…

“Windsor has a new store here,” Heather said interrupting my trail of thoughts, “just suggesting… And they are not so expensive as it could seem at first sight.”

We all went to Windsor. “Here” in the Maine Mall isn't the same as “here” anywhere else. We walked for almost twenty minutes till we got to the store.

Mom and Heather did all the searches. I watched Kenzie and Ron. Ozzy was sitting on the bench in a place made especially for men to wait for their females.

Then mom and Heather found what they said complimented my eyes' color. The color was in between blue and green and light. They said it was called turquoise.

They sent me to the changing room to change. I changed and didn't dare to exit to show because the dress was short.

“Don't worry, only us here,” Heather said.

I stepped out of the changing room.

“It's too short,” I complained.

“Don't be a prude,” Heather said.

“You look hot,” Ozzy stated. Sure I looked hot. Boys wanted as much bare skin as possible. Color, material, and other minutiae were not so much important.

“Looks good for me,” mom said, “by the way, I was in mini at my wedding.”

We all turned at her.

“What? It was the fourth season of Ally McBeal. It couldn't be otherwise,” mom justified.

I didn't know who Ally McBeal was but it had to be somebody in a mini.

The dress wasn't the end. Later there was matching lingerie. Like panties and a bra though I had nothing to put in the bra. But it, the bra, was necessary to make the image complete. Then shoes. Then pantyhose. Then matching purse. Then matching make-up though I didn't know how to apply it and I wasn't sure I needed it. And jewelry. And perfume. Our house was too small for everything I'd got. It was a tinny mobile house mom and dad had bought after Iya's birth. Dad was killed when mom was with me. And things stayed as they were.

Hence… Well… It doesn't matter…

We were done. Almost. Food court. Coffee for mom and Heather and ice cream for Ozzy and me. Kenzie and Ron were asleep in their strollers.

Mom was discussing something with Heather and I couldn't understand what it was about.

Then it dawned on me.

“You were tricked to invite me to the dance party,” I said to Ozzy. “No obligations. We will forget it. Ok?”

“No.”

“What no?”

“I really want to be with you,” Ozzy said.

“But I'm not even a girl, while you are a ha…”

“Shush,” he put his finger to my lips, “you are.”

“But I will never be real, I will never have a child, I will never be mom…”

“I'm sure if Kenzie could speak she would say you are for her more mom than her natural mom,” Ozzy said silently.

“What are you talking about?” mom asked.

“About Becky being a mom,” Ozzy said.

“Oh,” mom said and then added, “This too.”

“We were discussing further steps,” Heather said.

“What steps?” I didn't want to go any further.

“Like a counselor,” mom said.

“My Professor. Mark Cunning from Franklin Pierce. He could be an excellent choice for initial evaluation,” Heather offered.

“Evaluation of what?” I asked.

“Your gender dysphoria. You need it to know what to do next.”

“So complicated?” I whined.

“You betcha,” mom replied.

“So if his evaluation will be negative then all this shopping, the dress, the bra…?” Only the thought it was all in vain made me tear up again.

“It can't be negative,” Heather assured me.

She was saying something else but I turned to babies because I heard Kenzie sniveling. No emergency there but anyway I got distracted.

“Sorry, didn't hear what you said,” I apologized.

“Professor Cunning will help you understand how you feel about things and yourself,” Heather said, “though who would doubt you're the girl?”

“Don't worry,” Ozzy said, “I'll be at your side all the time.”

“I'll be here too,” mom confirmed hugging me.