Full Disclosure

Ron is a twenty something cross-dresser. As he grew up he witnessed the birth of the Al Gore’s “Information Super Highway”. And was an early participant in such groups as alt.fashion.crossdress and alt.support.crossdress. From the information garnered there, he’s convinced that if he’s ever to have a successful marriage he needs to tell his intended before he proposes. He’s tried three times and each time has resulted in each of them walking, if not running away.

Is there any hope? Can an understanding wife be found?

I really thought it’d be better with Julie. She was nothing like Carol or Janet. No, ours was a mature relationship. I knew more about her than any other person I’d ever met. We were meant for each other. Unlike Carol.

Carol and I met on spring break our junior year in college. It wasn’t really supposed to be a long term relationship. The whole thing was an accidental meeting. I can’t remember how we met. I suppose that she was at one of the endless parties that go on in Fort Lauderdale on spring break.

I woke up in a strange motel room in a double bed and beside me was a very cute coed. Looking around, I saw my best bud, Mike, on the other double bed with raven haired beauty. I was the only one awake and probably wouldn’t have been if my bladder hadn’t demanded I drain it at that very moment. I didn’t know either girls’ name and I doubted if Mike did either.

I slipped out of bed and took care of business. I got back in bed quietly. Hey these girls had gone to bed with us and as far as I was concerned, I didn’t want to queer the deal. Let the good times roll. That’s why we went to the spring break capital of the United States in the first place, to get laid and I didn’t mind a repeat performance.

Imagine our surprise when we learned that Carol and Sue went to the same college we did. What’s more, Carol and I grew up in towns that were about an hour apart. What should have been a spring break fling turned in to a steady date, or maybe that should be a steady lay… whatever.

Well, I was born in the early 80’s and as I grew up, I watched the birth of the “information super highway,” as Al Gore put it. Early on, we didn’t have it in our house, but our high school was one of the first that actually had computer labs. And our local library had computers that allowed the general public to access the Internet.

I was too paranoid to do it at school, but the library was a different story. After learning how to use a search engine I got up the nerve to put in the word. I went early in the morning and was waiting as they opened the doors. Still, I was nervous. I looked around carefully as I typed. While AltaVista ground out its search I looked nervously around.

Eventually, I came up with the newsgroups alt.fashion.crossdress and alt.support.crossdress. What a find! Suddenly I was part of a community. I wasn’t the Lone Ranger. I wasn’t some weirdo with no connection to the rest of society. There were hundreds, possibly even thousands, of people, guys, just like me. These two bulletin boards allowed me to communicate with them. It was like thousands of dollars of therapy I couldn’t even ask for. I learned that sex is what’s between your legs and gender is what’s between your ears. I also learned that Christine Jorgensen wasn’t atypical. But that there were many, to many to enumerate, gender points along a continuum between masculine and feminine and it didn’t matter what your sex or even sexual preference was, your gender could be anywhere along that continuum. What a relief!

After I had my therapy, I began to ask questions about the future and I wasn’t the only one. A lot of these guys out there had been married, most still were. Most also had hidden the fact of their unusual gender from the spouse. Many had been found out and that created a very difficult situation. To make a long story short, it was the consensus of opinion, among those on the bulletin boards, that it was better to tell prior to marriage than after and it was far better to tell, than to be discovered. The advice was simple. Learn all you can, have documentation to back up what you learned and pick a time when things were calm in the relationship and present it in a calm, cool manner, much like a sales proposal.

As easy as it was to say, it still took courage to do and I was lacking in that department. Going on line again, I learned that I was not alone there either, but I was still convinced to get the job done, if I ever wanted a long term relationship.

So here I was in this accidental, hopefully, long term relationship with Carol. I wanted to marry her and I wanted to do it right after we graduated college. I thought, what a perfect time and place, but on spring break. Women get all mushy when you remember minor anniversaries and tie significant events to them. I’ll tell her on spring break and then propose marriage. She’s cool, a free spirit, she’ll love the in your face aspect of having a transgendered husband.

Well, “the best laid plans of mice and men…”

It wasn’t to be. It seems that some one got a hold of a “Girls Gone Wild” video and sent it to her dad. He didn’t appreciate his daughter flashing her boobs to all and sundry.

She was through with finals and I had one more on Friday. I called her on her cell phone to find out she was at the airport waiting her flight home.

“Hey, Carol, where are you? I went by your dorm and your roommate said you’d left already.”

“My folks are ticked about last spring break and if I don’t come home and spend it there, they’re going to pull the plug and won’t pay for the last term of college.”

“Bummer, I was hoping we could talk over spring break. Maybe I could come home with you.”

“No, not a good idea. They know about you and that we met at spring break. You wouldn’t be well received.”

“Well, it’s important. It’s about our future.”

“What about it?”

“Well, I thought that since we’ve hit it off so well … well, we might…” No dummy, you know the drill she needs to be told before you ask that one. “Look, I’ve got to tell you something about me and then ask you an important question.”

“Well, go ahead.”

Suddenly not having to look her in the face while I admitted my transgendered nature seemed appealing. “I… well; I really like wearing women’s clothes. I’m not gay or anything, I just like wearing the clothes and, well I want to marry you and I thought you should know before I asked you to marry me,” I blurted in one breath.

Dead silence greeted my pronouncement. After what seemed and eternity I spoke again.

“Carol? Are you still there?”

“Ah, yeah, I’m still here. You… you like wearing women’s clothes?”

“Ah, yeah.”

“Oh, OK.”

I knew she’d be cool with it.

“Ah, look, my cell battery is about dead and I want to be able to call mom when I get home, so she can come get me. I’ll talk to you later.”

The phone went dead as she broke the connection. That was the last I heard from her. I don’t know how many messages I left her. I didn’t have her home address or phone, so that was all I could do. Come the next term, she wasn’t at school. Her friends told me that she had opted to finish school at a college closer to home.

Lesson to be learned. Don’t do it over the phone, especially when the person is going away. Looking back, a relationship that found its start in alcohol and was based on sex probably wouldn’t have lasted anyway.

Life went on; I graduated school and found my niche in business world. Then I met Janet. She was a great girl with pleasing looks and a personality that just wouldn’t quit. We had a lot in common, movies, music, literature, art and even religion. We seemed a perfect match.

This time I was fully prepared. I had invited her to dinner, cooked a scrumptious meal and had two books by Peggy Rudd and a whole list of web sites bookmarked on my computer. After dinner dishes were in the dishwasher and soft music was on the stereo I went into my spiel as I poured us an after dinner cordial.

“Janet, I think we’re approaching a time in our relationship when we kind of need to talk about just where we, as a couple, are going.”

She smile and said, “I agree. I know that what we have between us is special. I’m glad you feel the same way.”

Perfect. “It’s time that we begin to bare our souls, because if we are to continue, then we should look at a life together.” Why didn’t I want to use the word “marriage? She just smiled and waited. I think she could tell I was working up to something and she wanted to hear me say it.

“I really think that there can’t be any deep dark secrets in a good relationship and to that end, I’ve prepared myself to tell you my deepest secret so that you can properly judge if you want to continue with me.” I sounded cool and confident, but inside I was all butterflies. “What I have to tell you is often misunderstood and to help you understand, I have two books by a psychologist, a renowned author on the subject for you read after I tell you and tonight, we can look at some web sites on the Internet, if you like.”

Here she got impatient. “What is it? You make it sound like you carry some genetic defect or something.”

“Well, some think this may be genetic, but there’s no research to support that idea. But I digress.” Here I got on my knees before her and took her hands in mine. “Janet, I know you’re going have a lot of questions about this. That’s why all the prep on my part. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it right out. I’m a cross-dresser; I like to wear women’s clothes, no, I need to wear women’s clothes sometimes.

“To answer the two most common questions: No, I’m not gay and no, I don’t want a sex change operation.”

She just looked at me blankly for a few minutes while I let her digest what I had said. Finally, she shook her head. Stood, walked to the door and let herself out without even saying goodbye.

Boy did I get that wrong. I had been going to ask her to marry me. I had a ring and everything. I was anticipating a shock, and questions. Like I said, I was prepared. I had my ducks in a row. All the paperwork and information everything. She didn’t even give me a chance to show her any of it.

I let her sleep on it and didn’t call her until the next evening. When I did, it rang five times and went to voice mail. I left a message. Calling back a couple of hours later had the same results. The next day when I called it rang once and then the line went dead. I tried sending her a text and it just sat there and never indicated that it was received.

I gotta tell you that sent me for a loop. Janet had been very supportive of gay rights so I thought she’d be OK with it, but she never contacted me and since it was evident that she’d blocked my number. I simply let it be.

I stayed clear of any relationships for a year. Oh, I did pick up a girl now and then at a bar… I mean a guy has needs, but I never went looking for a girlfriend.

Then Julie fell into my life. I didn’t expect it, it just happened. I was having lunch in a crowded restaurant downtown. I was sitting a table for two and had just ordered when another waitress came over and asked if I’d mind sharing my table as one of their regulars needed to get lunch and back to work. I understood that. I was on a time restraint myself, so I said I didn’t mind. I’d planned to simply eat and leave even though I really had a half an hour coming. The waitress showed a blonde woman to my table.

She smiled kind of sheepishly. “I’m really sorry for barging in on you. I stopped to pick up something at the drug store and they only had one checker with long line so it took way to long when I got here, there were no tables available. So when I looked around to see if anyone was getting ready leave I saw you were sitting alone and I asked if they would see if you’d mind sharing a table.”

“Not a problem. I’m kind of in a hurry myself. I’m working out of a client’s office while I troubleshoot some networking problem and I want to get back myself. So I’ll be leaving as soon as I get through eating.”

We introduced ourselves and made small talk over coffee. When my meal was delivered I started eating. A few minutes later her order was delivered and she started in on it. We talked very little while we ate. When I was through, I put a generous tip on the table and made my goodbyes.

The next day I went back to the same restaurant. Since I was unfamiliar with the area, I didn’t know of any other place to eat. I stepped in and before they could seat me Julie walked in.

“Oh hello. I see you’re back.”

“Yeah, I’m going to have to string new network cable, so I’ll be here about a week or maybe four days if I’m quick about it.”

Just then a waitress came up and asked, “Table for two?”

I looked a Julie, she said, “I don’t mind the company. Dutch treat of course.”

I smiled and told the waitress yes.

This time neither of us felt the need to rush. We had a pleasant conversation and relaxed over lunch. I ate faster than she did and lingered over coffee as she told me about her job.

As we left she said, “I eat here every day. It’s always crowded at lunch time and I’m sure they appreciated us doubling up on the table.”

“Well I’ll be back tomorrow at about the same time. If you’d like to have company for lunch again I wouldn’t mind.”

She smiled and said, “OK, the same time tomorrow then.”

By the time I was through with the job it was like we were old friends. Julie was really forward as I was getting ready to leave. She handed me a card with her number on it and said, “Call me sometime.”

I wasn’t sure if I would. She was a really nice person, but I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend and why else would I call a woman? I’m sure if I did she’d interpret it that I was.

Interestingly enough she was on my mind when I ate my lunch the next week. Finally at the end of the week I fished the card out of my wallet and called her.

“Hi Julie, it’s me, Ron. Your lunch partner from last week.”

“Oh, hi Ron. How are you? Meet any other girls who thrust themselves into your space?” The tone of her voice made it clear she was amused by how we met.

“No actually, you’re the only one. How about you?” I teased. “Find any more hapless schlubs eating alone and help yourself to the other seat at his table?”

She laughed and said, “No, I don’t make a habit of it.”

“Well I’m glad you did. You turned a weak of dreary lunches into an enjoyable time.”

“Glad to be of service.”

“The reason I’m calling is that I’m about to have a dreary dinner tomorrow night and I thought perhaps you might want to liven that up for me.” What a dumb way to put that. I hadn’t asked if she was busy or not. I mean I’m sure I’m not the only guy that might call her for a date.

“Tomorrow night?”

“I’m sorry; it’s kind short notice… so…”

“No, it’s alright. It so happens I’m free and was going to have a dreary dinner myself.”

“OK, is 7:00 alright?”

“7:00 is fine.”

She gave me her address. And we started dating.

The dating went well. We were really compatible. I purposely took it slow with her, wanting to develop a strong relationship before I sprung my secret on her. She was on a little faster track than I was and about six months into our relationship, she invited me to a barbeque at her parents place.

To say I was nervous would be putting it mildly. But my nervousness was unfounded. Her mother and father received me well. Her mother was impressed that I volunteered to bring potato salad. I just fixed our family recipe. It’s always been a hit where ever it was served.

Her father welcomed me at the barbeque to assist him. Really, all I did was kibitz and fetch him another beer. That and talk with dad. He was great. We had similar interest in sports teams, camping in the great outdoors, fishing and we both liked our steak rare. So we hit it off.

Even Julie’s younger sister, Eileen, seemed to like me. “You’re a lot more mature that most of Julie’s boy friends have been,” she told me when we found ourselves talking while everyone else was busy for a few moments. I found out later that the two other boyfriends that Eileen had come into contact with flirted with her to a point of embarrassment. Julie had wisely not introduced them to her parents.

That was the first of many outings with her family. I was stoked to know that I was the first guy, since high school, that Julie had brought home.

Well, one thing led to another and I was ready to try it again.

Just like last time I was prepared. The books, the websites all were waiting when Julie arrived at my place in the late afternoon. Now you know that web had matured and so had I. I was part of a real community through a couple of websites devoted to transgender people and I had chatted with many of them and considered them friends, albeit online only. I was feeling very confident this time.

I started my spiel and when I got to about the point where Janet had walked out, Julie interrupted.

“I thought you were working up to asking me to marry you….”

“I am,” I interrupted, “but before you can answer that, I think you need to know what you’re getting.”

“Well, look, I’m sure that I could come to terms with this, but my dad. Oh, my dad! He’s the world’s biggest homophobe. If I came home and told him I was marrying a cross-dresser he’d go ballistic.”

“Well, we don’t have to share this. There’s no reason for anyone to ever have to find out, it could just be our secret.”

Taking a different tack, she asked, “Just how often is ‘sometimes’?”

“Oh, I don’t know maybe once or twice a month or so.”

“So you want to marry me and you expect to keep cross-dressing after we’re married?”

“Well…”

“I mean you’d quit if I asked you too, wouldn’t you?”

“Ah, that’s just it, I can’t quit.”

“Have you tried?”

“Well not exactly, but when I was in college, I abstained for long periods and it nearly drove me nuts. It was either cross-dress or drink, and I did a pretty fair share of that. It wasn’t good for my grades, so I found ways to cross-dress in private.

“And I’ve talked to lots of guys who’ve tried. It’s called purging. They throw away all their clothes and make up and shoes and everything and go cold turkey. Only it doesn’t last. The longest I’ve heard of it lasting is a year. Some guys don’t even make it for a month. Sooner or later, they go out and buy it all again and are right back at it.

I really didn’t expect her to say her dad would freak out. When I’d met Julie’s folks before. They seemed to like me and from what I could tell were pretty tolerant toward the LGBT. I suppose it would be possible that when it came to their family, they may be a bit less tolerant. Things like that take on a different light when it’s your family. I remember watching “Guess Who’ Coming to Dinner” on late night TV when I was kid.

So the upshot of the evening was that she did take the books home and had looked at the websites I had ready to show her, only there wasn’t as much questioning as I was expected.

Way earlier in the evening than I’d imagined, she was ready to go home. She left without giving me a definite answer and only promised to think about it. So far it was the best result I’d ever gotten so I was hopeful.

I shouldn’t have been. She canceled our plans for the next weekend citing some conference for work that had come up and she really needed to be there. After that I phone conversations were stilted and she often told she’d have to call me back. Over the next month we had only seen each other once when I made it a point to go to her favorite restaurant for lunch and caught her there. She seemed flustered as we ate.

Then it started. My phone calls went unanswered as did my text messages. It took about two weeks of that before I was willing to admit to myself that it was over. I was devastated. She was perfect for me, her family really, genuinely liked me, but her concern about her dad was apparently to big a hurdle to get over.

I moped around for the following month. I didn’t go anywhere but to work. Even my lunches ended up being acquired from drive throughs so as to avoid the off chance of meeting disaster.

Then one Saturday I really needed to get a new pair of shoes. So I headed out to the mall and found a shoe store. My salesman was in the back bringing my shoes when Eileen walked up.

“Hi Ron. How are you?”

“Oh… hi. I’m here getting a new pair of shoes.”

She looked around as if surprised. “Really? Imagine that; getting a new pair of shoes in a shoe store.” She grinned impishly.

“Ah, yeah, kind of dumb statement.”

She moved on. “I’m doing the same thing. Julie always said you had a good fashion sense and I thought I ask your opinion on these,” she said indicating the navy blue pumps she had on.

“Very nice. They look good on you.”

Just then the salesman came back and started to fit me with the pair I’d asked to see.

“Those look good on you too,” Eileen told me.

I agreed.

“I’ll take these,” I told the salesman.

“Would like to wear them or your old shoes.”

There was a bit of distain in his voice. I wasn’t surprised. I was wearing my everyday shoes that had long since gone out of style, not to mention that the soles were wearing a bit thin.

“I’ll wear these.”

The salesman looked happy as he put my old shoes in the box and handed it to me.

“I’ll just leave these with the cashier. I believe your girlfriend has enlisted your help. It’s been my experience that you may be here awhile.”

I looked at Eileen a bit embarrassed. “Look, I’m sorry about that.”

“No,” she said smiling, “it’s OK. But he was right; I have enlisted your help. Would help? I’m looking at three different pairs and I can’t make up my mind.”

So I agreed and followed her back to where her salesperson was waiting.

“First, you need to see the dress I’m trying to match them to.”

She took a great looking navy dress out of the bag and held it up to herself. I could tell at a glance that it would fit her like a second skin. And I knew from the time I’d to the beach with her family that her first skin looked great (she favored bikinis) and that this dress would only enhance the shape she was in.

“Are you planning on wearing it some place formal, or are you planning on going clubbing?”

“Well that’s the problem. I’m invited to a wedding, but after, I think some clubbing may be in the offing.”

“Well the shoes you have on would be great for the wedding, but way to stuffy and high heeled for dancing. So if you’re going to wear it to both, you’ll need at least two pair of shoes.”

“I like your thinking.”

I looked at the remaining shoes. The second pair to get my nod was a pair of slingbacks with clunky heel that she could wear dancing all night. We made our way to the cashier with her two pair and we each settled up.

As we left the store, she said, “I was just about to get some lunch. Nothing fancy, just a selection from the food court. How about I treat you to some Mexican? I know you like it and the taco stand up there is pretty good.”

“Well, I don’t know.”

“Please? I’d like to talk to you. You’re the first guy I’ve ever met that understands a girl’s need for more than one pair of shoes.” I was still hesitant. I’m sure she knew that Julie and I were no longer an item and I didn’t want it to get awkward.

She wasn’t about to take no for an answer. She grabbed my elbow and ushered me to the escalator that led up to the food court.

Once we had our food and were setting at the table. She opened up the conversation. Which made sense, since she was the one who wanted to talk.

“Julie’s a fool.”

“Wha???”

“If she had any sense, she’d still be your girlfriend, if not your fiancée.”

I blinked at her. Apparently Julie had told her about my marriage proposal. I had to wonder if she’d spilled the beans about my cross-dressing as well. I think my concern was written on my face.

“Julie told me all about why she broke up with you and she’s a fool.”

“She told you all about it?”

“Yes, and as far as I’m concerned, it just makes you more interesting. If some guy I was dating was as great a guy as you are and told me, I’d have just shrugged it off.”

“Even given that your father is ‘the world’s biggest homophobe’?” I put finger quotes around the phrase.

“Is that what she told you?”

“Well yeah. She said he freak out if he found out about it.”

Eileen laughed a little.

“Nothing could be farther from the truth. Dad’s best friend from high school came out as gay and they’re still buds after 30 years. And one of mom’s nieces is a lesbian and she’s welcome when we host family get-togethers. It’s Julie that’s the homophobe. She always tried to be gone or come up with someplace to go when Dad’s friend came over and she avoids our cousin when the family gets together.

“I wonder if I could get you to do me one more favor.”

It was a sudden change of subject, but I welcomed it. With what she’d just said, I was having a mental meltdown.

“What favor do you need? Are looking for a hat to wear at the wedding? You don’t strike me as a hat kind of girl.”

“No, what I need is a plus one for the wedding. I’m not seeing anyone right now and I don’t want to ask an old boyfriend because there’s none of them I’d like to start up with again.”

“You want me to be your plus one? What about Julie? What would your family say about it? Everybody will see it as a date. Won’t they think it improper for you to go with your sisters ex?”

“Well, I could care less what Julie thinks. As for my family, I hadn’t planned on say anything to them about you, unless after the wedding you think I’m such sparkling company that you want to ask me out. I think that they won’t really have a problem. And ‘everyone’,” she made finger quotes, “can think what they want. I refuse to live my life to make ‘everyone’,” finger quotes again, “happy. It’s hard enough to make myself happy, so I just concentrate on that.”

“Well as far as you being ‘sparkling company’ I think that’s a given. But I wouldn’t ask you out without some sort of conformation that it wouldn’t alienate you from your family.”

“The only person that I might have trouble with would be Julie and there’s just enough sibling rivalry that I wouldn’t mind her being upset. Besides she’d get over it.

“But please, be my plus one. I don’t want to show up with no one and there’s no one else I’d consider. Sonja is one of my oldest friends, I can’t miss her wedding.”

“Can we do it without any of your family knowing? Are any of them coming to the wedding?”

“I don’t know who all she’s invited, but I’m sure she didn’t invite Julie. She’s never cared for her and the feeling is mutual.”

“What about your parents? Could she have invited them?”

“She could have.”

“I really want to help you out, but I don’t want to cause trouble for you or worse yet have someone make a scene at your friend’s wedding.”

“OK, I’ll see what I can do.”

She dug into her purse and came up with her phone. She punched the screen a few times and put it to her ear. I started to say something, but she held her finger in the air and I waited.

“Hi Mom. I just got through shopping and I’m having lunch… Yeah, it would have been better to have one of my girlfriends go with me, but it’s all done and I did come up with someone to help me; with the shoes anyway… You’ll never guess… Nope; guess again… OK spoil sport I’ll tell you but you won’t believe me. Ron… Yes that Ron; one and the same…

“He was in the shoe store get some shoes himself so I asked him to help me. You know that Julia said he has a great fashion sense… Well she was right and what’s more he understands about why women need more than one pair of shoes.” She laughed. “I’m having lunch with him right now, my treat for giving me his time and help.

“Anyway, you know how I’ve been stressing over who my plus one will be for Sonja’s wedding… I think Ron would be perfect. I know him and like him and we don’t have a past that needs ignoring… OK, so yes, I’ve picked some duds, but that’s what’s great about Ron, he’s a known quantity. So what do you think? Do you see any problem with me taking Ron as my plus one? … So did you and Dad get an invitation? … Are you going? … Well yes, I thought you would… Well anyway, Ron is willing but he’s concerned that you guys might have a problem what with him being Julie’s ex… That’s what I told him… Well, I suppose Julie could have a problem, but they’re not together any more so as far as I see it, Ron’s fair game. But you know it’s just a plus one for a wedding. It’ not like we’ll be an item just because he was my escort… I thought so too. You want to talk to him? …

“Here, Mom wants to talk to you.”

She handed her phone to me.

“Hello?”

“Hi Ron. It’s so nice to hear your voice again. We’ve missed you smiling face around here. When you and Julie were dating you were almost a fixture around here.”

I didn’t know what to say so I just let her keep talking.

“Eileen seems dead set on you being her plus one. You’re not going to disappoint her, are you?”

“Well, I don’t want to cause any trouble.”

“There won’t be any trouble with Rich and me and if you’re worried about Julie, it’s her problem. She shouldn’t have broken up with you. So will I see you at Sonja’s wedding?”

“If you’re sure there won’t be any trouble… I mean Julie…”

“Julie’s not going and if she tries to poke her nose in, I’ll put her in her place. If Eileen wants to keep company with you, Julie’s given up any claim on you so she can just mind her own business. So, once and for all, are you going?”

Her tone booked no vacillating. It was a simple yes or no question.

“OK, I’ll trust you and go.”

“Good. Let me talk to Eileen.”

I handed the phone back to Eileen. “She wants to talk to you.”

“I take it you talked him into it… You know he’s such a gentleman… Oh, I don’t know… I haven’t really thought about it. But I wouldn’t mind...” She looked at me and laughed a little tinkle and there was a sparkle in her eye. “Time will see, mother, time will see. Well I think I should get going. I should let Ron go too. I’ve used up enough of his weekend. See you tomorrow

“Well, thanks. You don’t even know what day the wedding will be. It’s two weeks from today. Two in the afternoon at St. Michael’s on Claremont Street.”

It was my turn to laugh.

“No problem. It’s not like my social calendar is crammed full. You want me to pick you up?”

“Do remember where I live?”

“Are you still in that place on Kelly?”

“You do remember. Come by about 12:30. With me expecting you then, I just might get ready by one.” She smiled a one hundred watt smile. We got up and she gave me a quick hug. “See you then,” she said as she gathered her shopping bags.

“Umm, you clean up nice,” she said as she answered her door. You’re right on time. With a little luck I’ll be ready in less than twenty minutes. There’s beer and wine in the fridge, help yourself. I’ll just go and finish my makeup and put on my dress and I’ll be ready.”

I watched her disappear down the short hallway. Damn she looks fine in that robe. … Give that up Ron, she’s Julie’s younger sister… there’s no future there.

True to her word, she was back out in just nineteen minutes. I’d check my watch when she made her estimate. Not that I was thinking of timing her. It was just a reflex action.

“To quote a smart person I know, ‘umm, you clean up nice’. Seriously. That dress looks fabulous on you. Oh, and I love your shoes.”

She chuckled. “You goof. You picked them out if you remember. Anyway, I’ve called Uber. I’m sure that there will be alcohol at the reception and I thought that it would be better to take Uber home rather than try to keep track of how much we drank so we could be sober enough to drive home.”

A very responsible girl, though I’d not had a problem with holding my drinking down since college. I’d come to the conclusion that I really enjoyed myself more if I kept my wits about me. But she’d already called Uber and I wasn’t about to argue with her. It really didn’t matter.

The wedding started nearly on time and it was Catholic High Mass, which takes an hour. I do’s were said and we were off to the reception, held about a mile away. Sonja made a beautiful bride and I have to say I was jealous of her dress. I’d love to be able to wear something like that. But then being jealous of a woman’s dress was nothing new for me. The fact is I was jealous of Eileen's dress, but I sure don’t have the body to pull that skin tight number off. Too broad at the shoulders and narrow at the hip.

Being a Saturday evening, we had trouble getting Uber, so there were nearly a hundred people ahead of us when we lined up to go through the receiving line. At last I met Sonja, the groom and her parents, his parents and her grandparents. Eileen was thirsty so we headed straight for the punch bowl.

We saw her mom and dad. When they saw us, they came over.

“Well high ya, Ron,” her dad said shaking my hand. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs.…”

Her mom wasn’t going to be satisfied with a handshake; she interrupted me and pulled me into a hug.

“Now you know we’ve asked you to call us Rich and Lori.

“We’ve missed you. Feel free to stop by and visit us anytime. No need to wait for one of the girls to bring you by.”

“She has a point son; you gave me that recipe for brisket. I’ve never done a brisket before I’d love to have you come by and supervise my first attempt. I hear there’s as much an art to fixing brisket as there is a science.”

“I’d love to, we’ll have to compare schedules and set a time. You know it’ll take most of the day.”

Well, in that case we should make a day when ESPN has something good on, so we’ll have something to do between the times we’re tending the brisket. I’ve watch a couple of YouTube videos on it and it seems there’s a fair bit of down time while the meat simmers.”

“True. That’s why I haven’t fixed a brisket since I moved out of my folk’s house. I don’t have the right kind of barbecue either. I’ve only got a little two burner on the balcony of my apartment.”

“How about week after next? Should be good weather and the US Open will be on. I know you like golf.”

“I think I can make it. How big is the brisket?”

“It’s a three and half pound brisket. I thought I’d start small for my first one.”

“If you want to eat the brisket for dinner, we better get it in the grill by about eleven. We’ll want to let it rest a bit before we carve it.”

“What about seasoning? How long will it take to get it ready?”

“About an hour and then we’ll need to let it rest to absorb the seasoning a little. We’ll need a smoke source. My dad used to use a pellet tube smoker, but you can make a suitable smoker kit from a disposable aluminium pan and some foil. I can pick up some cherry chips. I have friend who’s about to have cherry tree pruned back and I’m supposed to go help him cut up the limbs next week.”

“Well, if it’s going to be an all-day project, why don’t you come for breakfast?” his wife put in.

“Excellent idea. We’ll expect you at about eight then.”

Well, there I was committed to a full day without either of the girls being involved. I wondered what Julie would think of me hanging out with her parents.

Someone who knew Eileen had come over and they had been talking while plans were being made. Eileen took my hand and gave a gentle tug.

“I’d like to introduce my escort for the afternoon,” she said to her friend. “Lela, this it Ron Perry. Ron, Lela Jorgensen.”

“Nice to meet you Lela,” I said.

“Nice to meet you too. I haven’t heard Eileen say anything about you before. Did you just meet?”

“No actually we’ve known each other…”

“He’s a family friend,” Eileen put in. “I was at my wits end trying to come up with someone to bring. Since I caught Jeremy messing around, I’ve been a social pariah. Jeremy spread those awful rumors about me. I ran into Ron while I was shopping and he was kind enough to give me a man’s opinion on what I was buying and it struck me that since I knew him from before that Ron would be a great escort for today.”

I rightly presumed she didn’t want Lela to know I’d been her sister’s ex-boyfriend. I guess nobody wants to be known for taking someone else’s leavings.

The bride and groom had catered a buffet and it was being served so we all made our way to the line. We ended up sitting with her mom and dad. Her dad and I continued our plan for the brisket. It was like it was before, only instead of Julie sitting next to me, it was Eileen. I’d been afraid it would be awkward, but it wasn’t. They acted as if nothing had happened.

After dinner, Eileen asked, “Are you going to ask me to dance?” when the band began to play.

I stood and made a theatrical bow. “Would you do me the honor of being my partner for this dance?”

She just shook her head, grinning and stood to accept.

“You’re a good dancer,” she told me.

“If you think this is good, wait until they play a slow tune. Anybody with a sense of rhythm can look good in this kind of dancing.”

“Oh, you mean you can do more than the hold her tight and shuffle your feet fair that guys are famous for?”

“I’ll have you know that Mom insisted that I take dance classes my senior year in high school so that my prom date wouldn’t have to suffer that kind of dancing like she did. Unfortunately, very few venues feature classical dance music any more. But a twostep works for most slow tunes and to spite popular opinion, it’s more than the afore mentioned shuffle. If they play some slower numbers, I’ll show you.”

When the fast music was done and the band began to play slower songs, I notice more of the older generation got out on the dance floor. Eileen’s parents among them. They looked good and the dance floor.

When we finally took a break, Eileen told me, “You’re right. Dancing with you is better than any of my past boyfriends. Even the fast tunes, but you really shine when it comes to the slow, romantic songs. Most guys seem to think that slow dancing is a kind of foreplay.”

During one of our breaks, Eileen asked, “Are you going to let me meet her?”

“Her??? Her who?”

She leaned in, “Your alter ego. Does she have a name?”

“Oh, that her.” I looked around to make sure that no one was in earshot. “I’m a regular on a couple of web sites I use the name ‘Veronica’ that I shorten to ‘Ronnie’.”

The bride and groom bugged out around seven. They invited us to stay as long as we liked since they paid the band to play until eleven or until no one was left. Since the majority of the guests were above thirty, dare I say forty, the party began to break up around nine.

Some of Eileen's friends were going out after and we were invited along. On the way to the club, Eileen got her sandals out of her oversized purse and changed shoes.

“Why don’t you lose the tie? It’ll make you look less formal and more like you’re ready to loosen up a little.”

I took of the tie and started to put in my jacket pocket.

“Here,” she said, holding out her hand. “I’ll put it in my purse. It’ll cause a lump in your pocket. You can get it back when you take me home.”

Eileen’s friends were a little younger than Julie’s friends that I’d been accustom to hanging out with. Julie had been a year older than me and Eileen was two years younger, hence the younger crowd. In high school or maybe even in the first two years of college it might have made a difference, but when you’re over twenty-five, not so much.

We finally called it a night a little before one and got Uber back home. With Eileen’s friends all being in a drink buy mood, it was a good thing we’d decided to take Uber.

When we got to Eileen’s house she invited me in. “You probably want to hang out for a while. If you’re feeling like I am, you’ll need to let some of the alcohol settle before you try to drive home.”

As she let us in, I took stock of my condition, I decided she was right. I probably would have made it home OK, but I certainly didn’t want to risk a DUI, since I needed to be able to drive to client’s sites to trouble shoot their networking problems.

“I’ll make some coffee. Sit down and turn on the TV we can watch for a while. I’ll be right back.”

She disappeared into the kitchen. I picked up the remote, sat on the couch and turn on the idiot box. I channel surfed and settled on a black and white movie. I recognized the stars and I’m sure I’ve seen it before but I couldn’t come up with the tittle. I kind of zoned out and was brought back when she brought me a cup of coffee.

“Black with sugar, no cream, if I remember right.”

She did, that’s the way I take it. We sipped the coffee in silence while the movie droned on. Finishing my coffee, I sat my cup on the end table. I stretched arms across the back of the couch and leaned my head against the wall.

I wonder how long I’ll have to wait for the buzz to die down. I’m really tired right now.

I woke up about three-thirty or so with Eileen leaning against me dead asleep. The movie was long since over and some other one was on. I decided that I was sober enough to drive, but I didn’t want to wake Eileen. So I carefully got up and gently laid her down, putting a throw pillow under her head. I lifted her feet on the couch and put the afghan, from the back of the couch, over her. I found a piece of paper and left a note and let myself out. I couldn’t lock the dead bolt.

The lock in the knob will have to do.

I was immersed in complicated install in a new building for the next week and a half and didn’t think much about that night. On Thursday Mr. … I mean, Rich called me to remind me that he had the brisket thawing and was looking forward to my help on Saturday.

“Lori says to tell you not to eat breakfast, just come on over any time after eight and she’ll whip us up a nice brunch.”

That’s how I ended up parking on the street near their house at quarter to nine that Saturday. Rich answered the door.

“Hi, come on in,” he said stepping back to clear the way. He turned toward their kitchen and called out, “Lori, better get cracking on those omelets. Ron’s here and he has a hungry look in his eye.”

“Hi Ron,” Lori said and engulfed me in a hug as I came into the kitchen. She turn to Rich and said, “For your information, the omelets are all done and in the oven keeping warm.

“Sit down Ron; I’ll get you some coffee. Black, sugar; no cream, right?”

She knew she was right and didn’t even look for me to confirm it. Rich already had his coffee and sat at the end of the table. Lori brought me my coffee.

“You guys want to get the brisket on before you eat or after.”

Rich looked at me.

“What time do you want to eat dinner tonight?”

“Probably not ‘til about six.”

“You got the rub ready to go on right?” I said looking at Rich. He nodded. “Then we’d better eat first. If we put it on now, it’ll be done about three or four.”

“As I remember, you liked Spanish omelets,” Lori said, putting plate with a large omelet and two slices of bacon in front of me and another for Rich.

“You remember correctly. But any omelet you fixed would be good. I’ve always enjoyed your cooking.”

“Pity Julie didn’t take after me. She can cook, but she doesn’t enjoy it so she makes simple meals. But Eileen, now that girl can cook. She very innovative. She’s shown me how to improve on a few of my signature dishes.”

“Did I hear someone mention my name?”

I turned to see Eileen coming down the hall toward the kitchen.

“Eileen; I didn’t know you were coming. Sit down you can have my omelet; I’ll make another for me. It’ll only take a minute.”

“That’s OK, Mom. I’ve had breakfast. You go ahead and eat. I just came by to bring Ron his tie. He forgot it at my place when he left after Sonja’s wedding.”

Lori look at me and winked. A knowing smile appeared on her face. I knew what she was thinking. Eileen gave her mother a hug, fished in her purse and produced my tie and handed it to me as she went to give her father a kiss on the cheek. Rich looked at me and raise his eyebrows.

“I need to use the powder room,” Eileen informed and headed upstairs.

Lori brought her omelet to the table and set down grinning at me. I could feel the color rising in my cheeks.

Rich put his hand on my arm and said, “It’s alright son. My girls are big girls and out on their own. They’re both very practical and I trust them protect themselves and choose wisely.”

“Ah, look, it’s not what you might think. She invited me in to stay long enough to sober up so I could drive home. I fell asleep sitting on her couch. When I woke up, she was asleep so I left her a note and went home.”

It was Lori’s turn to put her hand on my arm. “Ron, if you’re trying to protect her reputation, there’s no need. We know she’s not a virgin. In this day and age, it’d be quite unusual for a girl her age to be one. Are you sure you two aren’t an item? I mean I was disappointed when Julie announced she wouldn’t be seeing you anymore. We’d be happy if you Eileen hit it off. Wouldn’t we Rich?”

“Match making much? First you tell him she’s a great cook and then you prod him to admit they are really dating. But yes, Ron, we wouldn’t have any objection.”

“Look, don’t get the wrong idea. I think Eileen's a great gal. Good looking, great sense of humor and personality to match, and now I find out she’s a great cook, but don’t you think it’s be a bit awkward, what with me being Julie’s ex? That’d be bound to cause some friction between the two of them”

“Don’t worry about that…”

“Leave the poor guy a lone. Let him enjoy his breakfast,” Rich interrupted.

After brunch Rich and I set to getting the brisket in the barbeque. He had a disposable aluminium pan and some foil. We spread the chips in the bottom and covered the top with foil and then punched a generous amount of holes in it. We put it in the grill and turned on the two left side burners and watched the temp rise. It took a bit of finagling but finally got the temp to settle in at about 250 F. Then it was time to work on the brisket itself. A generous application of the rub and we put it fat side up on a baking sheet. With the brisket in the grill, we were free to watch the Open.

It was a bit early for beer, so we each grabbed a Dr. Pepper out of the fridge and settled on the couch in the family room. We chatted as the players worked their way around the course.

Eileen came up behind the couch and put a hand on my shoulder. “Typical man. Drink in hand and watching whatever sport that happens to be on. Good thing it’s not football season, you guy would be at odds with each other about which teem to root for. So, who’s winning?”

“They haven’t shown the leader board yet.”

She sat, but wasn’t facing the TV, like Rich and I. The three of us chatted as Rich and I half watched the game. Let’s face it, golf isn’t that exciting and if you don’t watch closely you don’t really miss that much. But I was able to keep track.

Lori joined us with some nachos. The day wore on with Rich and I checking on the brisket temp every hour or so. Lori was the consummate hostess keeping us with fresh drinks and snacks.

Long about two o’clock, she asked, “Anybody hungry? I could whip us some tuna salad.”

“Well since I at breakfast at a decent hour, I could stand a sandwich. I’ve been smelling that brisket for the last hour and it’s made me hungry,” Eileen informed us.

Rich and I allowed as we could find room for a sandwich.

It was time to check the temp, so Rich and I were out on the patio doing just that when from inside, I heard Julie’s voice. “Is that Ron’s car outside? What’s he doing here?”

Rich and I looked at each other.

“Your father invited him over to help him barbeque a brisket.”

Julie mumbled something I couldn’t understand.

Lori replied, “Just because you have decided that you don’t want to be with him doesn’t mean that the rest of the family has to shun him. After all it’s our house and we can invite anyone over we want. Now, are you going to stay for dinner? There’ll be plenty of brisket to go around.”

“Ah… no, I just stopped by to ask if I could borrow you roasting pan. I’m having so friends over for dinner this coming Friday night and I don’t think my roaster is big enough for the size roast I’ll need.”

“Help yourself dear.”

I heard some rattling around in the kitchen. I assume it was Julie getting out the roasting pan.

“Did I hear right? Your fixing dinner for friends?” Eileen’s voice asked from the family room.

“Yes. You needn’t sound so surprised. I can cook, you know.”

“Well yes, but you really aren’t into it that much. I didn’t think you threw dinner parties. Cocktail parties are more your style.”

“So I’m branching out,” Julie said obviously heading for the front door.

A few moments later we heard the door close rather sharply.

“Did you guys hear that?” Eileen asked as she came out to the patio. “She’s never thrown a dinner party ever. She’s had a boyfriend for dinner but never a group of people, much less enough people to need a big roaster.”

The next time both Lori and Eileen were out of earshot, Rich pulled me aside.

“Look Ron, sorry about the blatant match making. Lori really likes you and, well, we all thought you and Julie would get married. Lori had kind of already counted you as a son-in-law. I think as a result, seeing you in Eileen’s company has her mouth running ahead of her common sense.”

I debated telling him that that’s what I thought as well, but I held back. I wasn’t ready to have the conversation that answered the obvious question, ‘what happened’.

“Yeah, OK well, I like you guys and I appreciate that you, especially Lori might think of me as acceptable as a son-in-law. It’s really an honor, most parents of a girl look on her boyfriend with a jaundiced eye. But really, I count Eileen as a friend. That’s why I went with her to the wedding. It’s also the reason I agreed to go with her and her friends clubbing, because she asked me to cover for her so she didn’t have to fend off guys wanting to hook up.”

“It’s alright son, I believe you, but I’m afraid that Lori has fantasies of you as part of the family. I hope she’s not coming on too strong and that we’ll remain as your friends as well.”

“Well, Rich, we are on a first name basis. I’m honored that you two would want me as a friend. I’ll cut Lori all the slack she needs. I’m sure she’ll come to the realization that Eileen are just friends sooner or later.”

The brisket came out juicy and tender. The flavor was superb. I don’t take any credit, Rich did the rub and he didn’t exactly follow the recipe that I gave, but close. His changes made a subtle difference in the flavor neither better nor worse. It was great. Eileen said that it was great and that I should teach her how to do it when she got a place where she could have a big grill like her dad’s.

We all set around talking after dinner. Over desert, Lori made apple pie, Rich had another proposal for me.

“Have you set your vacation yet?”

“No, and they are after me to do so. I’ve got seniority at my level and they don’t want to approve anyone only to have me want the same week and then have to bump them.”

“Why don’t you take the last week in July? That’s when we’re going. We’re headed for Cove Palisades. We’ll be taking the motorhome and towing the boat. It would be nice to have a car in case we decide to do some sightseeing or need to run into Bend. If you come, you could drive the Suburban.”

“What about sleeping arrangements?”

“OK, you’ve got me, we planned this vacation when you and Julie were still together and I made arrangements to borrow my neighbor’s trailer. We’ve reserved two side by side campsites. We were going to tell you and Julie the day she dropped the bomb. We agonized about what to do. We decided to keep both reservations in hopes you’d patch things up. Now if we cancel, it’ll cost us; we’ll lose the reservation fee. I could use a fishing partner. Lori, bless her heart, likes to eat fish, but doesn’t enjoy fishing herself.”

“Sounds tempting. I think I’d like that. I’ll put in for the time Monday morning and get back to you. I’m 99% sure that I can get the time.”

It was about a month later on a Friday that I got a text from Eileen.

Eileen: Hi Ron, I got your number from Dad. Hope you don’t mind. Need a favor.

Ron: What kind of favor.

Eileen: You’re the only IT person I know. My laptop has picked up a bad virus and I don’t know what to do about it.

Ron: I’m going to be late at work tonight. Will tomorrow do?

Eileen: Tomorrow’s fine. Do you want to come over to my place?

Ron: Actually, it’d be better if you brought it to me. I’ve got all my diagnostic tools here. If I need to look up something, I’ll have a fast internet connection to work with.

Eileen: Great. Shall we make it early? I may have plans for later in the day. You don’t have a hot date that night, do you?

Ron: No date at all, hot or not. About 9 tomorrow will work.

I texted my address and went back to work.

I could have gone to her place, but the odds were that I would end up bringing it home. There was likely to be a lot of files that needed to be verified.

“Hi Ron. I feel really like a real dope, picking up a virus like this. I don’t’ have any idea where it came from.”

“Come on in. I’ve got coffee, do you want some.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll let you fix it yourself,” I told her as I poured a cup. “I don’t have that flawless memory for such things that seems to run in your family. I don’t have any fancy creamers but there’s milk in the fridge.”

“Got any chocolate syrup?”

“Yeah.” I got the Hersey’s Special Dark bottle out of the cupboard.

“Good, if I have to settle for milk, I’ll make a mocha.”

I took her laptop from her and left her to doctor her coffee. Over at my desk, I had two bootable CDs ready. They each had a host of tools I could use to find the bug. But her laptop didn’t have an optical drive. I had been meaning to get the two drives on to a bootable thumb drive. It looked like it was time to do it. I plugged in the first CD in the drive and a fresh thumb drive in and set it to work creating the bootable thumb drive. Meanwhile, I opened her laptop and pushed the power button. When it came up, I asked, “What’s your pin?”

“1995.”

I paused “That’s the year you were born isn’t it?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“I know Julie’s birthday and that you’re three years younger than she is. You really should have chosen something a little more imaginative, or at least mixed it up a little.”

I keyed in the pin and brought up windows. It was really slow. I watched the rotating dots until I was sure it was going to hang, but it finally came up. It took over two minutes to show all the shortcuts on the desktop and even then something was still buffering. I waited to for it to settle down. Then connected to the building Wi-Fi. They had a great firewall. I should know. I put it in for them. I didn’t use their Wi-Fi myself, because I sometimes worked from home. While the firewall was great, the Wi-Fi speeds weren’t. I’d paid to have fiber brought straight into my apartment. The fiber the building used was the basic plan and Wi-Fi was available throughout the building. Individual apartments could opt to have individual fiber lines to them at whatever speed they were willing to pay for.

Eileen’s laptop labored just to bring up her home page. After trying to call up a couple of websites, I turned it off. I checked on the progress of the thumb drive. It had a ways to go.

“OK,” I said “It’ll take a while, but so long as your OS isn’t damaged beyond repair, I should be able to fix it.”

“How long.”

“To find the problem; not too long, but first I have to transfer my bag of tricks from two CDs to a thumb drive, since your laptop doesn’t have an optical drive. Once that’s done it’s an unknown. Anything from an hour or two to the rest of the day depending on what we find... If we’re lucky, the software can fix it, if not… I don’t suppose you’ve set any recovery points.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Recovery points?”

“I’ll take that as a no. We may need to reinstall the OS. I’d rather not do that. If we go that route, we run the risk of losing anything you’ve installed since you first initialized it.”

The only thing I’ve installed would be my office suite.”

“Do you run any kind of maintenance software?”

“No, I wouldn’t know how.”

“That will probably work in our favor. With any luck the install programs will still be there. Before we do anything drastic, I can probably move those off C drive onto D and reinstall them on C when we’re done. I’ll need to move your data as well. If I can do that, I’ll be able to recover all that.”

“So what do we do while we’re waiting?”

“You don’t need to hang around. I’ll let the software do its work and make the necessary repairs and text you when I’m done. So you can do whatever it was you said you might need to do.”

“Oh, well, I’d like to stay.” I tilted my head and looked at her. “I was hoping to meet Veronica.”

I was stunned. “You want to meet Veronica?”

“If you remember, at Sonja’s reception I asked you if you’d let me meet her. You never said no. You kind of sidestepped the question.”

“No one has met her.”

“So I’ll be the first. I like that. It makes me feel special.”

“I don’t know, I … ah… well I wasn’t prepared.”

“You do have the clothes here don’t you? I mean everything you need is in the apartment, isn’t it?”

“Well yes, the only time I indulge myself is at home. I… ah… I sometimes work from home and when I do, I like to do it as Veronica. But I’m not ready to come out of the closet just yet.”

“I’m not asking you to come out of the closet, I’m asking you to let me in the closet.”

I stammered for a bit.

“Why don’t you go into the bedroom, change into Veronica?”

Am I ready for this? Am I ready to reveal my Veronica side to someone? … Oh hell, she already knows about it. Ready or not, go for it.

The fact I’d made that decision didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous as hell. I thought she’d laugh at me. I think I’m pretty good looking as a girl, but then I’m biased. When I look in the mirror part of me sees what I want to see.

In the bedroom I had to answer that age old question… what to wear. Not that I had a huge wardrobe to choose from. The trouble was over half of what I had was something teenager would wear and the rest wasn’t really in style for anyone. In the end, I chose a simple pleated skirt and white blouse. Classic look I guess. I decided on some two inch wedge sandals rather than my four inch heels. I went to my en suite to brush out my hair. It was just long enough to look feminine when I brushed it out and teased it a little, but short enough I could comb it back behind my ears. I wasn’t the only techno-geek to wear long hair, nor was it the longest I seen on guys at the electronic shows I’d been to. I had studied make up enough to know how to do full make up, but I subscribed to the less is more theory and went with light lipstick and mascara. It’s not like I was going out anywhere.

Nerves were the order of the day. I thought my heart would beat out of my chest or that I’d pass out due to hyperventilation, but I managed to get out to my living room before either of those things happened.

“Veronica, Nice to meet you at last. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Let’s not get silly. I’m the same person regardless of the packaging.”

“I know, but I thought I should validate your presentation. You look pretty good, actually. I was afraid you come out with garish makeup dressed like some teenaged tart. But really in that outfit, you could blend it. Though most women your age opt for pants.”

“I’ve always thought if I wanted to wear pants, I’d dress in drab.”

“I’ve worn men’s pants before. Trust me, there’s a world of difference. Women have a much wider selection of pants styles to choose from. So, when you’re doing your Veronica thing, what do you do?”

“Pretty much the same thing as I do as Ron. Which means I ought to get busy on your computer.”

Eileen grinned as I went to my desk and extracted the thumb drive and booted her laptop from it.” I set an anti-virus running. With two drives totaling over a terabyte it could take a while depending on how much space she was using on D drive.

I then went to my kitchen and got a fresh cup of coffee. I turned, rested my butt against the counter and took a sip. I admired the lipstick print on the rim of the cup. I tried really hard to ignore the fact I had an audience and act naturally. I’m not sure I was successful. I was conscious of every move I made and tried to make it as feminine as possible.

“You know, with a few minor changes, you could go anywhere and do anything any other woman would do,” Eileen observed.

“Huh?”

“While your hairstyle is the very shortest a woman would wear, it’s passable, but would call attention to you. You should let it grow a bit more and have it styled. You’re fortunate that you have no noticeable five o’clock shadow; you could still do with a little contouring to make your cheek bones look a little higher. And then there’s the matter of your deportment. As good as you look; you still walk like a man. It’s not that all women strut like a runway model, but as a tranny, you want to avoid close scrutiny. That means everything you can do to reinforce the feminine image is good. But it’s a balancing act. Everything in moderation, look and act feminine without going over the top and calling attention to yourself.”

“You’re singing out of the tranny’s hymnal. Where’d you learn so much?”

“Well, when Julie am crying on my shoulder about you wanting to cross-dress after you got married, I did a little research. That’s my job you know I do research for a publishing house. It’s my job to see that writers aren’t plagiarizing. While I don’t know much about the care and feeding of computers, I do know my way around the internet. It is, after all, a fount of knowledge for those who can navigate skillfully. Once you get past the porn, and there is a fair amount of porn, and get down to what individuals are all about, that’s the one thing they all have in common when it comes to being out and about, feminine but able to go unnoticed in a crowd.”

“Out and about? Not too likely. One look at me and someone will scream ‘Man in a dress’. While I enjoy dressing this way, I’m a realist. I’m far from feminine.”

“Would you let me do a little work on your face? Just to let you know what’s possible with the right kind of makeup?”

“You mean you want to trowel on enough plaster to hide all the imperfections? By the time you get enough makeup on me, I won’t be able to talk or smile for fear of putting a crack in it.”

She laughed.

“I think you’ll be surprised at just how little is needed. It’s not a matter of how much, but of what and where. So how about it? Just for fun?”

“OK, but you did come here with a sick computer. I’d better check on the progress. Let me see how it’s doing and then you can have your fun.”

When I came back, she had put her purse on the table, which I had just noticed was that same oversized one she had taken to the wedding, and emptied what must have been enough to fill half of it. There were bottles and jars and palettes little squares of colors. It was obvious she came over here with this in mind.

She pulled out a chair and indicated I should sit. She picked up a heavy piece of paper that was covered with a lot of skin tone patches and held it up to my face.

“Yep, I think I guessed right.”

Putting the paper down, she opened a bottle of something with a sharp, almost antiseptic smell to it. Saturated a cotton ball and began wiping my face. When she had finished, she wrapped a large cotton towel around my chest, tying it behind my neck. She then opened a rectangular compact looking thing. There was a little sponge with it. Using her finger, she daubed spots of all over my face. Here it come, the plaster to fill in the cracks, I thought. She then used the sponge to smooth it all in. First coat done. I wonder how many before she gives up.

To my surprise, she stopped with one. But she wasn’t through. Next she had me close my eyes and using a large puff, she patted a large amount of powder on my face. To finish it off, she used a large fluffy brush to brush it all off. I guess it didn’t do what she hoped. Maybe it’ll take another coat after all.

But no, she opened on of the smaller pallets of color and wiped two different shades on each of my cheeks and again with the brush to brush it all off. Harder then she thought, I bet.

Next there was the same treatment for my eyelids from another pallet, complete with brush taking it off. What surprised me was that when she brushed the stuff off, she didn’t try something else.

After replenishing my lipstick with a slightly different shade, she announced, “All done. Go have a look.”

I blinked at her, got up and headed for the bathroom. I couldn’t believe what I saw in the mirror. Oh make no mistake; it was me alright, but me if I’d been born a girl. I stared at the image, unable to look away for… I don’t know minutes, hours, certainly not days, but it could have been for all I was aware of anything else.

Finally, as my senses returned, I noticed over my shoulder in the mirror Eileen was leaning against the doorpost, arms folded over her chest with a smug look on her face.

“I don’t understand. It looks like I don’t have any makeup on, but there’s a world of difference in the way I look.”

“When I was in college, I belonged to the drama club, just so I could go to the plays for free. I couldn’t act my way out of a wet paper bag, so I became the makeup mistress and assisted the wardrobe mistress with costuming. Making stage makeup look that natural, and still be seen in the second balcony, is difficult. Daytime make up is a snap.”

“But I look like I was born a girl.”

“That was the idea.”

“I didn’t think it was possible.”

“When it comes to makeup, I do the possible immediately, the impossible takes a little longer.” She smiled. “Now, if your hair was just a little bit longer and styled and you had some clothes that weren’t out of style ten years ago, I really could take you anywhere.”

“That may be, but the real question is would I be brave enough to go. Look don’t get any ideas, but can you teach me to do this myself?”

“Sure, what’s in it for me?”

“No charge for fixing your computer?”

“I was hoping for a date. You know go to dinner and movie.”

“You mean you and me like we were in a relationship? I mean you and me… Ron me… on a real date.”

“That’s exactly what I mean. You know the first time I saw you I thought it was a shame Julie got to you first. And now she’s through with you, I’d like to take up where she left off.”

“There’s a few obstacles to that idea. The big one is named Julie. Don’t you think she’d have a hard time accepting you taking up with her ex?”

“Maybe, but when she told me about why she was breaking up with you she walked out with in a huff when I told her that was no reason to throw away perfectly good guy and said I wouldn’t. As she left, she said over her shoulder, ‘You’re welcome to him. See how much you like it when he’s your boyfriend.’ So if she wants to make a big deal about it, I’ll just remind her she said I was welcome to you.”

I was flabbergasted. The idea of Eileen and I becoming a couple had been the furthest thing from my mind.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve never considered you and I… well… as anything but friends.”

“I kind of got that hint, when you didn’t stay over after Sonja’s wedding. You could have you know.”

I really didn’t want to put her off, but this was so far out of the box thinking for me I had trouble assimilating it.

“Eileen, like I told your folks, you’re a great gal and I like you a lot. But when I first met you, I put you in the friend box because you were Julie’s sister; my girlfriend’s sister. Please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to move you out of that box and put you into the possible girlfriend box.”

“Are you saying you couldn’t ever love me?” she challenged.

“No, not at all. But I need to realign my thoughts about you first.”

“Well then, let me buy you a dinner in return for you fixing my computer and we’ll try out the relationship idea with no stress. I happen to think I’m a better catch than Julie.”

“Well I said there were obstacles, plural, more than one. What about this?” I said, waving my hand down my front, indicating the way I was dressed.

“I think I’ve demonstrated I don’t have a problem that.”

“But what about your folks? I mean if you and I become ‘an item’ as your mother puts it, and Julie takes offense at me being around after she’s discarded me, isn’t it just possible she might tell your folks?”

“I suppose. We’ll just have to tell them first.”

“Do you really think that a good idea?”

“Better than Julie telling them. I’m willing to bet they’ll take it in their stride. Their only concern will be if I know and can accept it. Once that’s out of the way they’ll decide it’s between us to settle.”

“How can you be so sure? Julie said your dad would freak.”

“She also said Dad was a homophobe. But as I told you before, he’s not.”

“OK, I’ll accept the invitation of you buying me, the Ron me, dinner and exploring just how something between you and me just might work out. But I can’t promise that I’ll be gutsy enough to tell your folks. When I proposed to Julie I told her that they didn’t have to know.”

“Well, that’s one place where we disagree. I think it imperative that they know. Just like you thought it necessary that Julie knew before marrying you. If they are to accept you and I together, they should do so knowing everything.”

I said that we could agree to disagree for the moment and that I’d consider everything she’d said and the changed the subject to more about me and the transformation she’d wrought.

We spent the rest of the day together, that is Veronica and Eileen. I ended up showing her the rest of my wardrobe and she had a good laugh at some of the nearly fetish wear I’d accumulated. We talked about nylon vs cotton panties and all manner of things I’d never been able to talk to anyone about. Somehow, in the midst of all that, her computer got fixed. More due to the tools doing a lot than me performing an exorcism.

“Thanks for agreeing to drive. The mechanic is still working on my car. He assured me that it would be ready by four, but it turns out that the parts house sent the wrong alternator. Now he says the best he can do it by end of day. Read six o’clock. Our dinner reservation is for five-thirty.”

“Where are we going?”

“Normandie, tenth and SE Ankeny.”

“Never heard of it.”

“Really? It’s taken over the space that Rue had. Kind of the same but different. Rue never seem to take, but Normadie is like a twenty something magnet. They get rave reviews.”

“I’m afraid I’ve never heard of Rue either.”

“You don’t get out much, do you?”

“No for a while.”

“Well, you’ll love it!”

“What’s their menu like?”

“A little of everything. Pretty heavy on sea food, but they have ribs to die for. Trust me, you’ll find some to tempt your taste buds.”

“Wow, this place is really busy. Good thing you’ve got reservations.”

“I’ve been here before. Good luck getting in if you don’t.”

The hostess greeted us at the door and took Eileen’s name.

“Ah yes, party of two. You requested an outdoor table.”

“Yes”

“Right this way.”

She led us to a small table for two tucked under the overhanging building. It was right on the street. The neighborhood would be described, I think urban industrial chic. It had obviously been an old business district that had seen some renovation. The building the restaurant was in was new, probably in the last ten years. Above were yuppie apartments. I guess you could describe the clientele as yuppies. Eileen had been right. Mostly twenty somethings seriously casually dressed.

The hostess placed the menus on the table and said, “Your server will be right with you,” and smiled. “Can I send some drinks over?”

“I’ll have a glass of Sauvignon Blanc”

“A glass of whatever you have on tap will be fine.”

Eileen sat down and picked up both menus and held them close to her chest.

“Now, don’t look at prices. Just order what looks good to you.”

I sat and raised an eyebrow. “Miss Got Rocks are you? Don’t tell me that this is one of those place where if you have to ask how much it is, you can’t afford it.”

“No, nothing like that. Most of the menu is quite affordable; it’s just that some of the selections can be a little spendy. They offer an eclectic cuisine featuring fresh food. But whatever we have, it’ll be worth the price.”

She handed me the menu. I scanned it. I know she told me not to look at the prices, but that made me look all the more. She was right; some of the offering were a bit pricey. One that made me cringe was, “Family Style Tararind Braised Short Ribs (Feeds 2+) … $78.” At that price the ribs had better be to die for. Most of the seafood was over $25 a plate. Even if I thought Eileen could well afford it, I’d not be having anything that costly.

“This is quite a menu. I don’t really know what to have.”

“As I remember, you like crab. You could have the Parisienne Gnocchi.”

“What kind of knocky?”

“Parisienne Gnocchi, French dumplings. Here.” She pointed it out on the menu. I’m glad she pronounced it I’d never have come close. I hesitated. “You looked at the price, didn’t you?”

“I couldn’t help it. I’m not sure what all the other stuff is that goes with the crab.”

“Chanterelles are mushrooms, Miso Butter is a flavored butter; very good, Shishitos are mild peppers and Scallions are a vegetable similar to mild onion or leeks.”

I still hesitated. They were $21 dollars.

“OK,” Eileen sighed. “If you’re not sure about the peppers, how about Croque Maame Beignets? That’s only $9 or $11 when you add the crab.”

She knew it was the price that got to me. If it was the peppers I could just pick them out. I found it on the menu and it looked pretty benign. There was only one thing I didn’t recognize but it was made with chives and I knew what chives were.

“OK that sounds good.” I hoped I didn’t offend her. But I just couldn’t let her spend that much on me.

Just then the waitress showed up with our drinks.

“Are we ready to order?” she wanted to know.

Eileen spoke right up. “I’ll have the Marinated Albacore. Ron, you said you’d like the Croque Madame Beignets with the crab, didn’t you?”

“Ah yeah.”

“OK then, Marinated Albacore and Croque Madame Beignets with Dungeness Crab,” she said scribbling on her pad. “Back soon.”

After the waitress cleared the area I had to assess the damage I’d done.

“I hope you aren’t insulted. It’s just my Scot’s blood runs thick. Spending over $20 a plate for dinner… well I’m not wasteful even if it’s someone else’s money.”

“That’s alright. I really think you’d have liked the Parisienne Gnocchi, but I can see that between the unusual sides and the price how you might balk. Let’s put that behind us and enjoy each other’s company.” She lifted her glass and said, “A toast to burgeoning friendships.”

We clinked glasses, “To friendships.”

The dinner was very good, the service was immaculate. By the end of the meal, I decided that spending time socially with Eileen was a good idea. She was far more fun that Julie had ever been. She had a mischievous sense of humor and a ready smile that she didn’t mind sharing. In general, her personality was infectious. A joy to be around.

“Well, thank you for dinner. I’d have never found this place on my own.”

“The night is young. Feel like a movie? We’re near the Lloyd Cinema. I’m sure that we could find something we would both enjoy.”

“OK, but only if you let me pay. You’ve spent far more than I would have charged you to fix your computer.”

“Deal.”

“What looks good to you?”

“As I remember, you said we could find something we’d both enjoy, so it’s a tough choice. The question is do we want go for schmaltzy or adventure.”

“Lots to pick from in either category. I’d say adventure.”

“I’ve heard good things about ‘Jumanji: The Next Level’. Everyone who’s seen it says it even better than the one with Robin Williams. I think that would be tough to top.”

“I could do ‘Jumanji’.”

I normally prefer sitting near the middle of the theater, but the movie was popular and the only seats available were either in the first five rows, or the last three. Near the screen just doesn’t do it for me.

“Hope you don’t mind sitting so far back. I get headaches if I sit too close.”

“Don’t mind at all,” she said taking my hand.

Umm, holding hands. Is she trying to tell me something?

We got seated just as the lights dimmed and the preshow advertisements started. She slipped her arm under mine and took my hand again.

She leaned in and asked, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what do you want to know?”

“Are you afraid of me?”

“Afraid of you??? No, nothing to be afraid of. Why would you ask that?”

“I don’t know, you just seem to be keeping me at arm’s length. Let me ask a different question. Please be brutally honest. Do you think I’m good looking?”

I’m sure I stammered a bit. I’d never had a girl ask that so directly.

“Well of course all the women in your family are good looking.”

“OK, I’ll put you on the spot. Am I as good looking as Julie?”

“I’d say so. You both have hair to die for. You’re both fit and … pleasing to the eye. But…”

“I knew there’d be a but.”

“But… you are by far the better looking.”

“Flattery will get everywhere. Do go on. What makes the difference?”

“Well Julie is a nice enough girl. She has all the attributes I’ve listed and she has a good personality, but it doesn’t really change how I feel about her. Your personality, on the other hand, enhances your beauty.” She looked up at me raised her eyebrows. “Taking that into account, comparing you and Julie side by side, you come out on top, hands down.”

She smiled and snuggled into me much in the same fashion that I’d discovered her after Sonja's wedding.

The movie started and I was almost immediately in agreement with the “it’s better” crowd. The game upgraded from a board game to an RPG and all the players were sucked into the game, but they didn’t stay as themselves. They became their avatars. Instead of their world being invaded by things from the game, they were in the world of the game. Far better special effects and an engrossing storyline that ranged from whimsical, as one of the girl’s avatar was an older male scientist. And the mousy, shy girl was a killer femme fatale, to edge of your seat adventure. Like any game you only get three lives. And no one knows what happens if you lose all three lives and they don’t want to find out. They find a kid in the game who had vanished 20 years ago without a trace and his dad had become drunken recluse as a result. I’d give it 5 out of 5 stars.

Eileen spent the first part of the movie cuddled in the position she’d started in, somewhere along the line she grabbed my bicep with her free hand and gasped as one of the characters lost their first life. I put my arm around her and she calmed down when the character came back. It seemed awkward to remove my arm, so I left it there.

“That was a great movie,” Eileen observed.

“Yeah it was, I’m glad you suggested it.” It was early yet and I really didn’t want the evening to end, so I asked, “Do you want to go home or would you rather get a drink somewhere and listen to some live music?”

“Oh, I’m in no hurry to go home. A drink and live music sounds good.”

“You’re the social person. Help a guy out and point me toward a good place.”

“How about a great place instead?” I cocked my head and looked at her. “White Eagle Saloon always has great music. It’s just off Interstate on N. Russel.”

“Sounds good.”

Since I was driving, I was careful to moderate my drinking, not hard to do without Eileen’s friends buying drinks left and right, as we soaked up the tunes in a truly fun venue. Somewhere around 11 or so, I suggested call it an evening.

I took her home and walked her to her door. Even though she had a good buzz on, she managed to walk well and keep her decorum until we reached her door.

She turned to face me as she unlocked the door and said, “I had a really great time. We should do it again sometime.”

“Only if I pay the next time.”

“I’d love that.”

She then surprised me by snaking an arm around my neck and kissing me full on the lips. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it. The very act got a reaction that I’m not sure I was comfortable with considering I was trying to keep Eileen in the friend zone.

“Would you like to come in,” she asked after ending the kiss none too soon.

I smiled at her. Hell yeah, I’d like to come in. “I don’t think that would be a particularly good idea.” She looked disappointed. “We’ve just been out consuming adult beverages and if I came in, you might regret it in the morning. Can I take a raincheck?”

“I doubt if I’d regret anything we could do, but don’t think I’ll forget you asked for a raincheck.” She gave me another quick kiss and stepped inside, turning to give me a seductive look.

“Goodnight, I’ll call you,” I told her.

I made a mental note to follow through on that. I waited until Tuesday to do it though.

“Hi Ron,”

“Hi Eileen. I thought I’d like to call and see how you are.”

“I’m great, now that you’ve called. I was beginning to think you’d forgotten you promised to call.”

“No, I didn’t forget. I just wanted to be sure you’d have had time to reflect on our date.”

“You mean you thought I might regret having asked you out?”

“There is that possibility. I haven’t always had great luck in the dating game.”

“One loss isn’t bad luck; it’s the breaks of the game.”

“It wasn’t just one loss. Julie was number three.”

“Number three?”

“Yeah, my college girlfriend took a hike when I tried to tell her about me and then there was my first serious girlfriend after I graduated. Her departure made it look like the first one had only drifted away.”

“Oh, so that makes you a three time loser.”

“You could put it that way.”

“Well, remember, I know about Veronica and have even met her before I asked you out. So I’m not taking a hike on that account.”

“No, you’re not. That has me a little confused. But look, you said you’d like to do it again. So I take it that you’d be up for another date?”

“Just say when. What did you have in mind?”

“Well, the weather is supposed to be good this coming weekend, so how do you feel about a day at the beach?”

“I love the beach. Saturday or Sunday?”

“I was thinking about Sunday. Some place not too crowded, say Rockaway Beach?”

“Where’s that?”

“North of Tillamook a little ways. If that’s too crowded we could come back south to Barview Jetty. And if that’s not enough, we can go south of Tillamook and do the three capes tour.”

“Sounds like a full day.”

“Yeah, if you’re up for it, we could start the day with breakfast at Coleman’s on the way to Tillamook and finish up with dinner at the Pig and Pancake in Seaside.”

“I’d love it. What time do you want to head out?”

“Since we’re starting with breakfast Say… seven? That would put us on the beach by nine.”

“Sounds good. What should I wear?”

“Something casual, slip on shoes, but bring a warm jacket and a light windbreaker. You know how the coast is. It can be sweltering in the valley and chilly at the beach.”

So began my courtship of Eileen. Three weeks later, her folks twigged to the idea we were “an item” as her mother put it.

Her dad called a month before our scheduled joint vacation.

“I hear you and Eileen have been keeping company.”

“Ah, yeah, I hope that’s OK with you guys.”

“It more than OK. But I’ll warn you. Her mother is already thinking of you as family.”

“Well, I won’t rule that out, at this point, but we’re still in the early days of dating. Who knows what we’ll find out about each other?”

He laughed. “Just thought you should know so that the next time you see her so you’ll be prepared. Anyway, since we’ve determined you and Eileen are seeing each other, I suppose you won’t mind that she’s invited herself on the vacation.”

“Ah, no, I think I’d enjoy her company.”

“I’ll let her come along so long as you promise that her being there won’t interfere with our fishing.” I could hear the twinkle in his eye.

“I promise. I think that Lori will be glad for the company when we’re out on the lake.”

“I think you’ve got that right. Why don’t you come over after work on Friday and figure on staying the night. We can get everything ready for an early start on Saturday?”

“Sounds good to me.

“Hi Ron, come on in. Rich is out in the drive beside the house, getting the trailer you’ll be sleeping in ready. Grab yourself a beer and go on out to help him. You can leave your things here at the bottom of the stairs,” Lori told me when she answered the door.

“Hi Ron, you’re just in time. Would you prefer a sleeping bag or should we make up the bed?”

“No need to get fancy for me. If you make up the bed, I’ll probably just throw my sleeping bag on top and sleep in it.”

“Well Lori thought we should give options, so I’m making up the bed. I think she thinks that you and Eileen just might…”

I held up a hand. “I, ah… think I’d feel a little uncomfortable with anything like that with you and Lori in the next camp.”

He smile at me. “You know, we’re pretty liberal. And we don’t have any illusions about our girl’s love lives. They’re grown women you know.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“You’ve also noticed that they have all the attributes that make a man attracted to them.”

“I have, but still… I think there won’t be a need.” I was blushing a bit.

He clapped me on the shoulder.

“I don’t think we need to do much. This is intended to only be a bedroom. We’ll top off the water and I’ve already filled the propane so you can have a hot shower and use the john, but you’ll be eating with us.”

“Alright. What do we need to do yet?”

“Let’s go inside and see what Lori’s got lined up for supplies that need to be put in the motorhome.”

Eileen showed up as we were stocking cupboards in the motor home. After greeting her folks, she came over and gave me a hug and a quick kiss on the lips.

“I’m really going to enjoy this vacation. Just think eight whole days in the greatest company in the world.”

“You’re folks are pretty good company alright. But I’d think that after being raised in the family you’d be so used to it you really wouldn’t notice.”

“I was talking about you silly. Of course I like my folks company. They’re the greatest parents in the world. But I do suppose I do take them for granted. They’ve always been great parents, so they’d have to do something really spectacular for me to notice.” She giggled. “You do know that I love you Mom and Dad, don’t you.”

“Of course dear,” Lori said and came over to give her a hug, “and we love you to. We even love that weird sense of humor you have.”

Over dinner we discussed it and decided that we’d take the longer route there, out through the gorge, in deference to me towing the trailer. The Suburban had plenty of power for it, but opting for fewer long pulls up hill would just make for a more pleasant drive. It only added about forty-five minutes to the drive. And we had plenty of time. If we left by ten in the morning, we’d still get there in time for Rich and I to get some fishing in that evening.

So after a hearty breakfast we hit the road, actually a bit early. Eileen opted to ride with me, so I didn’t have to drive alone. Besides she and Lori could keep in touch by phone if anything came up. I’m not going to say I wasn’t glad to have the company.

It was a gorgeous day to take a drive. We were almost to Cascade Locks when Eileen said, “I suppose I’d better tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“About Julie.”

I had a feeling this conversation was going to be like pulling teeth and it wouldn’t be good.

“What about Julie?”

“We were over for Mom and Dad’s anniversary and the subject of this trip came up. I hate to say it, but you were right. She’s not happy about you and I dating. She got me alone and read me the riot act about dating you. She, ah… she called you some unpleasant names and told me if I knew what was good for me I’d break it off before Mom and Dad found out about you. She also asked how I could trust you knowing what she told me.”

I was quiet for a few minutes.

“So are you going to break it off with me?”

“Not on your life. She’s a bigot and I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. But you should know that the innuendo was there that she’d tell Mom and Dad if I didn’t. So I think we’d better figure out how to tell them.”

I took a deep breath. “OK. I suppose you think it should be on this trip.”

“The sooner the better.”

“I’ve never been successful and telling anyone without them freaking out.”

“I’ll help you. You remember, I told you I’m in research and I’m good at it. In my luggage I’ve got about a ream of print outs from some really well known organizations about the transgender condition. So we can over whelm them with information and logic.”

“Let’s not do it the first day, OK? If it doesn’t go well, I don’t want it hanging over the rest of the week.”

“I was thinking of Wednesday or after. That’ll give you time to look at what I’ve brought and organize it.”

“Yeah, I’d like to do that. That would give me time to work out just what to say.”

I tried my best to put the bombshell that Eileen had dropped on the way out of my mind. But it was lurking there in the back of my head.

Rich and I did get some fishing in that evening from about six until dark. I almost did lay it aside completely.

When we got back to camp, Eileen gave me hug and a light kiss. During the hug she whispered. “I put the paperwork in the silverware drawer in your trailer.

I spent a couple of hours after everyone else retired to the motorhome going over the print outs Eileen had compiled. I’ll give her this, considering the short time she had to work on it; she did a great job of pulling together both professional and lay material that gave Trans a mostly positive spin. However most of the professional papers were closer to a neutral. They left impression that it was really benign and nothing to be concerned about, except by those who were Trans.

That sent my head spinning. I slept fitfully that night. As a result Rich came banging on the door at first light. It seems I’d turned off my alarm and hesitated too long to get out of bed and managed to fall back asleep.

I immediately knew what had happened and hollered out, “Gimme a minute I’m on the pot.”

I scrambled out of bed and pulled on some pants, grabbed a shirt. In the john, it sat to relieve myself as I put on my shirt. I pulled on my boots, grabbed my wallet and stumbled out the door.

“I saw your light on late when I got up to drain the old bladder. Here.”

He handed me a cup of coffee. I breathed in the aroma and took a sip.

“Thought you might need that. What kept you up so late?”

“Oh, it’s one of my old habits. When I’m working on a difficult problem for work, I sometimes wake up with the solution and I have to get up and write it down or I’ll lose it by morning.” It was a lie, and I hated lying to him, but truthfully I do, do that.

“You gonna be up to fishing this morning?”

“Yeah. Have we got a thermos of this?” I asked holding up my coffee.

“Yes we do.”

“Good I’ll be sure to wear my life jacket in case I doze off and fall overboard. If the coffee doesn’t wake me up, falling in the drink will.”

“That’s the spirit.”

We actually managed to catch a nice string of fish between us. We looked forward to trout for dinner.

That night we play Mexican Train dominos, roasted the obligatory s’mores and generally had a good time. I managed to hold the problem of telling them at arm’s length. At one point, Eileen and I went for a walk down by the reservoir and enjoyed the moon light over the water. OK, so there was some hugging and kissing going on.

So it went the next few days. Slowly over that time, I managed to ready myself for the big reveal. Not to say I wasn’t nervous, because every time I thought about telling them I broke into a cold sweat. I was more concerned for Eileen than for myself. I was used to being a loner. I’d just go back to that if things went south. But Eileen would have to choose between me and her family. That should never be the case. If she chose family, I’d be devastated. If she chose me I’d feel guilty. If they weren’t at least accepting it was lose-lose situation.

Thursday evening rolled around and I found I couldn’t concentrate on the game we were playing. Rich noticed.

“Say Ron you’re off your game here. Come to think of it you seemed to be preoccupied all-day. What’s up? Got something you’d like get off your chest?”

Boy did I. I looked at Eileen and she gave me a hint of a smile and a slight nod of her head.

“There is something I should say to you guys. But before I do I want to tell you how much I respect you and I… ah, I hope what I’m going to say well set well with you.”

“I’ll get the paper work for you,” Eileen said to me and headed over to the trailer.

We all watched her go. When I looked back at Rich and Lori, the both had questioning looks.

“Paper work?” Lori said. I saw the hint of a smile on her face.

I don’t know what she’s thinking, but whatever it she’s way off base.

Eileen made it back in record time, manila envelope in hand. Lori got a puzzled look on her face when she saw how thick the envelope was. Rich was stoic.

I gave Eileen a weak smile and pulled the papers an inch or two out of the envelope, found the one I’d dog eared and pulled out the four above it sliding the rest back in.

“Eileen told me that Julie confided in her why she broke up with me. From what you’ve said about it I take it she didn’t tell you.”

“No, when we asked, she just said she didn’t want to talk about it. We kind of thought that sooner or later she might tell us, but she hasn’t.”

“Yeah, well she wasn’t the first one.” I jogged the paper against the table. “She’s likely to tell you because Eileen and I have been dating. I’d rather you heard it from me. There’s something about me that any woman I want to marry should know before I propose. From Julie’s reaction I’m sure that when she gets around to telling you, it’ll be pretty slanted toward the negative. Most people thoroughly misunderstand it.”

“So what is it?”

“It’s not easy for me to talk about it, but these two papers are a pretty good representation. This one,” I handed it to Rich, “is a professional paper by a noted doctor in the field. And this one,” I handed it to Lori, “is by a person involved in the situation.”

They each scanned the papers. Rich was done first.

“OK, I know about transgender. We had a guy transition at work last year. I’d worked closely with him, after transition, I still worked closely. I can’t say much really changed. He went from a slight built he to a slight built she. Except for clothing choice, nothing else change. Are you telling us that you are transgender?”

“In the broadest sense of the word, yes.”

“This paper speaks of a gender spectrum. Everything from fetish cross-dresser to transsexual, with infinite points in between. Where do you see yourself?”

“That’s a good question. Growing up, I thought of it as a kind of hobby, kind of like acting in community theater. But when I did my research back in high school, there wasn’t a lot online by professionals. What information I got came from bulletin boards frequented by cross-dressers. They pretty much convinced me that this was something that wasn’t going away. I tried and found they were right. Since they knew what they were talking about there, I considered that what they said about relationships was also right. They said that it was only fair that when getting ready to pop the question I should tell my intended all about it so she could make an informed decision.”

“You tried that with Julie and she didn’t take it well,” Rich offered.

“Yes, but getting back to your question, Lori. Terminology has changed and grown as the Trans community has evolved. Right now, I’d say I’m what is known as gender fluid. That is I don’t hate my male body, but I have femme side that is a mile wide. Internally,” I tapped my head, “I’m more feminine than masculine. Carl Jung, a psychologist from the fifties, postulated that there was something masculine about every woman and something feminine about every man. Those of us who are Trans tend to embrace that part of us. It becomes a consuming factor in our lives and influences everything we do and say.”

“So you’re saying that you don’t want have any surgery then? Just express your feminine side by…?”

“By wearing women’s clothes… often.”

Lori took a long look at Eileen who had been silent since saying she’d get the paper work.

“When Eileen said she was getting the paper work I almost thought she was going to get your marriage license… that you two had run off and gotten married.

“So, Eileen, you’re fully aware of all this then?”

“Yes, I’ve even met Veronica.”

“Veronica?”

“Ah, that’s what I call my alter ego.”

“So,” Rich inserted, “what are your intentions with Eileen. You had intended to marry Julie. Are you planning to, or maybe you have already proposed to Eileen and that’s why you’re telling us now?”

Eileen jumped in. “No, Dad, he hasn’t proposed, but I wouldn’t mind if he did.” She looked at me. I could feel the cold sweat start to trickle down my back.

I can’t say that the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. But there was the Julie hurtle to get over.

“I’m not sure what to say. A relationship with Eileen is a little awkward in my mind. The way Julie and I broke up made it clear that she couldn’t accept me in her life.” I looked wistfully at Eileen. “I wish I’d met Eileen first.”

Rich spoke up. “Look son, you being transgender to whatever degree you are, is between you and Eileen if you’re to have a relationship.” He looked at Lori. “I think we are in agreement that whatever the two of you want it is OK with us. We like you and would be proud to have you in the family.”

“So,” Lori asked, “are going to propose to our daughter? She’s as much as said yes already.”

“What about Julie?”

“Are you still in love with Julie?”

“No, when she rejected me that pretty much killed anything I felt for her. Frankly, up until I started dating Eileen, I was hallow inside.”

“And you’re not hollow any more?

“No, but I see Julie as a problem.”

“Don’t. Julie’s a big girl. If she has a problem then she needs to grow up a little,” Rich said emphatically.

“You haven’t answered my question,” Lori reminded me.

Talk about pressure. This time Rich didn’t come to my rescue.

I looked at Eileen and thought about it. She was really everything I wanted in a wife. She was easy on the eyes, laughed easily, smiled a lot and most of all, she accepted me just as I was.

“Eileen,” I said getting down on one knee. “Please don’t think I’m being pressured in this, because I have thought of it before. I don’t have a ring, but would you marry me?”

Her eyes brimmed with tears, but she was smiling. She looked at her mom and then her dad. I didn’t look, but I think they both nodded.

“I’d be pleased to.”

“You know that Julie’s going to be difficult about this.”

“I’m counting on it. For seventy or so years, I intend to rub her nose in the fact that she had first dibs on the great guy I married and turned it down.”

I stood and she threw her arms around me and kiss me a toe curling kiss.

Rich stood and clapped me on the back when we broke. “Welcome to the family, son.”

“Not officially yet,” I told him.

“Official or not, you are family,” Lori assured me.

I insisted that we not rush into it. I wanted everybody involved in the decision to have time for the cold light of day to shine on what we’d decided. So it was nine months (I had envisioned a year, but Eileen couldn’t wait) later that I was at the front of the church and it was Eileen walking down the aisle on her father’s arm.

It was a small ceremony her parents, my parents and a few close friends.

I wasn’t there, but I’m told that Julie pitched a fit when she told her parents why she’d broken up with me and they simply said. “We know. If Eileen wants to marry him that for her to worry about not us.”

She called Eileen in a rage shortly after and said, “He’s not going to change you know.”

Eileen’s answer was, “I hope not. I love him just as he is.”

Finis