Part 2 of 11

Chapter 3
I was havin' this really strange dream. Like, I sometimes have sexy dreams, ones that make me change the sheets before my mother can do the job, but they're usually not all that vivid and I don't remember much when I wake up.

This one was clear and sharp. I was lyin' on my back and there were these two sexy angels lookin' down at me. Each one held one of my arms and they were takin' me somewhere. I decided that I was in no hurry to get there because every time one of the angels took a step I could see her titties bounce as she pulled. Damn! I had never seen an actual, for real tittie before - other than in my imagination - but I was perfectly happy to keep watching.

After a while I realized my arms were startin' to ache, which is a pretty shitty thing to have happen in such a nice dream. Then my nose cut back in and the stink was not what anyone would expect in a wet dream. Did angels smell like puke? I really wondered if God would let that sort of crap happen.

"Jesus, he may be a little shit but he weighs an effin ton!" complained the angel on my right.

"Why did that bitch Jenny have to go and puke on him? She should be the one that has to clean the puke off him, not us."

"I think she passed out just to stick us with the job."

"How the hell did the little prick get in here?"

"How do you know he has a little prick?"

"We'll find out in a minute once we get him in the tub. If I wanted to be giving strange dudes showers I would have become a nurse, not a goddam interior decorator."

"I sure don't like Jenny's ideas of decorating. God it stinks."

"C'mon girl, less bitching and more pulling."

"I'm not pulling anything on this guy, especially not his prick."

"You been too long without a prick in you if that's all you can think of."

"I got a dildo, works for me. How can you think of sex at a time like this?"

"Deprivation. Even this little shit is starting to look good."

"I hope I never get that desperate!"

They couldn't be angels after all. Angels wouldn't talk like that, would they?

"One more heave and in he goes."

"Shouldn't we at least warm up the water first?"

"Who gives a shit? We didn't invite him to the party."

Suddenly I was in the midst of an arctic blizzard. Did they toss me out into the freakin' snow or what?

"He's blocking the drain. We don't want a flood."

"Hell! I'm taking my nightgown off, I'm not going to sleep all wet."

"Depends where he gets you wet, Wendy."

"Fuck you!"

"It don't work that way. You'd have to ask him if that's what you want."

"As if he's going to be doing any fucking for a while. What the hell has he been getting into, his clothes are disgusting. And his hair looks like it's full of cement."

"Hardset, right?"

"Get you mind out of the gutter, girl and help me get his pants off."

"This isn't the way I pictured my knight in shining armor sweeping me off my feet."

"At least he has clean underwear. His Momma would be proud."

"Holy shit! He sure ain't no little prick. It's going to take practice to get all that inside."

"Just be glad we hit him with cold water, I'd hate to see that thing angry."

"What do we do with his clothes?"

"Throw them down the damn incinerator chute. I ain't going to try and wash anything like that."

Wait a minute! Those are my clothes they're talking about. I tried to say something but my mouth hadn't started working yet. I think I was trying to talk in Italian or German or something like that - English was beyond me.

"Should we wash his hair? If we leave it like that it'll turn into a brick."

"You're the effin beautician, go ahead if you want. I'm gonna get rid of these rags."

I was alone with one naked angel, who doused me with shampoo and started rubbin' my head. I started to sputter when she rinsed me off and then damned if she didn't rub conditioner into my hair. Mom was always harpin' on me to use the stuff on my hair but men just don't do sissy stuff like that. I mean, really!

Oh hell! It felt good. I really didn't want to admit that. Damn good thing my mouth was still on strike.

"Yo dude!" the angel growled at me. "You back with us yet?"

No sense in tryin' to fake it. I nodded and actually was able to say "Yeah, I think so."

"Good. I don't know where the hell you came from, but we gotta get Jenny in that tub. You gotta help me, I can't do it by myself."

"I guess."

"Don't guess, just do it or I start screaming 'rape'!"

"Shit, don't do that. I'd never…

"OK, I believe you. C'mon and help carry her in here."

"My clothes…"

"You see anyone wearing clothes in here? Screw the clothes and get your ass moving!"

I moved. I helped. I couldn't help but watchin' those giant naked titties bounce as we carried Jenny to the shower. We put her in the tub just like she was and she started to hose her friend down. Good thing their tub had one of those hand shower things or it woulda been hell to keep her under the water.

"I'll hold her up and you take off her nightgown."

Jesus! First time I get to take the clothes off a girl and she's unconscious and in a tub. Just think like a zombie and obey your mistress' commands. I got Jenny naked, but it wasn't in the least sexy.

"Rinse the nightgown in the sink and hang it up to dry while I finish her off."

"Well, ain't this a cozy little scene?"

The one called Wendy had returned. I still didn't know who my naked angel was, though.

"Screw you, Wendy!"

"I told you you were out of luck with that, Patty."

That answered that question. So the three angels are Jenny, Wendy and Patty. I just hope that Charlie fella didn't show up, it could get even more embarrassing.

"I think Jenny's clean. Now what do we do with her?

"Put her in her bed. She'll sleep until morning anyway. She always does when she gets drunk."

"OK, dude. You're going to help us carry her in to her bed. Shit! I can't keep calling you 'dude,' what's your name?"

"Uh Vito."

"Well, Uh Vito, I'm Patty and she's Wendy. The body in the tub is Jenny, so grab and end."

We got Jenny into her bed and covered up. I almost gave up lookin' at her titties and her crotch when I saw her room. I ain't never been in a chick's room before and it sure didn't look like anythin' I imagined. I was expectin' all frilly and flouncy and lots of lace and shit, but it just looked - I dunno - nice. Mostly purples, the chick musta liked purple, but nothin' that screamed sexy broad, if ya know what I mean. It was one helluva lot cleaner than my bedroom, anyways.

"No sense putting her in a nightgown, if she pukes again we'd only have to wash it. Let her sleep it off. Now, come in the living room and tell us just what the hell you're doing in our apartment."

She could do the command voice every bit as well as Momma. I quit lookin' and I got.
 

Chapter 4
"Shit!" Says Patty. "What am I thinking? I'm standing here naked as a jaybird with a complete stranger, who is also naked as a jaybird. Do they have special names for boy jaybirds and girl jaybirds?"

"I wouldn't have a clue."

"Who gives a crap, I must still be half drunk even to ask that question. Hell, I've got to be half drunk to be standing here talking with a naked guy and not getting freaked out."

"Not something I ever thought I'd be doin'. And thanks for cleanin' me up - I appreciate it."

"We need to get some clothes on before we do anything else."

"Good idea, but I think you burned my clothes."

"They deserved it. Don't take this wrong, but you might fit into my pajamas."

"Are they any more modest than those nightgowns you was wearing?"

"Hey, we were thumbing our noses at the blizzard by wearing them to have a drink. You don't think we would wear something like that during the winter, do you?"

"I dunno. Never seen a girl in a nightgown before."

"You're kidding!"

"Nope, I'm an only child, no sisters to look at and Moms don't really count, do they?"

"Not for nightgown fantasies, anyway. C'mon into my bedroom and we can check. Hell, you've already been in there, since you came flying out of my door to get puked on."

"I didn't mean to be there!"

"Then how… No, later for that. We need to get dressed first."

So we went into Patty's room and she immediately spots the hole in the ceilin'.

"Well, that answers one question. This is going to be one hell of a story, isn't it?"

"More like a nightmare."

"Here, try these."

Pink flannel pajamas with bunnies on them. Bunnies! Not even Playboy bunnies. For a second I got worried about gettin' dressed with her watching, but I realized how silly that was since we were both already naked.

They fit. They even felt good. My old man would pitch a fit if he could see me now.

"Uh, thanks, Patty."

"They suit you. You even look kind of cute."

Just what guy wants to hear. She found a pair of purple flannels and covered up her body. I was kinda disappointed, I liked lookin' at her body.

"OK Vito, story time."

We joined Wendy in the livin' room and sat around the table. Wendy had made some hot cocoa while we were gettin' Jenny to bed, which seemed kinda tame after what they had been drinkin' earlier. Not that I objected, I still wasn't old enough to drink legally, so I wasn't no expert at that sort of shit.

"So where the devil did you come from?" asked Wendy. "We locked the door when we got home early because of the blizzard. You sure as hell weren't here then."

"He came through a hole in my bedroom ceiling."

"What?"

"Remember the vent up there? That's how he got in."

"Well, what the hell were you doing in the ceiling?"

"It's a long story."

"We got time, buster. Spill!"

"Wait!" cried Patty. "It wouldn't have anything to do with all the cops and ambulances and shit out there earlier? I swear I saw someone in a body bag."

"Oh shit! No!"

"You knew whoever it was?"

"I don't know. It might have been a cop. I suppose we'll find out anyway once it hits the papers. We was robbing the bank and it all went to hell…"

So I told them the whole story, I had to tell someone and these girls were ready to listen. How they didn't go apeshit and call the cops right away I'll never know, but I think they actually felt sorry for me.

"I didn't know that Slim even had a gun. Uncle Jimmy woulda killed him if he didn't get killed hisself tonight. It's bad enough doing time for robbery, killin' someone can get you the chair."

"Damn! And honorable thief. I thought they were only in books."

"This one was as bad as some of the stuff Donald Westlake writes about."

"Never heard of him."

"Jeez - I guess us criminals are his audience. We love to read about Dortmunder, who always screws up the job in a funny way. Tonight wasn't funny, though."

"Guys, I'm ready to call it a night," said Wendy.

"Me too. Vito, you get the couch. We'll figure out what happens tomorrow. Hell, with the blizzard, we may be roommates for a while. I just hope the power doesn't get knocked out. You guys are cute and everything, but I don't want to start bundling for warmth."

I kept my mouth shut. I may be dumb, but I ain't stupid.