I Wanted Her
A Short Story
By Maryanne Peters

I fell in love with Alex when she was 13 – when she was a boy. I was 16 and had everything a young man could have, except love. I never thought of myself as gay. I still don’t. I just happened to be there when I saw the woman in her poke out through the boy.

My father was her family doctor. The money does not come from his side of the family, but my mother wanted to marry a doctor. She gets what she wants too. She thought that he might make something of himself in medicine, but he is a GP. It is not because he is not smart enough to be a brain surgeon, it is just that he says General Practice is a calling – to help ordinary people with ordinary problems. Now my mother loves that about him. She loves my Dad. I wanted a love like that.

I was visiting my father’s clinic after school and I was on the computer in the adjoining room when he Alex and his mother arrived. I should not have done it, but when I heard the sobbing I went to the door to listen and peak through the gap. Alex was standing there, pale skinned with a big mop of fair hair, stripped to the waist, and with a pair of wonderful pubescent breasts. My father squeezed one and she let out the perfect little whimper.

“Gynecomastia is quite common in young boys where puberty comes late,” my father explained. “There is nothing remarkable about it. I could prescribe drugs but I prefer to let nature take its course. Male puberty will come. Just hide them away until it does.”

I remember wanting to scream out “No!” Male puberty would destroy something of exquisite beauty that could only improve over time. Who would want to do that? Nature can be so cruel. I saw just how cruel when his pants came down on my father’s instructions, and I saw that little protuberance, so incongruous.

“The undescended testicles are of greater concern,” I heard my father say. “I should probably check for hormonal or perhaps chromosomal abnormalities”.

It meant nothing to me. I looked at her face and I saw the dismay and the sadness, and I fell in love.

My mother says that I can have whatever I want. She says that people will do anything for money. Sell their own mother or sell their own child. Would Alex’s mother sell away her own son? Well, she basically did.

As it happened, she had always wanted a daughter and she was disappointed that with two sons already, her third child emerged from her as a boy. But as my mother told her, it did not have to stay that way.

My father was furious that I had spied on his work and discussed his patients with my mother, but like her, he wanted to give me what I wanted most. It was really a question of obtaining the proper consent from Alex’s mother as the only responsible parent.

My father started by injecting the hormone release capsule that started everything. Then, a few months later he diagnosed sepsis in the undescended testicles and recommended their removal. And all the while Alex’s mother wiped away his tears and secretly rejoiced.

But not as much as I did. It was everything I wanted. I was so lucky to have parents so devoted to my happiness.

My father insisted that there be regular follow up appointments, and he told me in advance so that I could watch her in waiting room, or through the door of the room adjoining his consulting area. So I watched her hair grow out, and I watched her body develop. I watched a boy slowly become a girl. It was exactly what I wanted.

When she started living as Alexis I asked her out. I was still at high school then, and everybody there knew that she had been born a boy. The guys asked me: “Why her? A rich guy like you could have any girl you want.” Exactly. I want her.

Alex was reluctant at first. I guess she still could not quite see herself as female. She thought maybe going out with a guy was gay. I played it cool. I said that we could just spend time together, so long as she looked as pretty as possible.

I also had her mother on my side, of course. She collected the money we secretly gave her and kept suggesting that I was the perfect guy. I was. I am.

I wanted her mother to keep confirming that she was a woman inside, that she was wasted as a boy, and that she did not need to be one – full surgery was the best option. That was what I wanted. She needed to be rid of the one thing that marked her as not fully female – the cruel trick nature had played on her.

Sometimes you have to wait for what you want. I know that. I could wait. I could take buy my sexual pleasures elsewhere and give Alex the time to grow and to heal. So long as I got to adore her from a distance and date her occasionally to remind her that she was my girl.

But it was the prom that changed everything. Her mother told me that it would. She said that there was nothing like getting ready for the prom to make a girl feel like a girl. I paid for the dress. I had her wear white. I told her mother that I wanted her long hair to be styled in soft waves, and her makeup be spectacular, but not overdone. She did it exactly the way I wanted.

And it was perfect. I presented her with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. I left a little note in it which just read: ‘You are the most perfect girl in the world. I love you’. I meant it.

It seemed to me that I had everything that I wanted. Except that I wanted her to want me, as well.

Not Brent. Me.

The End

© Maryanne Peters 2020