By the time I reach my Mom, my eyes are filled with tears and it is hard to talk. Mom pulls me to her and I am soon in her lap. “Sorry you were caught off guard but you shouldn’t have any secrets held from us.”

My Mom, “I want you using Melanie’s night clothes until this costume stuff is over and done. Then we will talk more seriously.”

“Mom, after Halloween I am going back to being just Mel!” I said that loud enough for her and Dad to hear.

Holding onto me, “There were a number of times today you were Melanie, beyond what one might expect. I am wondering more ‘who just Mel’ might be. You looked like you really enjoyed yourself today. What are some of the things you enjoyed today?” I thought, look to her and Dad wondering what is safe to say. I don’t want them thinking I am serious about this, that would be crazy.

“Everything just went a little further that I thought and I was surprised I didn’t become more uncomfortable. I didn’t know Sara and Trudy made me up to look like a real girl and pretty at that. I liked the girl clothes because they’re more colorful and look so much better than boy stuff.”

I am about to fall asleep when Mom leads me back to bed and tucks me in and begins to pray: “God, we don’t hold back any secrets from you either. Guide and bless Mel in these coming days. She was so relaxed tonight. There is a comfort I don’t often see. Help us as parents to give the support and guidance that is appropriate. Help Melanie to relax and consider what this experience means. Amen.”

I drift off to sleep and it is a good sleep. Mom wakes me up early suggesting another shower and to brush out my hair real well.

I am back in my regular clothes but I still feel a little like Melanie. The day at school and work goes fine. I am thankful tomorrow is Saturday, but I won’t be able to sleep in as I am scheduled to work from 9-6 at the store. The coming week I am scheduled Monday through Thursday and Friday is penciled in with a question mark behind it. Later when Tom sees me he says, “I have tried to give you Friday off, but I do not have your time covered by any other worker yet. I gave you Saturday, and if nothing else changes I will need you to work Friday as usual.”

I heard our football team won last night and they are in the first round of the playoffs. I see Derek and I see he is upset. “Derek,” I call from behind the counter as we don’t have any customers, “Hey what are you down about?”

“Now were in the play-offs, the guys want me back on the field, but my knee and ankle aren’t ready for contact. The guys don’t want to hear that. They say I have a whole year to recover.”

I try to say I understand and support him but Derek says I’m just agreeing like the other girls. I’m offended but I know I’m not seen as even mildly macho. Derek talks and I just listen, he feels better when he’s walking away.

Trudy has the morning off but comes early to talk with me and Sandy from school is there at the same time. Sandy sees me talking to Trudy so she asks jokingly, “Is this the girl who has you forgetting your makeup?”

Trudy responds, “You know, boys they don’t quite see all we do to look good for them.”

Sandy tells her, “Yesterday, I could tell his nails had been done and something had been done with his hair.”

Trudy smiles and says, “Seemingly, you’re a friend and not out to cause him trouble? It’s just in preparation for Halloween. You can see him here early next week or we’ll both be at your costume dance on Friday.”

Sandy asked, “Do you need help or to borrow anything?”

I lose my patience, “No!”

Trudy says, “Down girl, she’s a friend.” They both giggle at that.

“It’s okay, maybe I’ll have a chance to help her learn to play nicely with other girls?” Sandy with a giggle and a pronounced wiggle walks away. Trudy walks away with Sandy, “We may do some experimenting or shopping tomorrow you know.”

That evening after my shower, I find a long skirt and long sweater outfit on my bed. I put on my nightshirt and robe to go find Mom. “Mom, why the outfit?”

“There’s a Metro Church and a Lutheran Church near the University over at Brunswick. I thought you might like to experience a larger sense of community and acceptance.”

“Mom, this is just for Halloween, I told you that.”

“Then it is not a question, you and I are going there for church so plan to be up by seven. End of that discussion!” Mom lightens up and pats the couch for me to sit next to her. She asks for a wrist as she reaches for her purse, she lightly sprays a perfume on it. “What do you think of it?”

I know not to argue and sniff, “It’s a subtle fragrance, a flower and vanilla, I think.”

“Very good, please don’t wash it off, now go get some sleep.” I did go to bed but two hours later I heard a clock chime once. I’m daydreaming thinking this and that.

Finally when I sleep its sweet dreams but none that I remember when I awake. It is 6:30 and I stay up after going to the loo. I quickly shower and use Sara’s shampoo and conditioner. I’m even patting myself dry.

I pick out the everyday bra since I’m wearing a sweater over it and another pair of panties firm enough to hold me in. I put on the long skirt and long bulky sweater. I’m not sure what to wear in the way of shoes but finally step into a laced platform shoe and do the straps.

It is 7:20 when I go down to the kitchen; I get a cup of tea, a Danish and scoot into the nook. Mom is sitting on the other side across from me. “I guess we are going to Brunswick?” She said we would last night. “You look pretty good, but what do you want to do with your hair? And what will you wear with your heels?”

“I thought a short ponytail but don’t know how to do it right.”

Mother says, “We could do a sweeping bang in front, some curls to the sides as well as the ponytail that’s what I suggest.” I agree. “Would you prefer pantyhose or knee high stockings?
The stockings would be nice to show off your toes and nicely present you as a girl.”

Mom prepares to stick back in my studs and hoop earrings and I make faces. “It wouldn’t have hurt if you had kept them in.”

She ties a clean dish towel like a bib on me and she hands me a toasted muffin. “It would be nice if Melanie has better eating habits then Mel.” My appetite is usually bigger but this works fine as Mom and I talk. Sara is down asking, “Who dressed you.” She giggled, knowing I did. Mom says, Melanie and I were going to the open church near the university. Sara invites herself which is good. Come 8:30 even Dad is in the car going with us.

Their young vicar Carolyn is presiding over the early contemporary service. I remark, “It isn’t easy to tell who is from the LGBT community and who isn’t.”

Sara who attends the university asks, “Do you see yourself as being in that community?” My answer is a hardy “No”. Sara said, “I expect some others here didn’t either.” My snarl is met by her giggling, “Grow up brother, there are worse things than being you.”

The service would be meaningful to anyone, but it goes an extra step to make everyone feel welcome. One Scripture reader is a T-girl with an inadequate feminine voice. I wonder how Melanie’s voice sounds.

Going out of church Mom tells Vicar Carolyn that I am their son trying to find myself. She asks me, “Would you take time to talk with me?”

Mom responds, “She and I can take some time.” Mom tells Dad we will be out to the car when we’re done.

Carolyn asks another person to be a reader for her during the next service. She takes us to a side chapel. “Let me begin by saying you present yourself very well.” I thank her but I’m feeling very shy and defensive. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but your mother says you are trying to find yourself. Do you see yourself leaning towards being gay, a heterosexual crossdresser or one transitioning to become female?”

I explain the past five days, and she smiles saying, “Seemingly things have gone smoother than expected and you were even comfortable enough to intentionally come to the service here dressed as Melanie. I am glad your family is supportive. I hope you have found some in the faith community support you in your journey.”

I say, “But God won’t,” as my eyes start tearing.

She hands me a tissue, “Try to pat your eyes it will be easier on your makeup… Please know God loves you and supports your journey. Unfortunately, some people who say they speak for God will tell you differently that we’re wrong. I use to be like that but since I was in junior high I’ve met too many special people and God has moved me to know that she has an open mind.”

“You think God is a woman?”

“I think God is beyond our comprehension and the ability of our language in expressing things as well as we’d like.” She is reaching behind her neck and is holding a cross; not the liturgical cross she wore at worship. “Would you do a favor for me, and let me put this on you? I am not putting my faith upon you but hope you will sense God being with you.”

I lean forward as she puts it around my neck. “If you feel comfortable, I hope to see you Melanie next Sunday with no illusion of costume.” We soon said good-bye and we were back out to the car.

We’re traveling home when Sara’s smart phone rings. It is Trudy calling to see if I can come over. I’m to be dropped off there and Sara will come after she finishes her studies.

Mom explained to Trudy’s family that I was dressed this way for practice with possibly going out. Trudy’s dad buys it and her mom’s smirk indicates she expects more is possible.

“Someone has given me some leggings that would go with an oversized pink sweater like the one you have on.” She doesn’t ask, but sends me to strip down to try them on. Woe, the leggings snug the body like pantyhose and I know some girls don’t wear much if anything over them. The pink sweater fits and snuggles around the top of my legs. Trudy’s Mom, Elaine, came into the room with a cup of tea which I take to drink.

It was nice to drink and hold something warm as I was nervous. Elaine tells Trudy, “Your Cousin Jaci just called and wants you to go to an early movie with her; and remember you have already had two times you couldn’t make it.” Trudy agreed, and we are to meet Jaci at the theatre near the mall. Her mom agrees to drop us off; Trudy announces, “Jaci can give us a ride home.”

Three guys are with Jaci as we walk up to her. I am ready to hyperventilate, but Trudy reminds me that I don’t want that to draw attention to myself. Trudy is upset with Jaci, “I have a boyfriend you know?” She doesn’t protest too much. When it’s Travis who is paying her ticket and drink, notices his good looks her protest evaporates. Alan is paying for me and if I were a girl, I guess I wouldn’t be too upset either. Alan takes my hand as we wait to buy the tickets and then the popcorn and cola.

I know Alan; I’ve played in baseball competition against him. He’s a grade or two older and a nice guy. Our talking is easy enough. I look at Alan and smile at the humor of being with another boy. Alan takes it that I really like him and snuggles me to him. “Melanie, you are really cute and it’s easy talking to you.” I know he’s looking to kiss me.

I say, “Hey, we should at least wait till the movie’s been playing.”

Trudy leans over on the other side, “You know he now expects during the movie you will kiss.” That isn’t what I meant, but I look and I easily know she is right. She jokingly said, “You should keep your mouth closed.” Eu, I hope she didn’t mean if we kissed.

Previews were shown and we make it thirty minutes into the movie. I am laughing and look to Alan. He moves to kiss me and I automatically tilt me head to the side. The kiss is nice and quick. I start to say thanks and he’s kissing me with my mouth still open. I feel his tongue touch mine and I am holding the embracing of our lips. I am a little excited but I’m glad that atleast I’m not aroused. The movie seems good but I don’t get to watch much. We stand up at the end of the movie, Alan gives me a hug as his hands slip down onto my buns.

I turn to leave, Trudy is shaking her head at me, and pulls me into the little girls’ room. “Don’t go pee it’s not that nice, but we need to fix our makeup.” I’m glad Trudy put mine in the purse she gave me. I take out the small makeup bag hoping she’d do it. I’m big enough that in public I need to do it. I do a nice job if I say so.

Alan wants my phone number but I’ve turned cold and he gets the message I’m not giving it to him. I do agree to let him know if I want to go out again. Jaci gives us a ride home. She wants to stay but Trudy doesn’t want her to learn about me. “You will see us at the Halloween dance.”

When we get back to Trudy’s Sara is there and stares at me wearing leggings and gives a light whistle. “You’re hot little Sis and what’s this about going out to the movies. Next thing you will be dating?”

Trudy grabs Sara’s hand and runs us up to her room. She quickly closes the door and leans against it. “Sara, you won’t believe what we did and your broth… Melanie flirted and then kissed Alan Stone.”

“Mel, you can’t go that fast. Mom is going to have your ass if she finds out?”

“I didn’t want too, it just happened and I wasn’t flirting nor did I like it.” Sara looked to Trudy for confirmation about what I’m saying and I don’t think she got it.

Trudy trudged out a small but nice makeup case, “My Mom bought this for you and it has some extra items of makeup already in it.” I open up the case and there are three foundations all which can work for me, a high end concealer, half a dozen blushes, many various eye shadows, pencils and mascaras. It also has makeup brushes, foam triangles, tweezers etc.

“I thought you said a few?”

“Dah in comparison to your sister, the average girl and me this is small. It gives you a good start, but if you don’t continue it won’t be a big loss.” We’re talking and time goes fast, and finally Sara takes me home as they waited for a late meal.

I’m home and still wearing the leggings and pink sweater I put on at Trudy’s. Later, I’m getting my makeup off as well as my clothes and breast forms to put them away, take a shower, and moisturize my skin after cleansing my face. It too just over an hour. I wear a camisole and shorts tonight.

Then I go down to say goodnight to my parents, I find dad has already gone to bed. Mom and I talk about the day being full as it was. I remember meeting Vicar Carolyn and thank Mom for taking me to the service. Mom knew about my going to the movies; “I suspect you know there were boys there.”

I end up telling her about Alan and our kissing. I mention I didn’t get excited. Mom says, “Did you know Elaine gave you something to keep your peter from getting aroused?”

That’s a relief, I thought it stopped working. I was worried and afraid to say anything.

“I think between your warm nature, and Alan being all boy; he probably thought he died and went to heaven with his hands on your body.”

“Mom, please the idea makes me sick.”

“I’m the one who should be upset. You being so naïve makes me nervous, but it does helps me to understand you a little more. So are you going to work as Jill tomorrow?”

“Probably not. Jack, I mean Trudy doesn’t work tomorrow. But I need to be there; I just hope the Store Manager let’s me off Friday night.”

“Now get to bed and have sweet dreams.” My dream is sweet as Melanie is trying to help Mel put on some leggings in the dream. He feels he’s losing to Melanie. He likes how he looks and feels as Melanie, but he still sees it as wrong.

I awake at five thirty sweating and with my sheets looking like they had been in a fight. I go take a shower; while I’ve taken out the hoop earrings I plan to wear my studs maybe even some very small hoop to school. I don’t want the pain of them being restarted.

The water feels great going down my legs and I enjoy shampooing by hair. After drying from the shower I use a little of the concealer and foundation believing others won’t notice. After getting dressed as Mel, I get breakfast and Mom doesn’t notice. She does ask, “Which outfit are you wearing to work today?”

“I’m not, Trudy doesn’t work today. I hope we don’t even need to start tomorrow.” Mom writes something but she doesn’t bug me so I’m not worried.

School goes well and it isn’t until next to last period, Sandy mentions, “You did a very good job with your foundation; did your sister do it?” I turn red, “If it was your choice, neat?”

=^..^=

I can’t get home fast enough to find out I’m too fast. “Mel is that you?” Mom calls out to me. “You are to wear the outfit on your bed for work. Trudy will be over at 4:35 to go with you for the start of work.”

“Mom, we’re not both scheduled to work, plus that hardly gives me time to get ready.”

“Well you better get to it then. It is probably better than having a lot of time to stew about it.” I take a quick body shower. I put on my everyday bra and just put the breast forms in as they won’t be showing. There’s a pair of yellow panties and two petticoats, O no. They’re on but I don’t like hemt. I put on a pastel yellow blouse and the pink skirt on over the petticoats. I’m having trouble getting the skirt to lay right on the petticoats.

Sara walks in and begins helping to make sure it is turned correctly and lying properly on the petticoats. “Good girl Sis, we must have done a good job at training you.” Grrr!

“Do you want me to crimp you hair, less customers will notice you’re really a boy?” I agree and she has me doing my makeup while she works on my hair. I am not aware of the passing of time, but I am frustrated as my eye makeup takes three tries to get it right. Sis helps me to blend the makeup in around my hair, ears and neck. “Thanks Sara, I couldn’t do it without you.” She smiles and reminds me to sit down and put my knee hi white socks on. I am also to wear the 2½” sandal heels.

I have mixed feelings that my toes aren’t showing, but I have enough for today. Sara reminds me. Trudy is over and is tickled by how much I did. We will be early for work but she insists we go. Mom feels a need to take our picture. Trudy even as a boy is very pretty. We park away from the store to allow customers to park closer.

Trudy notices me getting out of the car and demands I get back in and get out properly.

I am so nervous I just want to get in and get things over with. When I properly get out I’m told I still need to wait for us to go together. Trudy opens the trunk and gets out a pail and pours two gallons of water in it. Now I have to hold one side of the handle and step slowly into the store. Some customers clap as we near the store and then go in. I am so embarrassed.

Trudy pauses at the store, “Ladies first” she sweeps one hand and bows to me. When she gets in she whispers I’m to curtsy. I do it but not without dying a few times inside. She asks the assistant manager if it is okay to walk around the store a few times. So off we go, one time is bad enough, but no we go again and again. Little boys point and girls want to talk to me. Two moms have me hold their baby for a picture. Trudy says I am a natural girl because both babies are comfortable with me.

I’m still holding the baby of one mother as she takes her time selecting fruit and vegetables. She asks me, “Do you babysit?” I felt flattered until she sizes me up and smiles, “Even if you are a boy, you’re a pretty boy.” I am so embarrassed.

By now it is time to punch in and get to work. Doris has already taken a picture of Jack and Jill and made it into a little poster taped to the bakery counter. Things are okay until two neighbors realize it is me behind the counter. I am asked to come in front of the counter by Betty and she drops her purse. I bend to pick it up and observe a flash behind me. Mrs. Walton my other neighbor has taken the picture. “We are just doing you a favor; girls don’t bend down like that.” I didn’t give her the satisfaction of telling her how one of my boobs moved and is now very uncomfortable.

The night goes smoothly with the exception of a few male workers and my needing to use the women’s restroom once. More than several women and high school girls remark that my dressing well as a girl, gives them ideas for their boyfriends. I like the idea of misery having company.

Sara is there to pick me up at the end of work. “Mom and I don’t think it is a good idea to have you walking home alone.”

Mom is the first to point out that I’ve stayed cleaner. I am not messy as usual. Hmm, she is right. I sit down and talked to Mom and Sara once I get home, before changing and getting to my homework. Mom giggles about my bending over as she showed me the picture that Ms Walton sent to her via text message. I’m relieved as the picture is not as bad as I feared.

My smart phone rang and I find out mom has forward the picture to Trudy. It is a while before I change out of my blouse, skirt and petticoats and put on a robe and study in my panties and bra. I’m seriously thinking of going to school in femme tomorrow. I have gym but will ask mom for an excuse.

Story to be continued…