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Here Comes the Sun
a series of Vignettes celebrating transgender romance
through the songs of George Harrison*

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by Andrea Lena DiMaggio

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Dover, Delaware, October 2007…

Jenna pulled off her sweats and balled them up; tossing them into a plastic hamper by her dresser. She stared at her image in the mirror on the bathroom door. She shrugged her shoulders in defeat and shook her head at her reflection. Nothing to write home about, they used to say. But it was more than that. She practically looked like a nineteen year old boy rather than the twenty-six year old divorcee’ she was. She sighed; wondering if Axel was right. That she’d never find someone again.

The Safeway Supermarket, a few days later….

Jenna wended her way past a cardboard ramen noodle display and an abandoned semi-full cart of return-to-shelf cans of soups and broth, only to find the aisle barred by another cart manned by a tall woman dressed attractively in a gray skirt suit. The woman smiled and nodded as Jenna backed up; giving her leave to pass.

“Thank you. It’s not often I find young men as polite as yourself.” Jenna felt her face turn warm and she put her head down while speaking softly.

“I’m…. My name’s Jenna. I….”

“Oh, dear God, I am so sorry,” the woman exclaimed. She shook her head; almost in rebuke for her mistake.

“No big deal,” Jenna said. “My ex used to complain about the same thing.” Jenna almost winced at her own words; as if speaking it out gave credence to her ex-husband’s insult and the girl’s mistake.

“It is if I upset you, Miss. I’m so sorry,” She put her hand out in apology.

“My name is Anna…. Stellasera. I’m so sorry for the mistake.”

“Well, with the sweat pants and the hoodie and this?” Jenna looked down at her body; the self-inspection invited Anna to nod in agreement. But the woman surprised her.

“You’re very handsome,” Anna said, which caused her to blush. She took a breath and looked away. Jenna wanted to argue with herself and go beyond awkward pleasantries, but instead she turned and grabbed the handle of her cart. As she went to leave, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned again and found Anna looking down at the aisle floor.

“I’m very sorry,” the woman said before walking away slowly. Jenna wanted to follow. Her need to understand was totally outweighed by her fears. She walked toward the other end of the aisle to check out. In a few minutes she was nestled safely in her Subaru where no thoughts could invade. A few minutes after that she noticed Anna walking toward her own car.

Tempted as she was to say hello once again, Jenna felt outclassed by the woman she had just developed a crush for less than an hour ago.. Instead, she looked in the mirror and frowned. She did look like a teenage boy. Glancing once again off to her right, she watched as Anna pulled out of the parking lot and off down the road.

Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how

Anna’s townhome, Ladybug Drive, later that evening….

Anna sat on her sofa with her legs curled up under her. After a few moments of soundless channel surfing, she hit the off button on the remote before tossing it in an arc over her sleeping cat Arwen; bouncing it onto the floor beyond. She sighed and looked down at the screen at her laptop. Dark and silent as well, it reflected her tired visage back to her in accusation. Was she really as vain as her last boyfriend had insisted?

She tucked her chin closer and peered down the space between her blouse and her bra. Her lack was barely apparent with the requisite enhancements covered by the bra.

“Someday my prince will come,” she sighed as she drew her blouse closer, buttoning it all the way to the collar. She closed her eyes and imagined how the handsome woman in the store would react if she saw what was missing and worse yet, what still was present even further below.

“Stupid…” she smacked her hand on the armrest of the sofa, evoking a pain that likely would be accompanied in the morning by a bruise. She wasn’t stupid at all, of course, but years of feeling inadequate and ill-fitting in life kept her from realizing just how bright a woman she was. And maybe she might even recognize she was a woman no matter how things began. But those feelings of inadequacy and being out of place pushed hard once again at her soul; leaving her to cry over her lack rather than be able to see what might lie ahead.

Jenna’s home, Country Village Apartments; later that same evening…

“Whaddya think, Eowyn,” Jenna said as she looked in the tall mirror standing against the wall in the corner of her bedroom. The tortoiseshell rubbed against her leg as she struck a pose. The figure before her no longer looked like a young man, thankfully, but she remained nervous about her new appearance. Her hair was now less than pixie length, but her features now seemed much more girly thanks to a makeup lesson from her friends at the salon. Maybe she looked more like a male model than a woman, but in that androgynous way that leaves one wondering about their own orientation.

“A bit much?” She smiled at the cat. Eowyn hopped up on the dresser by the mirror and nudged her arm a bit with her head; bonking approval accompanied by a very loud purr. Jenna ran a comb through her hair and nodded at her reflection.

“Not bad, if I do say so myself,” she said as she shoved the comb into the back pocket of her jeans. A tall, leggy woman peered back at her; exhibiting more confidence in that one moment than at any time in her life.

Anna’s home, the same time…

“Here goes,” Anna said as she turned and faced the cat staring at her from her vantage point on the top of the armoire. She pulled up a charcoal satin basque into place around her slim torso. The garment pushed and shoved and pinched as much as Anna expected and then some, but the discomfort was worth it as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. A semblance of a chest seemed to emerge from the basque’s ministrations, and her hips seem to protrude a wee bit more than usual, leaving her with a figure that was better than she had ever hoped was possible.

“I’m a faker, Arwen. Your momma is a big faker. I’m not even your momma….or anyone else’s.” Anna walked over to the bed and sat down; the dangling garter straps from the basque clicking together. She glanced at the unopened pair of stockings lying on the pillow and shook her head in disagreement. She pulled the garment up and off her body and threw it on the floor by the bathroom door, leaving her body exposed and cold even in the warm room. Arwen jumped off the armoire and ran over to the bed; hopping up finally into Anna’s lap, where she treaded with open claws. Anna scratched Arwen’s ears before picking the cat up and setting her down at the foot of the bed.

“Thank you,” she said absent-mindedly to the cat before she fell into her pillow as she began to sob. The cat ran up to the head of the bed and nudged Anna; all the while purring loud enough to nearly drown out the crying of her mistress. Anna turned away from the cat and covered her face with her hand as she continued to weep sadly feeling inauthentic and ugly and scared that no one would ever love a girl like her.

Dover Public Library, a few days later…

Jenna had just added a few books to the reserve shelf behind her when she heard a soft rapping sound on the counter. She turned to find a young man standing across from her; the face was vaguely familiar but she couldn’t recall the context of meeting him. He sported a loose windbreaker open to reveal a Delaware State sweatshirt. And he wore a half-frown; looking around nervously as if checking to see if the ‘coast was clear.’

“May I help you, sir?” Jenna smiled and tilted her head slightly as she struggled to remember the name that might fit the face; a face that was looking anxious and even almost scared.

“I….I have a book on reserve? I got a call?”

“Of course. Name?” Jenna smiled.

“Spare Change…Robert Parker?”

“Oh gosh, no… what’s your name… for the reserve?”

“Oh….” The young man’s cheeks grew red and he lowered his head slightly.

“An….” He hesitated. Jenna continued to smile, hoping to put the young man at ease, but he seemed even more embarrassed even as he finished.

“An…Andy. Andy Stellasera.” Jenna nodded and turned. She pulled out two books.

“Right here.” Jenna pulled the rubber band off the books and placed them side by side on the counter.

“Spare Change…. Oh yes, the new Sunny Randall book. I love Parker. Spenser and Jesse Stone.” She pointed to the book and then paused, looking at the other book on the counter.

“Alice in Genderland? I’m not familiar with that.” Andy winced at the mention of the book. He turned away and bit his lip before speaking.

“Oh….NO….no….I didn’t order that. There must be some mistake.” He placed his hand on the mystery novel; almost as a way of demonstrating his claim. Jenna looked at the request slip on the counter next to the books. Both requested by… Anna Stellasera? Her eyes widened slightly as the gears of remembrance turned until clicking into place with a mind’s eye view of only a few days before in Safeway. She turned her head slightly, looking over Andy’s shoulder.

“Someone with a similar name…. they must have mixed these up,” Jenna said in encouragement even as she realized both books were reserved by the young man before her, but not as Andy Murphy. She was going to let it go, but something inside her prompted her to lean forward. She smiled and raised her left eyebrow slightly as she placed her hand over his as he went to pull away from the counter.

“I know, Miss Stellasera,” Jenna whispered even as her words belied her intent. He went to pull away, but she held fast.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry. I won’t say a word.”

The sentiment was authentic, but did nothing to allay the young man’s anxiety. He practically wrenched his hand away as he turned quickly and ran out of the library. She watched as he fled through the front door and shook her head at the movement of the young man….something about the way he moved? No, she thought. Jenna was almost convinced she had to be wrong until she saw the young man through the front doorway as he got into the same car Jenna had seen Anna drive only days before.

She smiled as she looked up the library number before entering it into the computer. A moment later she had written an address and phone number on an index card. Another smile appeared; broader as if widened by a new-found confidence. She placed the two books in her carry-all and patted the clasp in satisfaction.

Andy’s apartment, a few days later…

Arwen was curled up on the couch next to Andy, who was sitting with his legs curled up under him and a crocheted throw over his knees. A book, High Profile by Robert Parker, lay on the armrest, open upside down and ignored as Andy stared across the room; eyes almost vacant but for the tears that welled up. A knock came at the front door. He rose, sending the cat scurrying off the couch and into the kitchen.

Walking to the door slowly, he checked his reflection in the mirror by the door. Temptation had succeeded somewhat only hours before and he quickly grabbed a Kleenex from the table underneath the mirror; wiping the last trace of shadow from his left eyelid. Another, more persistent knock came, and he opened the door.

“You forgot your books,” the person said. Vaguely familiar, but Andy could not recall meeting the young man standing in the doorway. He was wearing a pair of khaki slacks and a button down light blue long sleeve shirt. Not handsome so much as striking.

“Do…do I know you?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I guess that depends? Do I know you….Anna?” At the name, Andy winced. He would have closed the door in self-preservation but for the firm hands grasping his.

“I was in the neighborhood, and I thought I might drop by to give these to you? We met at the Safeway a while ago? You recall?” The young man held Andy’s hands gently before releasing them to grab a large grocery tote off the landing.

“Seriously…. I live only a couple of blocks from here, and I thought you wouldn’t mind some company?” Reaching into the bag, the young man pulled out a bottle of wine. Andy stepped back, but his gesture was mirrored as the young man stepped into the home.

“Jenna, remember?” She held out her decidedly strong hand and shook Andy’s. He stared at their hands; a firm, confident clasp by Jenna and an awkward, nervous grasp by Andy.

“You….you look….” Andy struggled for words; wanting so much to just flee, but where to go in his own home with a very handsome woman standing in his doorway. She stepped past him, shutting the door behind her and shutting Andy off from any escape save his own bedroom down the hall.

“Perhaps you’d like to change into something more…comfortable?” She stared at the nervous young man. Dressed in loose sweats, he could hardly be any more comfortable and even at that, he was very uncomfortable. He shook his head slightly in confusion.

“I thought it might be helpful if I came over like this,” Jenna said, using her hand to indicate her clothing.

“Since you were kind enough to complement me….I didn’t even realize how complimentary it was at the time…. I thought I’d return the favor?”

“I don’t….I don’t understand,” Andy said as he stared at Jenna. The woman was becoming captivating on a moment to moment basis.

“When we met? I know this is hard for you, but when we met? I just wanted to see you again. I must say I was surprised when you came into the library the other day, but that’s just it. It seems we’re both full of surprises?” Jenna looked down at her body and then up and into Andy’s eyes.

“You said I was handsome? I suppose I am. But I never got to tell you how beautiful I believe you are. So here I am.” She stepped closer and took Andy’s hands in hers once again.

“I made a silly attempt at a joke a moment ago. I didn’t mean to be flippant. But I did want to point out to you that you do not have to hide. Not with me, at least. Something in the way you move… You’re not really Andy, you know? That name? It means one who battles according to some. But the other name? Anna? It means grace. And you’re so graceful….so….pretty.” She squeezed Andy’s hands. His eyes began to fill with tears even as the shame of his existence tried to push him away. He went to step back and bumped into the table by the door, further impeding his escape.

“You know you missed a spot?” Jenna touched Andy’s right eyelid; missed in his haste to answer the door. He grabbed another tissue from the box on the table and went to wipe his eyelid.

“Oh, no…not that,” Jenna said. She pulled Andy close and kissed his eyelid gently.

“You’re out of balance?” Jenna rubbed Andy’s right eyelid softly and took her finger and dabbed the trace of shadow onto his left eyelid.

“There….that’s better.” Andy’s face grew hot and he struggled against the table pushing hard against his back.

“Do you mind? Jenna asked even as she walked over and drew closed the curtains from the big window in the living room. She smiled and walked back to Andy. The young man was shaking by then, and she pulled his hand gently and led him back to the couch.

“I bet you’ve got something even more comfortable under all that,” Jenna said as she pointed to Andy’s sweat shirt. Without waiting, she reached down and pulled Andy’s shirt up and off quickly revealing a dark gray satin bra. He blushed again.

“And underneath too?” She knelt down and gently pulled his sweatpants down to his ankles, revealing a matching panty. It would have almost seemed intrusive or worse but for the kindness in Jenna’s eyes. A kindness that allayed his fears and urged him to step away from the shame he bore. Even at that, Jenna grabbed him softly by the shoulders and sat him down on the couch.

“Ms. Stellasera? I’d love to get to know you better, if that’s okay with you?” Jenna said even as she began to kiss Andy’s face. Whatever was left of the need to be portrayed as Andrew Stefano Stellasera disappeared as Anna emerged once again; still a bit fearful and even sadly ashamed, but emerging nonetheless. Jenna began to kiss Anna’s tears, which may or may not have been intended to evoke more crying, but cry she did. Anna began to shake; feeling more vulnerable but more authentic with each touch of lip to cheek. And as confident as Jenna had been only moments before, she grew even stronger as she continued to bless Anna with those kisses.

“M….Miss ….”

“Phillipousous….but you can call me Jenna.”

“I….”

“Yes… I know….me too.” Jenna kissed her softly on the lips and pulled her into a hug.

“You know you do move so…. well….” Jenna said at last and leaned in for a very grateful kiss….

Kohl’s Department Store, Dover, Delaware, two years later…

A young woman wended her way through racks and counters. She would say she walked, but her partner insisted she glided; graceful movements that displayed who she was, even if she didn’t see that herself.

“They might have some nice shirts at Marshalls.” she said; shaking her head at the selection on the display rack.

“I know. I guess we missed the sales. Anyway, in a few months it won’t matter much,” Jenna said as she patted her stomach. Not terribly evident since she was wearing a very loose hip length sweater, but still a wee bit bigger than most folks walking around in khakis and polo shirts. She laughed as she looked around.

“I bet we’re going to be quite a show in a little while?”

“I… guess…” Anna said haltingly.

“It’s been a while since I wore a dress, anyway. It’ll be all good.” She walked over to the rack and kissed Anna on the cheek.

“Say…. Have you thought about it?”

“What?” Anna said nervously. Jenna smiled and pointed to her stomach once again.

“In a couple of months, everybody will be looking at how I move,” she said with a laugh as she waddled only a tiny bit as she walked back to the shopping cart. She waved at Anna who walked over to her.

“I love you,” Jenna said and Anna blushed, but with a smile that finally knew...

Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don't need no other lover
Something in her style that shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how
You're asking me will my love grow
I don't know, I don't know
You stick around and it may show
I don't know, I don't know

Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her
Something in the things she shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how

*Composed by George Harrison or written expressly for Mr. Harrison by other composers.

Something
Words and Music by
George Harrison
as performed by
Hayley Hendrickx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZB5OE3HqHPA