Dave and Jenny both find themselves "lost in thoughts" of Gaby and their roles in her being...
“Dave, why don’t you take the support van today?” asked Mike as the team was preparing to head out on a long training ride.
Dave just nodded his assent and climbed in behind the wheel of the van as the girls started mounting their bikes. “I take it they know where they’re going?” he joked as he started the engine.
Mike and George waved as the team, followed by Dave bringing up the rear, headed out. It only too a few minutes for Dave’s mind to begin drifting…
Why is it I can’t convince George that Drew’s not a girl? It’s getting ridiculous, at this point. I mean, what are we going to do? George is expecting ‘Gaby’ to ride wearing the Apollinaris jersey, but then ‘Gaby’ doesn’t really exist, does she? What happens if Drew races wearing some other colors? Like the national development squad, or his champion’s jersey? Will that put ‘Gaby’ in breach of contract? This all would’ve been so much simpler had Gaby never existed.
I wonder, if it hadn’t been for that costumed ride Christmas before last, would Drew have ever found himself becoming Gaby? I don’t know, but there’s a part of me that thinks that triggered something for the child, like subconsciously he felt like he’d found something that had been missing.
Now, I don’t think he’s enjoyed dressing up…at least not before the trip to America at least…but there’s something about it that, even as far back as that first time, there was an unconscious change in the way he acted. As a boy, Drew has always been a bit shy and standoff-ish, but when dressed as Gaby, well, she’s much more outgoing.
Of course, we’ve worked that all out before, true? I don’t think I’d point this fact out, even today, but I can see it, and I suspect so can everyone else. Maybe that’s just my mind trying to justify the way things have worked out for him.
I don’t think he enjoyed dressing up in costume that first time per se, but I do think that once he got used to wearing it, and everything that it entailed, how he was dressed was of little or no importance to him, other than for the fact he was feeling cold. I know he was terribly embarrassed about the pictures, but sometimes I wonder if that had as much to do with his shyness as anything else. I don’t think Gaby had yet developed as a full-fledged persona at that point, but that definitely was the moment when she first came into existence.
At the time, I assumed that would be the first and last we ever saw of Gaby. Was I ever wrong about that!
Dave’s focus wasn’t exactly on the morning’s practice session. If it weren’t for the fact he was blindly following the ladies as they road around the German countryside, he may very well have got lost, as he had no clue where he was. However, he continued following, assuming at least one of them knew where they were heading, and despite his attempts to the contrary, found his mind once again wandering to a different time and place.
I don’t know which was more disturbing; the fact that Drew let himself be talked into dressing up for that Easter Disco, or that he tried so hard to hide the fact from his mum and I? I mean, in and of itself it would’ve been no big deal, really. But I don’t like the idea of he and his sister, not to mention Maddy and the others, going to so much effort to hide what they were doing.
From the pictures, I must admit that was probably the first time I noticed just how much Gaby looks like Jen. Oh, I know Jules does as well, but she has a touch of Bond in her. Gaby is pure Peters. It can get a bit uncanny, really, when you see Jenny and Carol with Maddy and Gaby.
By the time the whole modeling episode took place, I should have realized Gaby was here to stay, but I still didn’t. Maybe I was still a bit in denial. I don’t know…
At that moment, Maria’s rear tire went flat directly in front of Dave. She stopped, with him right behind her. Dave jumped out of the van and got her spare bike off the rack, sending her back on her way. He then stowed the wounded steed on the rack, climbed back in behind the wheel, and was once again under way. The whole incident took less than thirty seconds, and not a word was spoken. But it was enough to bring Dave back from his meanderings.
Back in Warsop, Jen found herself trailing after Drew as they attacked the next to last hill on their training ride. While she was doing better at keeping up with the wunderkind, she still wasn’t anywhere near 100%, and was falling behind as they neared the top of the hill. Even with one last burst, which used up all her energy reserves, she couldn’t quite catch him, so she decided to drop back and take it easy the rest of the way home. Drew hadn’t yet noticed that she was falling behind, and was still going full bore.
Am I ever going to be able to catch that child again? One thing, if chasing after Drew doesn’t get me back in shape for the tour, then nothing will.
It wasn’t that long ago our situations were reversed, of course. I remember that event we rode the tandem Christmas before last. He was working so hard; at times I was afraid he might pass out on me. Now look at us?
"Ok miss?" the starter asked.
Did he really say miss? You know, I don’t remember that registering before.
"Er, yes thanks," Gaby responded.
Drew replied a lot more naturally than I would have expected under the circumstances. Or am I just interjecting that through hindsight?
"Ready Gaby?"
"Yes mum."
Was that really Gaby’s first appearance? You know, it’s occurred to me that before the kids came back from America, I think I had probably spent more time with Gaby this past year than with Drew.
There was the race in Germany, the end of the Tour in Paris, the bike show…and even when he’s not trying to look like a girl, it seems like the whole world is conspiring against the child to get him in girl clothes. Even by choice sometimes, like with my old pant suit.
I suppose it’s really no wonder everyone thinks Drew is a girl we sometimes call Gaby. At this point, I don’t know that we’ll ever be able to convince everyone of the truth. Maybe once his puberty finally kicks in, like Dr. Johnston said.
As Jenny made her way toward home, she could see Drew stretching on the lawn already. As she pulled up into the drive, she shouted at him, “Just you wait until I get my strength back!”
“I know, mum.”
Jen dismounted and joined her son for a few post workout stretches, then they headed inside, each claiming a shower. By the time they were both scrubbed and dressed, Jules had begun preparations for dinner.
“Do you need a hand?” Jen asked of her elder child when she entered the kitchen.
Jules turned to face her mum and replied, “You could set the table, but I think everything else is sorted. It’s not up to Carol’s standards, but…”
“I’m sure it will be fine,” Jen offered. She got out the plates and silverware for the three of them, just as Drew returned from his own shower.
Jules carried in the meal, which was just a simple casserole, and set it on the table as everyone took their seats and tucked in. Once the meal was eaten, Jen told Drew, “Since your sister cooked, you can clean up.”
Drew whined, “But mum!!!”
“No buts. It’s only fair. Now get on with it, all right?”
Drew resignedly started gathering up the dirty dishes and used cutlery, and taking them in to the kitchen to wash up. Jen headed into the front room, and once seated on the sofa, almost immediately found herself drifting toward sleep.
Standing there in Mum’s front room, posing for a series of pictures, Drew and I in our Xena and Gaby costumes. With each photo it seemed everyone, with the possible exception of Drew, was having more fun. I was enjoying this possibly too much, as in a moment of conscience I was hit with pangs of guilt over what I had done to my son.
The guilt was quickly ignored as we grabbed coats and piled into the car for the trip to the presentation. I found myself looking at Gaby every once in a while, and each time I felt that same pang of guilt over what I was doing to my child. But, just as quickly as the feeling came upon me, it left and I was once again enjoying the attention that comes with celebrity.
The photo opportunity for the cheque presentation over, we made our way to the restaurant for a Christmas Eve dinner out. I had remembered to bring a change of clothes for myself, but somehow Drew seemed to have not thought of such a thing. So ‘Gaby’ joined us for dinner, and although each time I looked in her direction I had a momentary pang of guilt, it quickly passed and in fact grew weaker until by the end of the evening I didn’t even notice it anymore.
My memory fast-forwarded to the final stage of the Tour Feminin. As I rode the last few miles, I couldn’t help but think of Jules and Gaby. I tried to correct my thoughts to say Drew, but every time I did so, that same guilt came back. Not wanting to spoil this glorious moment, I stopped thinking of Drew and just thought of Gaby instead. That did the trick, as I was once again on top of the world…
Jenny’s eyes popped open as she heard the sounds of the kids cleaning up the kitchen. She shook her head as if trying to clear away cobwebs, and sat up. She returned to her musings, but this time in a more conscious form.
Is that really how I felt about things? Or was my mind just playing tricks on me? I can’t remember feeling guilty over “forcing” Drew to wear that Gaby costume, but maybe I should have? I don’t know. It’s not like I could have known what was going to happen after that event, could I?
It’s as if so much of what has gone on in the past year or so can trace its roots back to that tandem race, and the ‘Gaby’ costume. So, does that mean that Gaby is my fault?
Soon, the kids were joining their mum on the front room sofa as they settled in to watch a bit of telly. Jen kept glancing at Drew as he focused his full attention on the programme.
Maybe blame is the wrong word to describe it? I mean, look at the child. Has there ever been a more naturally feminine person on Earth? I’m sure a lot of it has to do with the fact he was so immersed in being Gaby while in America, and a lot of her mannerisms have just become second nature. But will that ever change? Or will there always be more Gaby than Drew?
Separated from his family back in England, Dave had just consumed a sandwich and bowl of canned soup for his dinner, and after putting the dishes in the washer, he took a seat on the sofa and reached for the television remote. It only took a minute to see that he was not going to find anything of much interest, as the only English speaking channels were barren of decent programming, and Dave’s German was still not up to the task of watching German TV.
Deciding that was not his best idea of the day, he turned it off and opted instead to listen to some music. He found a station that was playing jazz, as he was feeling the need for some relaxation this evening, and then lay down on the couch as he listened to the sounds of the Marsalis brothers waft through the air.
I’m still not sure why I’ve been obsessing about that first time Drew became Gaby. Maybe it has something to do with the idea that if it hadn’t been for that first time, there wouldn’t have been any others? I’m not sure I believe that anymore.
I feel like it’s my fault, like I’ve failed my son in some way. Maybe if we’d done more ‘manly man’ things together, Gaby would never have come into being. I mean, Jen’s obviously had a hand in things as well, but how many times because of an accident, or a forgotten change of clothes, or what have you has Gaby made an appearance? I’m hard pressed to think of events where she wasn’t involved, actually.
Have all those times when Drew forgot to pack a change of clothes, or grabbed the wrong things, or accidentally fell and got himself filthy, forcing a change into girls’ clothes just been subconscious decisions made by Gaby? There’s an interesting thought, eh?
Realizing how late it was becoming, Dave reached for the phone and called home. When Jen answered, he said, “Hello, luv. How was your day?”
“Oh, fine. School, training, the usual really. How was yours?”
“Not bad. I drove the support van during training for the first time this morning, then worked on Maria’s and Tina’s bikes for a while before heading to a meeting with the realtor to look at a couple of places. I was having trouble keeping my mind on task today for some reason.”
“I know what you mean. I was having similar difficulties all day. It could easily have been embarrassing, particularly during class this afternoon.”
“I can imagine. How are the kids doing?”
“I actually saw Jules smile yesterday, and she even prepared tea without putting up a fight, so that’s something.”
“I’ll say. I don’t suppose you know what you did to bring about the change? You know, so you can repeat it?”
Jen giggled and said, “If I did, I’d bottle it and make a fortune.”
“This is true. How’s Drew?”
“Rather distant, of late. I don’t know why exactly, but I get the sense he’s hiding something.”
“Hmm, everything all right with him at school?”
“Yes, his grades are as good as ever, and he’s staying out of trouble. I just can’t rid myself of the feeling there’s something he doesn’t want us to know.”
“Well, I’m sure he’ll tell us when he’s ready. Maybe next week when we’re on holiday, eh?”
“Yes, I’m looking forward to it.”
“So am I. Just imagine, a few days of just us. No jobs, no hassles of trying to find a new house, just relaxing and enjoying ourselves.”
“Can we go now?”
“If only…” There was a brief pause, then Dave continued, “Luv, I hate to do this, but I’m absolutely knackered. Maybe we’d best cut this short tonight? I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, I understand completely. I could use a good long natter about now myself.”
“Well, then what say we see what we can do about that then, eh?”
Jen yawned before she spoke, “Yes, let’s. Good night, luv.”
“G’night. Love you.”
As the phone went silent, Dave came to the conclusion that he wasn’t even going to bother going to bed, and just rolled over on the couch and drifted off to sleep.
