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Chapter 19 The Mall
 
Doc Henley stood up, “Where's a good place to grab some lunch?”

“There's a park around the corner with a Chinese Take Out on the way,” said Daniel. “We could stop in there and sit in the park to eat. That will give us some privacy.”

“Sounds good,” said Jesse. “It’s been awhile since I had any MSG.” They laughed at her joke and left the office. On the way out, the young doctor told the receptionist he would be back in an hour and to go to lunch.

When they reached the street, Jesse noticed that her western get-up was not drawing any attention. Instead, she did notice that there were quick looks and a few stares at a pretty girl walking down the street. They reached the Take-out and were back on the street in minutes. Robert and Daniel had been talking as Jesse was lost in thought. She knew she was pretty, but never compared herself to other girls, and she was noticing the outfits of some of the more professional women. Those that wore tight pencil skirts with four-inch heels had to be secretaries. Those that wore a more modest skirt and lower heels seemed to carry themselves with more confidence. Even the slacks seemed to say something about the lady's position in a company, but mostly it was the shoes that gave them away: the higher the heel it seemed, the lower the position. She caught herself judging, and realized that what she thought may not be true at all. Still she was going to dress more as she thought would signal that she was a success and didn't have to prove it. Which, conversely, would prove it elegantly, she laughed to herself.

They found a picnic table in the park that was a little more private than the others and sat down to enjoy their lunch and discuss the agenda on their minds. “Now, that we are alone, tell me what is going on. I'm not used to old Indians showing up in my office dancing and singing. Especially ones I can't see.”

“Doc, how much should I go into this. Dr. Jones has heard of shamans, but has not put much faith in them.”

“Jesse, I think you should start with how you became a shaman and how you came to be a mother of a three year old. Daniel most of this is hard to fathom, but keep an open mind.”

Jesse started her tale after arriving at the ranch and hearing the wolf call to her. She described her trek up the mountain and meeting Coyote and the Great Spirit. The young woman told of her stay with the wolves and learning of Merry's heart defect. She told of the responsibility laid on her by Coyote and her trek off the mountain. Jesse finished with her trip to the ER and going to see Mrs. Yellow Dog. She discussed why they decided that Merry should be her daughter instead of her sister. “And you know what happened in your office.”

The young doctor sat there a few minutes digesting the story. “If I hadn't been a part of this I wouldn't have believed it. The Great Spirit has given you the gift of healing, but you don't know who you’re supposed to heal and who you're not. That seems like it can get rather difficult for you. I know I question myself every time I lose a patient. Did I do enough? Was there someone better that could have saved this child? If it wasn't bad enough that I question myself, I have lawyers who ‘Monday morning quarterback’ my attempts to save a life. I don't envy your ability. One day you will be a hero for saving a life, then the next you will be the devil because you couldn't or wouldn't. You didn't save my child because she is black, or Hispanic, or Chinese, or any number of ethnicities. You didn't save my child because we are rich, poor, or it’s Tuesday. I'm sorry my frustration sometimes gets the better of me.”

Jesse reached across the table to take the man's hand to comfort him. There was swirl in her mind as they touched. She could see the sadness in his heart as the number of patients he lost was tallied in his mind. He failed to see the number of successes that he had that far out-numbered these losses. He had lost his own child while he was still in residency and he kept piling the losses on the funeral pyre of his child, wishing he could climb on top and be consumed by it. But there was a stubborn streak that kept him alive. He felt that each child he saved was one less that caused a grief like his to enter the world. He would fight Death until his last breath before he gave up and joined his child.

Jesse spoke, “ I know you are a Christian and you survive only to fight Death. You have never healed from losing your own child. You turned grief into an anger that consumes you, to cheat Death out of another victim. I can't take that grief away from you. You have to let it go before it does kill you. There is a passage in the Bible which states 'O' Death where is thy sting.' I believe the Sting of Death is in the constant reminders of our failures and sins; intentional, of omission, and perceived. You could have no more stopped your child from dying than you could have stopped the moon from rising. You didn't cause it. Your wife didn't cause it. It just happened. Even though I'm a shaman, I can give you no more explanation as to why it was allowed to happen than anyone else.”

Like Christians, the First Nations believed that death was just a passage to a better life. Death for the living is something to be endured, but death for the deceased is the start of a wonderful journey. That's why so many of the tribes of the past buried their dead with the things they would need in the afterlife. These days we don't bury our dead with bows, arrows and the accoutrements of life, but many tribes still believe it is more honorable to die in battle than to waste away in old age. Why do you think the first birthday of a child was so celebrated.”

“Well usually it meant that the child stood a much better chance of survival,” said Dr. Jones.

“That's right. The infant mortality rate was high in the past. We didn't have the life saving medical advances you practice. In your office when we first met, you told Doc Henley that what doctors do are modern day miracles. You may be right, but you have to believe it first. Some doctors believe in their abilities so much that they get arrogant about their ability to perform miracles through medicine. You've lost patients and even loss your own child. Use this memory, not to flog yourself, but to connect with your patients and their parents. Let them know you are not infallible, but because you have known loss yourself that you will work harder than anyone else to save their child. Turn your grief and anger into a consuming passion, of love for your work, your wife, and yourself. Then you will take the Sting out of Death and heal not only the physical hearts around you, but heal the emotional hearts.”

Dr. Jones looked at the young woman and for a moment he could see the ancient wisdom in her eyes. “How does one so young become so wise?”

“I guess when one meets an ancient deity, some of his wisdom is bound to rub off,” laughed Jesse.

Doctor Henley asked, “Daniel, when was the last time you and Becky had a vacation together?”

“We haven't since residency. After what Jesse said, I'm surprised she's still married to me.”

“Daniel, bring Becky up to visit with Virginia and me. I'm sure that we can arrange a short back country trip with Jesse. You need to take care of yourself or you won't be any use to your patients.”

Daniel looked into the to old doctor's eyes. He could see the exhaustion from years of care for the old man's patients. He remembered looking in the mirror while he was shaving earlier, and saw the very same eyes. “I'll talk to Becky and see when we can arrange something. One of my partners will have to cover for me, but they have been trying to get me to take a vacation for awhile now.”

“Jesse, I'll tell my receptionist to set an appointment for Merry for two weeks from today. If there's any change in her condition, get her to me sooner. It's been a blessing meeting you Jesse. I'll remember to keep a more open mind in the future. I have to get back to the office.” They finished saying their goodbyes and the young doctor headed back to his office. Jesse noticed some of the slump in his shoulders was gone as he walked away.

Jesse turned back to her companion, “It looks like some of the weight has lifted from his shoulders, but there's much to be done before he forgives himself.”

“You set him on the road, Jesse. He has to walk down it himself. Let's call Tom, hit the mall and get this show in the air.”

“Good idea.” Jesse pulled out her cell phone and called Tom. “Tom will be here in a few minutes, He is going to ask one of the secretaries where the best place is to buy women's suits.”

Tom arrived shortly and took them to a local upscale mall, “You should be able to find what you need here,” as the three walked into the entrance.

Jesse walked over to the make-up counter and asked where they sold women's suits. She wasn't used to all day shopping adventures, and they were on a time crunch. The young girl behind the counter pointed out the direction, “The suits are over there. If you need make-up, I'll be here when you come back through.”

The young shaman turned to her escorts, “You don't have to follow me if you don't want to. I can call when I'm ready.” The two men made a hasty retreat back toward the food court where they hoped to find a sports bar. Jesse giggled after the men as she knew that many women made their husbands and boyfriends “help” them shop. She remembered the few times she accompanied a girlfriend to a mall when she was still male. As most males, she was bored, as the girlfriend pored through the racks to find just the right dress. Then after changing in the booth, they would come out for his opinion. She never did find the right answer to; ‘Does this dress make me look fat?’ As a male, he knew that no matter what the answer, it would be wrong.

While she was looking through the racks of suits, an older woman approached her. “May I help you?”

“Yes, please. I need a suit that says I am a successful business woman. I have always heard my grandmother say that I should dress to say, ‘I’m for sell, but I’m not for rent. Then when you're married dress to say look what you missed.’ Also, I don't want to look like the company receptionist or secretary. You know heels too high, skirts too short and tight, and too much cleavage.”

The saleswoman chuckled at the description. “You are dressed nicely, but you need something more business like. May I ask what's the occasion?”

“I have a court date back east over my grandfather's will. I need to look my best.”

“I have just the right outfit. It is navy with small pin stripes in gold. The skirt is an A-line that will hit just below the knees. Combine this with a low heel boot or 3” pumps and you fit in any board room. The A-line skirt gives this outfit a more professional feel than a pencil skirt or a straight skirt. I have pair matching slacks that have a flared leg to give it a younger feel. Do you know your sizes?”

“No I don't. To be honest, you may not believe me, but I haven't been a girl for very long. I was on my spirit quest when Coyote changed me into a girl. I hope you have an open mind and won't hold my being a girl for a short time against me.”

“Darling, your money is as good as anyone else's. Let's get you measured and find everything you’re going to need to knock 'em dead.” With her broken arm, Jesse had to get the salesperson to help her in trying on the particular pieces of clothing. They spent the next hour measuring and trying on suits and lingerie until they had just the right pieces. “Okay, let's find some shoes.” They walked over to the shoe department where the suit saleswoman handed Jesse off to the shoe salesperson.

“What do you need in shoes?” asked the salesrep.

“According to the other lady, I will need black boots and navy pumps to match my new suit.”

“Okay, do you know your shoe size?”

“Up until recently, I was a poor college student wearing what ever I could find.” said Jesse. She thought a small circumlocution would be better that telling the Coyote story again.

“Lets get you measured and then we can start on finding what you need. The pumps will be easy. What size heel do you want?”

“I was thinking I want something in a 3” or less. I need to look smart and confident, not sluttish.”

“Have you ever walked in spiked heels?” asked salesperson.

“No, mostly tennis shoes and cowboy boots.”

“Hmmm, where are you going to wear these shoes?”

“I have a court date in Civil Court back east.”

“I have boots that will hit about two to three inches below the skirt. That will show enough skin to be sexy, but innocent. They have three inch heels and details like buckles and visible stitching. The heels aren't spikes but they aren't chunky either. I have a pair of wedge heel boots that are fur trimmed with buckles and straps. They have a three inch heel and land about six inches above the ankle. The pumps have a chunkier heel, but at three inches, they don't look like ‘old lady’ shoes. Go get Sylvia to help you put your skirt on. Then when you try on the shoes you will see how they look.”

“Sylvia?”

“Sylvia must not have had her name tag on. She is the lady that helped you with the suit.”

After changing and trying on the shoes, Jesse decided she liked the look of all three pairs. She paid for her purchases and walked over to the make-up counter. “You were so nice to me earlier I thought I would stop. I live on a working ranch and don't wear much make-up, so I don't know which colors best suit me.”

“You really should wear something just to protect your face and skin from the sun. This make-up is called M.A.C. It’s the best.” The sales girl started with a foundation showing Jesse how to apply each product as she put them on. “It'll take some practice but you will get the hang of it.” The counter girl showed the young wolf how to go from a day look to a night on the town look.

“What do I need to change if I want a business look?”

“I would soften the day look by using a lighter lip-gloss and a lighter blush. If you really want to project power though, you can go to the other extreme of a stronger red lipstick with matching nail color.”

“I don't have any make-up back at the ranch, so I guess I will need everything and the proper stuff to remove it.”

The counter agent loaded up the articles that Jesse needed. Jesse left with the night on the town look as the evening was approaching. She called the men on her phone to let them know she was ready. She started toward the food court carrying her packages. The young men hanging out in the mall were straining their necks to get a look at her as she walked by. When her companions saw her they stopped in their tracks, gob-smacked. “Wow” was all they could say. Tom volunteered to carry the shoes.

They made their way to the car. After stowing the packages and getting in, Jesse asked “Have we done everything we need to do here?” They ticked off the items that they accomplished and decided they were ready to head east.

“Lets get something to eat before we get on the plane,” said the old Doc. “Then we can sleep while we are in the air. Tomorrow may be a long day.

Tom called ahead to the charter airline and told them that they would be there in about two hours. When he hung up he said, “They will be ready in about three hours. They want to check the plane one more time and the pilot needs to check the weather and file a flight plan. I know a place we can sit and relax before we have to be at the airport. Good thing you're flying charter, that way you won't have to deal with the TSA and all their rules.”

The restaurant was one of the larger chains, but at the time of day they arrived, it was quiet. They were shown to a table where they could sit and relax. They made small talk and swap stories of their adventures after they left each other. Jesse told her story about the healing of Amanda and seeing into the young doctors past. When she had finished, Tom got a concerned look on his face.

“I know you like to help others and the spirits lead you to those in need, but you need to be careful. If it gets out that you can perform miracles, there may be a rush of people to your door wanting you to heal them. Not to mention the media circus.” He held his hand up when the young girl started to respond. “All I'm saying is, be careful. Let Doc Henley here help you and you say Two Bears will be there to help as well.”

Before she could say anything, Doc said, “Jesse, listen to Tom. He may be right, but listen to the spirits and your heart more. People will demand more from you than they have a right to, that is why he is cautioning you.”

“I understand,” said the young lady. “I will try my best to let the spirit guide me and not to get full of myself.”

The doctor patted her hand, “Good, I know you were chosen because you care and you will use your gifts wisely.”

They left the restaurant and headed over to the private side of the airport. Dr. Henley and Tom walked over to the counter to inquire about the flight and came back to Jesse. “The attendant said the pilot will be with us in a bit,” said Tom. A short time later a man of average height and a trim build entered the terminal from the tarmac side of the terminal. He stopped by the counter where the attendant pointed out the trio sitting in the lounge area talking.

Walking over to them he introduced himself, “Hi, My name is Mike. I'll be your pilot this evening. I have filed all the papers for the flight out, but have not filed for the flight back as I don't know your schedule. We can file the return flight plan at the other end when you have finished your business there. Also, I thought there would only be two flying with me.”

They had stood when Mike approached them. Tom made the introductions, “This is Doc Henley and Jesse Hartman. I'm Tom who called you to arrange the flight, but I will not be accompanying you on this trip.”

“Great. Do you have any identification with you?”

“I do,” said the doctor. “But my young friend doesn't have any that matches her at this moment. It is a long tale and we need to get going if you are ready. We'll tell you the tale once we're airborne if that is alright with you.”

“I see why you are flying charter in stead of commercial, but as you are a doctor and Tom is on the Governor's staff vouching for the young lady, I have no trouble flying you across country. Let’s get on board and flying.”

The trio said their goodbyes at the gate as they headed for the plane. Jesse asked the pilot, “Do you know when we will arrive? I need to alert my lawyer, so he will be ready for us.”

“It is about a ten hour flight, so we should be landing around 6:30 AM eastern time. There is a hotel right at the airport that we will be using. We can call ahead and have rooms reserved for us. I will stay behind at the hotel until you are ready to leave. Do you know when you will be ready?”

“We don't mean to be rude, but Jesse and I will sleep on the plane,” said Doc Henley. “When we get there we will need to meet with her lawyer and she wants to visit a salon before court. The court is supposed to begin at 2:00 pm, but you know how these things go.”

“Okay, I will tentatively file the return for 7:00 pm when we get there. That should put us arriving back here at 5:00 am. That will put us in the line-up. If anything changes, we can ask for a delay.”

Jesse made the appropriate calls back east to alert her lawyer and to book a room for the pilot. The doctor realized that Wanda may not have taken the time difference into count when he told her 2:00 pm was the time he would need the DNA results, so he called her to remind her. With everything set, the pilot radioed the control tower to get clearance for take-off. Jesse held her breath as they took off, knowing she was on the last leg of a journey to save the ranch.