(aka Bike) Part 1831 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad
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I’d just returned from taking the girls to school and Phoebe to college when Simon held up a sheet of paper, “Is this anything to do with you?”
“What?” I asked and he held out the paper which was a print off from a newspaper.
‘Brothers Brawl at Burial’ ran the headline. It sort of rang a bell or three. I read on. ‘We are reliably informed that two brothers came to blows at the burial of their father on Monday while still in the churchyard. The reason for the fracas wasn’t known but it was suggested by one witness that the animosity was long running and one of the bellicose brethren had tried to prevent the other from attending.
When push came to shove, the blows began and one of the stormy siblings left the churchyard with a broken beak, the other was seen driving away with his girlfriends in a white Jaguar. The identities of the funerary fighting fraterns isn’t known but the photo above shows the right-hook that settled the scrap.
Anyone with more information of this story should contact us at the [email protected].’
I looked carefully at the picture and was pleased to see that Sammi and I were standing with our backs to the camera, and because David was moving as it was taken, his face is blurred and his brother’s is hidden by David’s fist. Remembering the moment, I had to admit he did catch him with a corker of a right hook.
“So?” asked Simon.
“So why are you home, and where did you get this from?”
“From whom did I get it, you mean?”
“That is you, isn’t it?”
“It could be, I suppose.”
“You were escorting our chef to his father’s funeral, were you not?”
“I might have been, why?”
“I thought it looked remarkably like our king of the kitchen.”
“Yeah, I suppose it does have a passing resemblance.”
“And you do have a white Jaguar.”
“Pure coincidence.”
“What are the chances of such a coincidence happening, millions to one against?”
“Perhaps you should have bought a lottery ticket.”
“Cathy, like I need money?”
“We all do, unfortunately,.” I sighed, thinking of the millions who don’t have enough to meet their basic needs. “Now, who sent you this?”
“David’s niece actually.” He couldn’t hold back the smirk and I glared at him.
“So presumably David knows?”
“He does, he popped it in for you while he went shopping.”
“Shopping?” I asked.
“Yeah, he’s going to cook something nice for dinner, so you can do your dissertation.”
“You still haven’t told me why you’re home, and where’s Sammi?”
“She’s gone shopping with Stella. Jacquie’s on rug-rat duty.”
“Rug rat? Oh–hey that’s not very complimentary of our young daughter and your nieces.”
“Neither of them heard me, so we’re probably safe.”
“Simon, why are you home?”
“I have a lunch meeting here in Portsmouth, it seems the Chamber of Commerce couldn’t get anyone better, so they asked me. You’re welcome to come with me if you’re interested to hear me in action.”
“Simon, I’ve heard you eat before–you do it here most days.”
“Hear me eat? I’m the guest speaker.”
“Oh, silly me,” I said and he snorted then chased me round the kitchen threatening to tickle me. I was still shrieking with laughter when he caught me in the lounge and we had a quick cuddle and a snog, like two naughty adolescents. I was simply glad none of the kids saw us, it would have been so embarrassing.
“Stephanie is coming to dinner,” I called to him. He was in the hallway sorting his tie.
“Don’t tell me, tell David. He’s doing the cooking.”
“I was just informing you, that’s all. You’re always telling me I never tell you anything.”
“Especially about funeral fights–god, that article was corny.”
“I’d noticed, written by an alliterate.”
“Oh god, Cathy, that was almost as bad.”
“Yeah, I’m practising them for my dissertation.”
He returned to the lounge, “Right, babes, I have to go.”
“Have you got your notes?” I asked him and he patted his jacket pocket. “Your clean hankie?”
“Yes, Mummy,” he said patting his breast pocket. Unfortunately, my glare just caused him to snigger.
“Your pet grass snake?”
“In my satchel–how did you know I had a pet grass snake?”
“I hope you don’t have one now?”
“I had one in school, until it disgraced itself.”
“It didn’t let off a stink bomb in an enclosed space, did it?” The reptiles have very little defence against schoolboys except to release a fluid which absolutely stinks to high heaven.
“How’d ya guess?”
“There isn’t much else a grass snake could do, is there?”
“So who blabbed, Dad or Stella?”
“You told me when you were drunk one night.”
“I didn’t did I?”
“No, of course not, it was Kiki throwing her voice.” I felt something rub my legs and Bramble gazed up at me, purring loudly and picking at the carpet. I bent down and picked her up and the purring got louder.
“See, you’re a natural mother.”
“I’m not sure that making the happiest kitten on the planet purr is much recommendation. She purrs at the drop of a hat.”
He looked on the floor even under the furniture.
“What are you looking for?”
“Your hat.”
“My hat?”
“I assume you must have dropped it because she’s purring.” With that he practically ran out the door, just in time to meet David coming in.
“Traitor,” I said to David.
“Eh?”
“You showed Simon this,” I picked up the print out from Eastleigh.”
“I asked him to give it to you.”
“Oh he did that all right.”
“Sorry–my niece sent it to me by email.”
“I’m not entirely surprised, though the reporter’s prose is appalling.”
“Is it? I hadn’t noticed, I was too taken with the photo.”
“Why? It looks like it came from someone’s camera phone.”
“Cathy, Arthur has bullied me ever since I was born–he didn’t want any brothers or sisters and he gave me hell. That I can say I’m finally free of the bullying and that I did it in such a physical way makes me feel proud of myself.”
“You could also have ended up with an assault charge,” I reminded him.
“And what’s more, I did it like a man.”
“I don’t think anyone would argue with that, David, now what’s for dinner?”
Comments
David, and Cathy
I think both were responsible adults during this part of the episode. I do hope the brother goes away and contemplates his navel in some noisy place.
Ear rubs and tubby rubs for the two authors! As usual, you two are writeing a very good story. Keep them coming.
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
So David did it like a man
I should hope so too, innit?
A hilarious romp in the everyday life of titled, but batty, gentry.
S.
Simon...
Simon getting info out of Cathy was "interesting". LOL It's obvious Tom's place has lots of rugs and not much linoleum (an old place like that, it's not surprising)... Another term (from Rug Rats) that I've heard is linoleum lizards.
Sounds interesting. Also sounds like David's niece approved of his action! Which I'm glad to see.
Thank you,
Annette
Drama is good but
love it when we just have a funny, satisfying episode.
Would have to go back and read the fight but I believe the brother started it and david was defending himself. If an assult charge were to come it would be against the brother too.
Do it like a man?
Whatever.
If less people feel that fighting is the only way to settle an argument the better. And why is the physical expression necessary to prove ones boyhood or manhood? Been there, done that of course as the local Irish in my neighborhood when I was a kid expected to have at least one scrap with you before they respect you. And no I did not back down or it there would have been no living there.
Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 1831
Personally, I think that Simon likes seeing David thrashing Arthur over Cathy. He knows just how much of a trouble magnet she is and seeing her being defended by David, a man that he trusts, made his day.
May Your Light Forever Shine
Justice for once!
Are there different sorts of snogs? Like is there a full snog, or a mini snog? Just curious.
:)
Gwendolyn
A John Prescott moment.
It must have given David considerable satisfation to finally stop the oppression.
Nice one Cathy and thanks Ang.
OXOXOX
Bev.
Like all bullies
Arthur would have carried on until challenged and David through a mixture of the challeges that life had thrown at him did not feel able to stand up to his nasty sibling until he was almost forced to act... Thankfully the hold that the noxious Arthur had on him is now broken and David can hold his head up and look forward to a life free of the brother that really should have known better...
Kirri