Renaming a Highway
by shalimar

I went because he was my cousin. I didn't believe that I would ever have the strength to see the location where he probably died. According to my elders the whole family had to be there, just like the old days when we had family gatherings. I was only his third cousin but I still was required to be a part of history on the day the state of Mississippi would officially dedicate a part of the highway after him.

I dressed as I usually did. My skirt was green with flowers and the blouse was solid green with a v-neck. Together they looked like a dress. I didn't need stockings, as the spring day was fairly warm. I did wear green two-inch pumps.

I left the motel and went to the diner across the street. The waitress took my order.

"Are you here for the ceremony?" she asked.

"My accent must have given me away," I replied.

"Yea," but we forgive you for being a Yankee, hon," she said. "As long as you don't give us any trouble."

"I'm not planning on that," I told her. "My cousin died because of 'giving you trouble' forty years ago."

"One of those kids was your cousin?"

I shook my head, "Yes."

"I'm sorry, dear. Which one?"

I told her. I also told her that I almost went down with him but my parents said I was too young.

"'But dad,' I told him. 'You picketed the Yankees because they were still "lily white."' He said I could picket Woolworth in our hometown. So I was stuck up North."

"Then you're like him."

"I looked up to him. I hope I have done him honor."

"I've seen his picture in the paper. You look sort of like him, dear," she said.

"I've been told that my whole life. I hope you don't mind, but this ceremony opened an old wound."

"Sure, hon, I understand."

She left and gave my order to the cook in restaurantese then took care of some of the other customers.

While I was waiting for breakfast one of the local police came in and sat at the counter. I noticed that as he was talking with the waitress he occasionally looked at me. When he noticed I saw he bowed his head showing me respect. I smiled. He smiled back at me and tipped his hat. I hoped she was telling him about why I was here and nothing else. Even after surgery I still have the fear of being "read."

As I was being served a man came in that confirmed my fear.

"You're a guy," he said as he came over to me.

I ignored him.

"You're a damn guy in a dress," he repeated.

"Are you always this rude to guests in your town?" I asked.

"We don't like your kind here."

Same shit. Different decade. Different issue.

"Don't worry. I'm here for the ceremony. I'll be gone in a few hours."

"Get your fairy ass out of here."

He was getting me angry, but he was not going to get me to start anything.

"No, thank you. Could you, please, let me eat in peace?"

"And if I don't?"

As he said that I saw the policeman walking in our direction.

"I suggest you look behind you," I said as I pointed to the cop.

"Come on, Cliff, leave the lady alone," the officer told him as he stood between Cliff and me.

"He ain't no lady," Cliff told the cop. "Can't you arrest him for something?"

"I could arrest you for disturbing the peace and harassing her, but I would prefer finishing my breakfast. I suggest you leave, Cliff, and cool down."

Cliff left the restaurant without ordering anything. The officer noted that I was shaking.

"Abby," he called to the waitress. "Could you come here?"

As she came he held my hand and said to me, "I'm sorry mam for the way he treated you." He said it loud enough for the rest of the patrons to hear. Then he whispered to me, "Even if he is right."

Abby sat next to me and held me. I cried in her arms. I also didn't pay for the meal I couldn't eat.

After the ceremony I met the governor. He was gracious to my family and me. I told him of the incident and how he should be proud of most of the people of his state. I also told him that for me the restaurant incident helped bring closure to my cousin's death.

"There may be still an ember or two," I told him. "But Mississippi is no longer burning."

Note: In early February 2005 the Mississippi Senate passed a bill renaming a section of the highway near where they died after James Chaney, Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwerner. They were three civil rights workers who where among the "Freedom Riders" trying to register blacks to vote at a time when it was virtually unheard of in the former Confederate States of America. The investigation following their deaths was the basis of the movie "Mississippi Burning." As of this writing the bill has not become law. Hopefully soon.