Kate Draffen (Chapters 38 + 39)

By Swishy

Michael Taylor was a 17-year-old boy living in a town in Australia. Something happened and he found himself on a path to becoming a 17-year-old girl. This is a story about an ordinary teenager that had something extraordinary happen to him and how he tried to cope.

Australia's most famous Debutante, Gemma Taylor prepares for her big night.

CHAPTER 38

"Finally!" Dot exclaimed as I rounded the corner.

"Hey," I said trying to look puffed, as if I had rushed there, "Sorry I'm late." As a friend, Dot was always late, to everything. I can't tell you the number of movies I missed the opening of because Dot was late. Dot clearly did not like having the late shoe on the other foot.

"He better be worth it," she told me as we started heading towards Nicole's work. The Saturday morning shoppers all buzzed about only stopping momentarily to gawk at me, The Gemma Taylor. It was a small town so in 3 months my star had dwindled a little bit.

I screwed up my face at Dot. "He better be worth what?" I said, forgetting to cover my tracks a little better, "What do you mean 'he'?"

"HE better be worth making me wait on a damn street corner for half an hour waiting for your stupid but surprisingly well toned arse."

"Thanks," I said ignoring the 'stupid' part, "I've been using Mum's exercise equipment she bought off the TV. I think I'm a tiny bit more toned in the bum region because of it," and so did Tyler.

"Anyway," Dot said leaning in, her black fringe covering her dark eyes, "You better tell me where you've been. So that we can get our stories straight."

"You don't need to know where I've been, I've been at your house all night. That's where I've been!" Maybe I was being a little tetchy but I wasn't ready to tell her the truth.

"Gemma, I'd never keep a secret from you. I'm an open book, an open filthy, libellous book," Dot said as she trotted behind me trying to keep up with my brisk pace. It was true, Dot would never keep things from me. And she always kept my secrets when I asked her to, there was stuff I had only ever told her. Nobody else in the world knew about them even though some of those secrets were years and years old. Dot was very good at keeping secrets.

My shoulders slumped, my posture slackened; I had to be relaxed if I was going to tell the truth. Dot saw me getting into 'truth mode' and her eyes widened. "Tyler's down for the Deb tonight and he came down last night to spend some time with me," I blushed more and more as the sentence went on, unable to look my best friend in her face.

"Yeah," Dot plainly shrugged, "I know."

My mouth swung open. "How did you know?" I asked.

We stoped walked and Dot look my squarely in the eye, "Because he drove past here about 10 seconds before you showed up. Not much of a covert plan, Hootie. I think some of the blonde dye you are using has seeped into your brain."

I stood slack-jawed, staring at my friend. "Then why did you beg for me to tell you?" I asked, my brain trying to figure out Dot's logic.

"Just wanted to see if you would still share secrets with your best friend," she shrugged flippantly.

I slapped her on her shoulder with my dainty hand, if I was still a guy it probably would have been a playful punch instead, "You bitch! Of course, I would I tell you secrets. You are my best friend, Dot!"

Nicole's work slowly grew larger in our eyes as we got closer. I tried to calm myself down but it was no use, I was excited! Endless amounts of words were gushed about this very day. Talking about the Debutante Ball was a full time hobby for a lot of girls and it certainly helped me get accepted with the fold. How could I not be a girl? I talked about dresses and hair styles almost as much as any other girl. Some girls who were originally a little stand-offish were running up to me to squeal excitedly that the Deb was only 'X sleeps to go!'.

Dot however, was not living her life in a fairytale, while most of the girls at school were buying presents for their dance partners and choosing make-up colour palates, she was in a small group who weren't making their debut, thus her thoughts were free to think about other things. "So, how do you like having a cock between your legs again?"

"Dot!"

"C'mon Gemma, you'll always tell me your secrets, right?" It didn't take long for that comment to come back and hit me in the face.

"Alright… I don't know what to say," I mumbled.

"Hurry up, better give me an answer or I'll bug you about it all the through our little beautification process." And I know Dot, she really would. No amount of double meanings would slip past her and she would give me that look as if she is about to blurt out my secret to everyone. Dot could easily find employment in the field of torture.

"OK!" I said breathlessly, "I loved it! OK? It felt fucking great! Makes me glad I'm a girl, OK?"

"OK," Dot slyly smiled as she opened the door to the salon, "I thought so. Now, let's get pretty!"

Nicole's place of business was a feminine drenched place indeed. It was so pink and fluffy it made me feel like we had climbed inside a huge mountain of cotton candy. All the hairdressers and beauticians were in their early twenties, or at least trying to look like they were and wore tight pink tank tops with 'Tania's' written in flowing black lettering. Some R'n'B number played underneath dozens of conversations about hair, men, celebrities, make-up and sex. It was a secret women's place that fascinated me as Michael but truly terrified me as Gemma.

"Gemma!" called out Alana ignoring or not seeing Dot standing next to me. Lilly looked up from the magazine she was reading a beamed a huge smile at me her dark brown eyes dancing with excitement. They bounded out of their seats to come surround me, to chat all things Deb. Dot gave me a knowing look and I returned one before lapsing into girly chat. Deb Night clearly meant a lot to my friends.

And how did I feel about it? Firstly the hubbub of it all was infectious, you can't be totally submerged in thick gooey hype for month and not have some of it seep into your pores. Victoria Cross had come by yesterday to let me try on the dress for a last fitting. There was no need because it fit like a glove, hugging to every gentle and sweeping curve of my body. Let's just say it wasn't just Mum who was a little teary looking at me in that dress. For a woman who had never designed a Deb dress, Victoria is a phenomenal designer. The dress highlighted my good areas, like my boobs, without flaunting them too sleazily and it made me look like a graceful princess, not some school student trying to look like a princess. Victoria even brought appropriate diamond jewellery to wear with the dress, although I may forgo them because I don't want to show off more than any of the other girls, it's not just my night tonight.

So, I guess I was excited. Sue me. I mean for all intents and purposes I was a teenage girl, excited about going to a ball. There's nothing wrong with that. Who I used to be isn't who I am now and I wasn't going to feel bad for someone who didn't exist anymore. Being a girl wasn't that bad.

"SWEET MOTHER FUCKER!" screamed Dot through clenched teeth as Beautician Ellie ripped hundreds of hairs off of her leg with wax. "That's all thank you, that should be fine!" Dot said to Ellie, even though only one strip of wax had been torn off.

"C'mon! Don't be such a sook," I told Dot. It was good being able to chide Dot considering how often see teases me. "I had my legs waxed last night and I didn't whinge half as much as you!"

A passer-by chimed in, "Yes you did! You bloody cried!"

"No, I didn't, Nicole! I had tears in my eyes because it hurt but I wasn't crying! It was an involuntary reaction to the pain!" It did hurt, a lot. But I wanted my body to be silky smooth for Tyler. I even let my sister give me a Brazilian, which was a little weird. But, if there is anything in my life I can cope with, it's weirdness.

"You are such a wuss," Dot told me, with judgement in her eye.

To refute her claim, I rolled up the leg of my overalls. "See? No hair," my tanned, smooth legs glistened in the light of the parlour and the assumed adoration of Dot, "Not a wuss," I turned to her legs, darkened with tiny, black streaks of unfemininity, "You my friend, are a wuss!"

"I'll just shave them tonight! Shaving doesn't hurt!" Dot pleaded for some kind of clemency. But Girl World was not one a pain free world as I had found out. Being a girl meant putting up with a little pain so you could get the substantial rewards. Sure, you had to endure leg waxing now and again but men would treat you like princesses just for a chance at a glimpse at a creamy, glossy thigh. Sure, the pain of childbirth would probably be horrendous but the mother-child bond is a bond stronger than steel. Not that motherhood had crossed my mind at all.

Ellie, Dot's beautician hovered over Dot, wandering if she was going to go through with it or not. "Waxing is so much better than shaving! Don't you want to impress Glen with silky smooth gams?" I cooed in Dot's ear. Perhaps beneath her rough exterior of her she really did want to impress her boyfriend.

"Is that why you waxed?" Dot said, with an expression of faked innocence on her face and the true glimmer of mischief shining through her eyes. My eyes begged her to stop talking but the smirk she was wearing made me know she wasn't finished just yet. "To impress Tyler?"

"Ohhh," Ellie said, eyebrows raised high, "Who's Tyler?"

Damn it!

Fuck Dot!

Ellie is going to tell Nicole and Nicole would figure it out and then she would tell everyone and Tyler's and my secret 'relationship' wouldn't be so secret and Mum would yell and Tyler would lose his job and it might get in the paper and everyone would think I was a proper slut and people would look down on me and make jokes about me behind my back and I would be judged by absolutely everyone in the country.

Fuck Dot!

"Hey Nicole!" Ellie called out.

Nicole, who seemed not to be doing any work whatsoever, dropped everything she was doing and responded, "Yeah?"

Ellie called out loud enough for Nicole and seemingly the rest of the salon to hear, "Looks like your little sister has a crush goin' on." My face was buried so deep in my hands that they felt welded together.

"Who's the lucky boy?" Nicole called out.

I hoped that maybe my gender transformation gave me special powers. Maybe I had become an X-man without even knowing it! I tried using my powers to make time stop or turn myself invisible or even make Ellie's head explode, none of it seemed to work. Damn my imaginary powers! "What was his name?" Ellie asked herself as she prepped wax strips for Dot, "Oh yeah! Tyler!"

'Deep breaths, shoulders back, relax,' I told myself, 'Beauticians can smell fear.' I acted as calmly as I could and was very proud of myself for not bolting out of the store.

"Oh him! We've all got a crush on him!" Nicole laughed and resumed working and amazingly so did Ellie. What just happened? I was so sure that the apocalypse was upon me that the small splash of water that resulted confused me to no end. Dot too, looked surprised at the close call but I'm sure I saw a little bit of disappointment on her face too.

I will admit that after her insolence, the look of abject pain on Dot's face as her legs got waxed was enjoyable.

***

Believe it or not, but on that fateful day all my friends got along. Alana and Lilly really did gel with Dot for the very first time in a remarkable way. My 'girly girl' friends laughed at Dot's dry, sarcastic comments and Dot seemed to yield a little bit and enjoyed being pampered. It was amazing to watch and allowed me to just be myself and not wildly oscillate between being what Dot wanted me to be and the way I acted around the girls. For once I felt like myself and not pretending to be 'Gemma' or 'Michael'. Although I knew that this perfect harmony between friends would never be a permanent thing, it was great while it lasted.

Nicole cut my hair. It was weird that I had to pay my own sister to cut and style my hair when she practically falls over herself to do it at home for free but I liked it. It validated her and her job, despite having quite a bad (bad is a little strong, maybe it should be 'over-dramatic') haircut herself. With the spotlight being firmly shone in my eyes the last couple of months Nicole probably felt jealous and she had every right to. The media circus surrounding me was all consuming but had slowed down considerably. Murders and sports news and celebrities' scandals were happening without fail everyday and the news of a teenage girl in rural Victoria just couldn't be sustained everyday for 3 months. From now on, I was old news and happy to be that way.

I wasn't completely old news though; my participation in the Debutante Ball and the controversy around it all was still a headline, if only on page 7 and not page 1. Rumour had it that people who still found me an abomination would protest the ball. That was OK with me, the number of people who were 'pro-Gemma' greatly outnumbered the 'anti-Gemma's. When I had complained about the backlash I often received Annette had told me, "You can't please everyone," which I think she tried to pass off as her own theory.

But Aaron and I practised our arses off and we were dancing like the whole world was going to be watching us. I think having a nationally famous dance partner made Aaron a little nervous because he wanted to do extra practises. So, long after the other dancers were tucked up in bed, we were in the lounge room going over the steps. We'd dance until my eyes began to droop and then he'd get on his bike and ride home.

My thoughts drifted to Aaron, here I was spending my first hour of many getting ready for the ball and he probably was enjoying a sleep in. While I was getting primped and poked and cut and styled, he was kicked back, having an easy day. My former sex had it easy, all they had to do was pull on their suit, they were not in a position where having hot wax poured on their legs was mandatory. Even before the big day they didn't have to wile away hours discussing their dress for the night, they all wore suits, the exact same suit, hired from the same place. Then, for just a few seconds, as I looked down at all curves that my body had inherited I missed the convenience of being a guy.

"Hey," Dot said from the chair beside me as she had her black hair styled for the first time in ages, "This isn't that bad, actually."

"You sound surprised," I remarked.

"It's just weird that you're the one forcing me to do girly things and not the other way 'round, you know? I kinda pictured me dragging you into the chemist's to help buy you your first pads. If anything you're girlier than me."

I sighed, I didn't like quantifying my 'girliness', it was something very tricky to measure and pointless to do so. I had begun to realize that it didn't matter how much of a girl I was or wasn't being, as long I being myself. Some people thought I was too girly and other people thought I was still a little tomboyish, everyone had an opinion. I was just going to live as true to myself as I could, be that too tomboyish for some and too girly for others.

Dot scrubbed up pretty well, her shiny jet black hair was slowly styled into something quite beautiful. "So, what are you wearing tonight?" I asked her.

"Ummm… not sure, I do have some dresses when I have to go to Church with my Nanna. Do I have to wear a dress?" She whined about dresses in the same voice as I had done time and time again. Like me, she enjoyed the comfort of pants and jeans. And like me the only dress she wore was the school summer uniform and that was because she had to.

"It's formal, so I guess a dress or a tux or something," I shrugged, while I pictured Dot in a tuxedo. It suited her because like the suit she was very black and white; her long, unkempt, black hair and her pale porcelain skin was a striking contrast.

Dot was resisting wearing gender appropriate clothing, "I'd so much rather wear a suit. You know, like Diane Keaton?"

"Diane Keating? Who's that?" asked Lilly, as a hairdresser piled Lilly's hair atop her head in the fashion of the picture Lilly had brought in.

I braced myself for a Dot outburst. "Umm… she's an actress and totally a fashion icon in the 70s. Annie Hall, The Godfather…" You could almost hear Dot's eyes rolling but at least she didn't erupt. Lilly, oblivious to the scolding she almost received, nodded blankly but enthusiastically.

Alanna joined in the conversation, "Wear a suit and see how much your boyfriend wants to dance with you anyway." I believe that Alana thought maybe Dot would care what Glen thought of her.

"Like he would want to dance anyway," Dot had a very good point, Glen was obviously the type of guy wouldn't want to dance, if given a choice. Dot explained to the girls, "We're just going to sit at the table and make fun of everyone else dancing." That sounded exactly how Dot and Glen would spend their night and a time ago I would have joined them, and I would have laughed along with them. But while I still enjoy the pleasurable sensation of laughing cynically at other people having fun, I had recently learnt that having fun and not caring what other people thought was a lot of fun.

"Well, I'm sure you're going to laugh at me and Tall-Jason, we suck at dancing!" Alana giggled embarrassedly but not ashamedly. She didn't care that people might tease her dancing, in fact that was all part of the fun of the night.

Dot's sarcastic nature was not putting a dint in anyone's enthusiasm and it was interesting to watch Dot trying to cope with that. It was like watching a black belt performing karate on someone and not hurting them in the slightest. No matter how hard she tried, Dot's deadly sarcasm wasn't working. The biting comments were softened in the haze of hair spray and smiles. That's not to say I did enjoy having Dot around me, pulling me back down to earth whenever my head got big.

"I'm going to be ready for this Deb, like, eight hours before it starts. Why are we getting ready so soon?" Dot asked as we moved from the hairdressing chairs to the make-up room.

"Well, Miss Celebrity has a fashion shoot before the Deb," Lilly gave me a mocking look of distain.

The look of distain from Dot was much more real, "Friggin' hell Taylor! I thought you were sick of the media."

"Believe it or not," I began, "It's to reduce the amount of paparazzi that will show up tonight. If I pose for the media this afternoon and answer their questions they aren't going to show up and wreck everyone's night," I crossed my fingers, "…hopefully."

The media were very excited about me being introduced to polite society tonight. The frenzy had slowed down quite a fair bit over the couple of months with only one or two freelance photographers hanging around every now-and-then and I would pose for them if it meant they would leave me alone. There's only so many pictures of a teenager walking to school you can sell to the papers before the money dries up. But with the mostly made-up controversy and the glamour of a Debutante Ball, interested had been building up. The school had talked about banning cameras being brought to the Deb but the outcry was loud and continuous, many more people would prefer me banned than cameras. However, this year's Marrang College's Debutante Ball would be the first in history to have it's own security team, all thanks to me.

"You love the attention," Dot said. It wasn't the first time she had made that claim. I had often tried to defend myself but it never fully convinced her, mainly because it was a little bit of a lie.

I did like the attention.

'Love' was a little strong but I did like all the ballyhoo about me. Sure, when it was invasive and too personal I hated it but when it was masses fawning all over me it's tricky to resist. Every week I would savour the box of fan mail I had sent to me from Dolly Magazine. Now and again I would leaf through the photos of me with the B-List celebs who came to my party in Sydney. I even enjoyed seeing the overtly sexual comments about me by my small internet following. I was a little egocentric and tried to be self-aware of it enough so that I didn't become destructively vain.

"If I loved the attention I WOULDN'T have had this photo op," I argued, "So, that the paps would swarm around me at the Deb." It was a weak argument and everyone could tell that I liked being the focus of attention. "I'm doing this so I don't become the focus of the night." That part was true. Through no fault of mine, I had a fair amount of girls bitch about me behind my back (and Holly quite openly) for stealing the night. Although there was little hope that I would just blend in with everyone else, I did hope to dodge the spotlight a little bit.

"Whatever," Dot said as her eyes rolled.

I had wore make-up now and again; photo shoots, when I know a lot of media will be around and when I meet up with Tyler, so I had gotten used to it. When I was male the only time I wore make-up was when I was in the school musical and that was always caked on so thick I could feel in melting down my skin under the stage lights. I now know that it doesn't have to feel like that at all, in fact you don't really feel it at all. All the other girls were getting their make-up done by make-up professional, I had Nicole, a hairdresser by trade.

"Don't make me look like a clown, Nicole," I warned my big sister.

"Don't be silly, Gem. You trust me, don't you?" she asked me as eyeliner loomed over me in a threatening manner.

"Just not too thick!" Gemma Taylor is known for her natural look and there is no way I would let Nicole ruin that.

Nicole looked at my eyes in the mirror and tried to tell me authoritatively, "OK, but it's evening make-up so it needs to be a little more dramatic."

I did not like the sound of that and squirmed childishly in the chair. There was no way she was going to turn me into a version of her, I've seen her 'dramatic' make-up for when she goes out. "Whatever you are planning," I told her firmly, "halve it."

"Your protests are noted but you have to acknowledge that I am a professional and have been doing Deb make-up for two years now. Plus all my other clients were happy with their make-up."

"But you probably went with their directions instead of imposing your will on them," I had no idea why the conversation was so heated, I guess it was about a little more than just make-up.

"Yeah, but they had been wearing make-up for a little longer than 3 months."

"Yes, I don't know a lot about make-up," I conceded, "but I know what I like and I like a natural look."

Nicole sighed and bent down to look at me at my level. Everyone else was already halfway through their make-up and we hadn't even started. Nicole steadied herself and whispered in an effort to show me she wasn't as angry as she sounded. "Gemma, you can go with a natural look but when you get up there in front of the lights you'll look washed-out. If you're OK with that then that's fine with me. Look at Lilly." Lilly's Asian complexion glittered with a radiance I hadn't noticed until just know. It was obvious she was wearing make-up but it didn't look overdone. "It wont be anymore intense than that, OK?"

"OK," I sighed and I knew I had been a pest.

"You like what I done to your hair, don't you?"

I looked at my flawless blonde locks that framed my face like I was a medieval princess. My hair had grown a fair bit so that I had graduated from my original pixie cut into a more feminie style now. Nicole had done such an amazing job that questioning her about my make-up was an exercise in foolishness. "It's great, Nicole," I earnestly said. I didn't need to say anymore, she understood.

And I was right to trust her.

"Wow, you look great!" Alana gushed as she peered at my face.

"Thanks!" an equal amount of giddiness flowed out of me, "You too!" Alana looked spectacular. She was always considered to be one of the most beautiful girls at school and today was no exception. On a day where all the girls were aiming for perfection, Alana was alarmingly close.

"We all look like princesses!" Lilly was no slouch either, her exotic Malaysian complexion made her skin glow in the most enchanting way.

"I guess that makes me the bridge troll that makes bread out of your bones," Dot murmured emerging from the chair for the first time. Dot did not look like a troll of any kind, in fact her transformation was most incredible of all of us (excluding my initial transformation, of course). Dot looked strikingly beautiful. While the rest of us looked somewhat like teenage girls playing with make-up, Dot looked older, more mature and more sophisticated. She could have been a femme fatale in an old film noir or something.

"Oh wow, Dot, you look great!" Lilly said as she admired the newest member of our group, "I wish you were doing the Deb and not just coming to watch!"

"I don't," Dot said, trying to return to her cynical mode.

I playfully prodded Dot while grinning like a maniac, "Ah come on, Dorothy! Surely, a little teensy piece of you wants to get all dressed up in a pretty white dress and dance in front of local dignitaries?" Her face screwed up and she shook her head.

Dot's eyes glinted with a familiar spark, "I still think you are all demeaning yourselves performing in this out-of-date sexist ritual but I will admit I look pretty effing good." I know it sounds a little corny but we all laughed. "It's only noon what am I going to do all day with the gross war paint on my face?"

"Sit at home and watch movies, like you always do. It's not going to affect your schedule much," I reminded her.

Lilly really didn't get Dot. "Just don't watch a soppy chick flick or you might cry and ruin your make-up," she told Dot.

"Chick flick?" Dot asked as if she had never heard those words put together.

"You can come with us if you want," suggested Alana, "We're going to help Gemma into her dress. Victoria Cross is going to be there." That wasn't going to sway Dot. She had spent an entire afternoon playing my Xbox with Glen while Victoria Cross had a fitting with me last week. Dot was about 6 meters away from the holy genius of Australian fashion and didn't even bother to come out and say hello.

Dot started to head towards the exit, there was only so much of the 'Princess Patrol' she could handle in one sitting and I think she was at her limit. "Nah, don't worry about me. I'll see you guys tonight, OK?"

"Thanks for coming," I said, hopefully my eyes conveyed how much I meant it.

She smiled, a small but genuine smile and said as opened the door, "My pleasure, Hootie."

Somethings do not change.

CHAPTER 39

I have big boobs. They are big for a girl my size. They are big for a girl of my age. They are big enough to command attention by all guys. They are big and perky enough to warrant discussions on whether or not they are real. I have been told they are big enough to be very sexy and just small enough not to be 'too much of a good thing'.

I have big boobs.

I know this fact and just in case I ever forgot there are constant reminders.

"Whoa!" muttered Lilly as I handed her my bra. She looked at the cups in disbelief as if she was looking into the Grand Canyon. Lilly was half-Asian, so she had small breasts. Quite small breasts. 'Mozzie Bites' as some of the meaner boys would say.

Suddenly, I felt a little self-conscious. My boobs had the power to do that, it was just one of their many superpowers. My bra was a miracle of engineering with wire, lace and satin all doing their very best to save my back. Lilly's bra was just for show, except for the one job of keeping her nipples from poking through her tops.

"Just put it on the bed with the rest of my clothes," I hinted. Lilly snapped out of her wonder and tossed it on the bed with my neatly folded clothes, I'm sure Lilly imagined a giant 'thud' noise when it hit the bed.

Lilly began to apologise, "I'm sorry I was just loo…" and then her eyes met my naked breasts. She got that startled kangaroo in the headlights look and blushed faster than I had ever seen anyone go red.

Awkwardness seemed to hang in the room far too long, Lilly stood there staring at my boobs, I stood there waiting for Lilly to stop staring and hand me my tights and Alana stood there probably wondering what was going on. Someone needed to diffuse the situation and even though I would much more readily categorize myself as a 'Problem creator' rather than 'Problem solver', I tried to move things along.

"Big," I sighed, "I know." I laughed nervously and covered myself with an arm.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to stare," Lilly's gaze was suddenly broken and now she could look anywhere but at me, "It's just I saw the bra cups and couldn't fathom how anyone could fill them." But looking at me it seemed obvious I needed a bra with some grunt power.

I had solicited the help of Alana and Lilly to help me put on my Deb dress because I didn't want my Mum in here. She was going insane. The joy and pressure of being a mother of a debutante and the most famous debutante in the country was getting to her. Plus Mum was busy playing hostess. Our tiny house was overrun with visitors, my Nanna, Pa and Aunty Ros were all inside and various members of the Australian media were camped just outside our house. The fact she cried with utter joy when she picked me up from the salon just proved to me that she was running on overload. "It's just make-up, Mum," I shrugged. I didn't want her watching me undress and commenting on what a beautiful, buxom woman I had become and how proud she was to have people all the time telling her that I look exactly like her.

Although the amount of attention my bust was getting, it was like my mum was in the room anyway. "It must have been so weird going from no boobs to those boobs," Alana said as she prepared to help me into the dress, "I mean, mine grew over a number of years and your's kinda just exploded, right?" Alana's breasts were nothing to sneeze at, I had often admired them from afar, before I hatched a set of my own and men's bodies became ultimately more interesting.

I really wished they would hurry getting my dress on because the topics of discussion were getting a little cold. "Well, I don't know if 'exploded' is the right word," I laughed at the idea and so did the girls, "But it was weird, like really rapid puberty. I was just getting used to the concept of having boobs at all and then the next day and I had them, and then the next day they I had a handful and then I graduated to these whoopers." I gestured to them, although I didn't need to.

"That must have been so freaky," Alana said as she finally handed me my strapless bra that went with the dress.

"Well," I began, turning away from them to clumsily hoist my plump breasts into the confines of the cups, "combine it with losing your genitals, your voice sounding like a chipmunk, changing your sexual preference involuntarily," I looked up at the girls, both of whom where taller than me, "And shrinking tons - the boobs don't seem like the biggest things in the world anymore."

After fumbling with the fiddly clasp for only a few seconds, I felt a pair of hands take over and do up my bra. "I don't think they are the biggest in the world, anyway. That chubby Year 11 girl in my Environmental Studies class is bigger than you easily," Alana teased me.

"You know what I mean!" I laughed. Alana came at me with the mass of white satin to pull over my head. I must have looked funny wearing just a strapless bra, white tights and a voluminous petticoat so I didn't mind wearing the dress too much. Also I wasn't worried because recently I had spent more time in that dress than out of it. Ms. Cross was a perfectionist and practically lived at our house, fixing, fitting, re-fixing, re-fitting the dress on me over and over again.

"Arms up."

"Well, Gemma," started Lilly as I was swallowed by the satiny mouth of the dress, "The fact you came out of all that so awesome is just a testament to how good a person you are."

My head and arms emerged from the white satiny beast, "Thanks Lill, having you guys as friends was one of the best things to happen to me because of SGR."

I was in the dress, Lilly made sure the skirt was fully covering the petticoat while Alana zipped me up. I felt like I was a racecar driver sitting in my puffy white racecar while my pit-crew adjusted my tyres and fixed me up. "We like to think we would have been friends with Michael too but we just didn't run in the same circles." I inhaled as Alana zipped up the bodice, although I was pretty much stick thin, Ms. Cross was used to designing for models and I guess they were even skinnier. Alana kept talking, "But we saw the interview with you on TV and knew that you were a great person and could really use some friends that could show you how to have fun as a girl. Oh my god, that is so perfect!"

"I'm in total agreement," Lilly nodded as she stood back to take a look at me, "Wow!"

I turned around to take a look in the mirror. I had seen the dress enough times to be a little over it. Yes, it was made by one of Australia's leading fashion experts and yes. It did make me look incredible so I was pretty much prepared for the reflection I was about to see.

But I hadn't seen it with my hair done up.

And I hadn't seen it with make-up on.

Usually I was wincing in pain at a pin poking me or bored from standing still on a table in the dress for 30 minutes at a time. But today was different; I was putting on the dress to go to the ball. I wasn't Cinderella-in-training anymore; the time was now. I slid my hands down the smooth, cold, silky, bodice and took in the sensual feeling of the material against my skin.

"Wow," was all I could say.

The room went silent as the girls allowed me space to cope with what I was going through. I think they sensed that this was an important moment for me. My reflection just over 3 months ago was so much different to my current reflection. I had changed so much inside and out and that never seemed so true as it did as I stared at the mirror. Michael felt like a good friend that I had lost touch with, sure he had a huge impact on my life but that time was gone; I am Gemma now, and I am damn proud.

"Oh Gem!" Beside my reflection stood another image, another one that looked like me, although about 20 years older.

"Not bad for your only son, huh?" I joked, although I didn't feel like her son at all, I was clearly my mother's daughter.

Mum rightfully ignored my awkward joke. "You are so gorgeous," her emotions quickly bubbled up and tears welled up in her eyes. Mum wasn't much of a crier until today where anything seemed to set her off.

"Don't start crying," warned Alana, "Or you'll get us all crying."

Lilly drove it home to its logical conclusion, "Which will muck up our make-up!"

"I'm not going to cry!" Mum stated, mock-stoically, "I promise you girls that. It's just that you look so perfect, Gem. I can't believe that one of my kids is finally doing their Deb! You've grown up so fast!" I wasn't going to point out that I was actually shorter now than I was when I was 13.

The fact was: it was a big day for my Mum. Her two children were well on their way to being fully-fledged adults. Nicole already had a job, a steady boyfriend and her own car, she was just one dream of living in Melbourne away from flying the coop completely. Me, sure I was only 17 and still had one and a half years of school left but Mum knew as well I did that as soon as I could I was off to explore the world, especially now that I had the funds. Me wearing this dress was a signpost to Mum that soon she would be the parents of grown-ups, no wonder she was about to cry.

Mum breathed deep and shook her head, as if she was trying to reset it in 'organizing mode', "Gemma, I just stepped in to say the two most important men in your life are here." The look I gave her must have told her I didn't know whom she meant. "Your Deb partner and your publicist. They're waiting, you've got to your little press thingy."

"Are you coming, Mum?"

"Sorry love. I can't. Your sister is coming home to do my make up and hair and then I'm going to supper with Annette and the other Sydney people. Next time I see you, you'll be coming onto stage with everyone watching," Mum hugged me so tight that I'm surprised that my skin didn't come off all over her face, let alone my make-up, "I'm so proud of you. You've been so brave and so smart. You've taught me so much about things and life. Boy or girl, you've always made me proud." Mum suddenly remembered what family this was and hastily added, "Shit, that was a bit corny, wasn't it?"

"I don't care," I said, not breaking the hug.

"Me neither."

Tyler and Aaron were indeed waiting for me. And they both looked great in their suits. I was used to seeing my hunky publicist/'boyfriend' in a suit but Aaron was a surprise, his broad shoulders and slim body always looked great in a T-shirt and even better in a suit. For a second I regretted letting Lilly take Aaron away from me and then I remembered how I spent the previous night. "Looking pretty shmick, lads!" I complimented them as soon as I opened the door.

I walked out of my room and into the kitchen slowly and deliberately. I had been practising in my high heels whenever I could for the last three weeks and luckily, I had really got the hang of it. "Hey Gemma, you look pretty amazing yourself," Aaron commented with his broad cheeky smile that I always found adorable. I met Tyler's gaze and we exchanged looks, we both shared a dirty secret and it was fun keeping it from everyone.

"Hi Gemma," Tyler grinned, "You look great."

"Thanks," I smiled at them both.

"Wow, you look incredible!" enthused Aaron again. He must be really be taken with me, I thought. I suddenly grew taller with pride, knowing that Aaron couldn't help but tell me twice how gorgeous I was. Maybe he did have a crush on me, maybe all this dancing together did have an effect on him and maybe if I told Lilly that he meant something to me she'd move on and let us be together. My mind was a whir of possibilities.

"Oh don't look yet! I look stupid without the dress!" Lilly said shielding her face from her boyfriend. He approached her, leaned in and gave her a charmingly sweet kiss on the cheek. Oh, Aaron wasn't talking to me. I suddenly shrunk a little.

"It looks great, Lill! I can't wait to see the dress."

"Well, you'll just have to wait an hour and a half when the limo comes!"

"Oh, I can't wait that long! It's not fair! You get to see me in my penguin suit now and I have to wait."

"Take it off then," Lilly teased Aaron.

"You'd like that."

I didn't like watching Aaron and Lilly getting chummy like that, especially since my 'boyfriend' was standing right next to me and we couldn't do anything. I knew that given the chance we could easily out-cute Lilly and Aaron easily.

Mum decided that all this small talk was harming us, "Gemma, you're going to have to go soon. I don't want to rush you or anything but you don't want to be late. Tyler, you do know where the school hall is, don't you?" The press conference was taking place at the school hall, where the Debutante Ball would later take place. Mrs. Higgins, the principal decided that doing it at the school hall would show that the school was behind my participation 100%.

"Mum, I can direct him. I think I know where the school is," I rolled my eyes and looked like the most sarcastic princess that ever lived.

"Don't be cheeky, Miss. I can still pay you back for cutting up MY dress." The look in her eye told me she wasn't necessarily joking.

"OK, OK, OK. Mum, can you give Lilly and Alana a ride home? We're going to be late if we do."

Steam started to appear emanating from my Mum's ears. I wouldn't have pushed her but I didn't want to be late, you couldn't really keep the Australian media waiting. "But Gemma, I have to get my make-up on and get the cheese platter ready and get dressed," she huffed little a little steam engine, "I thought you were taking them home."

"We were but we'll be late if we do!" I said in a whine that sounded a lot more like Nicole than I ever wanted to.

"Oh, Gemma," I could see Mum weigh up the pros and cons of saying 'no', "I suppose I can but I'm going to be all in a rush. You girls ready to go now?"

Lilly and Alana looked terrified as if their parents had never had loud, slightly angry conversations like this. "Yes, Mrs. Taylor," Alana answered politely, "We'd walk but we need to get dressed ourselves."

"Yes, it looks like we're all in a disorganized rush," Mum was already heading toward the door, cheese platters, make-up and my Aunt Ros's sleeping arrangements all on her mind. "OK, everyone who's going in my car, let's roll. Gemma, I'll see you tonight." She leant over and kissed me on the cheek, "Mwah, I love you."

"I love you too, Mum." And with a flurry of feet and a bang of a door; Tyler, Aaron and I were alone in my house. We took in a moment of silence and the whir of the busy day started again.

"You ready to go, kiddo?" Tyler asked.

"Just got to get my gloves and we're out of here."

"What about you, stretch?" he asked Aaron.

Aaron tugged at his vest, "I'm set."

"OK, let's go meet the press."

It was funny to think that the day had almost passed completely and the night was on its way. It had all been a surreal blur of dresses, hair, eyeliner and saying 'Wow' a lot. I had thought a lot about this day. For a while I thought about dancing with Holly, holding her soft, beautiful body close to mine and perhaps kissing her and then I thought of it as a terrible joke played on girl in order to make fun of their femininity, more recently I saw it as a day where you wear a dress, you dance and everyone looks at you. It had meant many things to me and now it was happening I didn't really know what it meant. Was I denouncing everything I was as Michael? Was I saying 'Yes' to frilly dresses, make-up and being put on display forever? Or was I just being myself and for once not caring what people were saying? I had to answer these questions as pretty soon the press might be asking me the exact same thing.

"Are you nervous?" I asked Aaron who sat behind in the back seat of Tyler's hire car.

Aaron leaned forward, "Yeah, a little bit. Not every Deb partner is subject to a grilling by The Sydney Morning Herald."

"You'll be fine, I don't think they'll be that interested in you," I assured him as pulled on an elbow length silk glove.

"Gee thanks, Taylor!"

"Just stand there and looked pretty and you'll be fine," I teased him.

And then Aaron said something that made me think maybe he did feel something for me. He said, "That's easy for you to say!"

He thought I was pretty!

"Just turn into the car park there," I pointed a long gloved finger toward the car park nearest the school hall/gym. I think a little bit of the fairytale element was tainted by the fact that the dance floor had basketball courts painted on it. Cinderella never had to dance on a free-throw line.

"OK kids," Tyler addressed me and Aaron, "Now I'll come out, address the press bring out you, Gemma. You can pose for a little bit. Then I'll announce you, Andy."

"Aaron," I corrected Tyler, although the mistake sounded deliberate to me.

"Right, Aaron. You two pose a little bit and then we'll answer a handful of questions. It should be all done in half an hour. Then I'm taking you where?"

"To Andy's house," I teased both of them in one fell swoop, "The limo is picking us up there at 5.30."

"Righto," Tyler said as he turned off the motor, "In, out and over. Remember to smile, kids." I liked it when Tyler called me 'kiddo' but there was something different in him calling Aaron and I 'kids'. In fact, Tyler had been acting cold and professional ever since this afternoon. When we were getting into the car I went to climb into the back seat with Aaron to keep him company and Tyler told me, "No, you sit in the front, I don't want to feel like a chauffeur." Either he trying too hard to make it look like we were just business associates or he was somehow jealous of Aaron.

Tyler was still man enough to come around and open the car door for me. I took his hand (Jeez, my hands are small!) and as carefully as I could, climbed out of the car. My main mission this day was not to ruin this dress but unluckily for me the dress was flawlessly white, so long and so damn puffy. I made it to the hall unscathed and walked inside. The Deb Ball committee had spent all afternoon decorating the hall and it looked very glamorous. The palate was silver and gold and everything matched; the balloons, the streamers, the curtains and the tablecloths. On stage was an ornate red settee where the Debutante would wait onstage while the pervious Debutante is being introduced. When it's your turn, your partner will come to the bottom of the centre stage stairs and offer you a rose, you stand, slowly walk down the stairs and accept his rose. From there you walk down the carpet, stop midway, walk around your partner to show off the dress, continue down the carpet, curtsey at the dignitaries and then go sit down and the whole thing starts again with another couple.

I only saw a glimpse of the hall though an opened door because I was whisked backstage. That's how I know I am a real celebrity- normal people aren't 'whisked' anywhere. "This is exciting!" I whispered to Aaron as Tyler went out to greet the media. Aaron just looked blankly through the crack in the door at the collection of journalists salivating for a taste of this story. Ignoring him I checked myself in the mirror — make-up was still intact, jewellery was all in order, not marks on the dress, 'classy' amount of cleavage on display — I was ready.

From behind the curtain I heard, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I had the pleasure of introducing this beautiful girl to you all three months ago and it gives me great pleasure to introduce her again. But she is longer a frightened, confused little girl but now an independent, intelligent and beautiful woman. She's an accomplished model, a published columnist and she is having a very special night tonight. I'd like to invite Gemma Taylor out here to pose for a few minutes, and then she'll answer some questions."

That was my cue!

Left foot, right foot. I know walking is quite easy but I was focussing hard, I didn't want to fall on my face in front of all the cameras, which would be the equivalent of falling down in a busy public street every day for the rest of my life, everyone would be watching. I delicately and as elegantly as I possibly could, walked into the room, beaming and waving. Even though I was dressed in the style of royalty, I wanted everyone to know I was still the same dorky, down to earth girl-who-used-to-be-a-boy-next-door.

"Thanks for coming," I said underneath the flury of flashes. The cameras were flashing so much that there didn't seem to be any flashes at all. I stood still and left the smile plastered on my face. I felt as if I should be doing something but the truth of the situation was I was doing all I needed to do. The people were all here to see me and I was here: job done! I slowly turned, trying to face as many cameras as possible. I didn't know what to do with my hands, so they awkwardly clung on to each other for dear life. I spun around to show the exquisite back of the dress. The cameras whirred and buzzed and I wondered if they were checking out my bum, not that they could see it under my full skirt. I glanced over at Tyler for a moment and he casually nodded like I was doing a good job.

"And please welcome Gemma's dashing dance partner, Aaron Le…" Tyler stopped mid-name, as would most people trying to read Aaron's surname for the first time. I furrowed my brow but tried to keep a straight face. It was painful seeing such a professional like Tyler fall over something as simple as a name. "Le…ka…kis," he sounded it out, "Aaron Lekakis."

The emphasis was on the wrong syllable but I'm sure Aaron was used to that. I nervously came out to join me, like a timid mouse I had trained. I held his hand and the cameras went ballistic. "You're doing good," I laughed.

"No…I'm…not!" Aaron said through gritted teeth.

"Hold her! Hold her!" came a voice from somewhere behind the flashes.

I nudged my partner, "Perhaps we should do one of the dance holds or something?"

Aaron nodded and we clumsily assumed a waltz stance. Of course, we didn't dare dance without any music by ourselves but it seemed to keep the people behind the cameras happy. We got in a few different stances, I was worried when he stood behind me and grabbed me by the waist nobody would be able to see his face but I temporarily forgot how short I was, even in heels.

"OK," Tyler announced after an arbitrary amount of time, "We have just a few minutes for some questions with Gemma. I'll let Gemma take the podium now. Gemma." Tyler used my name one too many times and confused me. I walked over to the microphone with a slightly bewildered look on my face. Despite me liking all the attention, being interviewed was tough. It wasn't like posing because you had to do more than stand still long enough so that the photo doesn't blur, or like writing in my column, where I had weeks and my own editor to make sure I don't sound stupid. All I was equipped with was my ears to hear the question, my brain to quickly think of an answer and my mouth to hopefully not garble the answer up too much.

"Hi," I squeaked, adjusting the microphone to suit my diminutive height. "It's great to see all of you interested in me on my special day. Before I start I'd like to thank Mrs. Higgins and Marrang College for supporting my efforts in participating tonight, and Aaron Lekakis," I correctly pronounced his name, "for coming out here, even though he is crapping himself." The mound of people politely chuckled.

I'm forgetting something, I told myself. "Oh!" I said suddenly, "Also thanks to Victoria Cross for my amazing dress and my sister for the hair and make-up and my Mum for putting up with me… I think that's everyone." I felt myself babbling but I just couldn't stop. "Oh yeah! And Tyler, my publicist, who is totally ace. OK, questions?"

Hands skyrocketed into the air, like I was a schoolteacher and I just asked a roomful of preps a really easy question. I blindly pointed to someone and said "You."

"How are you feeling about tonight?"

"Well, it's a special night in a lot of students' life and it's not different for me. I mean, I attended rehearsals and learnt how to dance and walk 'properly'," I mined the air-quotes, "I've been fitted for a dress and I've got butterflies in my stomach, just like every other girl at my school."

The man butted in with his follow up, "But you're not like every other girl, are you?" It was a sharp turn I was expecting, just not in the first minute.

"That's true," I nodded, "My journey has been quite different because three months ago I attended the first rehearsals as a boy. And then something happened to me. SGR changed me while the whole world watched. Since then I've been trying to figure out exactly who I am and how much gender plays a role in that."

Another question from the same guy, "And how much of a role does it play?"

Tyler jumped to my defence, "We'll move on to someone else, if that's OK?"

"No," I said, "It's OK. I've discovered that gender does affect who you are, of course it does. It affects what people expect from you and affects the way that you interact with other people. I still like the same music as before and the same movies, I didn't start putting unicorn pictures on my bedroom walls or anything. But being a girl has allowed me to talk more openly to my friends and family about my feelings which has been a great benefit," I coughed and looked out at the people hanging on my every word. I abruptly began to doubt that I was making much sense. "I think I'm rambling here but you get my point."

Tyler took the role of a MC and fielded another question for me. "Hello Miss Taylor. What are you feeling about wearing just a magnificent dress?"

"Umm, a couple of months ago you wouldn't have got me anywhere near a dress. But now I am content in who I am, so I can reveal to you that I am thrilled that it looks so good. Victoria Cross did a great job. I'm not really shaped like a model but I think I look beautiful in it, and I'm proud of looking beautiful! I'm just scared of ruining it." A mild chuckle trickled through the audience.

"So how would you rate your dancing skills?" Yay! This was the type of question that was easy to answer. Just remember my humility.

"I think me and Aaron are equal on the number of times we've stood on each others' feet," I sheepishly smiled, "We're not the best dancers around but we're not going to embarrass ourselves too much. Mum will be proud."

"OK, what's better boy or girl?" Of course that question was going to come up.

"You're not going to get definitive answer from me, I'm afraid. Sorry. I mean, well, there are things I miss about being a guy, like not having paparazzi following me around. And being a girl does have its upsides like being sent free stuff, like clothes all the time. See? I can only talk about my experiences. Overall, they're pretty even. I loved being a guy and I am really enjoying who I am now, but it took me awhile to realise that just being true to myself was the most important part. Clichéd, I know but umm, that's life."

"What do you say to the people who are opposed to your inclusion in tonight's proceedings?" A question I had expected but was not thrilled about answering.

"It's a shame people don't think I'm worthy to be a debutante after I have so diligently followed all of the rules that the school has regarding the Debutante Ball. But I have a right to participate and I'm going to."

The reporter asked a follow up question, "I think people are worried about you stealing the limelight from the other girls. What's your feelings?"

"Well, that why I am here right now. I mean, it not really me 'stealing the limelight' as much as it is you guys forcing me into it. If I don't see another photographer all day, I'd be happy. I don't want to ruin everyone's night, tonight. I don't want this night to be all about me, believe me. These last few months have been all about me and I'm kinda bored with it now. So, if you all allow me to have some privacy tonight you'll be making a lot of girls happy."

"OK," Tyler said, "Last question." I let my concentration fail for a second and I pictured Tyler roughly taking me from behind, his large hands holding my tiny waist, my moans probably waking up everyone in the hotel. My body felt on fire with each thrust. I wondered if he was available tonight, after the Deb.

"Miss. Taylor, have you been in contact with John Draffen at all? What do you think his thoughts on you being a Debutante tonight would be?"

Upon hearing that name I snapped back into reality. I tried not to think about Mr. Draffen much because I recognised a lot of myself in him. The only difference being I wasn't surrendering to the dark thoughts. I had chosen to embrace my new gender even though I missed my old one; Mr. Draffen just locked himself away from the world and refused to do anything productive with his unique situation.

"I have had a brief conversation with John Draffen," I told the press, "While he hasn't coped as well as I have, I think he would be proud to see me being true to myself and learning to overcome my critics."

That wasn't true, last thing John/Kate Draffen said to me was, "Don't forget — You are Michael," so I doubted he would be proud to see me being true to myself and overcoming my critics. He was one of my critics. I thought about Draffen as I thanked and press and hastily exited. I wondered if Kate was ever a debutante. Did she ever don a beautiful gown and dance nervously in front of her family, friends and a room full of people? Did John/Kate ever stare into his partner's eyes as they danced? Maybe my triumphant night tonight would encourage him to fight his demons, but I doubted it. He hadn't even replied to the letter I wrote him and that was two months ago.

The Deb here we come!

****

As always, feel free to email me any comments, questions or criticisms to [email protected] The response I get to this story is amazing. Thank you so much to everyone who has ever e-mailed or commented, it means a huge amount.