Digital Times Early Morning News Issue 9

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 ­Issue 9 (00 00 10 01) 13 Dec, 2008

Digital Times Early Morning News

 


     Hot off the internet: Our Star reporter Rachel Keller, brings us new and interesting news bytes.  Coppers nab serial rapist!  This is News of the century, according to women’s groups throughout the country.  The Terror as he was known from headlines or ‘Just call me Jack’ as he was reputed to tell his victims when he introduced himself prior to raping them, was apprehended by police special forces  ­when he attempted to rape an undercover police woman.  Jack was thought to have committed the violent rapes of as many as 148 females from the ages of 15-43.  Using the Jurisprudence 4000 “Jack” was tried, convicted, and sentenced within an hour of his capture.  According to new standards introduced in the justice system “Jack” will be allowed one single appeal before his sentence is carried out.  However, even with earlier models of the Jurisprudence model of trial computers the instance of there being a reversal was rare.  To date with the 4000 no verdict has been overturned.

“Jack’s” sentence is the most unusual to date however, many feel it is very appropriate.  Should “Jacks’” single appeal fail he will be sentenced to serve life without the possibility of parole as a female canine.  That’s correct, my dear readers he will be kenneled as a breeding bitch for the remainder of his natural life.  There is some talk of the punishment being cruel and unusual but I don’t think the studs will mind one bit.

Guess we’ll be hearing more about that discussion in the future.  G’day Mates.

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Comments

Not Appropriate

joannebarbarella's picture

As a dog bitch he will only be on heat once a month, but I don't know of any other animal that is sexually available all the time except humans. Dilemma,
Joanne

Bonobos and Dolphins

erin's picture

There are probably a few others. :)

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

ROTFLMAO

One of the best one's yet Rachel. It only makes me wish we really could fix the justice/penal system that easily. And I dare say, the punishment does indeed fit the crime.

Eclipse

Jurisprudence 4000

I happen to know of several who escaped sentencing, is there any way to make this retroactive to cover them???

Keep up the fantastic reporting...

1955-12y5m.jpg (long ago... and, oh so far away)

God Bless You All...

Rare Breed

terrynaut's picture

I'm not sure about the punishment but I have to wonder about the possibilities. If the dog is a rare breed, they could sell the puppies and use the money to pay the victims. I'm not sure it would ever generate enough money though.

Jack's life span will be shortened significantly. As a dog, she won't live nearly as long. That's another factor to consider.

Okay. On to the next story.

Thanks.

- Terry