The Other Side of Me – Part 30
by Lily Rasputin

“I don’t want Charlene’s memories! Or her fucking personality quirks!”

I paced back and forth in Jackson’s lab, my arms crossed petulantly over my chest while Jackson, Shelly, and Katie stood off to one side, well out of my path, watching me with sympathetically weary faces. Remaining silently supportive as I ranted about this potential new wrinkle in my interdimensional dilemma.

After receiving the wonderfully bad news from Jackson, I’d hung up the phone, barely resisting the urge to hurl it into the distance with a primal scream of rage. Movement out of the corner of my eye caused me to turn to see Mike slowly making his way from the side of the field to where I stood.

When he saw the look of fury on my face, his own expression dropped into a mask of barely hid disappointment.

“So,” he said, looking from me to Shelly, who stood a couple of yards away and doing her best impression of not paying us any attention. “I have a feeling our afternoon outing is going to have to be postponed.”

I’ll give him credit, despite looking like I’d just kicked him in the nuts, he kept his voice light and relaxed. Jovial, even. Which made him even more attractive and caused me to feel like I was stomping all over a defenseless puppy.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Something’s sort of came up.” I lifted my arm and reached out toward his, pausing just before actually touching him. “I’m sorry about just now. I didn’t mean … uh … there’s a perfectly good explanation for my outburst. I just …uh …”

He reached up and wrapped his hand around mind, entwining our fingers together.

“And you just can’t share it right now?” he asked, a tiny smile breaking through the gloomy expression.

I nodded again. “Yeah. I know it’s totally crazy and completely sus. I just …”

He cut me off by pulling lightly on my arm to make me have to step closer. His other arm snaked around my waist as he smiled down at me.

“Charlie, I want to get to know you. All of you. The good and the bad. I’m not going to pressure you to behave in a certain way just to make myself comfortable. I’m also not going to pry into anything that you’re not ready to share.” He leaned in closer, looking deeply into my eyes. “All I am going to ask is, do you want to let me try? To know you?”

I blinked up at him, his words ricocheting around my already addled brain. After a second or two, my head bounced up and down enthusiastically.

“I do, Mike. Honestly. I really, really do.”

His smile widened. “Good.” He kissed me softly before pulling back and releasing my hand with a hesitant, almost reluctant, slowness. “If you find yourself free later, call me. Maybe we can get some dessert or something.”

My heart did a triple flip, and I felt my smile widen into a somewhat less distraught expression.

“I will.” Then I paused and gave him a sly smirk. “Can I call you later even if I can’t go out for dessert? Just to talk?”

“Anytime,” he said kissing me once more before stepping back to let me leave.

With a heavy heart, I forced my feet to move, strolling toward Shelly like a person on their way to the gas chamber.

“Let’s go talk to Jackson,” I mumbled, fumbling around in my bag for my keys. However, the second I had them in my hand, Shelly shook her head and snatched them away.

“I really don’t think you should be driving at the moment,” she said, nodding her head in the direction of a different parking lot.

I stopped walking and glared at her. “What? Why?” I pointed back toward the athletic field. “Do you think would change my mind and sneak off to spend time with Mike?” Despite the annoyed look I gave, to be honest, I did originally consider that very course of action. “Or are you just worried Charlene’s gonna come back and take off to parts unknown?”

She didn’t respond to my teasing. Instead, she stopped walking, turned around, and looked me right in the eyes. Her expression was deadly serious.

“No, Charlie. What I’m worried about is that there might be a swap along the way. And seeing as how the last transition didn’t seem as smooth, or instantaneous, as normal, I think being behind the wheel of a moving vehicle is the last place you should be.”

I opened my mouth to retort, but then closed it with a single nod of my head.

“Okay. Fair point,” I conceded.

“So glad you approve,” she snipped. Then turned on her heel and stalked off to where her car was waiting.

Along the way to Jackson’s house, I texted both Josie and Katie asking them to meet us there as soon as they could. Katie replied that she was home and would head on over. Josie, however, just responded with a thumbs-up emoji.

At Jackson’s, Shelly and I went inside without bothering to ring the bell and headed down to the lab. Stepping inside, we spotted Katie sitting on the sofa, watching as Jackson scribbled a series of complex equations on the whiteboard as he talked to himself.

“No. That’s not it,” He said with a sigh as he wiped away half of an equation. “The delta of the inverse proportion of the wave function doesn’t collapse through gravitational interference. There has to be some other catalyst at play.”

I stopped just behind the pondering mad scientist, studied at the board for a moment, then turned to him.

“What are you doing?”

He jumped as if he hadn’t heard Shelly and I arrive, almost dropping his marker in the process of spinning around.

“Uh, hey Charlie.” Then he glanced back at the board. “Trying to determine the cause of this newest … complication.”

“Complication?” I gestured at myself, then to the board. “Having to roll with bouncing between universes is one thing. But the possibility that Charlene and I might start exchanging key aspects of our personas should get a more serious designation than just a ‘complication’.” I threw my hands into the air. “Why don’t we refer to it as a ‘Total Fucking Disaster’!”

Katie’s eyes widened and she looked from me to Jackson. “Wait. You were serious about that? It thought you were, you know, exaggerating.” She shook her head as her shoulders slumped, her gaze moving down to her pink and white sneakered feet. “I don’t want him to start acting like her.”

I opened my mouth to comment, probably with a great degree of sarcasm, that no one wanted that. However, Jackson spoke up before I could say anything.

“I simply mentioned it was a possibility. Not something definitely happening.” He shrugged. “I’m not completely sure how the tether between them works beyond a few conflicting theories. Right now, the two contenders are: either the connection between Charlie and Charlene is destabilizing or the recent changes are due to something my dimensional counterpart did.”

I gave him my best death stare. “Well, I guess the only way to find out for sure is for me to ask my Jackson the next time I’m over there. You know, if I don’t bounce back while Charlene’s busy being balls deep inside Samantha.”

Katie was the only one who didn’t seem shocked at my statement. Jackson’s mouth hung slightly open while Shelly simply blinked as if slapped. She slowly raised her hand as she arched a brow.

“Samantha … Thomas?” Her question was both stunned curiosity and dubious suspicion.

I nodded, beginning to pace back and forth. “One in the same.”

Her hand remained raised, like she was sitting in a lecture hall. “So, Charlene, in your body, is having sex with Samantha Thomas? Your Samantha Thomas?” She tiled her head to the side, staring at me.

Katie shrugged as she glanced at my bestie. “Apparently Charles and Sam were enjoying this super casual, occasional hookup thing before all the swapping started. It looks that Charlene’s turned it into a real relationship.”

Shelly looked from my sister to me, a hurt expression forming on her face. “Oh. Well, I certainly didn’t know that little tidbit of information about over there.”

My face warmed and I shrugged my shoulders. “I was going to say something at lunch today when she stopped by, but …” I didn’t want to explain that Shelly’s attitude toward the redhead had given me a bit of pause in confessing what was going on between her and my male self.

There was already a lot on my plate to deal with.

Jackson cleared his throat, causing the three of us to turn his way.

“Your amorous dalliances over there notwithstanding, do you think it’s possible your version of me might be trying another avenue to make things right? Something other than simply repairing his device?”

I shrugged. “What do you mean by ‘another avenue’?”

“Well, if his equipment is as smashed as you said it was, then he might try to recreate the experiment another way? Or maybe he’s figured out the nature of the connection between you and Charlene. Then he could initiate a swap, return you and she to your original universes, then sever the entanglement.” He shrugged, looking at the three of us who stared at him in mute horror. “Well, it’s what I would do.”

Later, after Shelly left for home, and Jackson went back to his equations, promising not to swap Charlene and I on purpose, Katie and I went home. She went to her room to finish her homework while I cut up potatoes and browned some ground beef for dinner. Dad had called to say he was working late again. Which meant it was just the two of us.

Sister Time.

As we ate, Katie’s phone kept vibrating every couple of minutes. Each time, she would look down at it sitting there next to her place to read the newest message on the screen. Most of them made her grin like a looney, so I set down my fork and put my elbows on the table, steepling my fingers together to stare at her until she realized what I was doing.

“What?” she asked, placing her palm over the glowing light of the screen.

“Sebastian?” I asked, though I already knew the answer due to her facial expressions.

She nodded as her cheeks tinged a pretty shade of pink. “Yeah,” she said with a tone of voice I was pretty sure I might have used once or twice while talking about Mike.

I put my fork down and laced my fingers together under my chin, regarding the girl across from me carefully. The grin on her face as she typed out her latest response to Sebastian was the kind that simply broadcast happiness. She was, without question, on Cloud Nine.

Which is why part of me really hated what I was going to do.

"Can I ask you a question?" I said, continuing to look at her.

She, for her part, didn't look up from the screen. "Sure!"

I waited until she finished reading before continuing. "Do you mind if I ask you to put Sebastian on pause so we can chat. Sister to sister."

As I'd expected, Referring to us as sisters caught her attention. Looking up, she saw the serious expression on my face and immediately put the phone face down on the table. "Of course. What's up?" There was a small tendril of worry in her voice. Not fear or panic. More like hesitation.

"Tell me about you and Charlene."

She blinked, her brow crinkling in what appeared to be confusion. "What do you mean?”

“Tell me about the relationship between you. The truth.”

Katie shrugged, but her eyes didn’t stay on mine. “She's always coming down on me and being a totally basic bitch." She sniffed. "If she’s stuck over there forever, I won't miss her at all."

I nodded, keeping my face as neutral as possible. "But it wasn't always like that, was it? You two used to be close."

Katie shrugged again. "Maybe when we were little. I think she's always treated me like a pain in her ass. And constantly goes out of her way to remind me about it." She slowly brought her eyes back over to mine. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, funny enough, when I was getting dressed this morning, I found a birthday card shoved deep into the back of the drawer. Apparently, it was from Charlene to you for your 15th birthday."

While she at least didn't look away this time, I could see her blanche slightly at my revelation. Rather than give her time to start a defense, I continued through my thought process.

"It was rather sweet, too. With a nice, loving sentiment in Charlene's handwriting. It would seem, at least according to my impression, that it was heartfelt and genuine." I lowered my hands and leaned back in my seat. "So, what am I missing? Because it appears to me that, until recently, the two of you were very close."

"It's a lie," Katie said, clenching her jaw. "She might have written that, but it's total bullshit."

I nodded in a non-convinced manner. "So, she wrote a bunch of Hallmark feelings into your birthday card as a disingenuous platitude? And then, she, what, kept the card as ... a memento of the time she said she loved you but really didn't?"

The girl across from me was silent for a few long seconds, before she pushed her half-eaten plate away. "I'm going back to my room. I still have homework to do."

I held up one hand. "No, you're not. You're going to tell me what the deal is between you and Charlene. I really hope to hear a more valid explanation than 'our mom died, and it turned her into a rampaging bitch'. Because it's been my understanding that tragedy like that causes people to turn to their loved ones. Not turn against them."

She rolled her eyes and started to stand. “You don’t know anything, Charles.”

When she did, I brought my fist down on the table. Not a hard slam, but enough to rattle the cutlery and make her flinch. After another second, she slowly lowered back into her seat.

"I don't like lies and secrets, Katie Kat. Especially when I'm having to navigate a whole another life I'm not experienced with." I hoped that using my pet name for her and reminding her that I was still Charles (mostly) would get her to open up.

"I'm not lying," she said, a single tear ripping itself away from the corner of her eye to slide down her cheek. "Charlene has been super mean and hateful to me. For a long time now."

"Since your mom died. I know that she didn't take it well. Not that I blame her for that. But it seems weird that there'd be that much venom directed at you. This is the kind of thing that should bring people, sisters especially, together."

When she remained silent and looked away from me again, I knew I was on the right path.

"Charlene blames herself for that night. That much is a fact. But her being mad at you, being a shitty person to you, over it. Well, that really doesn't make a lot of sense." I shook my head. "Don't get me wrong, she's doing an incredible job, or was, of sabotaging her own life. Weird that she would want to sabotage yours, too."

Katie remained silent. Save for the occasional sniffle as more tears flowed down her face.

"What happened, Katie?" I asked in what I hoped was a non-judgmental voice. "Charlie blames herself for your mom having to go out in the rain to pick you up so she could hang out with her friends. Do you blame her as well?"

"Yes," she said in a near whisper. Then, a few seconds later. "No."

"Talk to me." I got out of my seat and walked around to the one Dad normally sat in, pulling out the chair so I could face her. I reached out and put my hand on her knee. "Why does Charlene feel the need to be so nasty to you?"

She brought her face up to look at me, now crying freely. I felt something rip in my chest. Not five minutes ago, the teen had been practically bubbling with joy. Now, she looked as despondent as a guilty defendant awaiting sentencing.

Her gaze went back down to her lap, to the hands wringing each other there. "It ... it was me."

I kept my hand resting where it was. "What was you?"

At first, I thought perhaps she wasn't going to answer. As drop after drop landed on her legs, she continued to sit there and sob softly. Then, just when I was about to try another line of questioning, she responded.

"My fault. It ... Mom ... it was ... my fault."

I gently squeezed her knee. "Tell me."

She drew in a breath and released it slowly. "I wanted Charlie to pick me up when she was done with cheer tryouts. I wanted to hear all about it and everything. But, she called me and said that she was going to hang out with her friends to celebrate, and that I should just get a ride home with Susan Fowler.”

“But you didn’t?

She shook her head ever so slightly.

“I called Mom and told her that Charlie said she wasn’t coming to pick me up and there was no one left I could get a ride from.” Katie’s voice hitches slightly with another sob. “I thought … thought she’d call Charlie and make her come get me. I never thought … never wanted …”

Unable to help myself, I stood up and wrapped my sister in my arms, squeezing her tightly against my chest as the dam within her finally broke apart and she bawled against me.

“I-I-I killed my mom!” Her scream was muffled against my breast.

“No, you didn’t. It was just an accident. It’s not your fault.”

She mumbled something else that I couldn’t quite understand. However, rather than ask her to repeat herself, I just sat there holding her, letting her get the crying out while I stroked her hair comfortingly.

I continued to hold her while she got the majority of the grief out. As I did, I realized it wasn’t just grief; it was also guilt.

“Katie,” I said softly, continuing to hold her trembling form. “Charlene doesn’t know, does she? That you skipped getting a ride on purpose.” The second part wasn’t a question. Since I was fairly certain it was the truth.

She shook her head but didn’t say anything.

A few more moments went by, and eventually she pulled away from me, wiping at her bloodshot eyes.

“So,” I said, dabbing at my own. Stupid menstrual hormones. “Care to tell me all of it? Not the events leading to the accident. What came after.”

Katie didn’t answer right away. She didn’t do anything for almost five whole minutes but stared at her hands, wringing themselves over and over in her lap.

“I was mad and hurting. I knew that if I’d just got into the car with Susan, like Charlene suggested, Mom wouldn’t have been on the road. She wouldn’t have …” She swallowed twice and sighed. “Charlene was depressed and mopey as well. I think she was already blaming herself.”

“Everyone was in pain,” I said. “With good reason.”

Katie shook her head. “It wasn’t just the sadness, Charlie. It was also the guilt. It was tearing me up. I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. I just wanted it all to go away.”

She looked up, fresh tears starting.

“I went into Charlene’s room and found her lying on the bed crying. She was holding a picture of her and Mom. Some thing they’d gone to, just the two of them. Fun adventure I hadn’t been a part of and I just … lost it. I started screaming at her and telling her that she was the reason our mother was dead. If she’d not ditched me to hang out with her friends, mom wouldn’t have had to come get me.”

My mouth dropped open of its own accord. I knew that something split the two of them apart, but I honestly didn’t expect it to be that.

Katie looked away to her lap again. “After that, I think she couldn’t look at me without feeling like she was reliving that moment all over again. And every time I started to feel bad about it, I would tell myself that I wasn’t completely wrong.”

I sighed. “You dumped your guilt onto Charlene, and continued to dump it occasionally? Which is why she’s been a complete bitch to you the past two years. That sound about right?”

She nodded. “I kept meaning to tell her the truth. But then she’d yell at me. Or call me fat or stupid.”

I ran my fingers through my hair. “Then I show up in Charlene’s body and you don’t have to feel guilty anymore. Because I’m not her. I’m not carrying two people’s guilt because I wasn’t the one who lived through that horrible moment.”

She nodded again. “I thought … since you were the one here …”

“You thought maybe you could have your sister back? One who didn’t hate you.”

“Yes.” Her voice was whisper soft.

I sat there for a moment, processing. Then I stood up and put my plate in the sink before wrapping up the rest of the food for Dad to eat when he got home.

Katie didn’t move from her seat. However, I could tell she was watching me out of the corner of her eye. I think she thought, given her experience, I was going to yell at her. After all, wasn’t I supposed to be channeling Charlene’s personality?

When the kitchen was relatively clean, I stared toward the door.

“Where are you going? Are you leaving?”

I stopped but didn’t turn around. “No. I’m going to my room. I need to … think. To decompress.” I drew in a breath and released it with a sigh. “This explains a lot about the situation I’m in, Katie. What I’m dealing with over here and what my friends and family are dealing with over there.”

“I’m sorry.”

Shaking my head, I walked out of the kitchen.

“I’m not the one who deserves your apology,” I said as I headed toward the stairs.

Author’s Note: I’m not sure why this never got posted here the first time around. However, since I have been working toward a conclusion, I felt it needed to be added.