Chapter 6 – My new life feels good.

“Good evening Susan, can you just sign here please” Moira said as she welcomed me. “Flowers for mum? Not sure she has a vase in her room – I’ll get one of the staff to bring one through with a little water in a moment.” She checked the clock on the wall and said “We’re organised tonight so you can go in a little early, its OK!” I thanked her and walked down to mum’s room. I took a deep breath and then chapped the door as I opened it up.

“Only me again!” I said with a smile. Mum’s face brightened noticeably. “Susan!” she called out. “Like my hair?” she added and I took a moment before realising she had had it cut since the night before. “Oh very nice! Does someone come in and do that for you? Did you have enough money to pay her?” I went over to give her a kiss as we do on arrival and departure and made a display of admiring her hair which was thinning visibly and turning an ever whiter share of grey but at least it was tidier than usual and I only hoped she wasn’t ripped off with an expensive fee for what would only have taken a few moments to achieve.

At that, a carer arrived with a vase and water and mother frowned as it was placed on the window ledge. I thanked the carer and said “I thought I’d bring you some flowers mum. It brightens your room a bit and the fragrance is always nice!” I pulled one bouquet from the bag and hid the others to avoid questions, and then set about arranging them as best I could. “You used to have some lovely flowers in the garden back home, didn’t you? That clematis on the back wall survived well didn’t it – I’m sure it was Grandad who planted it originally and it suffered all sorts of abuse but it kept returning year on year!”

As I filled the time with memories of home mum was watching me and nodding. “Rose bushes” she said and I laughed and nodded. “That’s right, you were forever pruning the rose bushes, weren’t you? They threatened to take over the garden but they were lovely when they were in full bloom. You know Malcolm took cuttings from the bushes and planted them at our house and I think Angus did the same so they are still going strong! Jack and Alice will probably end up with them at THEIR houses when they move out!”

I could see mum was still able to remember things and took comfort in my ramblings and so I spent the next hour repeating old stories about Susan and my childhood, events that my mum had told me about her own childhood and the time when she was dating my dad before I was born. Stories that I had been told and had meant little to me but which had meant a great deal to my mother and were part of her past that she remembered fondly. Being able to repeat them back to her in the hope that they triggered the original memory once again felt a worthwhile task.

Eventually the knock on the door came and I was asked to say my farewells. “OK, Mum, I’d better get going. Take care” I said as I gave her a peck on the cheek and she said “bye Susan”. “It’s Angus’s turn to come and see you tomorrow so he’ll be here to give you HIS stories!” Once more my mum’s face fell into a frown. “No, Susan!” she said but I decided I needed to stay firm on this one. “Yes, Angus wants to come and see you, mum! He loves you too you know! I’ll be in the next night, I promise!” I decided not to wait for her to argue otherwise so I picked up my bag of flowers and said “Love you mum! G’night!” and blew her a kiss as I walked out the door.

I paused in the corridor. Why didn’t mum want to talk with Angus? What had I done to alienate her? Was it just a mother and daughter thing? I had always been told there was a bond between mother and son – but I guess there are bonds between parents and children regardless of gender. I shrugged and sighed and then walked down to the reception desk, my heels making a wonderful sound as I walked down the tiled flooring.

I signed myself out and said goodnight before walking out into the street. I looked around myself, taking particular interest in single males or groups of males who might be potential attackers. I also looked for respectable looking pedestrians who could be potential saviours if anything happened to me. I gripped my handbag a little tighter than usual and said to myself “Welcome to the sisterhood, Daphne!”

A couple of times I paused and looked around me as though I was looking for something, just to confirm that there was nobody following me. “Maybe I should be fitted with rear view mirrors” I thought as I approached the same junction where the action was the night before. A young couple were standing at the lights and the girl looked over to me and smiled. I returned the gesture and the lights turned green for pedestrians so we walked over to the Basement Bar. The couple wandered on while I took a deep breath, adjusted my dress to make sure I looked my best and pushed open the door.

One of the regulars seated near the door raised her head. “Hello Susan!” she said with a smile. “Hi there!” I said in response. Suddenly there was a chorus of “Hi Susan” from all four corners of the room and I raised my hand and said “hello” to everyone. My Cheers fantasy was almost made real in that moment –I had found a bar where everybody knew my name!

“The usual Susan or are you back on the whisky?” Jo asked from behind the bar. I grimaced. “Oh I’ll leave the whisky tonight, thanks! I got a little whiffy on them last night – got into bad company!” I joked. Jo laughed and began pouring me a lager. “Take a seat and I’ll bring it over. There’s someone over there waiting for you.”
I turned to see what she meant and saw Kelly sitting where we sat last night, a bright smile on her face, giving me a friendly wave. I waved back and then walked over to greet her. “You made it then?” she said as she leaned over to me and kissed me on the lips. “Yea, I was walking along the road checking my back every 30 paces or so. Folk watching me would wonder what I was up to!” She gave a wry smile and nodded. “It gets better Sally. You learn to watch and listen for signs but you’ll soon relax.”

I sat down and she took my hand. “Been shopping?” she asked, nodding towards my Tesco carrier bag. At that moment Jo arrived with my beer and placed it in front of me before grabbing a chair for herself. “As it happens, I went shopping for a little something for two very special people” I said and pulled out the two bouquets. “This is just a small token of thanks for what you did for me last night. Thank you again.”

Jo and Kelly looked at each other and then said to me “Thank you, but you shouldn’t have bothered!” Jo added “They’re lovely, let me pop them into some water so they’ll keep fresh when I take them home. Will I do the same for yours Kelly?” She nodded “Please” and then squeezed my hand and said “That was lovely of you, Sally, thank you” and she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

“So, lets see your scars” she added and I turned my cheek and then lifted my leg so she could see the slight bulge beneath my tights. “Not bad!” she continued. “I presume you have concealer on your chin – its doing a good job. You’re still looking stunning, even after a title fight with Rocky last night!” I chuckled and said “Thankfully I had you to deliver the knock out blow for me! Speaking of which, how are your hands?” I grabbed both her hands and turned them over, and gasped. They were both heavily bruised around the knuckles.

“Oh my, Kelly! You’ve come off worse than me!” I moaned. “Are they sore?” She shook her head. They were stiff this morning. It’s been 25 years since they were last in a bout and even then they were in gloves so its only to be expected. Anyway, I’m told me eyes are my best feature so nobody looks at my hands” and she fluttered her lashes for effect, making me laugh out loud.

Kelly raised her glass and said “To us – the winners of the contest!” I raised mine and clinked the two together. “To us!” I parroted and then looked into Kelly’s eyes. Drinking “to us” suddenly felt like more than just a casual remark. I let my mouth develop a smile and saw Kelly’s do the same. We didn’t saw another word, just sipped our beers but our eyes burned into each other’s souls and I felt something stirring in my pants.

“So anyway” Jo’s voice rang out, causing me to give a slight jump of surprise. She continued “Before closing time last night I had a visit from the Police asking me if our CCTV camera still covered the corner of Byres Road because there had been an incident there earlier in the evening.” I looked at her while she took a sip of her drink. “Really?” I asked and she nodded. “Seemingly a driver reported a thug who bounced off his bonnet. He wanted an incident report number because it was a company car and he was worried about the dent!”

Kelly was smiling as Jo continued “So the Policeman said he then had the local A&E Department call saying a gentleman was there with serious injuries and was vague about how they came about and when they checked his name they found 3 outstanding Court Orders relating to violent attacks, drugs dealing and theft so he was patched up and will be spending tonight in the cells awaiting the Court Proceedings!”

I bit my bottom lip as I thought how lucky I had been considering how violent the chap appeared to be. Jo interrupted my thoughts by adding “The CCTV camera footage showed your attack perfectly – the struggle for the bag and blows he inflicted on you, Kelly’s defence of you and then his dash into the road and bounce off the car bonnet. We told the Policeman we didn’t know the woman’s name who was attacked but he said that wasn’t a problem. There was enough existing evidence to send him away for a long time. The car incident was unavoidable given his decision to run into the road so the driver is in the clear and can get the car repaired through his insurance.”

“Jo?” came a call from the bar. “I’d better get back to work” she said as she got up from her chair. I suddenly remembered something and said “Oh wait – take these with you!” and handed her the pack of tights I had brought with the flowers. “Oh you didn’t need to bother . . “ she said and I smiled. “Keep them for the next waif or stray you rescue!” She leaned over and kissed me. “You’re a good soul, Sally. Don’t ever change” and walked back to the bar to her duties.

Kelly squeezed my hand. “So glad that swine is in Police custody now, Sally, after what he did to you. Those flowers are beautiful, you shouldn’t have bothered – but I really appreciate them! I’m just glad you’re unharmed.” I smiled at her and said “I was touched that you called to check on me this morning! How did you get my phone number?” She looked a little coy as she replied “You had a pile of business cards on the serving hatch in the kitchen. I took one when I was fetching you a glass of water.” She went into her handbag and pulled out the card. “I’ll return it if you would rather?”

I looked at her face and could tell she didn’t really want to return it. In my heart I knew I didn’t want her to. We locked eyes and I smiled. “I want you to keep it, Put my number on your mobile. Its what fiends do after all, don’t they?” She smiled and pulled out her mobile and hit one button. Inside my handbag my mobile phone rang and Kelly smiled. “Now you have my number too.”

We photographed each other so we could update our phonebooks with names and images. It felt exciting. I had made a new friend. To all intent and purpose she was my first friend for a very long time. I had plenty contacts – people who had used me professionally over the years – but none of them were people I could call just to chat with or to go for a drink with. I realised that by being self employed I had become isolated and reclusive. I hadn’t sought that lifestyle for myself – somehow it had just slowly crept over me like a blanket of fog, obscuring me from view and leaving me a lonely soul.Even my neighbours had nothing to do with me, nor I with them.

“A penny?” Kelly’s voice cut through my temporary melancholy. “Sorry, what?” I replied. “You were miles away, deep in thought! Nothing wrong I hope?” I shook my head. “Quite the reverse” I said as I held her hand. “I was thinking how lucky I was to have you as a friend!” She smiled and said “Well, let this friend get you another drink – its still early yet.”

Automatically I glanced at my watch when she said that and then cursed myself for forgetting my watch was for show only. As Kelly walked to the bar I noticed the clock behind it showing 9pm and I thought I could spare another hour before I headed home.

My attention then moved to Kelly. I took in her body from my seat. The legs were smooth and thin and went up to a cute rear end beneath a top half that was slim and perfectly proportioned. There was no sign of a man in her physical presentation and I wondered if she had boxed at flyweight or bantamweight. Her movement was feminine and natural, clearly she had polished them over a lengthy period and I smiled as I saw her share a joke wit Jo at the bar and the pair of them laugh casually and honestly as friends do. This was no “show” of femininity – it was natural from people who knew who they were, even if their birth certificates had shown the wrong gender and they had been forced to right that wrong to be their true selves.

I wondered if I was perhaps the same or if I was merely enjoying a momentary escape from my mundane existence. I had been presenting as female for less than a week and only for the benefit of my aging mother who saw me as her daughter. Susan was due back from Holiday this weekend and could make her visits once more, releasing me from my necessity to wear drag. How did I feel about that? Was I relieved or was I disappointed? Do I want to stop it? Can I stop it – and walk away from this welcoming community I had joined a few nights ago.

Kelly returned with our drinks and we chatted together. Like most people in a bar, we discussed everything from politics, to sport, to current affairs, to the decline of the high street and the rise of computerisation. However, Kelly came to these topics with educated opinions that came from a well grounded knowledge of the facts. She either read the broadsheets or listened to Radio 4 or similar and I found myself liking her more and more. She was wonderful company and clearly not just a pretty face.

I had hardly noticed my empty beer glass and was about to suggest one for the road when Jo shouted “time ladies and gentlemen! Go home to the ones you love or your husbands and wives if you must!” Everyone began to get up off their seats and put on their jackets. I reached out and grabbed Kelly’s hand. “Has anyone told you you are wonderful company, Kelly? Thanks for a lovely evening!” She smiled and said “You’re very welcome – I enjoy spending time with you too, Sally!”

I took a deep breath and said “Look, I probably won’t be in tomorrow night – Angus is visiting mother and he’s probably not ready to come in here just yet.” She looked at me with a sad smile and nodded. “Tell him to take his time. Sally is always welcome in the meantime!” I sighed once more and continued “Look, Kelly, I want to thank you for saving me the other night. Can I call you and take you out for a meal – just the two of us? Maybe in the next couple of days – I . . . I need to schedule things with my sister so someone is visiting our mother, you know?”

She smiled. “I’d like that. But you’ve already bought me flowers and that should be thanks enough! Let me pay a share!” I shook my head. “No, this one’s on me. Look, I’ll call you in the next day or two, I promise” I said with a smile and she replied “I’ll look forward to that, Sally” and she pulled me in and gave me a kiss which I enjoyed far too much and found myself reciprocating as I pulled her into me and delighted in the feeling of her breasts against my chest.

I left the bar alone. Kelly was away to collect her flowers from Jo and I knew it was a 10 minute walk to Susan’s where I needed to change outfit and then another similar walk back to my flat. I wanted the time to think about my life as it now was. Had I unleashed a transgender persona who I had hidden even from myself all my life or was I merely dabbling in the lifestyle and finding pleasure from the change of pace? Was this something I wanted to continue indefinitely or would my sister’s return this weekend see an end to my time as Sally? I arrived at Susan’s house with no answers and only washed and changed and departed for my flat, leaving her house with no evidence of my nightly visits.

When I got back to my flat I dropped the holdall with my Sally outfit in it and simply got myself ready for bed. It was approaching midnight and of course I had had a late night the night before. My head was spinning with the worries of the crossroads in my life that I had created for myself but thankfully my weariness won the day and I slipped into a deep and much needed sleep.