I think that there is something about waking up with your lover’s arms wrapped tightly around you that is primal, no matter what Race you are. There’s that feeling of safety and companionship and a sort of certain rightness to it. When I awoke on the morning of the full moon I just laid there for a bit in Rei’s arms savoring the warmth of that feeling, Rei’s scent, the heat of her body holding mine so close, and the early morning quiet as the dawning sun peeked through the curtains and Willow snoozed on the pillow beside my head. Maybe it’s a girl thing, maybe it’s a Fae thing, or maybe it was because I was finally comfortable as Taelya now that all the dysphoria was gone but, for me, it was the perfect moment and I just didn’t want it to end.

So I was understandably reluctant to leave my current cozy situation when light tapping sounded at the door, followed by Daenyss’ voice calling out, “Mistress, it’s time to get up and get ready for the day.”

“Give me five minutes please, Daenyss?” I called back as I snuggled closer to my fiancée.

“As you wish, Mistress, I will begin running your bath,” she replied before I heard her footsteps padding away from the bedroom door.

For five more minutes, I luxuriated in Rei’s embrace, just drinking in her presence and that we were together and for once we were both happy with who we were. Being together with the one that you love is great, but there is nothing quite like being together with the one you love and both being truly, deeply happy. That is a very rare thing, something that should be enjoyed and appreciated whenever possible. Despite my suspicions that Moira was hiding things and that there was much more going on here than a simple game, I was truly grateful to her for giving not just me and Rei, but everyone that I cared about at the moment such an opportunity.

Once I reluctantly slipped from between the sheets and Rei’s arms, I took Willow in hand and once again placed myself into Daenyss’s capable hands to get ready for the day ahead. While she went through our usual morning routine of doing her level best to get me looking, smelling, and feeling my best we chatted a bit and managed to get Willow to use the little litter box that I had arranged for her. The Wisp was leery of the water though and watched Daenyss bathe and pamper me from a safe distance.

As uncertain as I had been about Daenyss at first, she had become more than just an attendant to me, she was a now close friend as well. This wasn’t just a time be pampered it was one on one time for the two of us. I think that I would have been hard-pressed not to like Daenyss once we both started to discover the kind of person she was. She always did her best at everything she did, she genuinely cared for people, and while a lot of people in her situation would have been upset that they couldn’t remember their past, Daenyss took it as a blessing and an opportunity to find herself and be the type of person that she wanted to be.

She enjoyed the time as much as I did since, even though she would still address me as Mistress. It was a chance for us both to be relaxed, casual, and just talk as friends would. Usually, we took this time to talk about what had been happening in the game, discuss our various misgivings and uncertainties, and teach Daenyss about all of the everyday things that I took for granted, but that fascinated my Attendant’s childlike curiosity. She usually wanted to learn about the world around us, things that she didn’t know or had lost the knowledge of along with her memory, but today another topic dominated our conversation.

Daenyss wanted to help others, it was an almost desperate need in her, so it came as no surprise that Salem was that topic. As I had been hoping, she felt a kinship between herself and the new Moss Maiden and she was eager to teach her all about being a Fae, one of the few things that she did know with any certainty. For my part, I tried to encourage that. They would both benefit from being friends and if anyone could understand what Salem was going through, it was probably Daenyss.

She and Salem were both still suffering from body dysphoria, though it seemed to be fading in Daenyss and Salem’s species dysphoria wasn’t near as bad as the gender dysphoria that she had started with. So when I asked about that evening’s Jhashaira ritual as she was braiding my hair it was no surprise that the Nymph shook her head. “I will probably attend on the next full moon, Mistress. I am still a bit uncomfortable with my body so I thought that maybe I will spend some time with Salem tonight while you are off enjoying yourself. I think that she needs real friends.”

“Me too,” I agreed, resisting the urge to nod as I tried to keep my head still for her. “That’s why I wanted her in the Estate and away from those jerks that she was hanging around with. I want her to see all of us as friends and to know that we value her as a friend. I’m glad that you’re making an effort with her, I think you’re the perfect candidate to get her to relax with the rest of us and help her gain a bit of the confidence that she needs. I hope that learning magick will help with that too. I’m going to talk with Mahair about making her a focus after breakfast so I can start teaching her today.”

“She mentioned that she was looking forward to learning from you yesterday, she respects you a lot. It is so kind of you to teach her, Kinara, and Becky like you are. It is not surprising though, you are kind to everyone and I am so proud to serve you, Mistress,” the Nymph said as she smiled at me in the mirror.

I flushed a bit in response. “I just try to be a good person Daenyss, just like you. I know that I probably don’t tell you this near enough, but I’m proud to have you as my Attendant and as my friend and I appreciate everything that you do for me.”

“You have been telling me that every morning Mistress. I am glad that I swore the Viyr Jhaith, you are my Mistress, teacher, and best friend and I do not think that my life would be the same without you.” She finished the last braid and leaned forward to kiss me tenderly on the top of the head. “Now, let us get your clothes and makeup done so I can help Rei get ready for breakfast as well.”

I had a lot more clothes, now that the Brownies had access to sewing supplies and fabrics that wouldn’t bother my skin. My closet was almost full of the various Fae outfits that had been tailored for me and added to the various high-end clothes that I had gotten during our last trip to the city. They were all comfortable, easy to move in and I liked the look and feel of them now that I had shed the last of my male inhibitions about showing off my currently feminine body.

I was half tempted to forget about clothes altogether, but we would be heading into town after lunch for magick lessons, and I was worried that the morning’s training session might be a little strenuous and I wanted proper support for that. After I had appropriate underclothes on, we settled on a pair of form-fitting cotton leggings and a sleeveless halter top with a pair of soft-soled suede boots and of course my Nature’s Crown. The boots were tan and the clothes were hunter green, they weren’t my usual Autumn Court colors, but they would be comfortable and easy to move in. While I busied myself with getting dressed, Daenyss started running a bath for my fiancée.

Daenyss was just starting on some light makeup when Rei finally joined us and muttered sleepily, “Mornin’ girls.”

Good morning, Lady Rei, I have run a bath for you. If you would like to settle in and relax I will be with you in a moment,” my Attendant offered with a smile.

“Thanks, Daenyss, you’re the best,” the Kitsune replied as she stopped by to kiss me on the cheek before heading toward the bathroom with her tails swishing behind her.

I got in a quick peck in return before watching her go. “Damn shapeshifters, I wish I could look that gorgeous when stumbling out of bed and still half asleep,” I teased.

“You do, but for you, there’s no shapeshifting involved,” she retorted as she looked over her shoulder and blew me a kiss before stepping into the bathroom.

“She’s right, Mistress, all that I do is help you tidy up and get a specific look for the day. Now that we’re done with that I should go help her so you are not late for breakfast.” With that Daenyss left to do so and I spent time playing with Willow.

Breakfast was satisfying and filling, as it always was at the Estate, though Kinara, Venika, and I found ourselves feeding our Wisps as well and we had to be careful to pay close attention while we did since they were still so young. Salem and Rob both seemed to be settling in well and I was pretty happy as we talked about the upcoming day and evening. I must admit though, that it surprised the hell out of me when Narek wasn’t just being civil through the meal but also congratulated me and Rei on making our commitment to one another official. I wasn’t the only one surprised by this change in attitude either, I think that almost everyone at the table stared at him in disbelief when he said that.

After we were finished Rei and I pulled Amoiraishe aside before we all went outside to begin our morning training sessions. “Mahair, may we have a moment of your time?”

“Of course, Taelya dear, I always have time for you,” she said with a smile as she pulled both me and Rei into a hug.

Once she released us I smiled back at her. “Thanks, Mahair, I was wondering if I could get your help with a few things. I’m not quite far enough into my magick yet to create artifacts or major enchantments and I was thinking that since I want to start teaching Salem magick today she’s going to need a focus. Also, I was wondering if it’s possible to make Rei’s sahir kien change sizes with her when she changes shape, so it doesn’t slip off or get too tight.”

The Fae Queen held out her hand palm up and a delicate golden ring appeared in it. “I knew that Salem would need one for her lessons, so I took the liberty of making her one last night. I will give it to her this while you are all training this morning. I would like to teach her some of our mental exercises in preparation for her magick lesson with you this afternoon. As for Rei’s sahir kien, that should be a simple matter. Could you hold this for a moment?” She handed me the ring and I took it, smiling at the warmth of the magic that I could feel radiating from it. Then she carefully took Rei’s wrist in her right hand, gently touching her sahir kien, channeling her magic into it, and speaking clearly as she drew the sigils with her left hand. “Ysoldir zishe Rei!”

The braided bracelet of our entwined hair was now infused with warm magick and it felt like it was connected to my fiancée somehow. “Thank you, Mahair, for all of this and for allowing Rei to participate in tonight’s Jhashaira. She’s not Fae, and she’s certainly not a virgin after the past few nights so I appreciate that.”

“She is your fiancée Taelya, and she is Kitsune, they too were created by one of the Divine with a purpose in mind and are as long-lived as we are, so I consider them cousins of a sort. The Fae of the Spring Court feel the same way. The Jhashaira is not simply about losing one’s virginity, it is about celebrating mastering self-control over one’s body, physical distractions, and desires. Kitsunes must have that type of self-control as well to consciously change their shapes and Rei has proven that she has possesses it as much as any Faeling by waiting until you were comfortable with your new self before doing anything of a sexual nature, or even touching you in ways that might make you uncomfortable. She has earned this honor and I am glad that she has chosen to embrace our traditions,” Amoiraishe explained as she hugged us both once again.

“Still, you didn’t have to allow it and I appreciate it. I may be a little suspicious of your motives sometimes and I know that you’re holding some things back, but I just want you to know that I do appreciate everything you’ve done and the opportunities that you’ve given us. You’ve been like a mother to Nishalle and me and it’s… nice to have someone care about us like that again.” I spoke just loud enough for her to hear as I held her tight.

“It’s nice to be able to care again,” she admitted softly. When I lost Rhaennan I never thought that anything would fill that void in my heart. I was empty without her and for far too long only my vision kept me going. Nobody can ever replace Rhaennan, but you both are so different than her and that void is still there, but it’s not as big and overwhelming with you to fill it, dear one.” She let us go and I could see tears at the corners of her eyes as she quickly changed the topic. “Oh! That’s right! You, Nishalle, and Kinara need to go see Hadrick before we begin our training sessions today. I contacted him to make you some proper armor with the assistance of some of the Brownies and I have been told that it’s finished. Rei, you and any of your other party-mates who want some made should see him so that you can get measured for it as well. The Brownies only had their measurements on hand.”

I would love to have a little more protection out there, but armor is a little impractical with shapeshifting,” my fiancée said with a sigh.

“Hadrick has mostly crafted Taelya’s from the Lindwyrm hide that you brought home from your last expedition so that it will be comfortable and should protect against fire, bladed weapons, and small arms fire. Your team brought it back so it is only fair that you should all have the first chance to put it to use. Perhaps you should ask for something similar and have it made for your current size, then I can enchant it like I did your sahir kien, so that it changes size with you,” Amoiraishe suggested.

“That could work, thanks for the suggestion and the offer, I would be nice to be able to change size without worrying about either shrinking out of what I’m wearing or having it rip at the seams,” Rei said with a sigh.

I quickly nodded in agreement. “We’ll ask him about it when we see him then, thanks again Mahair.” With that in mind, I handed back the ring and we joined the others to go off in search of Hadrick’s forge.

The forge was located in a small clearing amongst the trees, not too far away from the gates of the estate along with some of the other crafters’ shops in the Glade. It was sort of like a one-stop shopping center for the Fae and other non-Human races. Aside from Hadrick’s forge, there was also Laesa’s clothing store for Sprites and other Fae of the small variety, a clothing shop for regular-sized Fae and other Races set up by a brunette Nyiir'dhraí woman named Shaoli, Denise’s custom firearms and ammunition shop, and Ashura was manning the artificed innovations shop that she and Grell had started. Most of the shops were open stalls with a product or two on display, but most of the stuff that they sold was, out of necessity, made to order.

While the rest of us made our way to the forge, Venika went to visit Laesa accompanied by her Wisp, Silverheels. She wanted to order some clothes from her fellow Sprite, whose tiny little stall sat atop one end of the counter of Shaoli’s shop. It seemed that the two had decided to work together. We saw a similar spirit of cooperation when we got to the forge, where Hadrick had set up shop with a tanner and fellow Dwarf, Yola. She was short, even for a Dwarf, with rosy cheeks and bright blue eyes. She also wasn’t quite as stocky as other Dwarves I had seen and had her long midnight black hair tied back in a tight French braid.

“Yer Highness! Friends! Welcome to our little place of business,” Hadrick called out at our approach. “Yola has spent most of the week preparing the skin of that big snake ya killed, but she’s managed to finish the order that Her Majesty requested. I have something for you as well Lissany, just try to break this one.” He was grinning at my Guardian as he produced a new war hammer.

Lissany hefted the weapon experimentally, her eyes widening. “This is the same size as my old one, but it’s heavier.”

“I used the densest alloy that I could manage for it and I just finished it this morning,” Hadrick explained with a nod. “It’s a good thing Dwarves don’t need much sleep because it was a long night between making this for you and the order I got from that white-haired Fae. It’s some of my best work though, and if you can make this one explode then I’ll eat my hammer.”

As that exchange was going on Yola produced three bundles of Lindwyrm hide and placed them on the counter. “If any of the rest of your party want armor made from that hide, I‘d like to have Jira and Salus get their measurements now, so I can get started on them before we start getting too many other orders.” She gestured to the two Brownies that were waiting eagerly for something to do. “Once people know about this hide the orders are going to come fast and I’ll likely run out quick.”

Everyone except Lissany and Venika was going to have some armor made. Lissany didn’t need armor and Venika was too small, even if she wasn’t busy talking to Laesa about clothes. Daenyss wasn’t really comfortable in clothes and Salem looked like hers were driving her crazy since Liyun'shael are just as uncomfortable In them as their Nymph cousins, but I wanted them both safe in combat so I managed to convince them both to have a set made. Perhaps Daenyss could keep them in her chest and summon them when we thought there might be a fight coming up.

So while everyone else was getting measured and Lissany was talking to Hadrick and testing her new war hammer, Nishalle, Kinara and I tried on our new Lindwyrm-hide armor. Each set consisted of a pair of soft-soled boots, form-fitting leggings, bracers, and a thigh-length hooded tunic with elbow-length sleeves and a high neckline that secured with a pair of decorative clasps. I was a bit worried about the leggings being too tight, but the hide had a bit of stretch to it that made them fit somewhat comfortably. The tunics were fairly loose and had an almost inch thick layer of padding while the bracers and boots were made of thick and durable leather covered in Lindwyrm hide for added protection. There was also a pair of thin leather gloves, probably because the Lindwyrm scales were too big to properly cover the fingers.

The scales covering Nishalle’s outfit retained the Lindwyrm’s pitch black color to allow her to blend in with the shadows better while Kinara’s and mine had been dyed somehow, Kinara’s were dyed a deep emerald, and mine a dark ruby hue with tan hued gloves and boots that suited the Autumn Court fairly well. To my surprise, mine even had a tan leather belt with an ammo pouch over each hip and matching thigh holsters for my Colts. I just stared at Yola for a moment. “Wow, you put a lot of work into all of this. We barely know you though, and we haven’t done anything for you yet.”

“I’ve been working most of the past two days on all of this, and I needed Shaoli’s help to come up with something comfortable and easy to wear that would still give full body protection, but we were both glad to do it when Her Majesty asked. Don’t sell yourself short, Your Highness. You do a lot for those of us of the Non-Human persuasion and we can trade in the village because of your efforts too. Your team also brought in most of the materials that we have to work with, so this is fair trade,” the Dwarf replied with a shrug. “We tried to give as much padding for the tunics as possible without making them too bulky or hard to move in. Those scales may stop small arms fire and bladed weapons, but you’re still going to feel the force of any hits.”

“Thank you, is there anything else that we can do to thank you for all of this?” I asked the pair of Dwarves.

“Well, for one, you could make a delivery for me,” Hadrick suggested. “Once you’re all properly outfitted, you could all give us your old armor for resale too, It may be mostly reproduction stuff, but it’s still good quality and a lot better than what most players have.”

“Done!” I quickly agreed.

With a deal made, measurements taken, and Venika back with us we headed back onto the Estate grounds and toward the beach where we all did our daily training sessions. As we walked, Lissany stuck close to me. It wasn’t because she was on guard, the Estate was still a safe zone until tomorrow and she was way too spaced out to use that as an excuse, even if that weren’t the case. Finally, I had to ask, “What’s wrong kiddo?”

She turned to me, her voice quiet and uncertain as she responded. “Can we… umm… talk? Y’know privately? I need some advice, but talking to Mom about it would be really… awkweird.”

“Hey! Awkweird is my word! Make up your own,” I teased as I slowed my pace to give us a bit of distance from the others.

“But it fits so well,” the Beastkin girl mock-whined. “It would be both awkward and weird talking to my mom about relationships and sexuality and all that stuff. Having her give me the sex-ed talk was bad enough. You’re kinda like a friend, a big sister, and a personal hero all in one though, and you’ll understand a lot of the stuff that I need to talk about.” She looked deliberately down at where my sahir kien encircled my wrist.

“So she asked you, did she? She explained it all?” I asked calmly. I had been expecting Kinara to bring it up so it hadn’t really come as a surprise to me.

“Yeah, she asked me last night when we got back to the Estate,” she confirmed. “She asked for a lock of my hair and kinda explained that it was her way of asking me to be in a relationship with her, that it would show me as a favored lover so no other Fae would try to pursue either of us romantically. I told her that I would think about it but I’ve been feeling kinda awfuk since.”

“Awfuk?” I asked as I absently petted Willow, who was sitting on my shoulder.

“See, I can make up new words too, Your Highness,” she replied with a faint smile. “It’s kinda that feeling you get when you’re feeling awful, uncertain, confused, worried, and a bit scared all at the same time. You know, kinda like you just want to say ‘Awwwww fuck’.”

“Hey, if you get to use my word, then I get to use yours,” I teased again with a light jab of my elbow to her ribs. “So, what about this has you feeling so awfuk?”

“She said it would mark us as favored lovers and I am nowhere near ready for what kind of relationship yet, I don’t think either of us is. I’m fifteen and she’s only fourteen.”

I tried not to laugh and only just succeeded. “Liss, I know that a lot of Fae can be really casual about sex, but believe me she does not want a sexual relationship with you, at least not until she’s eighteen. Fae are forbidden from doing anything of a sexual nature until they are eighteen. Anything more than hugging or innocent kissing is out of the question for her until she is of age. She will not go against those rules and risk becoming an outcast. She as much as told me when she brought up how to ask you that she has no intention of doing so.”

“But she said…”

I placed a hand gently on my Guardian’s shoulder and looked her in the eyes. “Some things can get lost in translation, basically it’s like wearing a promise ring until you’re both of age, and once you are it’s the Fae equivalent of being engaged or married. It’s her way of saying that she loves you and wants to be your girlfriend. How do you feel about her, are you attracted to her? Do you like her? Do you even like girls, in general, that way?”

A long sigh of relief slipped out from between her lips. “I… I’m still kind of figuring that out, now that I feel like I’m in the right body, but I think I might be bisexual. I really like her, she’s sweet, cute, and we have a lot of fun together. The way she said lover really freaked me out though, neither of us is ready for that.”

“Liss, did she ask you in English or Elvish?” I asked.

“Um… Elvish, she said something about following proper protocol,” my young Guardian replied.

“Okay, so yes, something was lost in translation when you tried to put it in terms you could understand, Liss,” I told her with a sigh. “The Elvish language doesn’t really have words for fiancée or marriage, and the word for friend and lover are the same, so I could see how you would be confused. The sahir kien are meant to show that two people belong to one another, heart and soul, and if the relationship doesn’t work out in the long term you can both always remove them. It doesn’t have to be forever, in fact, you may never see one another again once we’re out of the game.”

“Yeah, I guess so, but what if she decides that she wants to keep that relationship going when we’re out of the game? I’m not a real…”

I placed my fingers on her lips to silence that train of thought and used my other hand to gently touch her forehead and then over her heart. “None of that, you’re a girl where it counts Liss, never doubt that. I don’t, not for one minute. Remember that communication is the most important thing in any relationship, whether it's a friendship or something more. Talk to her tonight, get to know one another more, and talk about your concerns. If it bothers you that much then be honest and upfront about your real-life situation. I don’t think that she’s the type who would be bothered by it, she’s adopted a Fae mindset very easily and she and her father both seem very open-minded.”

Lissany reached out to hug me, careful not to dislodge the Wisp seated precariously upon my shoulder. “Thanks, Your Highness. For someone who hasn’t been a girl for long, you give great sisterly advice.”

Amoiraishe was already waiting for us at our usual training spot on the beach, along with our diplomats from the other Courts. It wasn’t uncommon over the past week for Sahnae and Maekin to watch us train and occasionally offer a word of advice, but Narek was there as well. My Mahair did not seem overly concerned by this and I had to wonder what had changed because until now she had made no secret that she didn’t trust him, in fact, they had been openly hostile toward one another until that morning at breakfast. I found myself really hoping that he hadn’t managed to find his way into her bedroom the night before, the mere thought made me very nauseous. "Ick, I know that she's a Fae like me and probably loves a good romp as much as any of us, but she's my Mahair and I do not want that picture in my head, especially with Narek’s presumed participation," I thought to myself bitterly.

The Fae Queen pulled Kinara, Nishalle, and I aside, saying, “The Dwarves did a fine job on your new armor girls. If you would like I can give you each a mark like Lissany’s that will allow you to summon it in exchange for whatever you’re wearing, and vice versa. It will save you the time and effort of having to get dressed in it every time you think there may be combat and none of you have chosen a quest reward yet for getting Salem safely to the village.”

Of course, we all agreed, since it would save us having to carry our armor and weapons around all of the time. She would need to make some preparations first, but she promised to give us the marks after lunch. I could wait a little while though, I was just glad that I wouldn’t have to carry that big ass duffel bag around everywhere anymore. It was as we were all about to go to our respective training when she said carefully, “Before you get started on training your Nature’s Call, Taelya, Narek would like a little of your time. Alone.”

I’m not sure who groaned the loudest, me, or Nishalle. “Oh wonderful, I guess that I should get it over with,” I muttered. I really hoped this wasn’t another obvious attempt to get into my panties, but at least we would be within view of everyone else and it would let me make that delivery that Hadrick had requested. I had planned to do it after lunch, but this would save time if I was going to have to put up with Narek anyway. Apparently, after the previous night’s meeting, the Winter Court Fae had approached the Dwarf with a rush order for a new pair of swords. Hadrick had worked for most of the night and into this morning to produce both them and Lissany’s new weapon.

I took the pair of swords from Nishalle and warily made my way over to where Narek stood at the water’s edge. Why did he need them anyway? He already had a pair and he had made that quite clear to everyone by wearing them in the house. The swords were beautiful workmanship though; slender, sturdy, and slightly curved in the Fae style. They were delicate and ornate, almost feminine. The blades were made from a sturdy steel and were razor-sharp, though both weapons looked a bit smaller than his usual pair, even the hilts seemed made for a smaller hand. They didn’t come with any sort of sheaths, just leather loops that could be attached to a harness or belt.

I approached him, trying not to show the uncertainty that I was feeling, and held the swords out in offering, careful to keep the blades facing downward. “How can I help you this morning, Narek? Aside from delivering these for Hadrick, that is.” I spoke carefully, with as much civility as I could summon.

Narek made no move to accept the offered weapons and he didn’t offer me the same civility, he simply said, “Just who do you think that you are?”

I just stared at him for a moment, shocked by his accusatory tone and the sheer audacity of the question. I almost dropped the swords and had to take a breath to settle myself before answering as evenly as I could. “I am the princess of the Autumn Court, as a guest in our Glade you would do well to remember that.”

He merely shrugged and smiled at me as he replied, “Yes, you are, Your Highness. And by all accounts, you are filling that role wonderfully, but I want to know just where your true loyalties lie.”

The combination of his accusatory words and that slightly arrogant smile of his made me seethe inside. Willow was hissing at him from atop my shoulder, but I couldn't be sure if the cause was his behavior or my emotional reactions to it. I was furious and I wanted to show him personally just who I was and what I was capable of, but I managed to keep my violent urges at bay for the moment. “Seriously, I have fucking swords here and he’s doing his level best to piss me off, is he trying to get me to kill him?! What, he couldn’t get me in bed so now he’s going to try to make me look bad?! Not going to happen.” I took a deep breath and carefully controlled my voice as I responded, “You doubt my loyalty? After everything that I have done to work for peace between Fae, Humans, and all of the other races?”

“I don’t doubt your deeds, girl, I doubt your motives. Are you doing this for the Fae or the Humans? Whose side are you on? You’re too soft, too trusting of the Humans, just like R… I just, like really need to know; if Humans attacked us and it came down to us or them, who would you choose?” Narek’s eyes narrowed as he looked at me intently.