0g Have Problem

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A caveman might be able to do it, but I've been a total klutz trying to submit my very first story to BCTS. Anyway Chris, everybody, after finally figuring this out, here's my entry into your Caveman Story Challenge:

OG HAVE PROBLEM
by Laika Rollingstone Pupkino

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Your zen koan for today: What did cross-dressers do before there were clothes? This is the tale of an enterprising young caveman named Og, which illustrates the old adage that necessity is the mother of invention. And sometimes of inversion. . .

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7
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Early October, approximately 188,000 years ago:
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Og was good hunter. Strong. Brave. Devoted to him mate, Leelee. Always helpful around village. Everybody like Og, even if this Og have funny habit of scraping him beards off with sharp rock.

But Og have terrible secret. Him like to go out into clearing late at night and mince. And pout. And throw rocks like girl. And dance around big rock in western clearing. Clearing is special magic place for Og, where Og just let Og be Og.

Then Og discover him can tuck him man-flint between thighs and see is smooth and pretty there like woman. Og feel wonderful! Oh me sexy now, sigh Og! But Og still feel something missing in all this. . . .

Og try "displaying" like females of furry-little-cousins do when them want boom boom. Og jut out butt and looking back over shoulder and make big fuck-me-please face. But this feel weird and wrong, like is big step back to animal-ness. Then boy furry-cousins get wrong idea and try to jump on Og! Run Og!

Og love to play lady, but wondering of just how this playing could be better gnaw at him brains. What has him not thinked of yet?

One afternoon Og napping against him special rock in clearing and have dream that rock speak to him. Wake up with idea! Crazy wild new brilliant wild crazy crazy new idea!

New idea is: If Og has explored all differences between man and woman, and is not enough ....... make new difference!
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Og tell all him hunter friends, “Instead of throw animal hides down hill after is food, you bring to Og!”

“All right,” they say. “Og crazy, but whatever...”

Then many days Og work on something. Act like him have secret.

Ogwife Leelee ask, “Is Og sneak off and see Neenee?”

Him say, “No Baby, is nothing like that. Is something will make Leelee happy.”

Leelee not believe Og, so Og show Leelee.

Leelee think Og's new thing to do very nice.

“Very pretty,” say Leelee. Leelee kiss Og!

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Next full moon Og call meeting, bring Ten Families together around fire (fire latest thing in Grandfathertime...).

Og say, “Big Cold coming soon.”

Everybody nod. Big Cold come every year.

Og say, “Og make something to make Big Cold not so bad. Og and Leelee show you.”

Og and Leelee go in cave, come out wearing skins.

Grog yell, "IS ANIMALS!" and grab spear.

“No Grog, is US,” laugh Og.

Grog goggles. "OG?!"

“These called clothes,” Og say. “Me make clothes for everybody. These kind for mens, these kind for womens.”

Chief Mukimuk ask, “Why are different?”

“So can tell man from woman without dicks and pussies hanging out.”

Chief smile. “Og smart!”

“Wow, Leelee-clothes make Leelee look HOT,” says Mog. “Make tits go up!”

“Make feel better too,” giggle Leelee! “And no flop-flop get in way when Leelee try to cook.”

Everybody like Og's invention, and wonder why not thought of before.

Og hero now. Get many presents, and liver from hunt next day.

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But Og get best present next night, when whole tribe sleeping. Leelee sleeping. Neenee sleeping. Grog sleeping. Dogs sleeping. Good!

Og borrow Leelee's clothes and head for western clearing. . . .

Pretty, pretty Og cavort and prance around him tall rectangular smooth flat shiny black rock in moonlight. Og leap way, way, way, way, way into air!

Freeze frame.

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Comments

OMG How Funny!

Og leap way, way, way, way, way into air! Me Like! Me Laugh...

OMG," its full of Stars

Open the pod doors Hal.

Konichiwa

Og Do Good

I toyed with a story like this, but didn't have your creativity. It's a shame we can't add a music track so you could have had Og presenting his clothing idea to the group with the music from 2001 Space Oddessey playing in the background.

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Oh my OG!

Really great job. Funny as hell.

Hmm. Link feature still isn't working. The link below is to the opening of 2001: A Space Odyssey, which of course has the key part of Also Sprach Zarathustra.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZqp79FOJB0

Aardvark

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

Mahatma Gandhi

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

Mahatma Gandhi

2001 FLUSHES

laika's picture

And to think I almost didn't include that monolith gag. But who's behind it?

Hmmmm.... In Part Two a giant brassiere is unearthed (?) in Tycho Crater (make that Dycho Crater as long as I'm going for cheap yocks), and when the sun comes up they hear EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and suddenly their spacesuits fit kind of funny, then in Three Hal, who never asked to be a Hal or given such a deep voice... Sigh.

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"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU

Laugh? I nearly wet myself

Brilliant.

If could vote more than one time, would vote more than one time.

You warped (in good way)

Nick B

Funniest

Dunno who's going to win the contest, but in my opinion this one is the funniest.
Inventing clothing so you can crossdress ? Hilarious :D

Hugs,

Kimby

Hugs,

Kimby

Contest?

I didn't know this was a contest. Had I known I wouldn't have submitted my story. But, yes -- Laika's story is hilarious.

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

No Contest

Its not a contest ... just a writing challenge. I guess with the contests that Erin has run and the one still running for the Novels there might be some confusion. The only mention on BCTS has been of Chris W's writing challenge. There is no contest. No body wins except the readers in getting some great stories to read and the writers get a chance to ply their craft but nothing else. I was silly in another comment on Angela's story trying to be helpful, but I hope that wasn't misunderstood. I am a bit too mischivieous for my own good sometimes
And here are the stories answering the challenge so far:

I Prefer the Gecko by Angela Rasch

Admiral Caveman by Sasha Nexus

Og Have Problem by Leika

Anthropology 101 by Aardvark

Cave Girl by Jennifer Brock

Project Punchline by John in Wauwatosa

All my hopes,
Sasha

All my hopes
Ariel Montine Strickland

A MODEST PROPOSAL

laika's picture

Actually, I'm glad this isn't a contest. Competition kind of weirds my my sissy ass out, sad to say (LAIKA HAVE PROBLEM). This is more fun to me, and these stories represent such a wide range of styles & perspectives, in some way they all sort of compliment each other, like jamming in music.

So what's the next advertising slogan/theme going to be. "DIRTY MOUTH? CLEAN IT UP!" from the Orbits gum commercial seems like it would have a lot of potential amid this bunch, all my (sniff!) newfound friends here at BC...

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"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU

Damn it, do I need to write something too?

All these have been so good.

I feel embarassed not entering something. I'll have to think on it it -- Oh no! My Curry brain is overheating.

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

Giggle. Now this is just

Giggle. Now this is just soooooooooo adorable.

"Og leap way, way, way, way, way into air!" Giggle, this is just too funny. Thank you, Laika for sharing this wild and crazy idea. Giggle.

With super love & big as the sky hugs
Barbara

"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."

"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."

Love & hugs,
Barbara

"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."

Hilarious

love it

kxx

OG had problem...

Now Og make Credit-bone. Go Sack's Fifth Rock.

Laika, if they ever do come up with a cure for
what you have,for God's sake, DONT TAKE IT!!

This is a Gem.

Sarah Lynlyn Morgan

Og very smart. Got big brain.

Laika: I love this story. One of the most original I've read here.
Thanks again.

Sarah Lynn

2001 Space Odyssey?

More like 2001 Space Idiocy, Angela.

It's amazing what you find in these 'Random Solos'. The comments can be fun too. Oh, and I just luuuvvveee the language. I thought it was just bad editing but then I realised it really WAS bad editing!

Susie

It came from Olduvai

Andrea Lena's picture

Wasn't Og identified as Lucy by the Leakey's? Or was it she was leaky when she cried? Oh damn I always get that mixed up...Oh...I know...we're leaky! Great Story!



Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

I've always said

Being in between makes you see the world differently, and that makes you creative in a different way. That's a great example!

Very good story, thank you :)

Og Have Problem

What Problem? Og Have Problem and prance. Og Have no Problem.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

This was simply genius. Very

bryony marsh's picture

This was simply genius. Very well done! The pacing is perfect: a smash-and-grab romp with a big, funny payoff. Love "freeze frame" as a bold, brash ending, too.

B.

Sugar and Spiiice – TG Fiction by Bryony Marsh

I must confess to flat out plagiarism there...

laika's picture

The ending: "Freeze frame" was stolen from the author Ishmael Reed, one of his surreal "hoodoo detective novels", either MUMBO JUMBO or THE LAST DAYS OF LOUISIANA RED, I forget which; but it fit so perfectly with the cinematic ending I envisioned---and hey, it was only two words in an otherwise original story---I just lifted it. I hope this doesn't disqualify me from any Nobel or Pulitzer Prize considerations...

Thanks for the praise and it's always great to get comments on an older tale,
~hugs, Veronica
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And here's Ishmael Reed at Wikipedia,
a major inspiration and a flat out genius
if not always as PC as I'd like about some things
(strikes me as just a bit of a homophobe and transphobe):
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ishmael_Reed

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"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU

Og genius

Laika genius too. Me love both. Me hug both.

Loved this!

Lily Rasputin's picture

OMG. This was totally cute. I read it twice and giggled each time.

Great job, hon! ^.^

~ Lily

"All that we see or seem, Is but a dream within a dream." Edgar Allen Poe