Chapter Seventeen

Mom, Mrs. Wright, and I flew to Italy, leaving Friday morning from SFO and landed Saturday morning. We were met at the airport by a limo service and brought to the Park Hyatt hotel. We were given a suite to stay in for the week, compliments of Lush.

Some say luck is made and not coincidence, which I must say has been part of my life to this point. It was luck that brought Cindy to see my lashes and hard work on Mrs. Meyers’ part to gain me my modeling career, hence luck for her was earned, and luck for me was coincidence. It was bad luck for my father to have his accident and good luck that I was able to pay for his medical bills and the best care possible. It has been good luck no one has figured out who Amanda Flowers is and I always wonder how much longer the deception will last? I feel that it has been hard work for me to finally accept that I’ve really become the girl I present. I doubt the hormones I now take have anything to do with the way I feel about myself as a woman. If that were the case, I would have never started my puberty to female in the first place. I can say that I feel very comfortable with my choice to have started that puberty over a year ago.

That puberty, ahh, what can I say about what it’s done to me? When I voiced my dissatisfaction of not having curves, I knew that I had all but buried Mark in the farthest corner of my brain. As a young woman I hated my boyish body and knew I had to do something about changing my figure. Taking hormones was the easy answer. I didn’t want to be a girl with silicone implants in my butt and on my chest. I was a woman and I wanted to be real. The results were obvious. Being just into my teens there were no male characteristics to over come, so I’ve developed like any other teen girl, wide hips, a small waist, and growing breasts. It has been the other changes I didn’t expect.

I’m not one of those girls that cries at the drop of a hat, but I have to admit I’m much more emotional than I was two years ago. I know I mentioned how much differently a kiss affects me now. The first time I was kissed by Kurt, it felt wonderful and felt right, after all I was a girl, isn’t that the way girls were supposed to feel? As I think about it though, every feeling I had was just what someone else had felt before me and said or written about. I was reacting from my brain and not from my heart. There was no wanting more, except that was what I was supposed to feel, but didn’t really feel it at all. It was real life, but felt as though I was acting on a stage, kiss, get excited and wish for more because that was how I was supposed to feel. It was the kiss after I started hormones that told what I had failed to see before. They were changing me in ways that couldn’t be seen and no one had told me would happen. Yes the kiss was nice, more than nice, but what it did to me was beyond anything I had ever known. The feelings that came from within, not my brain, but my whole body, told me I was becoming a woman, and I would never want to become a boy again. That was the power of hormones, not the changing body, but the changing person.

Getting back to luck and the lack of it and whether luck is made or not. The limo had just picked Mom and me up to drive us to the exhibition hall for my first showing for a designer known all around the world. There had been an accident between a delivery van and a high-end car, blocking the street where we had to go. Traffic refused to move so we sat for ten minutes before Mom suggested we walk the remaining block to the venue. Because of the insulation and thick glass in the car we hadn’t noticed the noise outside the limo. There were sirens and horns honking, swearing and general mayhem in every direction. Mom explained to the driver we would walk so as not to be late for my assignment. The day was blustery and cold and I was glad I had decided to wear jeans and a sweater to keep warm. I would be wearing enough fine dresses in an hour so the need to look as feminine as possible was the farthest thing from my mind. I knew during that same hour I would have five inch heels on my feet too, so my Nike cross trainers fit the bill as far as I was concerned.

We walked about a half of a block before all Hell broke loose. A delivery van screeched to a halt going in the opposite direction of the traffic accident. The street, really a boulevard, had a traffic island splitting the road causing the traffic on each side to go in opposite directions. We would later find out the accident was staged just to create the chaos, taking place on the boulevard where we were walking. Mom and I stopped to watch as two men ran across the street toward us. Mom was pushed to the ground when they reached us and I was grabbed under my arms by each man and dragged toward the van. What the men hadn’t counted on was the police coming the wrong way in the opposite lane from the accident. The police officers saw the kidnapping attempt taking place in front of them. They pulled the police vehicle in front of the kidnappers van and exited the car, weapons drawn. One of the men let go of my arm, but the other pivoted behind me drawing a pistol and held it to my head. The conversation was in Italian, but I’ll translate it anyway.

“Stop,” one police officer yelled.

The kidnapper that had let go of me threw himself on the ground, not wanting anything else to do with the confrontation. He was giving up and wanted to live another day.

“You stop, or I’ll shoot her,” the man with the pistol yelled back at the police.

“Don’t make it any worse than it already is,” came the reply.

“Lower your weapons, or I swear to God, I’ll kill her.”

“Don’t be so sure,” a voice said, from behind the kidnapper.

I felt the arm around my neck loosen and the pistol lower from my head. Turning, I saw an undercover policeman holding a pistol to the kidnapper’s head.

“Hand me your weapon and get on the ground,” he ordered.

The man complied and both men and the van were surrounded by police officers. Mom came running to my side as my tears ran from my eyes. I’ve never been so afraid in my life. Tough as nails, Amanda James had been taken hostage and there was nothing I could have done. If luck hadn’t reared its beautiful head, who knows what would have happened to me?

Mom held me and kept repeating, “My baby, my baby.”

It took an hour for the police to take my statement. Being so close to the exhibition hall the show was held up until the excitement died down. I was able to take part, but the excitement I had felt for the show was gone. I was now a person that could be stolen and the reward would be great for my return.

Mom decided, and my agents agreed I would now need a bodyguard when I was traveling away from home. It sounded exciting, but it really did suck. The thought that I would be watched every moment from now forward was like having ice cold water thrown in your face. I feel as though I’m losing control of my life.

The bodyguard hired by the agency is a woman named Sofia Lorenz. Thank God they sent a woman, as I didn’t want some man watching every move I made.

Sofia is a real sweetheart and I wondered what a woman standing only five seven could do to protect me? She said she was well trained in self-defense and protecting me was her only priority even giving up her life if need be. I personally thought that was pretty dramatic, but I wasn’t going to argue. The next day I would learn she meant business and was not to be taken lightly.

We were walking to my second show when a tall man, maybe six three and very well built rushed toward me. He was a fan, but Sofia didn’t know, nor did I. In less than a second the poor guy was on his back with a pistol in his face.

“Don’t even twitch a muscle,” Sofia ordered.

“I only wanted an autograph,” came the reply.

“Then you should have asked politely,” Sofia responded.

“I meant no harm.”

By this time the police were surrounding Sophia, and the poor guy on the ground. Sofia pulled her weapon from his face and returned it to her holster. Rising to her feet, she looked at me and smiled. “Does this answer your concerns?”

I was blown away by how quickly Sofia had put the threat away. She was good, like lightning fast, good. I think I could get used to having her around.

Sofia was working for a protection service in the US, which explained her perfect English when she spoke. She had just finished with an assignment in Rome and was asked to protect me. She figured a few more days of work in Italy wouldn’t hurt her pocket book so she agreed to be my keeper till the end of the show. Sofia moved her luggage into my room and slept on a bed provided by the hotel for unexpected guests, read, rollaway.

After the incident with the man I talked to Sofia before we went to bed. I had to learn more about this woman who had so easily subdued a man much larger than her.

We had returned to our suite and Mom had ordered tea from room service, as was our custom before we went to sleep for the night. Sofia was sitting by the door to the suite, still in her working clothes. Because of the assignment, that meant a suit with a skirt because of the venue. The only compromise was wearing low-heeled pumps so as not to restrict her movements if needed.

“Sofia, come sit with us?” Mom asked.

“That’s okay, Mrs. James, no need for me to get too comfortable.”

“Nonsense, I think any threat will have a hard enough time getting by the front desk, let alone the hotel security. I know Amanda is dying to ask you where you learned to take out a man like that?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, please,” I answered.

“I’ll change into something more comfortable and then I’ll tell you my history. Don’t let anyone in the room, not even room service until I return.”

“Okay.”

Sofia opened her suitcase and withdrew a pair of flannel pajamas. Useful and to the point, I liked her even more as she went into the bathroom to change.

Sofia’s pajamas were loose fitting, but not enough to hang loosely on her body. She moved silently toward the chair opposite Mom and I with the grace of a cat.

She lowered herself onto the chair, moving like a duchess and asked, “So what would you like to know about me?”

“Where did you learn to fight like that? Could you teach me?” I asked, excitedly. Obviously some of part of Mark was showing as I asked the question.

“Are you serious, a pretty girl like you wanting to know how to fight?”

“I kind of know how already. I fought the school bully when I started my new school and haven’t been bothered since,” I laughed.

“You did? You’re much to pretty to be doing something like that. You could injure yourself.”

“That’s what my Dad said after I started modeling. I came home with a cut lip and he told me I could ruin my career before it started. I kicked the bully’s ass though. I learned a long time ago if I stood up to a bully they wouldn’t bother me. My dad and I used to box all the time before I started modeling. It was fun and it taught me how to take care of myself.”

“Good for you,” she laughed, “ now let me tell you a little about myself. I was born in Wisconsin and was the only girl in the family. I have four brothers, all older, because Mom wanted a girl and said she would keep trying until she got one. Growing up with four older brothers toughens a girl and when I graduated from high school, I enlisted in the Army. One thing led to another so I joined the Rangers and made it through the program. I was only eighteen at the time. After serving my time in the military I went to work for the agency I work for now. It’s dangerous duty, but I love it and protecting people is what I do. Other than the obvious, how did you get into modeling?”

“Just by accident. My best friend’s mother was a model and she got me this job, so here I am.”

“Do you do anything else?”

“Just school, oh, and I play soccer.”

“Are you, any good?”

“I made second team all league.”

“You must be good. What position do you play?”

“Keeper.”

“I played forward. I feel for you, keeper is a hard position.”

“I don’t mind and it helps that I’m tall.”

The room phone rang and Sofia answered it.

“Hello.”

“Yes this is Sofia. Ugh huh, ugh huh, are you sure, thanks; I’ll let them know. Let me know what you want me to do.”

Sofia lowered the phone with a very worried look on her face.

“That was my boss in New York City. He just finished talking with the police here in Milan and the news isn’t good.”

“Why, what’s wrong?” Mom asked, with a worried look on her face.

“It seems that these thugs that tried to kidnap you were hired by someone back home, in the States. They were paid to kidnap you and hold you for ransom. The amount was to be ten million dollars. They were going to keep six million for their trouble and the remaining four million was to be wired to and account in the Cayman Islands. Even though these guys were captured the real threat still remains, free to do what ever he wishes, even trying to abduct Amanda again when she returns home.”

“What should we do?” Mom asked, clearly shaken by this news.

“I don’t know about you Mrs. James, but I think I should be hired for a bit longer than just for this trip. I like Amanda and to be honest I thought watching her would be nothing more than an exercise in putting up with a petulant spoiled brat. I couldn’t have been more wrong with my preconceived notion. Amanda’s a lovely girl and I can see she’s tough too. If you decide to extend my contract after we return home, I’d be delighted to continue watching Amanda.”

The show ended two days later and Sofia was able to get a ticket on the same plane as us, but in a different location in first class. Thus began my life with Sofia, which wouldn’t end until I graduated from college. She became a big sister for all intents and purposes.

As much as I like Sofia, it was becoming a drag having her watch my every move. As with everything there was bad with the good. The good part was that the paparazzi now had to stay far away from me, but the bad was not having a free moment of time for myself. Luckily we have a spare bedroom at home so Sofia moved in with us. I now had to be on my guard more than ever to escape detection of my hidden secret. As time went by, Sofia and I became like sisters. I think she enjoyed passing her wisdom to a young impressionable girl. Mom was more than pleased with our new guest as dating was now almost impossible, even if I was to date; I had my very own chaperone to make sure nothing happened to me, drat.

As with any relationship, ours, Sofia’s and mine took time to develop. Our routine was for her to drive me to school, drop me off and then spend her time waiting for me to finish the day, usually around five-thirty and drive me home, or to friends, or shopping. Depending on where we went, Melisa or Ginny would be involved. Because of having a bodyguard, Melisa rode with me everyday in our car, which saved gas for her. The only time she drove herself was when she had something else to do. I no longer have a boyfriend, because Kurt is now enrolled at Harvard, and with the addition of Sofia, boys haven’t asked me out. I guess it’s just as well, as Mom said,” Boys are nothing but trouble for a pretty girl like you”.

I won Homecoming princess again and had no date this year. Brandon Jennings, one of the co captains on the football team, escorted me to the dance. Sofia was courteous enough to stay in the background, but I always felt her presence. It was comforting to know I was being watched and I would be safe should anything happen to me. There was a big show made of the dance in the press, but I informed the writers that there was no love interest with Brandon. Of course when the gossip rags came out more than a few references were made that I was free to date anyone I wanted, like that was going to happen? I was too busy trying to keep up with school, soccer, and my job. Even though we had backed off a little, I still found myself flying to Los Angeles twice a month.

Dad has improved a lot. He hardly has to use his canes anymore and he says he owes his success all to his beautiful daughter. Dad laughed at the gagging sound I made.

I should mention that Dad and I had a long discussion about losing Mark and gaining Amanda. It started with an innocent question from Dad.

“Honey, do you like doing this?”

“Doing what, Dad?”

“You know, being Amanda?”

Dad had a strange look on his face, almost like he was going to cry or be sick.

“I love being Amanda, Dad. Why would you ask?”

“Because I feel responsible for who you’ve become. If I hadn’t injured myself maybe we wouldn’t be having this conversation and Mark would still be here.”

“Do you miss, Mark?”

Dad was quiet for a moment and defeat crossed his face.

“Yes, I do. I miss the boy time we used to spend together. Don’t take this the wrong way sweetheart, I love you dearly, but there’s a special bond that a father and son have that’s gone now. I miss that. The funny thing though is I love you so much as my daughter, that I couldn’t imagine losing you. If it weren’t for you, I’d never have regained my life as it is today. When I woke from my coma and my little girl wasn’t there, I panicked. I didn’t know what had happened to me, and the thought of you being in an accident with me turned my world upside down. When you visited with your mother, it was the happiest day of my life. All I knew was that I had a daughter and she was the most precious thing in the world to me.”

“But what about Mark?”

“When I remembered the, Mark, you, all I could think of was losing my daughter. You had taken my heart from the boy I loved so dearly. I know I was wrong not to have told you that I remembered Mark, but at the time I couldn’t bare to think of losing you. I love you so much Amanda, and watching my little girl become a woman, I know I did the right thing. I just hope you feel the same way?”

“Oh Daddy, I do. I love being Amanda and when I’m old enough I want to become a complete woman. I love you Dad.”

Dad and I hugged both of us in tears. The more I thought about it the more I realized my father was man enough to cry and not be ashamed.

Sofia has been with us for about two months now and we still hardly speak other than the usual hi and how are you conversations. She informs us as to how the investigation into the kidnap is going but other than that it’s business as usual.

It was on the ride home one day when Melisa had something to do and Sofia and I were alone. Normally we wouldn’t talk except for the “Hi, how was your day,” type of thing.

I was surprised when she asked, “Do you like doing this modeling thing?”

“Umm, yes, why do you ask?”

“Because you seem so unlike a model. You’re more like a normal teenaged girl than a fashion icon.”

“What’s a fashion icon?”

“You know, a leader in your field, the person everyone wants to be.”

“No one wants to be me. I’m just a girl in high school. I’m not really Amanda Flowers, she’s just someone that models things.”

“When I was your age, I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to be a girly girl, but my brothers wouldn’t let me, and besides, I’m not pretty enough anyway.”

“You’re pretty,” I said.

Sofia was pretty in her own way. Not drop dead gorgeous but I’ve noticed her turning her fair share of men’s heads. She has a figure to die for, nice hips, a tiny waist and a little above average size breasts. Sofia is a very attractive woman, just not model pretty.

“Thanks, but, I’ve seen myself in a mirror and these scars don’t help,” she said pointing at her face.

“They aren’t that noticeable, in fact you wouldn’t even notice them with a little makeup,” I responded.

“I hate makeup. I guess that came from being an Army Ranger, after all, what kind of Ranger would wear makeup?’ she laughed.

“A pretty one?”

“Yeah right, all I would have had to have done was slather a bunch of eye shadow on and really had my ass kicked, it was hard enough being a girl in the old boy’s fraternity.”

“You should really think about it, you’d really turn some heads.”

“I think I’ll just be me, no harm intended.”

“You know, you’ll have to do something with yourself when we go to some awards banquet, after all you’ll be on the red carpet with me.”

“If I have to, so tell me, how did you get into modeling? Your mother doesn’t seem to be the type of person to make her daughter become the face of Lush Cosmetics?”

“It was by accident. You’ve met my friend Cindy, well her mother was a model once, and she got Cindy into modeling. Her mother asked her if she knew anyone pretty enough to become a model and she told her I was and my career took off from there.”

Sofia looked at me with a quizzical look on her face.

“Why would Cindy’s mom ask that if she was your best friend? I would think her mother would have noticed your beauty herself?”

Oh crap, what corner have I just painted myself into? I had to think of something, but I didn’t know what, so I made a decision to come clean with Sofia, if she could be trusted. If she knew the truth it would be much easier to hide my secret. As it was, with Sofia living with us, I had to be extra careful with every move I made.

“Sofia, I have to ask you something. How does this bodyguard thing work? Did you have to sign a nondisclosure thing, you know promise not to tell anyone what I do?”

“That’s standard procedure in our field. I’m almost like a doctor or a lawyer. I can’t say anything about you that you don’t want me to, or my agency could be sued.”

“Are you absolutely positive you can’t say anything to anybody if I tell you something very personal about me?”

“Absolutely. If I did you could put our agency out of business and I wouldn’t have a job. Listen Amanda, this job means everything to me, and if I have to protect you with my life I will and that includes your secrets, so you have no worry as to what you might tell me, or what I see. I won’t even tell your parents if you don’t want them to know what you’re doing, but let me make one thing clear, I won’t put up with you breaking the law. I might not say anything, but I will quit my job watching you and I’d hate to be you if you had to explain why I quit. Your parents watch you like a hawk and I can tell by the girl you are that they don’t put up with any nonsense. Children are examples of how they’re raised, and I can tell strict loving parents raised you. You’re a very lucky girl. Now what do you want to tell me?”

“I’m a boy.”

From the reaction on Sofia’s face, I think I could have knocked her down with a feather.

“Amanda, you’re joking?”

“I’m not. That’s why Mrs. Meyer didn’t notice me right away. It was only after Cindy told her about the game my mom and I played that she discovered Amanda Flowers and the girl I’ve become for my career.”

“Surely your parents wondered about the decision for you to become a female model?”

“Yes, at first. Mom didn’t want me to do it, she was afraid it would ruin my life. Dad was also opposed to it but after we signed the first contract with Lush Cosmetics they agreed to let me be a girl for the photo shoots but be a boy the rest of the time. I was fine with that because I really liked being a boy. My life changed after my father was in an accident and was in a coma and lost his memory. When he woke from the coma he asked for his daughter and no longer remembered his son. That was a reason to become Amanda everyday, plus Mrs. Meyer said if anyone found out about Mark James, I would no longer be able to model. I changed schools and attended as Amanda James from the first day. Some of the students recognized me, as being Amanda Flowers so there was no way for me to become Mark again unless I quit modeling. I love modeling and the longer I’ve been a girl I love being me. My friend Cindy said I’ve always been a girl inside even when I was trying to be Mark. After living as Amanda, I have to agree with her. I’ve always been a girl inside. I no longer want to be a boy again and as a woman I can follow my dreams just as well as a girl.”

“What dreams are those?”

“I want to go to Stanford and become a surgeon.”

“And you think that dream will come true?”

“You bet. I’ve already put enough money aside for as many years as it will take plus a lot more besides. I probably could remain modeling for years, but that’s not what I want. Becoming a surgeon means more to me than anything.”

“Wow, that’s quite a story Amanda, and I can see where you wouldn’t want your secret known. You can trust me, and as far as you’re concerned, I doubt that I could ever think of you as a boy. You’re just too pretty, but I have to ask, where did you get your curves. Your figure definitely isn’t a boy’s figure.”

“I’ve been on hormones for over a year, and you can see the result. I’m still changing and I wish I had a figure like you.”

“Spoken like a younger sister. Don’t worry, you’ll get curves like mine and believe me they are hard to keep. I’m sure you notice I work out all the time when I’m not with you. If I didn’t, I’d look like a blimp.”

“Thank God, I’m able to play soccer. It keeps me fit.”

“Yes it does, but there is some risk to you playing. If a ball was to hit your face it could damage your career.”

“I’m not worried. I’m pretty good at blocking the ball with my hands.”

“Just the same, you be careful and thank you for sharing your secret with me. If you ever want to talk about it and your wanting to be a girl, I’m here for you Amanda.”

“Thanks Sofia, but I think I have the girl thing pretty much covered.”

“Then consider me a big sister that you can come to and cry about the boy who just left you.”

“Are you serious? I’ll never cry over a boy.”

“Don’t be so sure,” she laughed.

“Even if I do, it won’t be for a while. I’m not allowed to date until I turn sixteen and that’s over a half of a year away.”

“Thank God. I’d worry myself sick watching you with a boy.”

“I’d behave,” I said innocently.

“I’m not worried about you, I’m worried about the boy. You’re very pretty and it wouldn’t take much for a boy to overstep your boundaries. The good news though, is that I’ll be there to protect you.”

“Oh goody, I get to have big sister going on my dates with me, oh the shame I have to put up with,” I giggled.

“You’re going to be a hand full young lady.”

When I told Sofia my secret, thought she would go ballistic, but I was wrong. She barely flinched when I said I was a boy, but maybe the reason was that she never met Mark James. To be honest, with my figure, I can see where she would never ever think of me as a boy. I don’t even think I’m one either, my wanting curves proved that to me. I guess you could say I’m just an average teenage girl, with a face recognized by millions of girls my age. I’m also a girl without a boyfriend, oh well maybe next year.