How much longer can she stay hidden?

 

---

Image Credit: Image frame from the Dutch Documentary film Zonder Spitzen.

---

 
 
Chapter 6
 
Over the river and through the woods.

The line from the corny song Mom used to sing described the way to my Grandma's.

In years past, we'd all made our seperate journeys to Grandma's house during the holidays.

This year, Mom and Aunt Amy decided to pile us up in Aunt Amy's Taho. I ended up in the middle between Meg and Jack to keep them from picking at each other for the almost two hour trip.

I think Jack became annoyed because Meg and I talked the whole trip, although he did have his iPod.

"Is that all you stupid girls talk about is ballet?" Jack said.

"All right Jack, that's enough," Aunt Amy said.

No, Jack hadn't been told yet. But for the first time ever, Aunt Amy didn't correct.

Meg picked a little bit at him, reaching her arm behind my back when he was not looking and hit him in the head. He retaliated.

I have to admit I was a little relieved when we finally reached the house on the river. Aunt Alice, Uncle Bert and Maya were already there.

"Come on in," Grandma said. "Give me a hug."

She said that to just about everyone. We exchanged hugs, talked about how everything was going (well, except for the gender thing, that would come later).

Maya was doing something on her laptop when Meg, Jack and I joined her in the den.

I received a text from Mauve asking me if we arrived yet.

"Lindsey and Mauve are coming down," I told Meg.

"Oh, they are?" Maya asked. "I didn't see them much last summer."

"Oh great, a girlfest," Jack said.

"Don't think they'll be coming inside brat, so you can just go right ahead and play your video games," Meg said.

I sort of felt a little sorry for Jack. In years past, I'd be right there with him.

Maya tagged along when we saw them pull in the drive way on their bikes.

"What's up girlfriend?" I said as I hugged Mauve.

"Not a whole lot mi amiga," Mauve said.

"Oh my God, look at this hair," Lindsey said, pulling through my hair.

"I know, right?" Meg said. "It's really getting long. He has to wear it in a bun in ballet because he refuses to get it cut."

The five of us walked down to the dock, followed by our protector, Grandma's dog Prince.

Meg told Maya about our little contest.

"Can't believe you got naked, and in front of Collin," Maya said.

"Oh, that was nothing, it was just us girls down here anyway," Mauve said, and then said "Oops" when she realized that Maya hadn't been told.

It confused Maya a little bit. She thought it was funny that I ended having to spend a day in a bikini.

"Grams made Col walk all the way back to the house in the bikini," Meg said.

"No way!" Maya said.

"Yes way," I responded.

"Grams was cool," Meg said. "She never told our moms."

That really surprised Maya.

"We were surprised, too," I said. "But Grams turned out to be really cool."
 

 
It hit the fan before we got back to the house.

Mom and Aunt Amy thought it would be best to clue Aunt Alice and Uncle Bert before sitting down and talking to Maya and Jack about me.

Aunt Alice and Uncle Bert, and Maya, too, are uber religious.

They were shouting when we walked back in the house.

"My kids are not going to be exposed to a faggot," I heard Uncle Bert shout. "Anna, I can't believe you have no problem raising a queer."

"Daad, what are you talking about," a shell-shocked Maya asked.

"Your cousin wants to get a sex-change, and your aunt's going to let him have one," Uncle Bert said.

"Bertrend Willard Russell, you don't ever us that language in my house again," my grandmother shouted.

People were talking about packing up and leaving.

I was looking for a rock to climb under, but fled the house instead. I ran as fast as I could, and didn't care which direction I was running.

I fought back the tears as I ran. It was all my fault, I thought.

I found a tree next to the river. I sat down and cried.

I didn't notice Mauve and Lindsay's father coming and sitting down next to me. I didn't see him working on his boat.

"Care to talk to me about it?" he asked.

"No," I said. I was afraid he would react like Uncle Bert.

"Heard the shouting coming from over at your grandmother's," he said. "I was wondering what was going on."

"It's all my fault," I said.

"Really?" he replied. "Want to tell me about it."

"No, you wouldn't understand," I said.

"Oh, I don't know," he said. "Mauve came to me with a lot of questions not long ago about a friend she had who was born a boy, but is really a girl inside. That wouldn't happen to be you, would it?"

I didn't say a word. I was afraid of how he would react.

"I told Mauve she had a special friend, and she needed to be the best friend she could to her," he said. "That friend would really need her support if something ever happened."

I smiled. He brushed my hair a little bit and helped me up. He told me he looked forward to taking us tubing again in the summer.

I appreciated him taking a load off of my mind.

Suddenly I heard people shouting my name.

It was Mom and Meg. They were relieved to find me with Mauve and Lindsey's dad.

"I was really worried about you," Mom said as she held me tight.

"We all were," Meg said.

I didn't know if that were true. Things had sort of calmed down when we reached the house.

Although you could feel the tension, no one left. In the middle of the bombshell, it was revealed Aunt Alice was having another baby.

I went back in the den where Jack was playing video games. He was still a little shocked, too, Meg said.

He gave me a strange look, and then went back to his video games.

Meg asked me if I wanted to go with her to the shed, my thinking place, the place where I first told her there were times I wanted to be a girl.

"Sure," I said, still kind of in a state of shock myself.

Meg told Mom and Aunt Amy we were going to the shed to listen to music.

It was partly the truth. Meg brought her iPod and we did play some really cool music.

"You know I'll always have your back," Meg said.

Suddenly, there was a little tap at the door.

It was Maya asking if she could come in.

Meg hesitated. But I told her Maya could come in.

"I'm so sorry about Dad," she said.

"That's OK," I said.

"Is it really true, I mean, about you getting a sex-change?" Maya asked.

"Maya!" Meg said.

"No, it's OK," I said.

"I just wanted you to know we girls should stick together in this family," Maya said.

We make fun of Maya being a "dork" sometimes, but there are times when she could be really cool.
 

 
Uncle Bert told Mom that what I was going through really "didn't reconcile" with their faith, but he said that he loved us and would be praying for us. He apologized for the argument that nearly destroyed the family gathering.

Aunt Alice said she was support us in whatever we did, which meant a lot to Mom.

"I may not entirely agree with it, but I've never been confronted with something like this," Aunt Alice said.

Maya hugged me and told me she'd always be there for me.

They left on Saturday night because they had to be at church early the next day.

We were going to the early morning chapel service with Grandma. It was a Hamilton family tradition.

We would dress up in our Sunday best. Of course, now we were going to have to rush back home after the service. Act I rehearsal awaited.

I was in for a surprise after I got up and had a shower.

Laying on my bed was a dress, a slip. a pair of panties, training bra, boots, note and a purse.
 
 
Dearest Apple,

I've bought all of my granddaughters first dresses after they were born. I slipped out and bought yours (with Meg's help) after all of the madness yesterday. I believe you'll look really nice when we go to chapel.

Love,

Grandma.
 
 
I slipped on my underwear and slip and walked out into the kitchen and gave my grandmother a hug.

"Thanks Grams," I said with tears in my eyes.

"You're welcome my sweet Apple," she replied.

I asked Meg to help me get ready. I was so new to this.

Mom, Aunt Amy and Grandma were impressed with Meg's work helping me get ready.

"I present to you the lovely Miss Colleen Apple Greene," Meg said to my embarrasment.

Then Jack broke his silence.

"You're much prettier as a girl," he said almost stoicly.

I was in tears and speechless.

I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek, which really surprised him.

"Thanks cuz, you're OK for a boy," I said.

Lindsey and Mauve were also dressed up in their Sunday best as they came walking up the driveway. They were going to chapel with us.

It was the first time I'd ever seen Mauve in a dress. She was gorgeous.

"Wow, you really dress up well," Mauve said.

"I was thinking about the same of you," I replied as we embraced.
 

 
"All dancers get to the barres," Miss Olga said in American-zed Russian accent.

There was hardly any barre space and it was the largest studio at the ballet school. We were packed like Sardines for the first Act I complete rehearsal.

And Miss Olga was making sure we warmed up before what was going to be a long rehearsal. For most of us, it was the first exercise we've had since the Thanksgiving break began, although Meg and I did stretch every day. We were made to do our plies, tendus, degages, fondus, frappes, developpes and grandebattements before we started rehearsal.

The room was not only filled with dancers aged four through professional guest artists, but it also included volunteers serving as parents for the party scene and boys who were drafted to be in the scene like Jack.

I heard Miss Jana tell the parents there were about 100 of us crammed in the room. It made things quite hot for us even though most of us were wearing only leotards and tights. It seemed like it was 80 degrees even though it was about 30 outside.

It was going to be a tiring rehearsal and an exhausting one. But it was also exciting. We were only a week away from production week at the theater.

"It's going to be a magical week, Colleen," Meg whispered to me after we were done with stretching.

The rehearsal helped me get my mind off of things that were turning my life upside down.

I was still Collin at the ballet school, but I didn't think of myself as a boy or a girl, just a dancer like everyone else.

It was fun watching the children get paired off with their "party parents" for the first time and watching how the party scene was finally put together. All of the Claras were amazing, but Lucy was the best.

And Jack, as much as he complained about having to be Fritz, seemed to enjoy hamming it up and being the bad boy on stage.

Me, I was rolled onto the "stage" in a freshly made box with wheels that looked like a giant present.

The man playing Clara's Uncle Drosselmeyer pretended to wind us up and we did our doll dance (we did it three times because of the rotation of the girls playing Columbine. Lucy was again the best).

"Great job Collin!" Madame Kathryn said after we did the dance a third time. "Your pirouettes are looking really nice."

After my dance, I watched from the corner of the studio and marveled how the party scene unfolded. I have to admit, the parents dance looked pretty funny the first time they did it because most of the "dads" had never danced before.

"Could you imagine Rick doing that?" I whispered to Meg about my Mom's boyfriend.

"Nope, and I can't imagine Mark doing that, either," Meg giggled.

After the party scene ended came my next big scene, the battle scene.

It was my turn to be a toy soldier. I grabbed my gun, marched out and danced as we pretended to battle the mice. It was going to be one cool show.

The crowd cleared out when it came time for the snow dancers like Meg to rehearse.

But I stayed.

Snow rehearsal was magical to me. All of the girls were amazing, especially Meg.

I imagined it was me out there being beautiful and graceful. A part of me yearned to be old enough to lace the ribbons on my pink pointe shoes and be out there with them.

Related Video Scenes:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballet barre work
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dgfj7XwxJHU

Party scene rehearsal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp1YfhNXPF4

Party parents dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzjUQaq7gaE

Battle scene rehearsal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVPQWs4Qlb0

---

 
 
To Be Continued...