Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 970.

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Wuthering Dormice
(aka Bike)
Part 970
by Angharad

Copyright © 2010 Angharad
All Rights Reserved.
  
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I spent over an hour explaining to the police what had actually happened and eventually managed to convince them we were harmless and mostly law abiding as a household.

“So where is this pearl necklace they were after?” asked the younger of the two police officers.

“In a bank deposit box.”

“Have you had it valued?”

“We meant to, for insurance purposes, but in terms of value it’s worth far more to me as a link with my great grandmother than it is in purely monetary value.”

The young copper shook his head, “You can say that because you’re obviously well off. If you were poorer you may well think differently.”

“My uncle and aunt aren’t exactly poor, he had his own business.”

“Doing what?”

“He ran an abattoir.”

“Lovely,” said the copper.

“I suppose someone has to do it, or we’d all have to be vegetarians. I don’t think Uncle Arthur actually killed anything, he just owned it and organised things. Auntie Do, wouldn’t have let him do anything which made his hands dirty.”

“Did they have children?”

“Not as far as I know–so I suppose our little game must have seemed a bit too much for them.”

“Well your little girl is quite an actress, how do we know she’s not acting now?”

“Ask her. She’s truthful to the point of being painful.”

“One last question, Lady Cameron, why did they say you were their nephew?”

“Pure spitefulness, I suppose. They didn’t get what they wanted so they decided to try and queer my pitch.”

“But it’s an odd remark to make–I take it you’re not their nephew.”

“I think after this, I shall cut all ties with them.”

“You’re not answering the question–quite clearly you don’t appear to be male, so why would they say it?”

“They thought I was boy when I was born–that has since been corrected.”

“Looks like they made the right decision in the end then.”

“Was there any doubt?” I asked.

“No, but I wondered if you’d perhaps pulled more pranks on your aunt and uncle.”

“Not me, guv;” I joked, “Seriously, I don’t mess with the police, it would only cause trouble later.”

“Absolutely,” the copper stood up and, walking to the door said, “I see you’ve had dealings with us before, a regular crime-buster and life saver.”

“Why would you have records of that–as far as I know I broke no laws.”

“We keep records of everything. You don’t happen to know the woman who saved my nephew, do you? He was pretty broken up after a sledging accident according to the paramedics, yet he walked out of the hospital a couple of days later.”

“Me? I doubt it, I’m into dormice, not hospitals.”

“The description given was a bit like you.”

“I’m average–so it probably would be.”

“Average? I don’t think so, Lady Cameron. You’re very beautiful, very clever by all accounts and married to a millionaire–hardly average, is it?”

“I couldn’t possibly comment on any of those.”

“So you don’t know this woman miracle worker, then?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Oh well, if ever you do meet her, tell her thanks from my brother and from his boy.”

“I doubt that will happen, but if it does, I will.”

“Thanks.” The two policemen left the house and went back to their car just as Simon pulled up with a car load of children. He sent the kids on ahead and stopped to talk with the policemen. I didn’t notice how long they were talking but I know I’d talked to all the kids for several minutes before he came in.

“What was all that about?” I asked him.

“They’re on to you, my gel.”

“I’ll come quietly, copper.” I said as vulgarly as I could.

“I mean it,” he emphasised.

“But I ain’t done nuffin’ wrong, ‘ave I?”

“They know you’re the phantom healer or whatever.”

“How can they know that?”

“Your car was at the hospital each time a miracle happened.”

“No it wasn’t, so that shoots that theory down, when his nephew was injured, I couldn’t get the car out for the snow.”

“Oh yes, you’re quite right.”

“I know, so he’s guessing–I hope you didn’t confirm anything?”

He went bright red, “Um, only that you were all woman.”

“What business is that of his anyway? I think I’ll put in a formal complaint.”

“No need, Babes, I sent them off with a flea in their ears.”

“So why don’t I believe you?”

“How would I know?”

“What did you talk about then?”

“He asked me if you were the miracle woman? I told him you were a miracle to me and the kids.”

“That’s very kind of you, darling.”

“Nothing is too much for you, Babes.”

"Why don’t I believe you, Simon? “You’re too kind, darling. Now what did he say?”

“He asked about your visitors and I told him I went out with some of the kids just after they arrived. Then he asked if you ever took drugs–an’ naturally I said, of course she does.”

“Simon, how could you?”

“But only when she’s ill and goes to see the doctor.” He chuckled and I felt like slapping him one.

“He asked about accessing porn sites, an’ I told him he’d come to the wrong house. I said we don’t do drink, drugs, porn or sex.”

“Simon, you lying toad.”

“Oh yeah, we have some wine occasionally.” He snorted and only my gracious generosity spared his measly little life.

I raised my hand to slap him, “Ah ah, that is so uncouth.”

“You–you, hypocrite.” I felt totally exasperated by him and all he did was laugh.

“Babes, you need to calm down.”

“Calm down? I want to kill someone–you haven’t had two policemen asking you embarrassing questions for the past hour or so–just because that stupid Aunt and Uncle of mine believed what we told them.”

“You have such an honest face, of course they believed you.” He said this deadpan, then snorted and cracked up laughing.

“You rotten pig,” I said loudly and he just made pig-like grunts and nodded at me.

“What’s happening?” asked his arch nemesis.

“He’s pushing my buttons, Stella, that’s what.”

“Leave my sister alone or deal with me, you muckle heid.”

“Me a muckle head, ha–well you’re a muckle gob.”

At this point we began to attract an audience, of children. “I think that’s enough now,” I said loudly and nodded at the kids.

“Are you fighting?” asked Trish looking concerned.

“No, we’re just talking,” I replied.

“You were talking very loudly, we hardly needed the baby alarm.”

“You listened in to all that?”

“Um,” Trish and Livvie blushed, and the two boys edged towards the door.

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Comments

I needed some mirth today.

I do so need my English house mate back. :(

I think that Cathy and her are very much alike. :)

The Twit

GAD ! I was first!

Cor, wut do I do now?

Gwen

Even the walls have ears

I guess from this point onwards, the adults in the family are going to have to be extra-careful what they say.

What with seven children, one with a baby alarm, there's a fair chance that apparently private conversations are going to be overheard.

Potential Strife


Bike Archive

That Famous WW2 poster

Ah, the nostalgia of those words:

Walls_have_ears02.jpg/

’T ain’t what it used to be.

Gabi.


“It is hard for a woman to define her feelings in language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs.” Thomas Hardy—Far from the Madding Crowd.

Gabi.


“It is hard for a woman to define her feelings in language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs.” Thomas Hardy—Far from the Madding Crowd.

Ah Nostalgia !

I remember that one. And lots more. The adverts in those days were naive and now seem funny compared with those we see today. Probably because they were thought up by politicians and civil servants, and anyway there wasn't much to sell so we hardly needed adverts really anyway

Who can remember these?

" Dig for Victory" promoting having allottments and growing your own veges.
" coughs and sneezes spread diseases - trap the Germs in your handkerchief" (the Germs all had faces of prominent Nazis)
" Save fuel at home and make it hotter for Hitler" ( picture of a kettle and suggested not filling it full when you were just making a cup of tea - tea pots were used as tea bags had not been invented in the UK yet)

Nostalgia sounds a bit like Neuralgia, a painful nerve. :)

Briar

Briar

Nostalgia...

Angharad's picture

...there's no future in it.

Angharad

Angharad

Déjà vu all over again?

Loose Lips
Haven't we had this discussion before?

Or am I having a senior moment?

Agencyspy has a nice selection of similar signs. Oops! I shouldn't have said anything!

[Ooooh!!! I've discovered that an old HTML technique works here for putting pictures over there -->
and without using tables. If there's sufficient interest, I might be persuaded to create
a faq entry explaining how to do it.]

 

 

 

Poster Spy


Bike Archive

Now you've told 'em

Angharad's picture

you'll have to kill 'em.

Angharad

Angharad

Nah...

Puddintane's picture

It's not a huge secret, just officially "deprecated" by W3C, the international standards body that creates the documents that supposedly define how HTML and other standards used to create Web pages work.

The technique is the "align" attribute, which allows web designers to "float" certain types of content to the left or to the right (mostly).

http://www.w3schools.com/tags/att_img_align.asp

The attribute is fully supported by all major visual browsers, and will likely remain so into the infinite future, because no one is going to go through the roughly sixty thousands of millions (US sixty billions = 60,000,000,000) of existing Web pages and rewrite them to conform to "modern" coding standards.

http://www.w3.org/standards/webdesign/

In fact, there is an explicit and easy-to-use mechanism within the many standards promulgated by W3C that allows one to use antique standards from the past, almost as if your DVD player had an attachment to allow it to play vinyl records, Edison wax cylinders, eight-track and cassette tapes, reel-to-reel tapes in several widths, and magnetic wire recordings.

Cheers,

Puddin'

-

Cheers,

Puddin'

A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style

Bike pt 970

Simon had a bit of fun, didn't he?

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Oops!

Looks as though next time they feel like a heated discussion, they'd better check for bugs (aka the baby alarm) first...

Meanwhile, with this being episode 970, it means there are only 30 more episodes (in reality probably just over a month) until you know what...

(Or nearly two months for those who prefer 210 over 103...)
(Or five weeks for dozen fetishists [12x12x8)

Just realised, 210 = 2,0008 = 40016

 


There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...

As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!

profound

Now how did I ever fail to notice that?

Now, now...

Puddintane's picture

Before we condemn Angharad to more than fifteen million episodes, we should point out that EAFOAB (with the letter "O") is not actually EAF0AB with the arabic number zero. They only look similar.

Cheers,

Puddin'

-

Cheers,

Puddin'

A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style

Sometimes...

one overhears things one wishes one hadn't... Sometimes, when one overhears things, one doesn't have the context and miss-interprets things.

Okay, enough of that third party stuff. I found this a very interesting sequence of episodes. Makes me wonder if ALL Brits have this need to jerk chains. :-) Just kidding. I know one or two that pretend to not do this.

I've said before, and I'll say again... One of these days, these wind-up players will wind the wrong person and it'll come back to bite them.

Thanks,
Annette

True gratitude

It's funny that people who have received anonymous help sometimes do not how to properly thank their benefactor. Namely by keeping their big yaps shut about said benefactor. If that plod had truly wanted to thank Cathy then he should not have ever brought the subject up in the first place as clearly if the giver did NOT want to be made known. So why try to hurt said person who had helped you?

Kim

Bailey Summers As always a

Bailey Summers

As always a good read. But tonight i needed a pick up for my mood and like always you delivered. Thank you:)

Bailey Summers

Nosey buggers!

As Cathy said, she hasn't broken any laws!
Drop the Aunt, she's pure poison and as for the plods, just keep em' sweet.

Still loving it.
Love and hugs,

Beverly.

bev_1.jpg

The 'Cameron Bunch' are

The 'Cameron Bunch' are definitely not the 'Brady Bunch'; the Camerons are so very much more fun and engaging. Jan

This particular skit

Wendy Jean's picture

Lasted about a week, and I suspect it still has life left.