dorothycolleen's blog

ideas about my bipolar condition

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I had an idea about my bipolar condition.

I think it is kind of the foundation for my other issues.

What I mean by that is that if for example I'm struggling with PTSD, whether I'm manic or depressed at the time will affect what symptoms I will have, and what strategies might help me get through it.

I think that means that I am going to have to try and be aware of where I am on my bipolar cycle whenever another issue is present, or I may not be as successful in coping.

Still got lots of work to do, I guess.

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Mystery Injuries

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Today, I found a fairly large scratch on my lower right leg, and as occasionally if not often happens, I have no idea how it happened.

I feel like maybe I should use the technique lepers use - Visual Survey of Extremities - in case I had seriously hurt myself without knowing.

I honestly don't know what else to do.

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I found out my aunt had passed away

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We got a message today that my dad's sister had passed away last month.

We had heard she was in hospice care, so its not a total shock, but I'm still struggling to process it.

See, I don't remember actually meeting her in person, even though apparently she came with her husband to visit us when we lived in Germany.

Mind you, the only things I remember about Germany was being fascinated to discover "Kindergarten" was an actual German word, and being confused about being asked to line up with the boys.

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being grateful for little gifts

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I am trying to learn to be grateful for the small gifts.

Like yesterday, I went over to Mike and Carol's to check on their kitties while they are away for the weekend.

Already that's something to be grateful for - that they trust me enough to do that.

While there. I got a chance to say hello to Blanca, who as always met me with her list of complaints, and then I noticed Lucy sitting on the couch.

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I got a bit of adulting done yesterday and today

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So yesterday, we got a bit of a refund from our taxes, so we decided to take care of a few tasks.

First, we got the oil and drive fluid on my car changed, because that was due.

Then we went to Canadian Tire and got one of the tires checked, and found out we'd picked up a nail, which is why the tire was going flat.

Then we went through a car wash, because some pigeons had taken their bathroom breaks on my roof.

Then, today, we got some groceries, and then helped Sharon get some groceries as well.

Yay for adulting !

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I dreamed I was on a cop show

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so last night I dreamed I was on a cop show with David Boreanaz. I helped interview a suspect, I fielded a call from headquarters, and the two of us drove back to the station together after rescuing a co-worker.

Hey, don't ask me, folks. I just do the dreaming.

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a big thank you

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Just wanted to give a big shout-out of thanks to all the people who took a look at my story.

I'm working on the edited version, and you guys have helped make that a lot better.

Hopefully I'll be publishing soon, and you guys can judge for yourself.

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I stood up to my stepfather last night

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So I stood up to my stepfather last night.

Okay it was just a dream, but still . . .

I dreamed I walked back to the house we had in Calgary, and found him there picking on my younger self.

So I got between them, and told my stepfather if he wanted to pick on someone, he could try me, as I was his size.

He ran away, leaving me behind, calling him a coward.

Then I woke up.

I honestly am not sure how to feel about this dream, but I think its a hopeful sign.

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it didn't take Bud Light long to back down

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Well, it didn't take Bud Light long to back down from its support of a trans influencer.

"Bud Light’s parent company Anheuser-Busch attempted to assure investors that everything is fine — even though everything most certainly isn’t — and it would get back on track.

Anheuser-Busch CEO Michel Doukeris distanced the company from transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney as sales of the beer continue to plummet.

'We need to clarify the facts that this was one can, one influencer, one post and not a campaign,' Doukeris said during an earnings call."

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13 years and 12 months

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Yep, my 14th anniversary of being on this site has arrived. (well, my account says "13 years, 12 months" but details).

Boy, things sure change in 14 years - which isn't really surprising, but somethings remain pretty much the same.

I still love reading the amazing writing offered in this site, and am always staggered to even be mentioned in the same breath as some of the talented writers here.

I am still the one who comments on a lot of stories, which I hope isn't annoying.

And I am still the one who is hopefully growing and improving as time goes by.

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the dangers of being manic

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For years, I was aware of how dangerous my depressions could be - I've been suicidal more than once in part thanks to the depression

But I really didn't understand that the manic phase was just as dangerous.

its the equivalent of being high as a kite, or being a "happy drunk", in terms of my lack of restraint.

I am so full of happy chemicals just about anything sounds like fun, and boy have I done stuff I regretted once the manic phase wore off.

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its been a few days since I blogged

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I am not really sure why I haven't been blogging the last couple of days, but for anybody who is interested, here is an update:

I got my registration and insurance issues fixed, so I am back on the road, which is good news.

I took a heart stress test, and did very well, with my blood pressure well inside the normal range, which is also good news.

I've made some progress on my new Fluke story, which may or may not be good news, depending how you feel about that character.

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I've managed to make my life much harder.

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Well, I have managed to make my life harder.

First, I got taken by a scammer and now I have lost my Facebook account.

Then, today, a cop told me my registration for my car had expired. I went to go fix that, only to discover my insurance had also expired.

I'm doing my best to fix this, but boy would it be great if I wouldn't put myself in these situations to begin with.

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My struggle with dysphoria

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So today was not the best day. I had just crawled out of my worst depression in decades, and then I got hit with a nasty bout of dysphoria

Once more, the simple reality that I will never be "pretty", never even get SRS, hit me right in the heart, and yet, because Mom and I were doing errands I had to keep pretending I was okay.

Sighs . . .

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a pretty uneventful Easter

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A couple of days ago my aunt Terry asked if we wanted to join her for Easter dinner, and we accepted.

So after I came home from Easter service at my church, we picked up another one of my aunts, and went over to Terry's place.

What we hadn't realized that her ex husband and her adult kids were also going to be there, and I don't think I've seen them since I started my transition in earnest.

So there I was, in my best Easter dress, sitting with a bunch of guys.

And nothing bad happened.

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I have the strangest dreams

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Okay I really have to share the dream I had last night.

I was working in a store that was getting ready for Christmas, as huge amounts of stuff came in that we needed to find room for.

Suddenly, I realized there was something wrong - we were apparently stuck in a time loop, doing the same stuff over and over again.
Not only did I figure this out, I figured out how to get us out of it.

The store's Santa had to pick a particular item as a present.

I told him of it, he picked the right package, and the loop was broken.

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on my manic state

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Since I'm currently in a manic state, I figured I would talk about what being manic does to me.

See, unlike the depression part of my cycle, which is always kind of the same, each time I'm manic seems a bit different from the last.

Sometimes, when I'm manic, I become giggly like I had taken a serious hit of pot. (Its also when my girly girl side comes out most. That, of course, is Jaci's fault).

But sometimes, instead of that, I become irrationally angry at everything and everyone.

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one sick Dot

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so for the last week, I've been dealing with a rather nasty flu, mostly settling into my nose and throat.

So when I tried to talk on Discord or on the phone, I basically had no voice at all.ge

Then yesterday, things managed to get worse.

I broke out in hives all over my back and belly.

I called the local health line, and they told me getting an allergic reaction to a flu virus does happen, and the best I can do is treat the symptoms until my immune system kicks out the flu causing the trouble.

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my time as the Ugandan ambassador to the (model) UN.

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I don't know if I have ever told the story of how I became the Ugandan ambassador to my school's model UN.

I had signed up, because I was fascinated by the idea, until the random generator said I was to represent Uganda.

If you've seen pictures of the people of Uganda, they are mostly black, and if you've seen pictures of me, I am most definitely not black.

So being the nerd I was, I came up with a backstory to explain why I was picked as the ambassador, even though nobody but me seemed to take the model UN thing terribly seriously.

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Where has Dot been ?

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Okay, so last night Jaci called me, and told me some people on Discord were rather concerned about me, since I hadn't been on in a while, nor had a posted a blog here.

I told her and the others I had gotten super focused on a stupid D&D thing I had been working on, and just kind of tuned everything else out.

But having had a night to think about it, that was only partially true.

See, last Thursday, a 16 year old boy killed 2 police officers, seriously wounded his own mother, and then took his own life here in Edmonton.

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got my PTSD triggered, need hugs

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So a couple of days ago, while in Walmart, I saw what looked like a book that looked like a novel with a cute romantic comedy vibe, so I picked it up.
At the start, the book delivered on that vibe, as it told the story of an ordinary man and a witch who fall for each other.

They met, he somehow defeated the glamor on her house (which is supposed to make people forget it and the residents) to remember her, they had a meet cute, they had a misunderstanding, it was all going pretty much the way I expected.

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I'm going to have Sam twice a week

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So because Sharon has been unable to get a caregiver for Sam, she's going to have to come here twice a week on the days Sharon works.

On the one hand, I love seeing Sam, and I'm sure she's not unhappy to spend time with me and mom.

On the other hand, this means me getting 1 mental health day a week is going to be impossible, and I worry I am not going to be able to provide the activity level she needs.

I think she needs someone who can keep up with her, not a crippled Dad.

Well, we'll just have to do our best.

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