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I am a Desert Shield/Storm Veteran. During the war I was a Field Artillery Surveyor in the 1st Infantry Division. As such, I directly participated in the liberation of Kuwait from Iraq. This also means that I actually witnessed the results of what happened on the "Road of Death". This is the main road between Kuwait City and the Iraq border. Needless to say, the sights were not very pretty (I actually stepped on brain matter). For years now, I have been having difficulties so, I finally forced myself to go to the V.A. Medical Center in Bedford MA. For years now, I have been saying to myself that I might have PTSD and depression. Well, now I have had it confirmed which now means that I can get better with the proper help.
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The Guardian did a series of photos
of the victims - it kept me awake for a couple of nights, so how soldiers cope with such live horror, I hate to think. I hope they can help and that you soon feel better.
Take care,
Angharad.
Angharad
good for you for taking action hon
admitting you need help and then taking the steps to get it are big things hon. Hopefully, they can help you get through this.
That just sounds horrible!
It's very sad you had to experience something so awful. There are all kinds of macho platitudes, but what I really want to do is give you a hug in sympathy and thanks. Not to thank you for fighting, but for being brave enough to go over there in the first place, and then for truly being brave in stepping up to ask for help. So many people are afraid to ask for help, while there are so many people who train for years so that they can be there when needed.
All my prayers to you, and the hope for some relief.
Wren
Had one bad experience while waiting
After I left active duty I joined the Reserves and became a Drill Sgt. Well, I still have my hats and they make excellent rain covers. Today it was raining so I wore my oldest "Round Brown". While I was waiting in the waiting room for the first clinic I went to it would appear that someone called security to tell them that "someone wearing a Drill Sgt hat was branishing a knife." Two uniforms and a plain-clothes showed up and I got braced and searched. I believe that the person who called this in was someone discharged for less than honorable and was being treated there for some form of substance abuse. While most people complement me when wearing my Hat, there are some ex-military that do not like Drill Sgt's/Instructors. It took me almost 15 minutes to convince the police that I had not been "branishing" a knife. They kept asking me "if you were not branishing a knife then why would anyone report you to us?" It took me a couple of hours to fully calm down from that incident.
depression
When I do exercise depression is less likely to affect me. At least 30 min. walk a day try and find some people who talk about positive things and join whatever activity they do, even if it's just something like board games or scrabble.
Meds only solve half the problem, I find that keeping my mind free of what causes the depression and anxiety helps. That means being with others and not talking about the things that bring you down.
We can't always escape things, especially with PTSD, but there are distractions.
I am part of a free mental health program they have social workers to talk to and different weekly activities. Maybe you can find something like that through the VA or your church.
I go to Jewish Care and I know that they have accepted people from other religions.
Nobody...
No one, specially no civilian, can really understand what serving in a combat zone can be like. Oh, some can get a hint. Many (if not most) will shot that veteran compassion... But, I believe that people who have not experienced that kind of situation really can't understand it any more than they can understand how someone could be transsexual.
That said, there are a LOT out there who actually know how - and CAN help those who suffer. Best wishes to you on working through your issues!
Annette
Good. Getting the help you
Good. Getting the help you need is a good thing and will only help in the long run.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Bit the bullet and went to the V.A today
Glad you did it! There are other veterans here. You are a part of a very special club.
May Your Light Forever Shine
I support you!
And thank you very much for what you did.
One characteristic I have noticed among most combat veterans, after talking with combat veterans from WW1, WW2, Korea, Viet Nam, and other places and times, is that very, very few ever would judge someone else for PTSD. Many of them have learned that it is never, ever a question of whether someone might "go crazy" in a combat environment. For every single one of us, it is only a question of how many days of combat environment it will take. Slightly more than three weeks of continuous combat environment is all it takes to drive even the most stalwart into combat noneffective due to "combat exhaustion". Which isn't the same thing as PTSD, but looking at that sobering reality should help remind us of two really important things:
(1) Even though PTSD is something that affects the mind, it has absolutely nothing to do with how good or bad your character is. You are still a good person.
(2) PTSD is something that can and inevitably will happen to each and every one of us. For some of us, the details of how it happens are different than for others, but none of us is immune. It has nothing to do with being "weak" or "strong", it is as arbitrary as what is your favorite color or is today sunny or overcast or have ever in your life known a person named Brian. It is a dice roll.
(Veterans of extensive or intensive combat I've talked with have also been amazingly nonjudgmental about "cowardice" in combat. Most of them have learned there is really no predicting. Even the same person who is brave beyond belief one hour might be craven the next. And then brave again an hour later. How each of us will react comes down to that one moment, and the next time we are faced with a crisis/oportunity is another moment entirely.)
There is a funny thing about "invisible illnesses" - ones where people can't tell by looking at you that you are sick. A lot of us tend to feel guilty about being sick when others can't tell we're sick. Do not feel guilty. I have my own invisible and incapacitating illness for over a decade now, and know a little about this. Also, if you can find a good local support group of others in the same boat as you, this can provide unbelievable amounts of help. It has been unbelievably helpful to me, anyhow.
Another part of where I'm coming from: I was already done with my military service by that time (USMC, also in artillery), and followed whatever news I could find about Shield/Storm with great diligence and energy. During the hundred hours of Desert Storm, I only missed the news while at work or during the three or four hours of sleep I reluctantly took. I have a good idea of what the Survey guys do, including how much personal risk and bravery are involved. Some people may think of artillery and think, "Oh, well those guys are miles away from danger," but I know that they are often the forwardmost of anyone in the entire division. Nothing at all between them and numerically superior, better armed enemy units, but quick wits and quick legs.
Also, it seems like very few Americans are very cognizant about the Highway of Death. Just seeing it at a distance would give anyone PTSD. IMHO, the generals responsible for it (or maybe it goes all the way up to Cheney, I don't know) should be tried for a war crime. It was a massacre. As a former Marine, I was proud to learn that the Marine pilots ordered to attack refused. (And I don't think anyone ever accused Marine pilots of being timid or lacking fighting spirit.)
Anyway, Payter, I salute your current attitude that you are now doing something about the problems and I think that with courage and reason like yours, you are very justified to look forward to a better future.