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Have you ever had one of those dreams, where you had everything you ever wanted and were truly happy. I had one of those last night, maybe it brought on by pain medication that I took before bed who knows but when I woke up I felt cheated and couldn't help but be upset, I tried going back to bed hoping that it would continue but that rarely happens.
I have never really been truly happy, most of the time I just try to get by and not think about the fact that I should have never been born this way. I have known all of my life that I was different at least inside, I was different.
There are times to when I think back to my teenage years and wonder how I even survived. After multiple suicide attempts and being hospitalized because of my depression that mostly came from my gender issues. I am still dealing with the depression and likely will to the day that I die. Things are about to change in my life, I have decided to come out to a family member I am tired of dealing with all this crap alone, I think she will be supportive at least I hope so and I am not making a big mistake. I guess I will know soon enough anyway.
Cain129
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Decisions...
...I can never pretend that I know 'exactly' how someone feels, but sometimes I think we all know something about what another might feel. I'm debating coming out to a family member based on her postings on Facebook regarding equal rights and gay marriage and such. It's only in the beginning stages of wondering if it's the right choice, and I'm nowhere near any decision. But just in that struggle between desperately needing someone in real life who might understand and realistic fear over discovery and rejection, I'm having such a hard time.
I suffer from chronic depression as well, so I have a fairly good idea of how you might feel. I wish you all the success in the world, and I will be praying for you.
Love, Andrea Lena
Yep -- over here too
I know of that which you speak. Several years ago I have a dream where I was sitting on the floor in an empty room. I was nude, and upon coming to my senses looked to discover that I had a penis, testicles, and totally flat masculine chest, yet still retained the girl-aspects of my body shape and facial shape and hair style. The joy that filled me was incredible and I wept as I beheld the gift I was given. yet as every minute passed it began to fade as my new male attributes faded back to the old tried and true. As they totally disappeared I awoke in tears.
I know that I am just a simple FTM crossdresser, but there is this part of me that does tug at me, that makes me ponder at times if there is truly more to it inside me. Having reviewed everything about FTM surgeries from mastectomies and phalloplasty, it seems that the process is a mere shadow of that for MTF folk in terms of the overall experience, will phalloplasty being the weakest link. Granted, testosterone does wonders for changing a guy's clitoris into something resembling a smallish penis-like appendage, and the thoughts of that entice me, but still ...
I pray that your journey be smooth, and that the family member you come out to will comfort you.
Trap
hugs, sweetie
I know depression all too well, and coming out is a stressful time. I wish you the best of luck, and try to remember you're cared about by the people here.