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I'm tired.
I'm alone.
And I really don't see the point in trying to make life work anymore.
There comes a point in a person's life when they have to realize that they are a failure beyond any hope of being anything but a failure. I have come to that point. I have tried to be a good person and help people out, my reward was to be robbed blind. I have tried to be a friend to people, but there is no one around to bulster me when I need it. Those who are sworn to protect and serve simply turned away when I needed help, but were quick to point the finger at the smallest infraction.
This life simply isn't worth the hassle. There is no point to it. I realize that now. I have no one to say the words "I love you" to me. But, perhaps even worst, there is no one left for me to say "I love you" to. Without love, life is empty. I am empty. I am done.
Comments
Katie...
I love you. Unconditionally. So just don't. Please. I've been there, hell I am there. If you cannot do anything else come join me. A change of scene may help.
Katie...
I love you. Unconditionally. So just don't. Please. I've been there, hell I am there. If you cannot do anything else come join me. A change of scene may help.
Been there, thought that
Dear Katie,
I can totally relate to your feelings. And I say, you have a right to feel that way now! Though, if you have a right to continue feeling that way, is a whole different animal.
We can not help it, if the daily circumstances and/or happenings make us feel certain feelings. But it is our own decision to continue on with those spontaneuos feelings, or even feeding them and making them grow to take over our every waking moment. Because then the feelings become crippling, and make it damn near impossible to function in our day-to-day lives.
The important thing is, what we do with the feelings that assaill us: Do we act out impulsively on them, to the point of commiting a criminal act; or do we acknowledge them, and take conscious responsibility for our acts resulting from the cause of these feelings.
And please remeber, that suicide is voluntary and pre-meditaded murder! The only reason that there is no crimminal prosecution and trial, is that the perpetrator is also the victim, so usually there is no one to prosecute.
So, please Katie, do not do anything rash or "stupid" with your life. And a change of scenery might, and could, be very helpfull with the depression you are feeling.
You might also want to read the blog of Anne...straight from the hip. from the begining in 2002. There she has chronicled her struggle with depression and her road to healing. Especially the first 5 or 6 years of her blog are not easy reading, with tales of suicide in the family, divorce, unemployment, distress, pain, etc. But, she is one tough lady, and her "diary" has even helped me with the dealings of some of my own issues. Be prepared to spend a generous amount of time read through her whole blog archive.
Yours in life,
Jessica
Pick up the phone now
Dear Katie
Pick up the phone now and call the local help lines. If necessary, get to a local hospital and check yourself in. In are a part of this community. Don't do something foolish.
Please get help.
Rami
RAMI
Katie, Like Rami said, make
Katie,
Like Rami said, make the call. People here have missed you. Nothing foolish now, please.
A big hug from another Katie.
Kate
Kate
please hold on, Katie.
I love you like a sister. Please try and hold on, and find a suicide hot line. I dont want to lose you, dear.
Been there.....
I have had the same feeling as you had when you typed that in. I was saved my "Marshal", I think he came from M4M, and acted as a rowing host back in the MSN group's days. I lost the contact with persons around me and saw no way out of it. Just knowing that there was someone "out there" that cared and wanted me to stay on started somethinh inside me, just to have a deep crying and when the tears dried out I had reached the bottom of my mood swing. From there it was just ways up from the misery, even if I did not see it when i was on my way "down".
I have hold the hand of some sisters since then on the net. Not beeing able to give clear advice and solve the problems, just held their hands until they could fine a step-stone in the malestream of sucking clay of despair.
If you feel that you can have some help from my hands, I am standing just beside you and holding my hands out for you.
I hope you will be able to get up from that sucking grip and that You will not leave a part of your soul with me. Should you be needeÃng my help I will make a special place in my soul for you.
Wishing you all the best
Ginnie
GinnieG
Depression is a terrible thing, Katie
Get help immediately.
You ARE worth it, Don't let the dispair win.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Love
I love you as a human being and I love you as a Big Closet sister.
Please get help! Please. *hug*
- Terry
We are here for you. Please
We are here for you. Please hang on.
Depression sucks!
Hello Katie,
Lots of us have been to the bottom. We have looked Death in the face, and comtemplated falling into its arms. We've said to ourselves, "My life is terrible. I can't go on. Since death is inevitable, why don't I just hasten it and end my lonely, desparate and terrible life?"
So, we all say the same thing to you, "Get Help! Do It Now!"
Pick up your phone and call your local crisis hot line. If there is an LGBT center anywhere near you, they are the folk to call. They will have people on line, who know and understand, and can guide you through this time of extreme depression.
Go to your local LGBT center ASAP. They have programs, most of them free, for people in our community. You need them. You need other people. You need to reach out and touch your fellow human beings, and feel them touch you. That's what LGBT centers do. They help you to meet other people ... to reach out and touch them and to be touched by them.
Through them, you will be able to meet other people, to expand your circle of acquaintances. There's no guarantee that you'll meet your true love, but you will meet other people you will like and who will like you.
In the meantime, you've found that you have a family right here. We have reached out to you. We have asked you, as family, to seek help, to begin a new chapter in your life, and to live long, healthy and prosperous life.
Be Well, Sister.
Red MacDonald
Katie,
You ARE Loved by your friends HERE!
May Your Light Forever Shine
This Sounds
This sounds so familiar. I hurt myself with these kinds of thoughts so much. As others have said already, pick up the phone and talk to someone about it. Maybe It'll allow you to take a step back, take a breath, and get a little perspective on things. PAIN IS TEMPORARY. It's a signal that something's wrong, so you shouldn't ignore it, but neither should you let it consume your entire field of awareness. Death is very, very permanent- and you can't take it back. So, please get a second opinion (and third, and fourth), because yours might not be 100% reliable right now.
We haven't met in person, but what you've shared with this community has touched me deeply, and I Love You for it.
Be Safe.
You are not alone
You are loved by alot of people here and we would all miss you. Please, as has been suggested above, call your local hotline now.
As for not getting help from your local yokals, if they refuse to help you contact the State Police or the State Attorny General
LGBT SUICIDE HELP LINE
I found this on line. I know nothing about it, but hopefully it is a good life line.
RAMI
SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINES
LGBT Specific Resources:
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender National Hotline
Toll-free 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)
Monday to Friday, 4 p.m. to midnight (Eastern); Saturday, noon – 5 p.m. (Eastern)
The Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender National Hotline provides telephone and email peer-counseling,
as well as factual information and local resources for cities and towns across the United States.
RAMI
The Point is
You're stronger than them. You're willing to sacrifice everything in order to achieve your dream. They're jealous, unable to achieve their own success, and a lot of those goals are minute compared to the struggle you face now.
Loneliness? It's the very strength you have that people all over the world admire. Hell, in that respect, you're adored. People want to be you! And you're pushing further on, battling whatever comes your way, and becoming who you want to be. And in the end, that's all anyone wants in life.
The fight may be harder for transgendered individuals such as us, but to me, that only means that when we finally succeed the reward will be that much greater! So don't give up hope.
Despondent
What makes you feel like a failure? You have many friends on this site, that tells me you are not a failure. You have people on this site concerned about you, again the word failure does not apply.
You can waller with a pity party or you can pm those who left you a comment.
I've been there, wife left me, hid my daughter, friends? all bailed out when they learned I wanted to be a female. When all of that happened I did not even own a computer. I was alone, but each day I persevered and told myself I was beter than the people who deserted me. I found people who belived in me and did not care if I wanted to appear as a female. They were supportive and because of my own faith and A lot of crying and praying. I did not fail. those who left me were the falures. They did not get to see how happy I am as a female. They don't get to share in my growth. They just don't get it and people who don't get it are failures.
I know about you but have never had the privilege to chat with you. It is sad to say part of who we are comes from those who don't get it. You write, you leave blogs, you share pictures, you are on a winning streak. We all have pitfalls but we get up and move on.
PM me I accept people under these guidelines "Sincere Uncritical Acceptance" I like who you are and I am non judgmental.
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
You are appreciated
To let you know that someone cares, I am giving you 20 buttons.