Bailey Summers

Sweet Dreams-60

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Sweet Dreams-60

*Before…

Jen actually beats me too it and says. “Why does having something cool like this have to be a competition? I think the more people the better when we want to do something cool.”
I hold my palm out and Jen slaps it in a sort of low five and stuff.
I look over to Kathy and she’s giving us both the stink eye as are some of her friends who are just kind of looking at Queer Corner with all that snobby better than you disdain that I’m kind of used to seeing a lot of the time.

Unconventional Chapter 2

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Unconventional Chapter 2

*Before…

It kind of drives home the lonely. Even with the crowd at the shop, I’m not there enough to make it really something social. I just want to be around people that get me.

But there’s parts no one will get.

But hey honestly just being with a lot of people like me would be really cool, more than cool.

I’m excited…I’ve got my bags packed and my con stuff too and tomorrow I’m off to Halifax airport and just maybe the best summer of my life.

Even if I can’t be…me.

I’ll get the hell out of here for a while.

Hey…okay whoever this person is on the message board, they’re kind of funny…

Images 61

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Images 61

Chapter 61

*Before…

And it’s helping too really even slipping into the bathroom to get ready for bed and being intimate. Sure there’s things that I wish were done and all but looking at it like this getting clean and getting ready and so it’s really just a thing that I have to do that only has some of what I’m about.
And after all of that it’s about me, completely non-standard me and all…naked and leaning in the doorway and Taylor looks at me and there’s that smile, that same sweet guy smile and he opens the bed sheets for me.
“Hey beautiful.”
It’s really nice to not feel like he’s talking about someone else and yeah I blush a little, bite my lower lip some and head over and slip into our bed.
“Hey Handsome…” and I kiss him really deeply.

Bridges 46

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Chapter 46

*Before…

It’s…it’s not a Cass thing it’s a me and the fixed real me taking some me time and slowly exploring myself and enjoying it.
Being my real self, exploring that part of myself and it’s amazing from start to my big finishes and after my second I’m panting and glowing and I clean things up and gather some of the blankets and slip them between my legs.
There’s more than a sort of finally feeling in the peace of things feeling right when I touch them or press into them without the wrong stuff in the way anymore.
It was easy to fall asleep smiling and think about my life and what’s coming ahead for me and actually looking forward to doing so much more than just surviving.

Prayers, and good byes for Cindilee

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Cindilee is going through somethings that are really hard right now and while I can't go into her specifics without her permission it's enough that I want to offer up what support I can.

*Great Big Hugs, Cocoa and Blanket forts honey*

I just got the word that Cindi finally lost her fight with Hodgkins having been ill for quite some time and this last few kicks from life were just too much. It just took the fight right out of her.

RIP Cindi We all Loved You.

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Images 60

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Images-60

Chapter 60

Giselle was down for a while with her nap and was flaked out with Dad and Angie and Iggy was sort of doing the same in the big chair in a half curl with her ear-buds plugged into her MP-3 player and a comforter wrapped around her and Taylor went to the kitchens and he came back with all of the things that I asked to staff to get ready.

Unconventional Chapter 1

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Tommy has the chance to get out from under for the summer and go to a gaming convention and spend the summer with a friend. A chance encounter with a cool girl unlocks secrets held back from everyone else, even ones they were keeping from themselves.

Evergreens

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Alana Porter left home far before she had taken her first steps at becoming Alana Porter. Years later after a few no so great returns she makes her way finally home thanks to a chance find online and discovers a chance of a different sort all together in the woods of home.

Sixteen Feet of Steel Chapter 16

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*Before…

I’m staring stunned at the whole thing and Jessa gives me a nudge. “C’mon we’ll be holding them up enough. Let’s get aboard and get you out of here and on your way to Sanctuary.”

I think I’m in stunned shock as I let her guide me to one of the coach like parts where everyone else is and I’m still staring since we have nothing like this…even remotely.

I sit and exhale and look around before there’s this sudden jolt and we start moving.

I can’t help it I’m out of my seat once we’re moving and we’re getting faster and faster as this huge iron beast gets up to the speed of a fast gallop and I’m leaning against the frames of the glass windows in the coach and then there’s a latch and I open the window and stick my head out and it makes my hair whip sideways and I’m smiling like I haven’t in a while.

*And Now…

Squires-33

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Jess Stone had breasts. He had been like this his entire teen life not quite fitting in anywhere that he had lived and at the same time he hadn’t really had the chance to. His folks moved around a lot with his dad being a hydrological engineer but they were slightly afraid of what might happen to Jess if he attended school. Some people just didn’t get it or wanted too. Jess was now attending a new school when he decided to change things...

Only it was everyone else that was getting changed!

Squires
Chapter 33
by Bailey Summers

Copyright © 2012 Bailey Summers
All rights reserved.

FTL-25...Faster Than Life.

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*Before…

It’s one of the best sexual times I’ve ever had and one of the most beautiful moments too as Liz slipped out of the bed and brought us some heated steam damp towels to clean up with and two cups of this hot date drink with coffee blended into it and she slips back into the sheets with me and we’re sipping and we’re spooning and setting the cups out on the little window edge as we snuggle and look out into space together.

It’s one of the best reasons right now I can feel about enlisting as we’re just doing that and the ship does this slow maneuver on its axis to a sideways movement as we’re slipping into an orbital track and I can see this huge grey mass of a moon and space bases on it so close that we can make out the vague city like shapes as it fills our window for almost a full seven seconds and then we’re passed it and then window gets partially filled by this lovely green and white profile of a planet.

I will never get tired of the view of a planet from orbit I don’t think and this is just…it’s the perfect end to a perfect night.

*And Now…

Eldorado Part 7.

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*Before…

“I just did some rough calculations and I think because we are lighter and we do not displace as much water and have less drag and we’re not utterly dependent on the wind we will be able to catch up with the cad in time.”

I blink. “In time for?” Wow that was a lot of silver dollar words.

“Hopefully if my estimates are true before we have to cross and go around Cape Horn.”

I blink and nod. I did that once and our ship was taking it’s time and we waited a full day and a half for the weather that the captain had wanted.

I look at Daniel and we both nod and Dr. Faraday looks at us both. “Perhaps you both should have a plan of action for when we do catch up with them.”

*And Now…

Squires-32

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Jess Stone had breasts. He had been like this his entire teen life not quite fitting in anywhere that he had lived and at the same time he hadn’t really had the chance to. His folks moved around a lot with his dad being a hydrological engineer but they were slightly afraid of what might happen to Jess if he attended school. Some people just didn’t get it or wanted too. Jess was now attending a new school when he decided to change things...

Only it was everyone else that was getting changed!

Squires
Chapter 32
by Bailey Summers

Copyright © 2012 Bailey Summers
All rights reserved.

You Don't Have To.

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You Don’t Have To…

My name is Shane and I actually don’t mind my name at all it’s just the rest of me that has extraordinarily been off kilter. I guess it sort of started when I was little but that’s actually kind of hazy and repressed stuff. By repressed I mean there’s stuff that just sometimes that kind of just pops into my head that comes up when I see something that would have been like normal and stuff.

Sixteen Feet of Steel Chapter 15

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*Before…

We get to work doing what we can and that’s not much really in truth and we’re getting tenser and tenser as dawn becomes daylight and I keep using my powers to cast out and to try and feel for Hawk or the goblins and I finally feel her and then the wagon and then I feel others with her…No…they’re not Goblins with Wargs they’re moving too wrong?

I push on with it until it’s goes into that greywashed state and my sight seems to rush out towards them and I see Jessa on the wagon and she has a nearly a score of people in armor and weapons and horses and…I see…feel lances.

I sit down with actually being relieved when I feel them and the other’s look at me and I’m smiling. “She’s okay, it’s her.”

They look relieved too and more so when we hear a brass horn being sounded to ware the camp.

Bridges 45

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*Before…

We’re pulling down our road and I can see the ranch. “Well it’s not burned down so I guess we’re having pasta tonight.”

He smiles and he pulls up my lane and into my yard. “I told you so.”

I look at him and then at his place and my place and just sort of everything. “I love you y’know right?”

He just smiles as he reaches over and pulls me in and gives me this really tender kiss on the forehead. “Yeah, I know.”

*And Now…

Needs and Surprises

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It’s a need not a want.

Built in, born in and yeah the jury’s still out with the hows and the whys of being this way but I’ll never see things that way, the way that some see it as a choice, like this was something that we decide to do.

You don’t choose.

Not one person that I know in life or online chooses to be trans or gay or lesbian or bisexual or anything else other that the “Normal.”

Sigh…

Sorry but these were the thoughts of a newly released woman living in an empty house.

Masks Chapter 41

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Masks Chapter 41

Chapter 41

*Before…

I look at her. “We can come with.”

She looks nervous. “You guys don’t have to.”

I look at her and slip over and give her a hug. “Hey it’ll be okay it’ll give everyone two targets instead of like one.”

Mary Jane says. “Three, safety in numbers from the whole parental scrutiny thing, cause that happens when they start talking.”

She bites her lip and she nods. “Okay.”

I smile my own little shaky smile. “Besides I kinda gotta go, I want to kind of have people like actually meet me before Halloween.”

“What’s going on with Halloween?”

“Uhm…I’m coming out.”

Okay Becky’s jaw drop was worth it.

Sixteen Feet of Steel Chapter 14

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Sixteen Feet of Steel Chapter 14

*Before…

“So they are camped close?”
He looks at us and he nods. “It’s the only explanation; there must be a murderhole close by.”
I look at him. “A murderhole?”
Hawk was drinking from one of our skins and she passes it to me. I take it and drink. It’s wild cherry wine from one of the places we were at. The liquor is welcome.
“Goblins live in the mountains, or under them, they hate the sunlight it hurts their eyes so they live in the darkness and in caves. We usually end up following their ranges and know where their territories are at but every once in a while they’ll dig, they’ll join cavern to cavern to underground streams and the like until they can get passed our lines and then they’ll amass a large raiding force…that place is called a murderhole.”
I take a few more drinks but pass it back because my body is wanting me to drink it all and that wouldn’t be a good idea. I look at the others. “So what do we do? Do we go and track them? Do we look to our wounds and the horses? Do we move as fast as we can and try and warn others?”

*And Now…

Don’t Blame Me I’m A Martian-34

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Don’t Blame Me I’m A Martian-34

Chapter 34

*Serra…

It’s been days maybe a week it’s hard with everything that they have us going through with the noises and the lights and anything and everything to try and to keep me off center to tell time, to keep in sync with my bodies clock.

But it doesn’t matter.

Little by little I’ve been working at doing things, like building a Kaltra.

Eldorado part 6.

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Eldorado…Part 6.

*Before…

I come out and she and Daniel are there waiting and I sort of blush at them being so close to such a personal thing and all but they don’t mention things and soon we’re show to our quarters. They’re small, just enough for our things and a folding cot from the wall but it is private.

I look at Daniel and I see him blush as I do as we likely had the same idea. That these beds will not be comfortable to make love in or on.

She catches the look and then she’s looking at Daniel with this look of …oh really…and it’s the oh really you slept with her too look.

I look at her trying to be a straight shooter. “We did, I hope that that won’t be a problem will it?”

*And Now…

Sixteen Feet of Steel Chapter 13

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Sixteen Feet of Steel Chapter 13

*Before… Elizabetha Lyonnes

It all happens so fast doesn’t it?

One part of the night I was tired and bored to tears listening to my sisters bicker Angeline chastising Gracia for her flirtations and her demeanor. I’m good with words and myself for my usual.

“Elizabetha don’t slouch.”

“Elizabetha pay attention.”

“Elizabetha put away that book.”

Pfft gods and goddesses that. I hate that or hated it…given how everything had happened, has happened? I can’t help it that I am clever and that I am clever for a girl and that I have more interest in books and tool and the hows and why’s of the world then who was wearing what and what kind of lace so and so was wearing or just as bad who was buying what.

Sixteen Feet of Steel Chapter 12

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Sixteen Feet of Steel Chapter 12

*Before…

It’s kind of fun breaking these old class rules.

It’s very fun when we’re slowly starting to mix the two styles together…a few more turns, use the circle to switch a partner to the right and add a clap after the snaps as we step back towards our partners.

And then it’s late and the lights are burning low when the fiddles and violas start singing out that up close and personal waltz music and I’m finding myself really close and hands holding hands with Alaan once again and he’s…he’s very, very handsome and I’m feeling…and he’s so large, bigger than me in this good way and he’s smiling just from having fun but he’s looking at me…he’s looking at me in a way that makes me want to blush and makes me want to want things.

And then he makes me twirl.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 26-30

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Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 26

*Before…

And we’re both like looking at each other and the feeling of remembering or like déjà vu is like so super strong.

We’re both totally doing the mouth drop stare at each other.

And we both do the Jinx thing…twice.

And we both do. “You owe me a Tim’s.”

And my…my heart is breaking in a good way from the familiarity thing.

My heart is breaking in this amazing way because…because she and I we just did this…it wasn’t a fluke.

This is something that we did!

I…Sarah have like real history with someone and she’s doing the same kind of freaking out in a good way as we’re looking at each other and she’s getting it…and tearing up over it and my hand’s coming up to my mouth in that happy sobby thing and Kaitlyn’s doing that happy waving crying arm flapping thing.

“Oh holy crap Sarah it’s there! You’re there!”

(Happy double sobs.)

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 25

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Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 25

*Before…

“You don’t seem like the sort of girl that’d be a fake friend even in stealth mode. This is why we still need to work Sarah…it’s still there, it surfaced in medical Imaging at least partway in a flashback.”

(Sniffle.) “This sucks.”

“Yeah, it does but you’re going to get through it.”

(Sniffle.) “I am?”

She points past my shoulder and Dad’s there in his jeans and his jacket and he’s giving me this look, it’s that kind of sort of look that you’d honestly only get if you were someone’s kid.

Yep more tears.

He comes over and he slides onto the bed and he puts his arm around my shoulder and he pulls me close and I sort of turn so I can hug him and hold onto him and start to cry.

“I love you Sarah, honestly and truly kiddo…and I will get you through this.”

His arms tighten and it’s suddenly me safe with my Dad.

Yep…sooo crying right now.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 24

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Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 24

*Before…

It’s an hour and a half past visiting hours by the time we’re done watching the movies and we’re all yawning and stretching and stuff and we head downstairs to leave or rather they are and I walk them downstairs mostly to get the aches from the bed and sitting for so long out and stuff.

We hug and promise to talk online and stuff later and I watch them get into their cars and stuff.

Danny has his license apparently and he’s driving this old, really old cutlass cruiser station wagon…that’s Oldsmobile I think it’s such a beater but it kind of suits him.

Sigh…What a really, really good night.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 23

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Hopscotch… A Jump Through Life 23

*Before…

I hear some clapping from the doorway and I look up to see Danny and Jo-Beth with some bags of stuff. And Danny’s grinning and he looks different than his pictures but not, he’s beefed up some since a lot of them by like maybe ten or fifteen pounds of like muscle by the looks of his arms and he’s got a haircut too.

And Jo-Beth who’s clapping all happy like is well…she’s short like five four but she’s got longer hair than her pictures sort of show on her Facebook page and she’s really curvy too like with the sexy hips and she has these really huge boobs.

And I’m kind of feeling a little shy and stuff and I’m biting my lower lip a little and stuff.

“Hey…you guys came.”

Danny grins holding up a big take out bag from MacDonald’s. “And I brought ice cream.”

Kaitlyn squees. “Yay Ice Cream!”

Wow Danny…he looks at her and he looks like he was kind of just hit by a truck.

(Giggles)

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 22

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Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 22

*Before…

Mom takes Dad’s hand and she kisses him and she leads him out of my room and I look at Kaitlyn and she sort of blushes under the scrutiny and bites her lower lip a little and we sort of do that intense stare at each other thing before the tears are building up in my eyes and I start to cry and…

“Thank you, thank you for just like dropping your life and coming…” (Sniffle.)

She gives me that head tilty really light up the day kind of pretty smile and she reaches up and she thumbstrokes some of the tears that are starting away from my face.

I’m happy crying still some and just emotionally crying too and I’m shaking a little because I’ve never had anyone do that to me before and my brain’s in like good shock?

“You’re my friend Sarah of course I’d come.”

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 21

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Hopscotch… A Jump in Life 21

*Before…

It was sort of scary dealing with them and at the same time it was just all sorts of cool.

He has Mom sign the stuff for charges to be pressed if and when they can and he leaves with the police officer.

The town police officer was kind of quiet, I’m not sure what he was thinking or if it was like about me or me being trans or not. I really couldn’t tell and I don’t know if that’s just me in my head or it’s just a police thing.

I sigh and double hand hold my coffee as they’re done and Mom and Dr. Johansson are looking at me. “You want to go for a walk and clear out the ughs from all of this?”

I take a breath and a sip then nod. “I think so, okay let’s go.”

Mom slips her arm around my back and we head out to do a few rounds round the hospital with her and my therapist.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 20

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Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 20

*Before…

They all kind of are gone after that and I’m kind of just sitting there wiping the odd tear leaking out of kind of like relief. There’s some more answers and there’s people that kind of sort of know me and stuff but more importantly they want to know me.
Sarah me…Well I think I mean that they mean me; the whole thing was on Shawn’s page and all.
And Adam…wow…Shawn stood at least for something.
I really can’t like see me being brave though, crazing and wanting to get hurt maybe but brave?
Though it’s kind of nice to know that Shawn wasn’t like an ass to people.
And I am tired…and tomorrow is likely going to be a busy day and things.
I wipe at my eyes again and power down and close my laptop and try and get comfortable and get some sleep before Mom or the staff show up for stuff tomorrow.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 19

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Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 19

*Before…

“Yes, if that’s the rumors that you’ve been hearing then it’s true. I’m transgender. I always have been but with most of everything that was Shawn kind of broken and gone now there was all of this stuff that I was hiding from all of you and my family and yeah really likely myself.”

Well that’s done.

I go back to looking through my Facebook and going through old posts and shares and even looking into the accounts of the people that I have on my friends lists and what they’ve been acting like or saying and stuff.

Maybe there’s some people that I can talk to, some that might talk to me.

But those other three…they’re not friends so yeah…Blocking…Banhammer time.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 18

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Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 18

*Before…

And now…now I have what happens after a girl is done crying.

I’m hurt.

I’m hurt and I’m angry.

I get out of the shower and I dry off and glare at myself a few moments in the mirror before going and getting my things, dry underwear and change and dry there…eyes hard…jaw clenched through that.

Then I get my tablet and start playing tunes…Pink…angry stuff girl power kind of stuff and I start looking at myself in the mirror and take out my make-up and with a breath and leaning on the sink gripping it in a sort of eff-you to all of them I start doing my face.

“Fuck you…fuck you all (Angry sniffle.) I’m going to be who I am…and you’ll have to just deal with it.”

I’m going to do this, and keep doing this until I’m good at it, better than good at it.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 17

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Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 17

*Before…

We eat and watch Stardust on my laptop since apparently it was in the DVD drive as if that wasn’t like telling and even the parents raised an eyebrow at that and made me blush and soon after that they have to head home with their actual RL stuff going on and everything like work and Dad has a long drive to go and get Nova…Uhm Kaitlyn tomorrow and me…well I start going through my laptop trying to figure out just exactly what Shawn was like and where Sarah was hiding in all of the stuff here.

It’s thanks to password saves on my Firefox that I get into Shawn’s Facebook and E-mails.

Oh…that was a mistake.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 16

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Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 16

*Before…

“Yes and if you can do without your mom and I for a while tomorrow we’re going to drive down and pick her up so we can actually meet her parents instead of talking to them on the phone and online.”
I can’t help it but I end up hugging him and he hugs me back.
And there it is the sniffles. (Sniffle.) “You guys are awesome, you sure it’s okay?”
He gives me a bit of a tighter squeeze that sort of sets off what the Doc just said about all of the stuff that they must have gone through with me and everything. It really, really means a whole hell of a lot that he and that she cares so much.
That he’s hugging me like hugging me is special.
……me…special.
Y’know it’s one of those visceral feelings more than anything else but it feels like feeling like I’m special was something that was pretty far removed from my life before this.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 15

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Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 15

*Before…
She heads back into the office and I look at Mom and Dad. “One of my friends wants to come here and visit and that might mean that she’ll be staying at our place if she’s allowed to…so…can she come over?”
Dad and Mom look at each other and Dad says. “We need to talk to her parent’s first kiddo.”
I nod. “I have their contact info here.”
I bring it up and show Dad who writes it down and he smiles. “Going to Tim’s you want anything?”
“A double-double?”
“Okay.”
He leaves and Mom stays and I hug her then I knock on the Doc’s office door then head inside to set her up with her own LJ account.

*And Now…

Sixteen Feet of Steel Chapter 11

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Sixteen Feet of Steel Chapter 11

Chapter 11

*Before…

I smile and pull the length of chain to myself and my “wand” and he’s staring at me and there’s a smile and a nod.
“Ye got thet right.”
I smile. “You’re not scared?”
“Ye came in and ye helped save me an mine before Sir Alaan did that says a lot about ye. I think I can trust ye.”
“Thank you and you’re sure you don’t mind me doing this?”
“Nay ‘side I kin say I knew ye when ye were just learning yer craft and maybe be even a little bit famous t’boot.”
“Well thank you Master Smith it’s nice to be so highly thought of.”
“Ye kin call me Aiden.”
“Chrissy.”
“Oh nay yer high born I can tell thet much.”
“No, I was wealth born there’s no man or woman that should be set above another.”
Eight days or so ago and a boyhood away I didn’t even know that much about life to even say that and now.
Now it just feels right.

*And Now…

X-Why-Me?...Chapter 20

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X-Why-Me?… Chapter 20

Chapter 20

*Before…

Kira acts tough but that was likely because she had to.

Very much faking until you make it.

Emily reached up and took her hands and hung onto the arms that were around her like clasping onto the blanket she had and she lean back and into her.

“I can’t help it Kira, I can’t you’re just easy to love.”

There was a sniffle and she felt Kira laying her head on her shoulder and she tilted hers until they were resting like that together.

They’d just taken a whole bunch of little opening up steps with each other but they were important ones.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 14

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Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 14

*Before…

I actually journal that last bit as a kinda sorts update and then I sent out some PM’s to the people on my friends list.
“Uhm Hey everyone this is Sarah, I’m kind of in a bind and stuff. I’ve got a psychiatrist and she sorta seems alright but it’s still scaring me and everything really bad. See she wants to see this, all of this stuff here on my LJ because it’s the only stuff of me that I have that is any record of me…I mean I don’t really have Shawn-time as me to go by as stuff that happened before in my life.”
“I think, I think I have to do this which means I’ll be friending her to my LJ page here and that there will be a Shrink and an Adult here listening in and stuff.”
“Goddamn it, that scares the shit out of me.”
“If you all need to block or unfriend me to like feel safe and all I get it, it’s really my deal and my bullshit that this is all about and stuff…no judgment from here if you need to bail.”
“But I think, I think that I need to do this.”

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 13

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Hopscotch… A Jump in Life 13

*Before…

Dad comes in and to the rescue with two of those flannel sheets from the heated thing he wraps one around Mom and he does this big hug and hold thing for her like he’s squeezing her back together and she grips his forearm like she’s hanging onto him…(Sniffle-wow…) and he unfolds it and sets it on the back of my chair and the heat…oh god it feels so good and there’s this relief-care-sob that comes out and Dad gives me this big hug not a hard one but just big and he holds me a few moments before kissing the top of my head.

“Breathe Kiddo, Breathe…it’s just a test, just an arbitrary thing it’s not you. It’s not a big thing.”

Breathe and breathe…oh…I can seriously breathe now…

(Sniffle.) “Thanks Dad, Thanks for the spoons.”

*And Now…

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