Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 443.
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by Angharad
I must have been tired, I slept right through the night because I was awoken the next morning by the phone ringing. I picked it up and mumbled into it. “Miss Watts, this is Erin Lovejoy.” My rather sleepy mind silently asked, ‘Who?’ before it answered itself, ‘Des’ agent–you dozy cow!’. I began to wonder if I was becoming schizophrenic, should I get a second opinion? I was in two minds about it.
“Oh yes, thanks for ringing back. I’m Des’ beneficiary, inheriting his entire estate.”
“Congratulations, it should be worth a bit. What can I do to help?”
“I’m also a collaborator of his, we were making a film together when he died so tragically.”
“I thought he died in a car smash,” she sounded a little sharp.
“He did, sorry, I’ve only just woken up so I’m not putting this very well. He and I were commissioned to make a film on dormice, which we were doing. Unfortunately, during the early stages, I was attacked and ended up in hospital.”
“What, by a dormouse?”
“No, we were doing bits and pieces as we could, I was out for a ride with my fiancé and his sister and a local lunatic stabbed me in the chest as I went past.”
“In Bristol?”
“No, Portsmouth.”
“Oh yes, I remember something in the press now. You’re a university lecturer, aren’t you?”
“Essentially, I’m a field biologist who does some teaching on a regular basis usually at Portsmouth, but sometimes elsewhere. I also instigated and led a captive breeding programme at the university there, monitoring the release and any effect it had on the local wild populations.”
“You’re an expert in dormice?”
“I suppose so. High Street Bank, commissioned us to do this film to highlight their green credentials.”
“Is that you on the posters?”
“Yes, fraid so. I don’t know why they couldn’t have got a proper model.”
“I thought they had, not quite the usual image one has of a university lecturer, with such model looks.”
I blushed and was glad she couldn’t see me, my hair was ruffled from sleep and I felt heavy and bloated, I also needed a pee and something to eat and drink.
“Could I come and see you. I need to get a contract with someone else to finish the film. I want to retain Des’ share of any profit, at the same time reward the new party adequately, not forgetting my share too.”
“Won’t you have Des’ share anyway?”
“There’s a complication, he was going to marry my future sister in law, who is pregnant with his baby.”
“Oh, I see the potential for complications.”
“Yes and no, I want anything Des would have made from the film to be held in trust for the baby. What I do with the estate, I’m not sure yet and probate is still being proved anyway.”
“Well that’s not my affair anyway, back to the contract. Who are you using to finish the film?”
“A friend of his, Alan White.”
“Oh!” this was followed by a long pause. “Have you shown him any of the material yet? The stuff Des already had?”
“Yes, and the script.”
“Oh, I wish you had come to me sooner.”
“Have I done something wrong? He’s not a rapist or something?”
She actually laughed before saying, “No you’re safe there, he’s gay. However, he does have a habit of plagiarism and intellectual theft.”
“I have made a mistake, haven’t I?”
“I don’t know, maybe it’s not too late to tie him up in a contract that even he can’t beat; he is something of a contractual Houdini. When are you free?”
“I feel this needs to be done soon, I’m free this afternoon, is that any good?”
“Hmm, I liked Des, despite his wandering hands, he was essentially a nice chap. Okay, if I can move another appointment, I can see you at three. If I can’t shift the other one, I’ll call you on this number. Will you be there all morning?”
I glanced at the clock, it was ten past nine. “I will be after eleven thirty. I have to go out for a bit this morning, but I’ll be back by then.”
“Fine, if you don’t hear from me, I look forward to meeting you in person. I have one of the leaflets here.”
“Thanks, do I need to bring anything?”
“I have a recollection of contracts between Des and the bank for this somewhere. I’ll look them out. As you found my name, I assume you have some too?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Bring those and any other paperwork, scripts et cetera relating to the film. See you later.”
I scampered to the loo and eased my suffering bladder. Then it was downstairs for a quick breakfast of tea and toast, with a banana. Then I rushed upstairs and dressed. Not more than about twelve minutes had elapsed when I was out pedalling gently as I warmed up some leg muscles. I needed a bike ride almost as much as I did food and drink.
I did my usual round trip under the suspension bridge and around the Avon gorge, with a good hill to wake me up before I got back an hour and a bit later. I showered, enjoying a good soak under the warm water, the cordless phone laying on the wash basin should Ms Lovejoy call back. She didn’t, but Simon did.
“You cut me off last night,” he said peevishly.
“Hang on, I’ve only got one leg in my knickers.”
“Oh how lovely, need any help?”
“No, just two hands, hang on.” I pulled on the undergarment and popped on my bra as well, then I shrugged on my housecoat. “Sorry about that. I’m decent now.”
“Damn! You’ve just ruined all my fantasies for the day.”
“That’ll teach you to be such a dirty young man.”
“No it won’t,” he said, and I was saying almost the same thing in mind as he verbalised it. Simon was a healthy young man, they spend half their lives having thoughts about sex, cars or football. So why was I worried, so long as the thoughts were about me, I was laughing. The time to worry is when they aren’t.
“So what do you want, I have to go and see an agent.”
“What a secret agent?”
“It was only secret insofar as I hadn’t told anyone, no a film agent.”
“What? Can they get you free tickets to the latest premiere?”
“I don’t know, besides I don’t want to attend film premieres, I just want to get this bloody thing about dormice finished. I had no idea how complicated it all is.”
“Try banking…”
“I think one banker in the family is enough, don’t you?”
“Why do I feel like you’re getting at me?”
“Who me? You’re the one who was complaining, not me.”
“Well, yes. You put the phone down on me last night.”
“Did I? I’m sorry Si, I was so tired I just nodded off and it switches itself off.”
“Does it, or did you?”
“Either way I’m sorry. So what has my favourite capitalist been up to today?”
“Haven’t you seen the news, the economy is in freefall, banks are losing money hand over fist. Several US banks have gone bust.”
“Is that important?”
“What? I don’t believe you said that.”
“I’m sorry, but I have no idea what banks do apart from hold money for me and pay my direct debits and things, oh and your one pays me some money every month.”
“Cathy, the whole capitalist world is teetering on the brink of financial collapse.”
“Is that serious?”
“Serious? It’s catastrophic.”
“Oh well we’ll have to live on my money then won’t we?”
“There may be no one to pay you, this could destroy governments.”
“Oh, so does this mean you won’t be over this weekend?”
“Course not, it’s not that serious.”
“Oh good, I knew I could rely on you to save the world.”
“And make a profit.”
“Hmm, is that ethical if everyone else is going bust.”
“Babes, I’m a banker.”
“Yes, but once we’re married I hope you’ll stop your nasty habits. I have to go, love you, byeeee.” I put the phone down and giggled for several minutes as I finished dressing. Serves him right, disturbing me with only one leg in my knickers!
Author's note: I'm away from early tomorrow morning for a week,looking for dormice on Menorca, so you won't have to put up with my ramblings for seven whole days. Don't celebrate too hard.