Have a story started

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I have started writing a story to add to the others already here. Not sure if anything like it has ever been written (I've read a lot of these stories and haven't seen any) and would like a little input. Was wondering if anyone would like to look over it and tell me if I'm wrong and give me a little input.

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has been overwhelming. I would like to thank those who already offered. I have found my Editer if you will. She had been a great help already in making the story more sensible. I really appreciate that. Also special thanks to another person who offered, and gave me a better idea for the title then the one I had chosen.